rate_review Reviews

Pretty hot stuff. I mean, there are a couple of problems, but it's a well above-average fic. Biggest problem is that all the sperm-showering gets pretty monotonous, it just doesn't have any impact to it after a certain point. Also, though Rydia's screwing with Cecil is beautifully written, it doesn't make any sense for Cecil to be doing that, or Rosa to be permitting it... and I don't know why you made it be Cecil when you could as easily have used Edge. Rydia's reaction to him showing up, and especially the things he says to her, would have made a lot more sense if "he" was Edge.

But yeah, that's about it. It's a cool idea to use Mist's population problems as the basis for the story, and a lot of what follows is very good, though most of the best stuff seems to be in chapter 2. The side action with Sabik and especially with Rulu works very well, they're a bit more shocked than Rydia by the action they get and are obviously less experienced. It makes good variety, and actually some of the best stuff in chapter 1 is the bits with those two.

But Rydia's definitely the main event, mainly because of the skillful way you use her clothing. For one thing, it makes her actual body seem more vivid in the imagination. And though this sounds strange, the part in chapter 2 where she gets frustrated over not getting enough cock is very sexy. I'd call it a classic scene, in fact. The bit with the first guy to actually inseminate here was awesome, too - a great climax to a long build-up.

In spite of all the excellence here, though, my vote goes against a sequel. I think you accomplished all you needed to in this story, and to be honest the "teaser" chapter is by far the weakest one... the characters just seem weird in it.

By the way, a very belated thanks for reviewing "Blinky and Dinky"! Sorry I didn't say so earlier but I was having major internet problems for a while.

Well that was awesome.

I certainly hope you do the continuation. And it might be neat if Rydia actually had gotten preg from Cecil during this fic (big Cec/Ryd fan here) but definitely do the sequel. Cause this was very good.

wow this is a great fic
realy luv the story can't wait for the 4th chapter
keep up the goodwork!!!

I noticed you mentioning that few people had reviewed your work, and I would like very much to see it continued. I'm not a literary critic so I will not break down your work into specific parts, but I enjoyed it a great deal. My only criticism would be that after three chapters the orgy became a little repetitive (EXTREMELY hot, but still repetitive). Due to the nature of the scene I am not sure how you could have improved upon that without merely shortening the work, but hopefully it helps you in the future. I look forward to seeing more work from you, you have skill.

You know? I like it. I'd love to see the fourth chapter. Unfortunately, I don't see it happening if you are sticking to this 'need more reviews before it gets posted' thing. You have 1,000+ hits and about...ten reviews. Speaks a lot of the people reading this. Anyway, i'll add mine to the mix, in hopes that you may become inspired to deliver chapter four in its entirety.

I liked it. I like most of your stories though, and frankly I think a lot of the 'flames' that i've seen you get are nitpickers who were reading to find something wrong, rather than reading to enjoy. Your style is to exaggerate, and being a lemon fanfiction, that works fine by this reviewer.

That said, I do have to agree with the point of Rosa brought up by another reviewer on this particular piece. I don't see her (nor can really get into) the idea of her having intercourse in much of any fashion with anyone other than Cecil. Rydia, adult Porom (that was a nice surprise), and the other women, I can certainly get into the idea of, though. Cecil joining the party was something I expected, but also didn't agree so much with. Granted, he had Rosa's consent, so that lessened that blow. Also, though i'm not quite to that point in the game, general consensus among the fandom seems that Edge has an attraction to Rydia. As I said, i'm unaware if this is in the game proper, but it might make for a nice fanbase appeal to have Edge show up in a similar fashion to how Cecil did.

I wouldn't mind seeing a Cecil/Rosa rompfic.

Take from this review what you will, but know if I sounded critical, I am mainly frusterated at how a decent author continually gets reviews outlining minor glitches and inconsistencies and blowing them out of proportion. Being an author, I can say that one critical review sticks with you. If your readers want to flame an author, they should read some of those 'favorite stories' of yours on your profile, eh?

Hope to see the next installment,

-E

Sorry to double-review, but I wanted to clarify something.

When referring to your 'Favorite stories', I was particuarly speaking of the Metroid fanfiction there. It's late, and I forgot to make that clear in my review.



Revisiting for fear of being picked apart by nitpickers,

-E

your story is very turn me on, i like the way you wrote the sex scene a lot. this story make me think that you should try this kind of story on other anime too. i like horny mages!!

Ah. Been a while since I've played the game, and somehow I thought there were a few female survivors. Thanks for the correction.

Thank you for your insightful review. You might have missed a few subtle references explaining the situation, but your viewpoints are interesting and show a deeper consideration of the event. I would encourage a reread, however. For example, all the marriages of Mist were wiped out along with the women who lived there. Unfortunately, some of this information is based on the game of course, so if you haven't played it, it might not be apparent from the lemon by itself.

Hmmm, I do think you've overlooked something... If that many men are having sex with each of the women, they won't be able to determine who the fathers are of any the children they produce. So all your orgy is going to produce is a bunch of fatherless children. And actually, having sex with multiple partners doesn't increase your chances of getting impregnated; repeat intercourse with the same partner works just as well. There's a reason why monogamy has been set as the standard.

If Rydia and co. wanted more summoners, the obvious thing to do would be to pick the men in the village who have had the most success siring children, and carry on monogamous sexual relationships with them. So, having random sperm thrown in you... "inspired", Cecil? I guess our beloved paladin was told that Rydia's goal was breaking up all the marriages in Mist. An orgy would be pretty close to the least effective way of accomplishing Rydia's stated intentions.

This is surely one of the most unintentionally hilarious fanfics I've ever read. No offense; you're hardly the only author on AFF.net who knows almost nothing about the practical application of sex. Your ignorance simply happened to come out in a particularly funny way through this story.