All of Us Monsters

Disclaimer:  I don't own SquareEnix or any of their Squaresoft
characters.  I don't own Advent Children, or else I would be rich.  I
don't own Cloud, Fenrir (his bike), Vincent, or any of Cloud's many many many
swords.

Author's Notes:  Tons of spoilers.  For those of you who
have seen the movie, you might understand where this could be coming from. 
I've recieved lots of good words for this on the Livejournal Community acfiction. 
You won't like this chapter. I'm warning you now so that, if you were hoping for
more sex, you will be disappointed, and that this chapter is mostly about
emotion and letting things go.  Don't flame me.  Trust me, it may get
better before you know it, loves.

Chapter 10

The great, groaning doors of the church opened slowly as Cloud entered, his
boots sounding off in the bustling quiet of small voices. I remained behind,
brooding with my urge to keep my distance.  I watched from the safety of
the sunlight, head bent in curiousity - which then turned into a sad, melancholy
mirth as most of the children stopped whatever it was that had occupied their
young minds and hands to rush to them.

The gathering reminded me of Marlene and my promise to her... that I would take
care of Cloud, her reluctant, surrogate uncle, that I'd look after him and see
that he came to no harm. It was a fool's promise; I was as helpless as Cloud's
orphans to cure him. I hated the feeling, the fruitless anger that came with it,
the impending realization that sooner or later, Cloud would...

The laughter of the children increased as Cloud suddenly performed a coin trick
for them. I watched, entranced, as he rolled the coin over the tops of his
knuckles, wondering where he had learned the trick and if I could learn it from
him just to spend more time with him - because that was my selfish, tragic
dream, to hold on for as long as I could and never let anyone else have him for
the time he remained.

As the gold coin flashed back and forth across his fingers, my emotions
roiled unhappily against each other, considered by my cold mind to be selfish,
unwilling partners in a crime that was like kidnap. For I was taking Cloud away
from all this, from what he wanted to do.

He loved and looked after these youngsters. While he did that, I could not in
good conscience spirit him away on day trips every day when he wasn't working -
he had little time for the trivialities of a weak-hearted, broken old man like
me.

No, I thought. He can't waste such time with me. I could protect
him as long as I wanted, and love him just as much... from the distance I had
become so accustomed to just weeks before.

Cloud looked up as the kids danced away again, talking and happy. His eyes found
mine, and the cool airy depths of his gaze washed over me like a warm spring
wind. He motioned for me to come inside, his hand reaching out to me.

I shook my head slowly and turned it ever so slightly away.

Cloud spent the rest of the evening with the children; playing with them, or
just hanging out. Sometimes he found things at stores and bought them. He
brought back books, read to them, and treated them as I could have never
imagined Cloud to treat any living being. He lived through these boys and
girls. For dinner, he went out and bought boxes of Chinese food and pizza, and
returned again laden with his meal which I helped carry within. I hid from them
in the shadows as I roosted in the rafters, a quiet scarecrow with crimson eyes,
as they split up the meal and devoured every morsel.

The sharing involved was the most heart-warming. Nobody seemed to have any big
problems with anyone else. Cloud seemed to dissipate any ill feelings, dispelled
rivalries, and brought together a well-being not easily attainable when children
were left to themselves. When they finally curled up to sleep on mats laid on on
the wooden pews, Cloud watched over them for thirty minutes, pacing along
quietly, rubbing his sleeve with a pensive expression on his face bordering on
sadness.

Later that night, Cloud came from the Church and found me alone in the dark,
crouching along a narrow metal girder that ran precariously between two
crumbling concrete supports in what remained of the ShinRa HQ proper. I was
watching the moon, lonely for my Sleeping Forest luna, with my knees tucked up
to my chest in thought, similar to how I dealt with my thoughts in "Seaside
Vilage".

The warrior, quiet as a panther, stealthful, unthreatening. I didn't hear a
thing, of course. Then his warm, supple arms closed around my shoulders, and he
leaned his chin on the top of my head gently. I didn't move.

"Why didn't you say hi to the kids?" he asked quietly, struggling to remain
unhurt. "The kids are good. They wanted to meet you all day. They got sad when I
said you weren't coming after all."

