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November 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I have good news and bad news.
Good news? This is an awesome story and though I personally feel that Sephiroth is mildly out of character (if he even knows what love is, I really doubt he'd show it so openly even to the one he loved, having never had the experience of being loved before then, but that's only my opinion), but it doesn't take away from the story because he's still 'normal' around everyone else, which balances him and makes him not such a sap. So kudos there, as I've found that to be a major stumbling block for other writers.
Bad news? Two things, actually. One is that during their initial tryst in chapter two, Sephiroth noticed that Cloud was 'wet and well-slicked', I believe was the phrase.
My first question is this: Is that wetness pre-ejaculate or is it some equivalent to what a woman has? Either way, you didn't write it to sound that way (your intention?) as far as I could tell and it confused me. No real biggie, particularly if you meant it that way.
The second--and more important--question is this: SURELY Cloud noticed something was wrong with his body at SOME point; if he has a uterus and is ovulating, then he's also menstruating, so that would be a considerable indication of internal change. In chapter one, I think, Hojo noted that the gear was 'dormant', so Cloud would not have started menstruating--nor, subsequently, would he be ovulating--when he hit puberty and thus not know about it as pointed out in that chapter. Fine--I get that. However, if that's the case then the equipment isn't receiving enough estrogen--no matter if it IS high for a man--to induce estrus, so there wouldn't be so much a POSSIBILITY of pregnancy at that point. He would, essentially, be barren even with both barrels fully loaded.
Inconsistencies aside, please update soon. If you have explanations for my questions that you simply don't want to reveal yet, that's okay--it's just been bugging me for a while and I HAD to ask so I could start sleeping again. Feel free to leave a tiny note for me on the next available chapter, or you can e-mail me.
~LS
P.S. Why, if women are the only ones who do it, is it called MENstruating?
Good news? This is an awesome story and though I personally feel that Sephiroth is mildly out of character (if he even knows what love is, I really doubt he'd show it so openly even to the one he loved, having never had the experience of being loved before then, but that's only my opinion), but it doesn't take away from the story because he's still 'normal' around everyone else, which balances him and makes him not such a sap. So kudos there, as I've found that to be a major stumbling block for other writers.
Bad news? Two things, actually. One is that during their initial tryst in chapter two, Sephiroth noticed that Cloud was 'wet and well-slicked', I believe was the phrase.
My first question is this: Is that wetness pre-ejaculate or is it some equivalent to what a woman has? Either way, you didn't write it to sound that way (your intention?) as far as I could tell and it confused me. No real biggie, particularly if you meant it that way.
The second--and more important--question is this: SURELY Cloud noticed something was wrong with his body at SOME point; if he has a uterus and is ovulating, then he's also menstruating, so that would be a considerable indication of internal change. In chapter one, I think, Hojo noted that the gear was 'dormant', so Cloud would not have started menstruating--nor, subsequently, would he be ovulating--when he hit puberty and thus not know about it as pointed out in that chapter. Fine--I get that. However, if that's the case then the equipment isn't receiving enough estrogen--no matter if it IS high for a man--to induce estrus, so there wouldn't be so much a POSSIBILITY of pregnancy at that point. He would, essentially, be barren even with both barrels fully loaded.
Inconsistencies aside, please update soon. If you have explanations for my questions that you simply don't want to reveal yet, that's okay--it's just been bugging me for a while and I HAD to ask so I could start sleeping again. Feel free to leave a tiny note for me on the next available chapter, or you can e-mail me.
~LS
P.S. Why, if women are the only ones who do it, is it called MENstruating?
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November 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hi Nemesis!
Sorry for not reviewing earlier! Life has been so hetic leaving me drained. *Anyway* I cannot really say much about the fic as I unfortunately have no experience of 'Final Fanasty' beyond seeing pictures up for it in shops. How old is Hoju out of interest? (sp?) Otherwise, I think this was very good opener - the prologue offers a tantalising tidbit of what is to come. Only complanit? It is *distant footsteps ...* not 'distance footsteps...' but that is simply a typo and easily dealt with.
In other words ... keep on writing!
Sorry for not reviewing earlier! Life has been so hetic leaving me drained. *Anyway* I cannot really say much about the fic as I unfortunately have no experience of 'Final Fanasty' beyond seeing pictures up for it in shops. How old is Hoju out of interest? (sp?) Otherwise, I think this was very good opener - the prologue offers a tantalising tidbit of what is to come. Only complanit? It is *distant footsteps ...* not 'distance footsteps...' but that is simply a typo and easily dealt with.
In other words ... keep on writing!
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh sweet lord! That was so hot, I'm going to need a cold shower for this chapter! Keep up the good work!!!
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow, that was awesome! I loved it! It was sweet and tender and hot at the same time, wonderful job, thanks for the e-mail! I love this story to death!
-Legolas19
-Legolas19
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I Abso-fucking-lutley LOVE it! ^,,^
I've never really been a SephirothxCloud fan, but i cant get enough of this Fic of urs! Im totally addicted! Now, i probably read far too many YAOI's anyways,(if such a thing is possible) and now i have to skip past the sex scenes cause their all the same, bUt im finding urs very impressive. I'm so in love with this story of yours. PLEASE! Keep updating! PLEASE!?!?!?!?! I'll give u a cookie...? Or a chocobo...? How about a moogle, those are cute, right?
I've never really been a SephirothxCloud fan, but i cant get enough of this Fic of urs! Im totally addicted! Now, i probably read far too many YAOI's anyways,(if such a thing is possible) and now i have to skip past the sex scenes cause their all the same, bUt im finding urs very impressive. I'm so in love with this story of yours. PLEASE! Keep updating! PLEASE!?!?!?!?! I'll give u a cookie...? Or a chocobo...? How about a moogle, those are cute, right?
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November 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow! That was awesome! Poor Cloud, I feel so sorry for him. Update again soon!
O and thanks for the e-mail!
-Legolas19
O and thanks for the e-mail!
-Legolas19
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November 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
SQUE! *bouces around* I'm a mpreg fan, so I want you to continue!!! I'm dyin' over here! I MUST find out who the real father is!!!! o.o 0.0 O.O
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November 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, that was awesome! I can't wait for the next chapter! Update soon! o and, when you do, is there any way you can e-mail me about the update? Thanks! ^-^
-Legolas19
-Legolas19
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November 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hi, I just read this and wanted to leave a review. So far, I love what you have, but then I have to admit, mpreg is a guilty pleasure of mine.
Hope you continue this. I can't wait to read more!
Hope you continue this. I can't wait to read more!
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October 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
WOW! I haven't read a good story (especially an MPREG) such as this in a LONG time! Please update again! Cloud and Sephiroth are so cute!