Citizen Snips
folder
Final Fantasy Anime › Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
934
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy Anime › Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
934
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Disturbing and Awful Truth...Meet Wonder!
Citizen Snips
By: The Heartless
A/N: I don’t own Final Fantasy VII/Advent Children.
Also, this is my first attempt at writing a lime. I hope you find the story to be well written and the limes tasteful.
Summary: Post AC. Crack fic. Yuffie asks Tifa a question that might go too far when the two are chatting about a sensitive topic. Unfortunately, a certain someone is prone to watching the enemy and over hears the conversation… Added warning and an apology.
Rating: (Currently) Teen
Genre: General/Humor
Warning: Remember that little bit in the summary about Tifa and Yuffie having a conversation about a sensitive subject? Well that discussion pertains to a certain part of the male anatomy that may or may not be removed at birth.
And as a reminder, it a bit joke-y, the discussion itself, so in that respect, Yuffie’s out of the loop about it. As for Tifa’s “opinion,” people have their preferences, but this too is joke-y. It’s not my opinion on the subject, I’m more inclined to agree with Yuffie.
But any case, I wanted to put that out there, because last night and this morning were two different mindsets for me. Last night was like “What a semi-good idea! This oughta give ‘em somethin’ to think about. Hee hee he heh.”
Then this morning was like, “OMG, how could I post something that’d probably sicken most people who probably almost never even think about. I am so insensitive!”
I am sorry. I should have thought about a little more than I did. Call it a mistake of youth and insomnia, or what have you.
Anyway, if you’d like to shy away from this kind of topic, its understandable. Sorry for not usin’ my head a little more. Please don’t cut if off.
Sorry. Lame joke. :)
End Warning...
Prologue: The Disturbing and Awful Truth...Meet Wonder!
Yuffie scratched furiously at her head, messing the short, dark tresses that never quite made it to her shoulders. It irritated the young shinobi that whenever heat and humidity combined, she suddenly felt the urge to scratch all over.
Especially in her hair, she had no idea why her scalp itched so much in that condition, but it certainly made her vulnerable. She just had to drop everything and scratch, or else the irritation would never cease.
Honestly, it was as if she had fleas!
She returned to the task at hand, once her hands were free from her scalp, and that grand task was…helping Tifa in the Seventh Heaven bar. It was just after the incident with the remnants, and AVALANCHE and the Turks had decided to celebrate its good fortune…together.
Amazingly enough, things had gone quite smoothly…and she’d managed to put Vincent, Reeve, Rufus, and Tseng in a drunken stupor! Ah, and the glorious yelling and annoying behavior she put them through this morning when they were hung the Hell over.
But Vincent…that was the best moment of all!
She smirked at the memory of the older man drunkenly giving her his phone number… He’d pin wheeled down the stairs when Barret and Cid informed him of his actions.
And the look of absolute horror etched into his face when he remembered that this morning near the stairs.
Her smirk bloomed into a full on smile as she put away a crystal shot glass.
“Yuffie-chan,” Tifa called gently, appearing on the stairwell leading up, “What’s with the big smile? Thinking about the amazing, pin wheeling red cape?”
Yuffie laughed loudly, stopping her work to smile broadly at the older woman. “Yep, should have been there to see it up close and personal! I am talkin’ ‘bout front row seats, baby!”
Tifa giggled, shaking her head. “Oh, believe you me, I saw it. All you saw was the cape rolling down the banister and then a loud thud!”
“I know, I am surprised he didn’t bust through your wall, for all the noise he was makin’”
The two girls laughed genuinely at the memory, it still hadn’t—and wouldn’t—lose its effect for a while now.
-
“Anyway, thanks for helping out with the dishes, Yuffie,” Tifa said, polishing some of the dry crystal shot glasses, along with plates, silverware, and mugs.
“No problem, Teef,” Yuffie said with a wink, “Thanks for keeping the beer flowin’ last night. Made this mornin’ fun, no?”
“Certainly,” Tifa purred back, only to yawn tiredly.
“I am so tired,” Tifa announced slowly, “I hardly got any sleep last night. Reno and Rude really know how to knock ‘em back. And Cid and Vincent were no better really…at least Reeve passed out!”
