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January 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I just realized that I have never reviewed this fic before my last one and I've been reading it for months now. You must accept my apologies. I could have sworn that I had left at least one tiny, measly review, but apparently I was being lazy or something. I had intended to, honest. ^_^
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December 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You have nooo idea how much I look forward to this story.
There's only a rare few SeiferxSquall that are really good. And yours my friend, is on the top 2 that I've ever read.
I can not wait until your next installment and am greatly anticipating what will happen!!
~Luvs~
There's only a rare few SeiferxSquall that are really good. And yours my friend, is on the top 2 that I've ever read.
I can not wait until your next installment and am greatly anticipating what will happen!!
~Luvs~
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December 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I like your story. It manages to capture Squall's troubled mental state without making him or Seifer OOC.
(Haha, Captcha says "even ensnared" how appropriate)
(Haha, Captcha says "even ensnared" how appropriate)
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December 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh my god I almost missed your post in the wave of filth that has been swamping the "recent updates" page in the past week. I'm soooo glad I absent-mindedly scrolled down and saw AC updated!
I really enjoy the way you're developing Squall. It's a slightly different take on his personality than most people use and I think it's interesting and exciting to see a new vision of him that I still think is really accurate. After reading so much fanfiction over the years, I was browsing some direct game quotes a few weeks ago and realized how warped my impression of Squall's personality has become. I like that you develop his pride and sense of duty so well. I feel like you're creating a deeper personality than I've seen in most fiction lately.
This chapter has a lot of great lines. Squall admitting that he never wanted to be a leader and hates being a hero is awesome--I think a lot of fans have trouble accepting that Squall, unlike the majority of mankind, was not only okay with being a "face in the crowd," or "just a number," he wanted to be nothing more. The exchange between Seifer and Squall--"You've changed." "You haven't."--was great.
I love, love, love how Seifer seems so incompetent in the fight against the beast (and in their lakeside duel). I'm so very sick of him matching Squall easily in sequel stories when realistically, he shouldn't be able to touch him (at least I don't think so). For one, he's still using the same blade he had as a cadet. For two, he was probably drawing on Ultimecia's power while serving her, meanwhile Squall had to build up his own physical and magical power and prowess.
Oooooh, Seifer's pissed now! Squall's gonna get it... "When Squall turned to glare at him in reply, Seifer's mind easily supplied the translation of 'the fuck you are'."--I melted. So good. Don't apologize for "the lack of juiciness" in the chapter: it was absolutely fabulous!
And as has become my habit, I close with some points of edit ^_~
1. I think you changed "the blond" to "Seifer" in a few places and missed removing "the"; more specifically, "the Seifer" appears in a couple locations.
2. The long paragraph about halfway through the story has two sentences that start "The both"--either "the" needs to be "they" or you could just start the sentences with "Both"
3. This paragraph needs help. My changes are inside slash marks (dashes represent a deletion):
As Squall laid eyes on the magnificent beast he had been looking for/,/ a shiver of excitement passed through /him. The/ beast's golden eyes swiftly scanned the surroundings as it stopped in its track, picking up /-on-their-/ /the two fighters'/ scent/s/. Baring it's teeth, the creature growled, trying to intimidate the intruders. Spotting the scar the beast wore from their last encounter, Squall felt /-the-/ his pulse rise and muscles tense in anticipation.
4. "ready to jump at a moments notice" needs an apostrophe in "moment's"
5. This is awkward and ambiguous, the subject shifts in the sentence and there are too many pronouns: "Howling, it called upon the surrounding nature, a cloud of icy needles forming high up in the air before launching them in their direction."
I suggest: "Howling, it called upon the surrounding nature, forming a cloud of icy needles high in the air before launching the spikes at its opponents."
6. "The monster/,/ roaring in pain and thirsty for revenge, /-it-/ was a blur of movement as Seifer tried to make out who and what to attack."
7. I don't think you mean "reluctantly" here: "Seifer reluctantly noticed the blue glow of Lion Heart"
8. rang, not rung: "Another loud howl rung out" (I ring the bell. I have rung the bell. I rang the bell.)
9. "Seifer /-was-/ couldn't tear his eyes from the man before him."
10. When you close quotations, the punctuation should always go inside: "'the fuck you are'." should end "are.'" and if you end with a question mark, you don't need the comma: "When do we spar?,"--Of course, I assume you know these things, but after editing and resubmitting a few of my essays from earlier this semester, I realize how very easy it is for a writer to make mistakes and then not notice them during revision (amazing how essays I believed brilliant were actually pretty awful when I reread them two months later T_T).
Long review is long :( I'm sorry! I just can't help myself when I'm talking about your writing. And good god am I ever a kiss-ass >.<
Much love, Chem, thanks as always for your delightful writing. I await the next installment with eager anticipation.
Aerawyn
I really enjoy the way you're developing Squall. It's a slightly different take on his personality than most people use and I think it's interesting and exciting to see a new vision of him that I still think is really accurate. After reading so much fanfiction over the years, I was browsing some direct game quotes a few weeks ago and realized how warped my impression of Squall's personality has become. I like that you develop his pride and sense of duty so well. I feel like you're creating a deeper personality than I've seen in most fiction lately.
