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April 30, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This is NOT a poorly written story by any means, but it is extremely hard to follow. Do you have a beta reader? I'd recommend getting one, and if you have one now you should probably find someone else. Preferably someone who is not an FF7 fan and can offer you some objective advice.
As it is, I can offer a few suggestions for improvement : 1 - Use the character's names more often in paragraphs, I honestly had no idea who was speaking and/or being referred to most of the time. 2 - Assume that we're completely ignorant about everything in your story. Pretend you're writing for someone who has never played FF7 games or watched Advent Children, and describe everything and everyone from scratch - it helps with our understanding. 3 - Thoughts should be clearly labeled as thoughts - preferably in italics and in a new paragraph.
And that's my two cents! Good luck, rock on, and don't ever stop writing!
As it is, I can offer a few suggestions for improvement : 1 - Use the character's names more often in paragraphs, I honestly had no idea who was speaking and/or being referred to most of the time. 2 - Assume that we're completely ignorant about everything in your story. Pretend you're writing for someone who has never played FF7 games or watched Advent Children, and describe everything and everyone from scratch - it helps with our understanding. 3 - Thoughts should be clearly labeled as thoughts - preferably in italics and in a new paragraph.
And that's my two cents! Good luck, rock on, and don't ever stop writing!