“Yeah…ya sure ya weren’t up with Cloud? Hmmm…” Yuffie questioned, eyebrows raised and eyes slit.
“NO!!! I don’t think I could with him like that!” Tifa protested quickly, only to clap her hands over her mouth, just as quickly.
In a hushed voice, the older woman leaned over and whispered something Yuffie barely managed to hear, let alone understand.
All the young shinobi know was that whatever Tifa had mumbled quietly to her, had made her blush, hard. The older woman’s face was practically a cherry.
“Say that again, will ya, Teef?” The teen requested confused.
In much the same manner, the older woman repeated it again, a little louder and a little faster.
This time, Yuffie heard it. And understood it.
“This warrants only one response,” Yuffie said gravely, “WHHHAAATTTT!!!”
“It’s true.” Tifa said, turning plum.
“That’s… That’s… That’s so…” Yuffie said, managing to sneer at each interval, “So… Uh, I dunno how to digest that kind of information. I think that’s a pretty common practice in Wutai though.”
“Well not here, it ain’t,” Tifa said, still blushing.
Yuffie giggled at Tifa’s quick response, shaking her head once again. “How’d you find that out anyway? When did you see Cloud naked and how do you even know what a circumcised penis looks like?”
That was when all work stopped. Neither Yuffie nor Tifa were doing their tasks anymore, to absorb by the conversation now.
At that, Tifa’s blush died down a bit. “Ah, young grasshopper,” Tifa said, imitating a Wutain (read Japanese) accent, “You have much to learn. And, in any case, I happen to think that if its not circumcised its creepy and repulsive… I mean, it’s much cuter when the foreskin is gone.”
“Is it? Well, I wouldn’t know,” Yuffie announced blandly, “Ya know, I don’t wanna know. The last time I saw a penis was when Red went into heat and tried to run away! It was big, swollen, and red. And the way it seemed to move in and out of it-”
“Stop! Go any further, and I shall be scarred for life,” Tifa said in disgust.
They loved Red, he was the best male companion a girl could ever have. But there were times in AVALANCHE’s previous journey two years ago, when too much information had been shared between the ladies and the feline/canine beast. And it went both ways too.
An awkward silence reigned between the two.
“Do you think Vin-” Yuffie started.
“No!” Tifa said, shaking her head violently, as if to wash her hands of the topic, “Just don’t even start…”
“But I wanna know!” Yuffie protested, “What about Cid, Barrett, and Tseng? Aren’t you the least bit curious?”
“No! I don’t wanna know if they have foreskins,” Tifa said, vaguely horrified of what she’d started. She was also horrified that Yuffie was even interested in what Barrett and Cid looked like under their boxers.
“But what about Reeve, Rufus, Rude, and Reno?” Yuffie whined impertinently, “Come on, I know you!”
“You can’t be serious…” Tifa said tersely, “No way!”
“Then how ‘bout Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz!?” Yuffie said, nearly giving up.
That caught Tifa’s attention. “I bet they aren’t!” Tifa said excitedly, again hands clamped over mouth in reaction to her words.
“I bet Loz is huge though,” Yuffie said smirking, “Well, was. I keep forgettin’ their dead.”
“Yes, and we mustn’t speak ill of the dead,” Tifa chimed in.
“Who’s speakin’ ill of ‘em? We just agreed Loz is huge—Oi! Do you think Sephiroth is circumcised, I wanna know! And Zack too…”
“Okay, Yuffie-chan too far…” Tifa chided, returning to her motherly tone and behavior, “Let’s return to the business at hand.”
The buxom martial artist gestured to the stack of dishes still needing washing and polishing. Yuffie sighed, ‘Just when things were getting interesting.’
Again, a static silence swamped the last two female members of AVALANCHE.
“Yuffie?” Tifa called, polishing a soon-to-be frosted mug with a simple, white towel.
Yuffie grunted, not unlike Cloud.
“No way Sephiroth grew up without being snipped! I mean, come on, he probably spent the majority of his childhood having tests run on him!”
Yuffie laughed childishly. “Of course! I agree.”
Tifa shook her head for the umpteenth time that day, returning to the business at hand. Whether it was in humor or disappointment, well, she couldn’t quite tell.
