The Measure of a Man

Title - The Measure of a Man
Fandom – FFVII
Characters – Yazoo, Kadaj, Loz, Tseng, Reno, Rude, Rufus
Warnings this chapter – yaoi, swearing, angst, incest.
Disclaimer – Don’t own the boys, just playing with them
Note – Story begins immediately after Advent Children

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Extra warning – All italic sections in the following chapter are Tseng remembering his past through his dreams. They concentrate on an incestuous relationship between two brothers and the negative reaction when the relationship is discovered by their parents. While there is nothing sexual or graphic in these sections, some may find the material upsetting and disturbing due to it’s emotionally abusive aspects. Please read with caution.

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Chapter 10 - Memories


Tseng stared out his window, watching his parents leave. His stomach tingled with excitement, knowing that they wouldn’t be back until late the next day and for the first time, he and his brother would be totally alone. He hugged his favourite toy to his chest, the tiger soft and comforting against his bare skin as his emotions raced around his head, his heart beating so fast in his chest. The sound of footsteps climbing the stairs made his breath speed up, knowing who it was and what was to come. The one who loved him, made him feel special and important. The only one that never said he wasn’t strong enough, smart enough or tough enough. To him and him alone, Tseng was perfect, just the way he was.

***..***

Four hours later, Rufus finally pulled himself away from the sleeping Turk, his own body unable to rest as he tried to piece together what Tseng had been mumbling about. There were so many possibilities; most he didn’t want to believe. With only four more hours until the Wutain awoke, his need to know more dragged him up and out to the kitchen to find Reno and Rude buried in papers.

“Any progress?” the President asked.

“We’ve found some interesting inconsistencies, but there’s no way to tell if they’re related or not,” Rude answered, sitting back and rubbing his eyes.

“Ready to fill me in?” Rufus asked. Rude nodded and moved a pile of folders off the chair next to him so the President could sit down. The blonde looked up just in time to see Reno trying to hide his ashtray with one of the folders. “And Reno, I don’t care if you’re smoking in here. I just want something to work with before Tseng wakes up.”

The redhead grinned at him, putting the folder off to the side and pulling out another cigarette. “I thought you hated smoking, Sir.”

“Doesn’t bother me. I even do it myself sometimes. It’s Tseng that hates it,” the blonde murmured before turning back to Rude. “So, what do we have?”

“Well, we know that he moved to another town when he was thirteen from the addresses of the healers he saw,” Reno said, offering the blonde a cigarette which he declined.

“Why is that significant?” Rufus asked.

“Cause his family didn’t move with him. Both parents and the older brother stayed and he was sent to live with an aunty and uncle that had no other children,” Reno replied.

“Any indication of why?” the blonde asked, frowning.

“None. The healer mentioned that Tseng didn’t take the separation from his brother well. He was prescribed sleeping pills to help him adjust for the first few months. Veld’s notes mentioned that Tseng had issues relating to his family but the pages directly after that are missing though. Either, the former leader took them out himself or someone else did,” Rude added.

“Veld was his mentor and the man was a bit obsessive in knowing everything about his Turks. He did mention something earlier in his reports about Tseng always being available for shifts on holidays and weekends because of no family ties, but the records show that his parents are both still alive,” Reno added.

“What about the brother?” Rufus asked, chewing his bottom lip.

“Deceased. No mention of how or when he died,” Rude replied.

“So, for some reason Tseng was sent away from his family and still doesn’t speak to his parents to this day,” Rufus summarized, frowning in thought. “That only gives us more questions.”

“There’s not much else here, Sir. No unusual injuries while he was living with his parents and the local authorities were never involved, so whatever happened must have been a closed, family thing,” Reno muttered, throwing another folder back into the box.

“What about when he was living with this aunty and uncle? Anything suspicious then?” the blonde asked, feeling like he was grasping at straws.

“He was only there for around two to three years before he came to Midgar. In that time there were multiple visits to the local healer for various injuries. The healer even noted that he thought there was a possibility of physical abuse but it doesn’t look like there was ever any follow up,” Rude said, passing over a file opened to a particular page. Rufus read down the page, noticing that every couple of weeks, the Wutain ended up back at the healers with everything from a concussion to broken limbs. One of the last entries mentioned that the healer had threatened to call the authorities over what he believed where whip marks on Tseng’s back.

“What the fuck,” Rufus whispered, noticing it was one of the last entries. “Somebody whipped him and nothing was done?”

“Tseng was born into a noble family. From what I hear, a lot of them still practice the old ways and most of the authorities turn a blind eye to it. The dates indicate that Tseng left Wutai and joined Shinra soon after that,” Rude muttered, standing up and gathering up the rest of the folders.

“Are the aunty and uncle still alive?” Rufus asked, having the sudden urge to go and visit the people that seemed to be responsible for so much of Tseng’s pain.