I closed my eyes to the moon, but could not close my ears to his voice. His arms
were tender, and his cologne... ah, that scent, I didn't know he'd worn it
today, but it was close and fresh. I knew he wanted me to appreciate it, so I
spoke quietly.

"You smell nice."

Cloud flushed pleasurably. "Thanks."

We sat together like that. Eventually he lowered himself onto the girder behind
me, and spread out his legs, stretched out along side my own.

"Vincent," he whispered. "Come back with me."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "The orphans--"

"I want you, Vincent. Come to the inn, then."

Careful, sinuous hands climbed under my cloak. Fingertips tested the muscle
against my shirt, the hard, stony quality of my flesh. His hands traced up
and down my skin, and I slowly extended my legs to relax, much to my own dismay.
My boots hung over the edge into the open air, my eyes slitting again as his touch opened me like the
sunlight opened seedlings.

I forced my voice to remain calm and cold. "Stop it."

He didn't stop. "Vincent... why are you being like this?"

"I said stop." I begged him without words: Don't do this to me. Don't unravel
me like this.

Finally, the devil hands pulled away, and instead he dropped them on his thighs
before sliding back, and situating himself beside me. He leaned forward, elbows
on his knees, to stare at me. "Vincent, what exactly is wrong?"

"This can't go on," I said softly. My voice had turned husky on me. My flesh
tingled from his touch. I quickly forgot what else I had meant to say.

"What do you mean?" The warrior stiffened. Every muscle tightened, and he was on
edge, literally, as he looked toward me. His lower lip quivered in what I knew
was anger rather than sadness. Sadness came after anger with him... not the
other way around.

"I love you," I whispered. "That's my gift. I give it to you."

"You're leaving me," he deadpanned. He leaned away from me a fraction.

"You need to spend time with people... people you care about."

"I care about you!" Cloud snapped, his head snapping up in a sudden motion that
reminded me of a cat about to run... or fight to the death.  I couldn't
replace the look on his face at that moment... and I couldn't put a name to it.
Only that it was horrible, and wrong, and it was a thing I had done that made
him look like that which made the moment stand so clearly.

"And you spent your time with me," I battled on, struggling. "You can't spend the rest of your
life, wasting it with me."

"You're the one who says it's a waste," he shot back quickly. He raised his fist
as though to hit me, but instead he took my chin in his hand. "Vincent, this is
ridiculous."

I bristled, my skin flushing from his affection...
"Is it? Think of Tifa. Think of the orphans. You don't realize the damage it can
do - but I have."

Cloud responded unusually to the cold and calculating words. He let go of my
chin and stood up, staring out over the night scape of the city with a
constrained, silent look in his eyes. He turned his head then; there was a soft
metal tinkling sound as his wolf earring and his belt shifted.

"You won't disappear on me, will you?"

I shook my head. "...No, Cloud. I'll follow you everywhere. I made a promise to
Marlene."

"You did?" Cloud's brows went up, as though he was surprised that I had any
close affiliation with her at all. "She was worried about you. You really made a
promise to her?"

"Yes."

I stood up after a moment of thought. "...in the end, I'm afraid my promise will
be broken. I didn't tell them."

"Tell them what?"

"About your Geostigma."

"Oh," he said. He rubbed his sleeved arm thoughtfully, as though he'd been
forgetting about it all day. Which was true - perhaps looking into the smiling
faces of his orphans truly did relieve his stress, gave him hope. "Yeah."

His head was still turned away. Gradually his eyes found mine, and he stepped
closer. Willingly I swallowed him up in my cloaked embrace. He still felt almost
like a stranger in my arms.  A stranger I would welcome back again and
again long after he became familiar and still welcome to my heart. I smelled his hair. His arms trembled against my
ribs.

"I enjoyed loving you.  Never forget it."

"I appreciate it," Cloud replied in a bare whisper. His emotions seemed to have
emptied somewhere, and I felt nothing or heard nothing of them for the longest
time until that moment when he pulled away and touched my face with his gloved
fingers. "Thank you."

He turned slowly and walked away along the girder. I watched his dark form as he
leapt down toward the street, toward Fenrir. Sure-footed, he never lost a beat
when he finally landed, and quietly slid his leg over the seat. He looked up as
if to find me. He waved, flipping his hand in a somewhat devil-may-care manner.
But I knew the significance of that. He was not waving good-bye.

We never said good-bye at all.