A/N: Tell me what you think. Lemme know if there’s continuity error or gaffe in the story that I need to fix. Also any spelling and grammar issues. It’d be much appreciated.
By: The Heartless
A/N: I don’t own Final Fantasy VII/Advent Children.
Also, this is my first attempt at writing a lime. I hope you find the story to be well written and the limes tasteful.
Summary: Post AC. Crack fic. Yuffie asks Tifa a question that might go too far when the two are chatting about a sensitive topic. Unfortunately, a certain someone is prone to watching the enemy and over hears the conversation… Added warning and an apology.
Rating: (Currently) Teen
Genre: General/Humor
Warning: Remember that little bit in the summary about Tifa and Yuffie having a conversation about a sensitive subject? Well that discussion pertains to a certain part of the male anatomy that may or may not be removed at birth.
And as a reminder, it a bit joke-y, the discussion itself, so in that respect, Yuffie’s out of the loop about it. As for Tifa’s “opinion,” people have their preferences, but this too is joke-y. It’s not my opinion on the subject, I’m more inclined to agree with Yuffie.
But any case, I wanted to put that out there, because last night and this morning were two different mindsets for me. Last night was like “What a semi-good idea! This oughta give ‘em somethin’ to think about. Hee hee he heh.”
Then this morning was like, “OMG, how could I post something that’d probably sicken most people who probably almost never even think about. I am so insensitive!”
I am sorry. I should have thought about a little more than I did. Call it a mistake of youth and insomnia, or what have you.
Anyway, if you’d like to shy away from this kind of topic, its understandable. Sorry for not usin’ my head a little more. Please don’t cut if off.
Sorry. Lame joke. :)
End Warning...
Prologue: The Disturbing and Awful Truth...Meet Wonder!
Yuffie scratched furiously at her head, messing the short, dark tresses that never quite made it to her shoulders. It irritated the young shinobi that whenever heat and humidity combined, she suddenly felt the urge to scratch all over.
Especially in her hair, she had no idea why her scalp itched so much in that condition, but it certainly made her vulnerable. She just had to drop everything and scratch, or else the irritation would never cease.
Honestly, it was as if she had fleas!
She returned to the task at hand, once her hands were free from her scalp, and that grand task was…helping Tifa in the Seventh Heaven bar. It was just after the incident with the remnants, and AVALANCHE and the Turks had decided to celebrate its good fortune…together.
Amazingly enough, things had gone quite smoothly…and she’d managed to put Vincent, Reeve, Rufus, and Tseng in a drunken stupor! Ah, and the glorious yelling and annoying behavior she put them through this morning when they were hung the Hell over.
But Vincent…that was the best moment of all!
She smirked at the memory of the older man drunkenly giving her his phone number… He’d pin wheeled down the stairs when Barret and Cid informed him of his actions.
And the look of absolute horror etched into his face when he remembered that this morning near the stairs.
Her smirk bloomed into a full on smile as she put away a crystal shot glass.
“Yuffie-chan,” Tifa called gently, appearing on the stairwell leading up, “What’s with the big smile? Thinking about the amazing, pin wheeling red cape?”
Yuffie laughed loudly, stopping her work to smile broadly at the older woman. “Yep, should have been there to see it up close and personal! I am talkin’ ‘bout front row seats, baby!”
Tifa giggled, shaking her head. “Oh, believe you me, I saw it. All you saw was the cape rolling down the banister and then a loud thud!”
“I know, I am surprised he didn’t bust through your wall, for all the noise he was makin’”
The two girls laughed genuinely at the memory, it still hadn’t—and wouldn’t—lose its effect for a while now.
-
“Anyway, thanks for helping out with the dishes, Yuffie,” Tifa said, polishing some of the dry crystal shot glasses, along with plates, silverware, and mugs.
“No problem, Teef,” Yuffie said with a wink, “Thanks for keeping the beer flowin’ last night. Made this mornin’ fun, no?”
“Certainly,” Tifa purred back, only to yawn tiredly.
“I am so tired,” Tifa announced slowly, “I hardly got any sleep last night. Reno and Rude really know how to knock ‘em back. And Cid and Vincent were no better really…at least Reeve passed out!”
“Yeah…ya sure ya weren’t up with Cloud? Hmmm…” Yuffie questioned, eyebrows raised and eyes slit.
