The Laying of Boundaries

How long had it been since Vaan had fallen asleep, the boy didn’t know in the slightest. All he knew was that he woke up and Rex had been gone. There was no warm body next to him to share heat with him or keep him warm and it was driving him insane, all he wanted was his brother. But what could he do about it? Rex was gone, he was no where to be found.

Vaan begged for Rex’s safety. Pleaded to the gods for Rex to come back to him safe and soon and with a smile that he’d never forget.

Vaan wanted nothing more than his brother.

The morning after Rex had left, Vaan had difficulties pulling himself to his feet. All he could do was stare at the ceiling, his liquid eyes watering with pain as he tried to hold back his tears. He didn’t want to cry anymore and he felt like he could. He felt that if he cried, he would burst and become nothing. There was only so much crying and sobbing that one could do.

It was Penelo that had finally gotten Vaan to leave the comfort of his rat-hole.

“Va…Vaan, are you alright?”

Vaan tried to smile at her, but could only frown.

“Penelo, I…”

The blond girl shook her head and moved over next to his side, “It’s alright Vaan, you don’t need to say anything,” She sighed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to her.

She couldn’t stay angry at Vaan, not when he looked at her with such pain. Penelo had never once seen Vaan so sad and hopeless, he looked as though his entire world had been pulled out from beneath him and shattered. She knew why too, she knew that Rex had left. The girl didn’t even need to be told that Rex was gone, because it was all written in Vaan’s eyes.

“He’ll be home soon,” She tried to reassure him, and then the tears came.

No matter how much he tried to hold them back Vaan just couldn’t fight it anymore. He held onto her tight as sobs ran through his chest and his salted tears made the shoulder of her outfit wet with bitterness. He only wanted his brother, why did the gods have to be so cruel? Why?

Many moments had passed as Penelo held tight onto him, wishing that she could just take away all of his hurt. However, she hurt too. She would miss Rex. He was a brother to her, just as Vaan was. Most of all though, she hurt for Vaan. She was so worried over him.

Once Vaan’s tears had slowed and his fingertips were no longer shaking, the girl carefully pulled away and smiled at him, “Migelo, he wanted to talk to you, Vaan,” She said timidly.

Vaan looked down and wiped a hand over his eyes, “Yea…I’ll go see him, just give me a minute, alright?”

Penelo nodded and moved to her feet before she quietly left the small dwelling, looking back at Vaan only once before she left.

Once again, Vaan had to avoid the temptation of collapsing back to the bed and sobbing his eyes out. Closing his eyes and sighing out softly, he wrapped his arms around himself.

“I miss you…Rex,” He whispered hoarsely and closed his eyes to keep the tears from escaping.

Moments later, Vaan forced himself to leave the room that Rex and him had shared for so long. He moved down the streets. Never before had he felt so empty and alone.

‘Rex, where are you now? Are you safe? Are you okay?’

Vaan had never felt so insecure.

‘Please come back, Rex,’

The blond had hesitantly made his way to Migelo’s, not really wishing to go. He only wanted to stay home and curl himself up on their bed while he dreamed of Rex and breathed in his scent and wished and prayed that his big brother could come home. Instead, he continued on his way, soon reaching Migelo’s sundried and entering through the ornate arch.

Vaan could hear the Migelo at the front, laughing with a regular customer who was buying a heap of potions and phoenix downs – apparently, he was going on a reckless trip. From the sound of the conversation, the man did so very often. Vaan didn’t interrupt them, instead he only stood off to the side of the shop while several customers began to rummage through some of the items that had had their prices dropped because they were sitting upon the shelf for far too long.

It was Migelo who had told his prized customer that he had something else to deal with for the moment. The creature then made his way over to Vaan. “Vaan, my boy, It’s been a while since you’ve been in to help,”

Migelo tried to lighten the mood, but the moment that Vaan looked up, Migelo’s great mouth had shut in silence. Never before had the boy looked so hopeless and pitiful. His eyes had lost their shine and perhaps even their soul and pride. His lips were down in a small lifeless frown and even his skin had seemed to loose it’s sunny-glow. Vaan appeared lifeless, that was the only way that Migelo could have explained it. The store-owner didn’t need to be told what had happened.

“Mi…Migelo…why did he…?”

Vaan’s voice was so child-like in that moment, like a child that had been torn away from it’s mother and cast to the streets to fend for itself. However, this was so much more than Vaan loosing his parents. Vaan had lost more than just a brother, he’d lost the man that had been his brother as well as his lover, and his entire world.

“Vaan, I know that it’s difficult to understand, but Rex needed to leave,”

“I don’t understand why though…I needed him here, he needs to be here for me,” Vaan didn’t particularly want to argue, but it felt as if he was doing so anyway.

Migelo hardened his heart, “You’re wrong, Vaan, you don’t need him here, you’re strong enough to go on without him. It was critical that he left, he needed to help Dalmasca. Dalmasca needs him more than you do. Being selfish will get you nowhere,”

It was during Migelo’s rambling that Vaan’s mind began to churn around those words.

Why would Migelo be saying these things?

That Dalmasca needed Rex more, that Vaan didn’t need him.

This made no sense!

