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February 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I would most definitely love a sequel!!! Thanks for writing this!
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November 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting, I really hope you do that sequel
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September 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Of course this should continue! I want mooooore!
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June 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh, you MUSN'T be serious about possibly leaving it at that point!? You have a real plot going, like, actual PLOT! Plus I love the Seifer you brought back, mildly confused but not a lump of jelly like some people depict him. Seifer will never be submissive or weak unless it's OOC, but then it might as well be an original character. Anyway, I enjoyed this greatly and will be checking back every day while I wait for the next chapter. Don't let our waiting be in vain! ... Please? XD
P.S. YAY!!! You can spell! I hate being distracted by grammar, but there was none of that here. A nice, smooth, capturing read. Very nice! <3
P.S. YAY!!! You can spell! I hate being distracted by grammar, but there was none of that here. A nice, smooth, capturing read. Very nice! <3
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June 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You cannot leave it at that! This is just calling for a sequel! Please write one. This is worse than being blue balled LOL. I loved it by the way! Very descriptive and wasn't just a traditional pwp.
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May 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Ahhh please please please continue this story!! It's so rare there's actually a good writer for these two. I really enjoyed this. I really liked your characterization of both the guys.
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May 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
o.0?! What do you mean, should you continue? C'mon! -throws stuff!- This fandom needs buttloads (eh, heh, didn't think about that word choice) more attention! It, it's one of my super-very favorites... top three! ...and everyone's gone and done forgotted about it. Woe.
Suffice it to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the read -- I hardly get to read anymore, either, so special thanks for the story from a v. belov'd fandom of mine. But, I should probably, like, actually comment on your story -- okay! ...Hmmm.
Overall, I don't think a beta could tweak this up to be so much better. I caught itty-bits of largely unnoticable grammar confusions, which is to be found in the most wonderful writers' works... great job! The rest is just stylistic:
When Squall was making mental note of his hands, while he was still in his office, I would have had him say something like:
"My hands... I'd lost weight in my sleeplessness. My fingers looked too long, or something. Thin and pale... I was reminded of Rinoa. I put them in my pockets."
See, that way, we're enjoying teh pretty (plus a lil kick at Rinoa, which doesn't hurt... anyone but Rinoa), but he isn't. People generally don't think or speak of themselves as others do, e.g., "stormy grey" or "slender". Plus, in this case, we've got Squall, who, wow, does seriously not see his pretty! He just learned to use words at all, pretty much post-game, and almost certainly remains oblivious to himself as a sexual, therefore alluring, creature. (Poor boo needs Seifer kissys. Or Zell, but that's another story... and there, Seifer should kiss Zell, too, so... hmmm, narms, narms.)
Oooh, one more thing I'd do, just to bring a little more of that Squall-feel in -- the "..." doesn't hurt! Maybe not as bad as he was in game, and CERTAINLY not overdone (as has been done, over). But maybe, if only, like I did up there, with, "My hands..." ...see, that just gave me the "awww, I remember playing FFXIII" warm-fuzzy, which seems key in most of fandom.
Of course, I can't know what-all effects you were going for, or how Squall has changed, or will evolve, in your FF-verse. Maybe my style tips aren't applicable at all! But, FWIW, that's what I see for (Zell, oops! I mean) Squall, in my brain's story-world.
Seriously, about continuing: Strikes me this story's a really nice stand-alone, but really, the plot has sillily much forward potential as well. It could go in all sorts of dramatic directions; pick one (or pick a few! Time sickness, that's always a good 'un, if you wanted to write half a novel. A body could get reeheeally obscure there... wow, that sounds really cool. I like talking to myself [unless I can type it].)! We'll be happy. =D See?
Orrr, just pick another story... as long as it's FFXIII! (Wif Zell. Oh yeah, I meant to say I was a Zell fan... ♥.)
I loved to see activity over here! This is a friggon classic fandom that should be kept (very) warm.
Thank You for the Read!!!
DeeDubbya/Jaxxy/TJ/A Pitifully Starved FFXIII Fan.
Suffice it to say that I thoroughly enjoyed the read -- I hardly get to read anymore, either, so special thanks for the story from a v. belov'd fandom of mine. But, I should probably, like, actually comment on your story -- okay! ...Hmmm.
Overall, I don't think a beta could tweak this up to be so much better. I caught itty-bits of largely unnoticable grammar confusions, which is to be found in the most wonderful writers' works... great job! The rest is just stylistic:
When Squall was making mental note of his hands, while he was still in his office, I would have had him say something like:
"My hands... I'd lost weight in my sleeplessness. My fingers looked too long, or something. Thin and pale... I was reminded of Rinoa. I put them in my pockets."
See, that way, we're enjoying teh pretty (plus a lil kick at Rinoa, which doesn't hurt... anyone but Rinoa), but he isn't. People generally don't think or speak of themselves as others do, e.g., "stormy grey" or "slender". Plus, in this case, we've got Squall, who, wow, does seriously not see his pretty! He just learned to use words at all, pretty much post-game, and almost certainly remains oblivious to himself as a sexual, therefore alluring, creature. (Poor boo needs Seifer kissys. Or Zell, but that's another story... and there, Seifer should kiss Zell, too, so... hmmm, narms, narms.)
Oooh, one more thing I'd do, just to bring a little more of that Squall-feel in -- the "..." doesn't hurt! Maybe not as bad as he was in game, and CERTAINLY not overdone (as has been done, over). But maybe, if only, like I did up there, with, "My hands..." ...see, that just gave me the "awww, I remember playing FFXIII" warm-fuzzy, which seems key in most of fandom.
Of course, I can't know what-all effects you were going for, or how Squall has changed, or will evolve, in your FF-verse. Maybe my style tips aren't applicable at all! But, FWIW, that's what I see for (Zell, oops! I mean) Squall, in my brain's story-world.
Seriously, about continuing: Strikes me this story's a really nice stand-alone, but really, the plot has sillily much forward potential as well. It could go in all sorts of dramatic directions; pick one (or pick a few! Time sickness, that's always a good 'un, if you wanted to write half a novel. A body could get reeheeally obscure there... wow, that sounds really cool. I like talking to myself [unless I can type it].)! We'll be happy. =D See?
Orrr, just pick another story... as long as it's FFXIII! (Wif Zell. Oh yeah, I meant to say I was a Zell fan... ♥.)
I loved to see activity over here! This is a friggon classic fandom that should be kept (very) warm.
Thank You for the Read!!!
DeeDubbya/Jaxxy/TJ/A Pitifully Starved FFXIII Fan.
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May 22, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I quite like this story, your depictions of Seifer and Squalls
personalities are really good ^^ You should definitely write a sequel!
personalities are really good ^^ You should definitely write a sequel!
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May 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Loved the story, I would like to see what happens next though! What will happen to Seifer etc!?
The lemon was great, a good build up to it aswell.
The lemon was great, a good build up to it aswell.