“NO!!! I don’t think I could with him like that!” Tifa protested quickly, only to clap her hands over her mouth, just as quickly.
In a hushed voice, the older woman leaned over and whispered something Yuffie barely managed to hear, let alone understand.
All the young shinobi know was that whatever Tifa had mumbled quietly to her, had made her blush, hard. The older woman’s face was practically a cherry.
“Say that again, will ya, Teef?” The teen requested confused.
In much the same manner, the older woman repeated it again, a little louder and a little faster.
This time, Yuffie heard it. And understood it.
“This warrants only one response,” Yuffie said gravely, “WHHHAAATTTT!!!”
“It’s true.” Tifa said, turning plum.
“That’s… That’s… That’s so…” Yuffie said, managing to sneer at each interval, “So… Uh, I dunno how to digest that kind of information. I think that’s a pretty common practice in Wutai though.”
“Well not here, it ain’t,” Tifa said, still blushing.
Yuffie giggled at Tifa’s quick response, shaking her head once again. “How’d you find that out anyway? When did you see Cloud naked and how do you even know what a circumcised penis looks like?”
That was when all work stopped. Neither Yuffie nor Tifa were doing their tasks anymore, to absorb by the conversation now.
At that, Tifa’s blush died down a bit. “Ah, young grasshopper,” Tifa said, imitating a Wutain (read Japanese) accent, “You have much to learn. And, in any case, I happen to think that if its not circumcised its creepy and repulsive… I mean, it’s much cuter when the foreskin is gone.”
“Is it? Well, I wouldn’t know,” Yuffie announced blandly, “Ya know, I don’t wanna know. The last time I saw a penis was when Red went into heat and tried to run away! It was big, swollen, and red. And the way it seemed to move in and out of it-”
“Stop! Go any further, and I shall be scarred for life,” Tifa said in disgust.
They loved Red, he was the best male companion a girl could ever have. But there were times in AVALANCHE’s previous journey two years ago, when too much information had been shared between the ladies and the feline/canine beast. And it went both ways too.
An awkward silence reigned between the two.
“Do you think Vin-” Yuffie started.
“No!” Tifa said, shaking her head violently, as if to wash her hands of the topic, “Just don’t even start…”
“But I wanna know!” Yuffie protested, “What about Cid, Barrett, and Tseng? Aren’t you the least bit curious?”
“No! I don’t wanna know if they have foreskins,” Tifa said, vaguely horrified of what she’d started. She was also horrified that Yuffie was even interested in what Barrett and Cid looked like under their boxers.
“But what about Reeve, Rufus, Rude, and Reno?” Yuffie whined impertinently, “Come on, I know you!”
“You can’t be serious…” Tifa said tersely, “No way!”
“Then how ‘bout Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz!?” Yuffie said, nearly giving up.
That caught Tifa’s attention. “I bet they aren’t!” Tifa said excitedly, again hands clamped over mouth in reaction to her words.
“I bet Loz is huge though,” Yuffie said smirking, “Well, was. I keep forgettin’ their dead.”
“Yes, and we mustn’t speak ill of the dead,” Tifa chimed in.
“Who’s speakin’ ill of ‘em? We just agreed Loz is huge—Oi! Do you think Sephiroth is circumcised, I wanna know! And Zack too…”
“Okay, Yuffie-chan too far…” Tifa chided, returning to her motherly tone and behavior, “Let’s return to the business at hand.”
The buxom martial artist gestured to the stack of dishes still needing washing and polishing. Yuffie sighed, ‘Just when things were getting interesting.’
Again, a static silence swamped the last two female members of AVALANCHE.
“Yuffie?” Tifa called, polishing a soon-to-be frosted mug with a simple, white towel.
Yuffie grunted, not unlike Cloud.
“No way Sephiroth grew up without being snipped! I mean, come on, he probably spent the majority of his childhood having tests run on him!”
Yuffie laughed childishly. “Of course! I agree.”
Tifa shook her head for the umpteenth time that day, returning to the business at hand. Whether it was in humor or disappointment, well, she couldn’t quite tell.
A/N: Tell me what you think. Lemme know if there’s continuity error or gaffe in the story that I need to fix. Also any spelling and grammar issues. It’d be much appreciated.