Vaan needed Rex more than anyone!

No one should have been able to take Rex away from him!

Rex was all that he had left!

Rex was everything to him!

Rex normally never would have made such a decision, Rex had always told him that he’d never leave Vaan.

So who? Who had gotten Rex to leave him like that?!

“You,” Vaan started as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

Migelo only lifted one brow in confusion.

“It’s your fault!” Vaan’s voice raised and Migelo tried to hush the boy, “You’re the reason that Rex left me, You’re the one who told him that it was so bad!” Vaan had finally pieced it together and now his mind and his heart was spinning out of control, his rationality disappearing.

“You don’t understand Vaan, it’s for the best. It had to be this way,”

“No! No it didn’t! Rex was supposed to stay here, but you made him leave!”

The customers in the store became concerned at the sound of Vaan’s yelling and panicking. They looked over in interest before quietly moving to the opposite sides of the shelves and either leaving or quietly listening.

“Why did you make him leave!?” Vaan demanded in desperate anger that longed only for the love and security of his elder brother.

“It had to be done, Vaan! The things that you two have done are unforgiveable!” Migelo roared and Vaan’s jaw dropped.

Unforgivable?

Was it really that wrong?

Was it so bad that they loved each other and showed it willingly?

It was bad?

But, but why?

Vaan closed his eyes in anger and fear and sadness and so many other feelings as his hands turned into shaking fists by his side. He didn’t know what to do. Fight, scream, yell, cry? All of it hurt so much. Tears fell from his eyes as he suddenly pushed himself past Migelo, running from the store and bumping into busy citizens as he ran through the streets with Migelo’s word booming in his ears.

‘…It had to be this way…’

‘…It had to be done…’

‘…Unforgiveable…!’

The teen’s emotions got the best of him as he ran, his feet carried him to Lowtown, to an empty corner where he collapsed and held himself in the darkness. The busy street-goers either didn’t see him or didn’t care about the lonely blond boy crying to himself for reasons unknown. Vaan liked it best this way. He didn’t want to be bothered, nor did he want to be hurt anymore. He wanted to be alone.

No, that was a lie. He wanted to be with Rex.

He imagined what Rex might have said to him at that moment.

‘Don’t worry so much, Vaan, come on, you’ll be alright,’

Slowly lifting his head, Vaan wiped away the remnants of his tears and pushed himself to his feet while he wobbled slightly. It was in this moment, did he realize that he was right beyond the door to Dallan’s – the peculiar old man. Perhaps. Perhaps this was the answer.

Vaan stepped through the door, spotting the old man in his chair, looking as sun-hardened as ever as he stroked the bizarrely colored rabbit in his lap.

“Vaan!” He was greeted with excitement, “What things have you been up to?”

The look on Vaan’s face answered all.

“Something has happened…perhaps…” He pondered, “Could it have something to do with the war…?”

Vaan’s ears perked.

“Ah, I thought so,” The old man continued, “Your brother, where is he?”

Vaan’s expression broke and he bit down hard on his lip, closing his eyes and falling to the floor.

“He’s gone into the war, hasn’t he, my boy?” The choking sob that fell from Vaan was all the answer that he needed.

“Migelo made him go away,” Vaan grasped at the ground, “He said that everything we’ve done together was wrong…that we…that we…” Vaan stammered and dropped his head as he tried to fight off his tears.

The old man only cradled his rabbit as he spoke, “Migelo does not understand the bond between you two, he doesn’t know what it’s like. You can’t hold a grudge against him. Perhaps you should make the best of this and move on…find another to share your feelings with, Eh Vaan?”

“No! I can’t! I can’t do that Dalan! I can’t! It has to be Rex, it just has to be him!”

“I see…I see…Then perhaps I can help you…” Dalan nodded to himself, “You see Vaan, there are still open positions in the army…a way for you to see your brother,”

Join the war? Rex would never allow it, but…but maybe he could do it.

“Join the…?”

“Yes, Vaan, join the war and join Rex. It may be the only way there is to see him again. Can you really risk not doing it?” Dalan answered in his quizzical tone that made it sound more like a riddle than something that would be said in regular conversation.

Vaan swallowed. Could he really do it? Could he really join the war?

The very day after Vaan’s meeting with Dalan, Penelo had rushed into Migelo’s store, crying up a storm as she clutched a single piece of parchment to her chest. Her eyes were filled with tears as her body shook with fear and sadness. Migelo approached her and tried to calm her, she only cried harder, “Mig…Migelo, It’s Vaan! Vaan’s gone!”

She pushed the note into Migelo’s grasp.

~~ Penelo,

I wanted to thank you for everything, you’ve always been like a sister to me and there’s no way that I can every repay you. This is all really hard for me to tell you, but you need to know what happened to me. I love Rex, more than a brother, I know you already know but, I couldn’t stay here with him going into war. I just couldn’t do it. So, I made up my mind, I’m going to join the war and I’m going to find him, I’m going to make sure that he gets back home safe.

I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring Rex with me. Promise.

Don’t forget to help Migelo around the shop.

-Vaan ~~

Migelo’s fingers went numb and the letter fell from his grasp.

“What have I done?”