rate_review Reviews

I have to say somethings. At the beginning I thought you needed to write with some more detail what happened to Rinoa, because the plot WAS no the strong thing in this story. BUT, and I have to say BUT, after chapter 7 I understand (or at least I guess/hope) why the little description in all the Rinoa/XXXX interaction. Not only the chapter 7 clear some of the story (that's why I use the WAS at the beginning) but made I good reflection about all the action in previous chapters. Keep with the great work and update as soon as you can.

Is the constant use of the pronoun 'it' supposed to keep this at its Lime rating? I'm sorry, but use a thesaurus and just make it a lemon, add a little detail maybe. You've got all the acts going on that require this to be rated for graphic content, but then you just smooth over 'it' and make 'it' a nice attempt but sorry outcome. This whole thing is obviously just a reason to put Rinoa in sexual situations with every thing that breaths, so it's basically one big PWP no matter how many chapters you add... that means making it worthy of being smut, and the fact that you skip any detail really confuses me. It's like a PWP, but not... it has neither plot nor porn, which makes me wonder why you wrote it. I don't mean to say you're a bad writer or that the story is pointless... it just isn't going anywhere. I'm just suggesting that you either focus on giving it a plot or giving it better smut. Personally, a little of both wouldn't hurt, since I feel kind of bad for how you've portrayed the characters. Rinoa deserves better, and since she's the main character and I assume you like her a lot, have a little heart for writing her well and not totally OOC.

Great to have this story now as a multi-chaptered story. You are doing a great work. Hope to read more about Rinoa (and maybe Squall). Thank you.

Overall, a pretty good piece. As with most things I see, thin on plot, but in this genre, that's absolutely forgiveable. The characters maintain some of the "feel" that anyone who has played the game understands, and the scences are quite well written. I'm curious to see how (and certainly hope) the author continues and ultimately concludes the story, as many stories with excellent beginnings slow down as authors grasp for novel material and ultimately allow a well written story to be torpedoed by a mediocre (or missing) ending.

I read a bit of it, simply for the sake of being slightly qualified to review... it's nothing against your writing, which was decent, I'm just not a huge Rinoa fan. I just needed to point out that you shouldn't have made three whole stories... just one story with three chapters. I mean, with no regards to the work itself, it's a waste of space. (Again, I'm not talking about your story... just the fact that you have it separated like this.)