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June 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Heh, just remembered this story. It's still here, luckily... any plans on continuing?
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January 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You are a very bad, _bad_ person and should be ashamed of yourself for coming up with this story concept.
....now, that said, keep up the writing. ^__^
I can't believe this concept ever entered anyone's head in conjunction with FF1. I've seen an EXTREMELY well-done lemon-overhaul of Eva, but FF1.... heh. Well, all the more power to you! I look forward (unfortunately -_-) to more chapterage!
....now, that said, keep up the writing. ^__^
I can't believe this concept ever entered anyone's head in conjunction with FF1. I've seen an EXTREMELY well-done lemon-overhaul of Eva, but FF1.... heh. Well, all the more power to you! I look forward (unfortunately -_-) to more chapterage!
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December 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Huh? Why aren't there more reviews? Quality work such as this deservers more reviews, people!
I've been hoping to see continuation, especially with Chapter 8 feeling a bit detached as the story currently is. The Matoya scene itself was nice, including the broom joke, but it comes from nowhere and ends up nowhere... Aside from introducing Bikke and his aspirations, it's followed by three whole chapters with not even a reference to Matoya and the brooms. Even when those three chapters are quite pleasant, it leaves the reader wondering... and waiting for continuation. I do hope that you have the energy to continue, and also advice to stick to your pithy and brief style. Avoid falling deep into the trap of meaningless details over substance. They make the text not only heavy to read, such as I feel to be the case with my stories, but heavy to write as well. May the winds again rouse your tale!
I've been hoping to see continuation, especially with Chapter 8 feeling a bit detached as the story currently is. The Matoya scene itself was nice, including the broom joke, but it comes from nowhere and ends up nowhere... Aside from introducing Bikke and his aspirations, it's followed by three whole chapters with not even a reference to Matoya and the brooms. Even when those three chapters are quite pleasant, it leaves the reader wondering... and waiting for continuation. I do hope that you have the energy to continue, and also advice to stick to your pithy and brief style. Avoid falling deep into the trap of meaningless details over substance. They make the text not only heavy to read, such as I feel to be the case with my stories, but heavy to write as well. May the winds again rouse your tale!
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November 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well now. I'm now reading the story with more attention, and do find that there are some things to comment on. In the first chapter sex scene, there's two cases of a sentence beginning with and. English teachers and language purists frown on it, but it can be a stylistic and narrative means when employed efficiently. In this case, "And fairly soon" - and serves no purpose and could be omitted. But in 'And a blow-job the goblin receives', the and is practically required to carry the momentum of the previous paragraph.
There is a change of tense, too. "the goblin penis thrusted forward -- cries escape the goblin’s lips". It can be a stylistic 'in the moment' storytelling method, but it can also be distracting to switch from tense to other suddenly and abruptly. Meaning: up to 'thrusted', the verbs are in past tense, then they change into and stay in the present tense.
On a larger scale, the introduction of a sex scene so suddenly was surprising and effective. It's a common storytelling convention that the fourth member would be there as well, and the reader expects it, so it's delightful that Sarina is missing both in the story and in the narrative convention.
The changes of tense continue in chapter 2 and later, but who cares when there's a luscious princess Sarah titfuck! Well, I do, a bit. Sometimes it's even in the same sentence: "Stella whistled a bit and jokes" in chapter 3. All in all, the five-parter Garland and zombies scene is quite hot, with torn clothes, nubile young women tied in an ancient ritualistic temple setting, a demihuman with infinite stamina, loads of spunk and all the females getting fucked. It's also got some of the best ending lines in those epilogues I mentioned, like "This’ gonna be a real mess to clean up." and "I’ve had the innocent, then the bombshell, and now I’m going to have the spunk!" Garland has some absolutely hilarious lines. If there's anything I'd have liked more, the cum on and dripping off their bodies could have been relished more, really driving home the point of their messiness. Or, for example, if Stella and Sarina cleaned up before returning, mentioning how they cleaned themselves with their torn clothing. To get all that cum on and in them and barely mention it is criminal :P
The previous review still applies, of course. If there's one thing that you should look into, it's the verb tenses.
There is a change of tense, too. "the goblin penis thrusted forward -- cries escape the goblin’s lips". It can be a stylistic 'in the moment' storytelling method, but it can also be distracting to switch from tense to other suddenly and abruptly. Meaning: up to 'thrusted', the verbs are in past tense, then they change into and stay in the present tense.
On a larger scale, the introduction of a sex scene so suddenly was surprising and effective. It's a common storytelling convention that the fourth member would be there as well, and the reader expects it, so it's delightful that Sarina is missing both in the story and in the narrative convention.
The changes of tense continue in chapter 2 and later, but who cares when there's a luscious princess Sarah titfuck! Well, I do, a bit. Sometimes it's even in the same sentence: "Stella whistled a bit and jokes" in chapter 3. All in all, the five-parter Garland and zombies scene is quite hot, with torn clothes, nubile young women tied in an ancient ritualistic temple setting, a demihuman with infinite stamina, loads of spunk and all the females getting fucked. It's also got some of the best ending lines in those epilogues I mentioned, like "This’ gonna be a real mess to clean up." and "I’ve had the innocent, then the bombshell, and now I’m going to have the spunk!" Garland has some absolutely hilarious lines. If there's anything I'd have liked more, the cum on and dripping off their bodies could have been relished more, really driving home the point of their messiness. Or, for example, if Stella and Sarina cleaned up before returning, mentioning how they cleaned themselves with their torn clothing. To get all that cum on and in them and barely mention it is criminal :P
The previous review still applies, of course. If there's one thing that you should look into, it's the verb tenses.
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November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ha! Lovely! I must admit I feel a bang of jealousy for your wit and brevity, and the ease at which you seem to make the text flow. It's superbly porn-alicious too, the amount of brief but very sexy encounters is staggering. The short epilogues, sometimes just one sentence long, are most delightful, throwing about a fivesome yuri orgy or a funny ending in a very short time, hope you keep with them. The idea, four female Light Warriors who get into all types of sex situations, is very compelling by itself, and it's applied with a style resembling an amalgation of the best lemons, particularly reminding me of GreyArchive's highest-quality smut entries. I hear your call for criticism, but at least for now, I am completely enamored with the story and its bounteous chapters. The transition from Garland to Pirates was somewhat sudden perhaps, although Matoya did get a poking in between. Even though your story ended in the end of my currently chronological list of recommendations, I recommend it most highly as an awe-inspiringly stylish fantasy porn take on Final Fantasy I.
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November 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
interesting
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October 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very good!
Veeeeeeeeery good!
Veeeeeeeeery good!