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May 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
patience is a virtue~ ^_________^ and rather rewarding if i do say so myself. <3
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
As long as the spelling and grammer is readable in a story is all good. Like what I've read so far. I like the concept that Siefer went missing in a time comperssion it's new.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I misspelled grammar in the last review. Not to much to talk about in this chapter.Still interested in knowing what's going to happen between Squall and Seifer.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
What a jerk, he didn't grow up at all. I guess being in something of a time bubble had something to do with it. But still, to sound and act like that.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well, it only took two months for him to come around and find out what was going on. I know Raijin was the one to bring it up but Seifer decide to find the truth. This is getting good.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
At least he's trying to decide if he wants to stay in his kids life. I believe that was the longest prologue I've read to date but it also is building up to what's going to happen next. I like it.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
In a since Squall is like a mom and the fact that he share certain traits with his father. I like this Squall caught a bit and his son is acting like the man of the house.
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May 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love this story too. The characters aren't being rush in how they act with each other.
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April 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love this story and wheré is seems to be headed - couldn't stop reading once I started. It is THAT captivating... Well, for me at least. Lore seems to be really annoying brat in the beginning, but it seems that he is gradually softening out as the chapter goes by...which makes him more acceptable. I wasn't so sure that Squall would bring up a son (if he had one) to be such a daddy's boy at first, but I guess as far as original characters and fanfiction go anything is possible.
Your story definitely gets 2 thumbs-up from me. Can't wait to read the next chapter you'll put up...
Your story definitely gets 2 thumbs-up from me. Can't wait to read the next chapter you'll put up...
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April 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I hate to be a bringer of negativity, but since I have been following this story for a year or possibly more now and seeing that it's going for something like three years now, I feel it's time to offer some critique that is a more than the usual "Awesome!!!!"
Forty-two chapters of this fiction leaves me with a question of where this is going, especially after this chapter, which didn't seem to advance the plot so much as it beat it into the ground that Seifer is an insufferable, overbearing, selfish child. I know that his character in the game gives such an impression, but come on! The man is 35 years old in your fic. It’s about time to grow him and evolve him a little. The only development we’ve seen is him trying a little bit to be considerate for the sake of Squall’s feelings in one instance, but then in the same chapter, we have him demanding to be the last name on Squall’s lips and basically trying to be the most important thing in the life of the man who has a child, thus pushing him aside. Never mind that this is not a healthy relationship for the two men involved, it is not a good situation for the boy either.
All of this is fine if you want to write another smut fiction lacking in plot and well rounded characters. However, you gave the impression in the beginning chapters that this was to be a story centered around more than just Squall and Seifer having a lust attraction. If all you’re going for is a story about Seifer's lusts for Squall and being an over bearing ass, great! You’re doing an excellent job. However, those of us who started reading this out of intrigue for how you would handle the mpreg part of this are right to be frustrated and disappointed with the way this story is going. I mentioned once how I felt Squall’s pregnancy is only mentioned here and there, but brushed aside for the most part. Now you’ve even gone and changed the description of the story so that it doesn’t mention the mpreg at all, thus making that part of the plot all but forgettable.
Finally, this chapter with Irvine and Seifer basically agreeing that a man who saved the world needs protection from being raped…well maybe I am just jaded on yaoi and I’m a bitter bitch, but I found that bit ridiculous and just another sign of Seifer being the same old selfish, controlling ass.
So where is this going? I know this is supposed to be an ADULT fan fiction, and the sex scenes are hot, but they’re reaching a point of redundancy and well, smut is a dime a dozen. This story had true potential and still does if you shape it up. As things stand now, I couldn’t get through this chapter in one reading and without face palming, sad because this story started off so well.
Forty-two chapters of this fiction leaves me with a question of where this is going, especially after this chapter, which didn't seem to advance the plot so much as it beat it into the ground that Seifer is an insufferable, overbearing, selfish child. I know that his character in the game gives such an impression, but come on! The man is 35 years old in your fic. It’s about time to grow him and evolve him a little. The only development we’ve seen is him trying a little bit to be considerate for the sake of Squall’s feelings in one instance, but then in the same chapter, we have him demanding to be the last name on Squall’s lips and basically trying to be the most important thing in the life of the man who has a child, thus pushing him aside. Never mind that this is not a healthy relationship for the two men involved, it is not a good situation for the boy either.
All of this is fine if you want to write another smut fiction lacking in plot and well rounded characters. However, you gave the impression in the beginning chapters that this was to be a story centered around more than just Squall and Seifer having a lust attraction. If all you’re going for is a story about Seifer's lusts for Squall and being an over bearing ass, great! You’re doing an excellent job. However, those of us who started reading this out of intrigue for how you would handle the mpreg part of this are right to be frustrated and disappointed with the way this story is going. I mentioned once how I felt Squall’s pregnancy is only mentioned here and there, but brushed aside for the most part. Now you’ve even gone and changed the description of the story so that it doesn’t mention the mpreg at all, thus making that part of the plot all but forgettable.
Finally, this chapter with Irvine and Seifer basically agreeing that a man who saved the world needs protection from being raped…well maybe I am just jaded on yaoi and I’m a bitter bitch, but I found that bit ridiculous and just another sign of Seifer being the same old selfish, controlling ass.
So where is this going? I know this is supposed to be an ADULT fan fiction, and the sex scenes are hot, but they’re reaching a point of redundancy and well, smut is a dime a dozen. This story had true potential and still does if you shape it up. As things stand now, I couldn’t get through this chapter in one reading and without face palming, sad because this story started off so well.