rate_review Reviews

Fucking wall of text dude, didn't even bother reading it.

The conversation is written strangely and in a way that makes it hard to understand
The spelling's quite terrible and the choice of words too.
Not all that bad for your first fic, but it could survive some work.

Well.. Please never ever use words like boobs unless u plan to do a humorous fic.
That's the sort of langauge used when people talk, now when you describe stuff.
Other crude words like cock and pussy( though u did not use the last mentioned one) are fast ways to ruin a fic.
You need a bit more description.. But hey.. It's a lot better than other stuff I've read here.

IT was good but hard to read, try and seperate the paragraphs from now on. Also, a spellchecker wouldn't hurt.

As soon as I saw the dexcription... or what little there was that could be labeled as such, another feeling of dread made itself felt in the pit of my stomach. I had originally calculated this story as about three paragraphs, not even a page in length. However, there was no distinction between paragraphs. And alas, the days of intelligent writing, character growth, and romantic lovemaking, which is far more important than just simple sex, have long been away from many peoples' minds as they "write" these travesties of fiction. Hopefully, something can be done to weed out the less intelligent of authors, and produce quality fanficion much more frequently.

Write a sequel. It's obvious what Eiko was about to do.

Ok first of all this was a great story. And i wonder why no one reviewed it yet but i checked your email profile and it says your only 12. Are you really underage cause if you are your a great writer for your age.