rate_review Reviews

Well, I enjoyed the story anyway. Though I think you have excellent, vivid descriptions in there I also think that much of the language used is unnecessarily flowery and, at time, confusing. That floweriness is seriously at odds with the overall tone of the story in terms of content, and while I think that sort of contrast could work it does more harm than good in the context of this story. The vivid descriptions are excellent, but the language elsewhere IMO should be toned down to better demonstrate and emphasize those descriptions. I do think the story fell apart a little bit near the end, with the evil dude in the armor controlling everything behind the scenes (so TRITE), and the very last sentence is extraordinarily silly... IMO. Overall though, I thought it was great, especially if it's your first effort.

u are the sickest motherfucker in the universe you need some professioinal health really how could u have something like that happen to rikku u sick basterd

...you have serious, serious issues. I'd seek professional help. Soon.

plain sick, good writing but still rather sick