rate_review Reviews

All, poor Seif .. And jeez Squall, he's like not the most social butterfly, huh? xD

I am well aware of the setting of this story. When I proposed possible lengths that Squall would need to take, I assumed you would understand that I wasn’t being literal about getting an actual GED, but something similar. I’m sorry for this mistake. I should have clarified that when I was making suggestions, I was giving a real world example so that you might consider making a parallel to it. Dollars versus gil, GED versus whatever merit of schooling constitutes a higher education, I figured you knew what I was getting at, and am again sorry for not making that clearer.

Concerning grades, I was assuming a lot when I made that comment, but it still stands. I better than most, which is obviously something you cannot judge yourself without knowing me so you’ll just have to take my word, know that brilliance is not determined by grades or college degrees. When I mentioned Squall needing special classes, that was merely an exaggeration to impress the extremeness of not even being able to finish elementary school. Since the first time you mentioned him having dropped out of school that early, I did assume it was because of the harsh times he was either going through or that had fallen upon him. Obviously his life hasn’t been easy, but I simply wanted you to know that there is a general diminishing quality added to Squall’s character when you do this.

I understand that Quistis’ mindset has not been revealed, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t less extreme ways of spinning her actions. Radical and extreme are great, if it remains believable and doesn’t push the reader to a point where they are no longer immersed in the story, but quirking their brows at the computer screen dubiously.

Subtle changes are my specialty and I rarely fail to spot them. I have noticed changes within the lemons, and haven’t said anything to imply otherwise. There is obviously a deeper bond forming, beyond lust and the occasional need for gratification.

Taking your time is great. Flushing out the plot and developing the characters is something I’m always willing to wait for since it is so often rushed in fanfiction. My main concern is still your balance between plot and smut. Although small changes have been occurring, will the two ever meet?

I thank you for taking the time to reply to my review. I would like to point out that I left my email address up for a reason. If there is a next time, you needn’t take up half your chapter replying, just email me. (It’s considered more appropriate to converse like this privately. The email addresses only show up when you're signed in while checking reviews, in case that's why you didn't contact me that way.)

Hmmm… it was an interesting chapter… There are a few issues I had with it though. (This is me nitpicking, not flaming. You’re a good fanfiction author, just a bit of a newbie.)

First, did you purposefully spell Squall’s last name wrong? It’s not ‘Leonhard’ it’s ‘Leonhart’. If you doubt your gaming knowledge, there are countless websites that have character names and profiles.

Next, and I’ve said this before, the whole elementary school drop out seems unbelievable no matter how troubled his childhood was. If he dropped out that early, then going to an art school is not a matter of having bad grades. If he hasn’t even gotten past the fifth grade, then he doesn’t have any grades the school would look at. Colleges look at high school grades, not whether you knew how to do simple division in the fourth grade. If he were a high school drop out, it would make much more sense and I wouldn’t look at Squall like he was an idiot.

Second, have you ever taken an art course in your life? Art was my sequence in high school, and though I’m no professional, I can tell you it doesn’t take a genius to paint or sketch with charcoal. Considering Quistis is the artist in this story, I would think she’d know this and not ask something so technical like where Squall learned how to draw. Asking him what art school he went to is fine and makes perfect sense, but not understanding how he could draw without having taking classes is ridiculous. Many artists are just talented. Why chalk Squall’s work up to being something he learned from books when you can so easily say he’s just talented and has a natural ability for it? (I’m surprised he can even read with how dumb you make him seem. It’s bad enough he never made it to middle school, but to say he also had bad grades in elementary school makes me wonder whether he dropped out because he was in over his head and should have been in ‘special’ classes.)

Third, Quistis is going to pay his tuition? That’s just not believable. If anything, maybe she could be a guest teacher at some college because she’s famous and students would want to take her class, so she invites Squall to sit in on the class she teaches for free. But to pay thousands of dollars for someone she hardly knows, it makes no sense. And, I hope you plan on having Squall go back to school and getting his GED, because no university would ever take someone unless they’ve graduated high school. It’s a fact that you need to have a high school diploma to go to any decent college, even an art school. So, no matter how much money Quistis has to pay for college, Squall is required to finished elementary school, middle school, and high school. Not only that, but he needs to have a portfolio. Though from Quistis having him do an array of pieces that are out of his element, it seems like that might end up being his portfolio. Remember though, having great artwork is only one requirement. It’s a must that he has his diploma, unless Quistis can forge transcripts, which would be ridiculous.

This is a very longwinded review, as are all my others. I’m still hoping to see you blend your ability to write plot and smut. So far, it’s almost like two different people are writing this story. There’s the person who has trouble with their English and thinking more than two chapters ahead, and then there’s the person who can write very steamy and flowing sex scenes.

In response to another review I'd like to reinstate that I think this story is wonderful and has a great flow, because of the rules of alternate universe, my universe my rules. I thikn that your doing a great job, while i understand that some people disagree with how you go with Squalls education, I would not in a million years say he needed special classes, and while here in the US a GED would be acceptable in Galbadia perhaps not. all in all let me state, BEAUTIFUL JOB.

...That was HOT! That was, by far, my favorite chapter!

Good days own SO much.

Yep, and nothing like a public place for that hard fucking ^^

I
JUST
HAD
A
HEART
ATTACK!!!!

I still can´t beleibe the last 3 chapters!!!! I read them 3 times each....and I just can´t get enough of how well described you lemons are. You are an excellent writter for describing in such a good way a scene, it is just magical I swear!!! Everytime I read one of you fics is like if I was there in that same sapce as they are!!

Again congrats for just an excellent chapter to an excellent story.
I love the way in which you are suddenly giving Squall an opportunity in what he desires the most, to be an artist. I also enjoyed the way in which Seifer and Squall are in a very subtle way a pair...but they just don´t admit it...it is just so fucking CUTE!!! With all the I-want-you-to-come-home-with-me-for-steamy-sex-but-I-am-to-shy-to-just-ask-you. I love it.

Anyways hope to really read you soon and see more interesting changes in them.

Oh God. That was naughty. Christ. Happy Holidays to you, man, cause that was fucking hot.

Man, I LOVE this story :) Seriously makes my day whenever I notice that it has been updated!

I'm happy with the reunion to, this is a great chapter, your doing good, the plot is slowly making it's way to the light.