This chapter has a lot of great lines. Squall admitting that he never wanted to be a leader and hates being a hero is awesome--I think a lot of fans have trouble accepting that Squall, unlike the majority of mankind, was not only okay with being a "face in the crowd," or "just a number," he wanted to be nothing more. The exchange between Seifer and Squall--"You've changed." "You haven't."--was great.
I love, love, love how Seifer seems so incompetent in the fight against the beast (and in their lakeside duel). I'm so very sick of him matching Squall easily in sequel stories when realistically, he shouldn't be able to touch him (at least I don't think so). For one, he's still using the same blade he had as a cadet. For two, he was probably drawing on Ultimecia's power while serving her, meanwhile Squall had to build up his own physical and magical power and prowess.
Oooooh, Seifer's pissed now! Squall's gonna get it... "When Squall turned to glare at him in reply, Seifer's mind easily supplied the translation of 'the fuck you are'."--I melted. So good. Don't apologize for "the lack of juiciness" in the chapter: it was absolutely fabulous!
And as has become my habit, I close with some points of edit ^_~
1. I think you changed "the blond" to "Seifer" in a few places and missed removing "the"; more specifically, "the Seifer" appears in a couple locations.
2. The long paragraph about halfway through the story has two sentences that start "The both"--either "the" needs to be "they" or you could just start the sentences with "Both"
3. This paragraph needs help. My changes are inside slash marks (dashes represent a deletion):
As Squall laid eyes on the magnificent beast he had been looking for/,/ a shiver of excitement passed through /him. The/ beast's golden eyes swiftly scanned the surroundings as it stopped in its track, picking up /-on-their-/ /the two fighters'/ scent/s/. Baring it's teeth, the creature growled, trying to intimidate the intruders. Spotting the scar the beast wore from their last encounter, Squall felt /-the-/ his pulse rise and muscles tense in anticipation.
4. "ready to jump at a moments notice" needs an apostrophe in "moment's"
5. This is awkward and ambiguous, the subject shifts in the sentence and there are too many pronouns: "Howling, it called upon the surrounding nature, a cloud of icy needles forming high up in the air before launching them in their direction."
I suggest: "Howling, it called upon the surrounding nature, forming a cloud of icy needles high in the air before launching the spikes at its opponents."
6. "The monster/,/ roaring in pain and thirsty for revenge, /-it-/ was a blur of movement as Seifer tried to make out who and what to attack."
7. I don't think you mean "reluctantly" here: "Seifer reluctantly noticed the blue glow of Lion Heart"
8. rang, not rung: "Another loud howl rung out" (I ring the bell. I have rung the bell. I rang the bell.)
9. "Seifer /-was-/ couldn't tear his eyes from the man before him."
10. When you close quotations, the punctuation should always go inside: "'the fuck you are'." should end "are.'" and if you end with a question mark, you don't need the comma: "When do we spar?,"--Of course, I assume you know these things, but after editing and resubmitting a few of my essays from earlier this semester, I realize how very easy it is for a writer to make mistakes and then not notice them during revision (amazing how essays I believed brilliant were actually pretty awful when I reread them two months later T_T).
Long review is long :( I'm sorry! I just can't help myself when I'm talking about your writing. And good god am I ever a kiss-ass >.<
Much love, Chem, thanks as always for your delightful writing. I await the next installment with eager anticipation.
Aerawyn
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December 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Crap, I missed on thing in my third edit note: you use "it's" instead of "its" (contraction instead of possessive pronoun).
Actually, I guess you should also change "their last encounter" to "his last encounter with it" since Squall is the subject of the sentence. So I guess that's two things...
Bah, I should be writing about Camus! Why must reading, reviewing, and editing be so damn much fun (and so distracting)?
Actually, I guess you should also change "their last encounter" to "his last encounter with it" since Squall is the subject of the sentence. So I guess that's two things...
Bah, I should be writing about Camus! Why must reading, reviewing, and editing be so damn much fun (and so distracting)?
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December 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Seifer finally making some progress? :p
I was just bemoaning the lack of Seifer/Squall earlier today, so this update is awesome :D
I was just bemoaning the lack of Seifer/Squall earlier today, so this update is awesome :D
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December 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
AWESOME chapter!!!
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November 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Why haven't you updated this story yet?!
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October 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I just read your profile page and it broke my heart. What can I do to earn the revival of this story sooner rather than later? Shall I beg? Praise you endlessly? Appeal to your sense of guilt-stricken honor?
In sad truth, I bet you've managed to swamp yourself in classwork as I have, and that's something I can't fault you for. I can't even offer myself as a constant editor of your work because I don't know when I'd find the time to dedicate to it... which sucks because that's what I want to do with my life. *sigh*
I await your eventual return <3
In sad truth, I bet you've managed to swamp yourself in classwork as I have, and that's something I can't fault you for. I can't even offer myself as a constant editor of your work because I don't know when I'd find the time to dedicate to it... which sucks because that's what I want to do with my life. *sigh*
I await your eventual return <3
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October 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow, chapter 6 was intense. I see Squall is still fighting tooth and nail. I can't wait to see if this ever resolved.