“I doubt it. There’s a mission report about Veld going to the same town with no reason given as to why,” Rude said, picking up the box of files. “Just a note saying that the problems where nullified.”

Rufus raised an eyebrow, watching as Rude carried the box back towards the basement. “Makes me like Veld a little more,” Rufus murmured to himself, his frown deepening.

“Turks take care of their own,” Reno said, smiling when the blonde looked up at him. “And Sir, I hope you know that you’re one of us too now. I’d like to think the brothers could be included one day, if Tseng ever stops hating them all.”

“He doesn’t hate them, Reno. I know he loves Yazoo,” the President replied. “He’s just too fucked up right now to admit it.”

“I hope you’re right, Sir,” Reno said, turning towards the cupboards to begin pulling out saucepans. “Anyway, me and Rude gotta get dinner started. Gotta try and fatten up Kadaj and Yazoo. I swear, those two are way too thin.”

“You’re just as thin, Reno,” the President chuckled, standing up himself. He suddenly realised that Tseng had never told him how he’d found out about the remnants and he asked the redhead to fill him in on what had happened. Once Reno had finished, things started to click together in the President’s head, a picture forming that he hoped he was wrong about.

“Is Yazoo alright?” he finally asked, leaning back against the dinner table as Rude returned.

“You should go and ask him yourself, Sir,” Reno said with a grin. “Dinner will be about another half an hour so there’s plenty of time for you to comfort him.” Rude suddenly smacked the redhead across the back of the head, making Reno flinch and glare. “Hey! Stop doing that!” the redhead exclaimed, rubbing his head.

“Better to be hit by Rude than by me, Reno,” the President interjected, walking out of the kitchen and towards the remnants room quickly so the Turks wouldn’t see his smile.

***..***

“Brother, why can’t anyone know?” Tseng asked, his fingers playing with the dark strands of hair that fell down like a curtain around the face above him.

“Because if anyone finds out, we won’t be able to be together anymore, Tseng,” the deep voice replied, a soft hand caressing his cheek.

“But why? We love each other and make each other happy. Shouldn’t that be what’s important?” Tseng asked, frowning.

“Yes, it should be,” his brother replied, smiling down at him. “But the rest of the world does not have your heart, little one. You know that being who we are, makes us have to live by certain rules. What we appear to be is what is important to mother and father. What we really are, they never need to know.”

“As long as we’re together, I don’t mind,” Tseng replied, pulling his brother down and wrapping his arms around him tightly. “Promise you’ll never leave me?”

“I promise, little one,” the deep voice replied.

***..***

Yazoo drifted somewhere in the haze between sleep and awake. Despite how comfortable he was, snuggled between Kadaj and Loz, his worries over Tseng prevented his mind from relaxing into sleep. He wanted to see Rufus, to make sure that the President still wanted him and wouldn’t turn him away as Tseng had done. He felt so insecure, knowing that the other two men where together and he was here, nothing more than a prisoner once more.

Finally he sat up, running a hand through his hair as he looked around their room. Suddenly, his eyes noticed a shadow move in the corner of his eye and he turned towards it to find Rufus, sitting on the next bed.

“Rufus?” he mumbled, extracting himself from Loz’s arms and crawling over Kadaj to approach the other man. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if you’re okay,” the blonde replied, reaching out to take the remnants hand. “And I missed you.”

Yazoo smiled, letting the President pull him closer. “I… I thought you’d be angry with me,” he murmured, still unsure of how Rufus felt about him.

“Why would I be angry?” the blonde asked, pulling the middle brother down to straddle his lap and wrapping his arms around Yazoo’s waist. “It’s not your fault Tseng has issues.”

“But he hates me again and you love him, so doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t like me anymore?” Yazoo asked, bringing his hands up to cup the President’s face. “Won’t he get angry at you?”

Rufus smiled up at him, turning to the side to kiss the palm of one of the remnant’s hands. “He’s always angry at me, and besides, don’t you realize that I love you too?”

Yazoo’s eyes opened wide at the President’s words, not quite believing what he’d just heard. “You love me?” he whispered.

“Yes, I love you. It’s kind of hard not to, Yazoo,” the blonde replied with a chuckle. “Don’t worry about loving me, though. I know I’m not the easiest person to love. Just let me love you and I’ll be happy.”

“But I… I do love you, Rufus,” Yazoo stuttered, leaning down to kiss the President gently, letting their foreheads rest together. “You’ve always been so kind to me and I love the way you make me feel when we’re together. I miss you when you’re not here and… and…,” Yazoo’s words caught in his throat as tears fell down his face . His brothers had always loved him, but that love came from the bond they shared and the fact they’d only had each other for so long. Rufus was the first person to love him simply for being him.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” the President crooned, pulling Yazoo close and rubbing his hands over the remnants back. “Don’t cry, Yaz. I came here to make you feel better, not upset you.”

“You do make me… feel better,” Yazoo stuttered out between sobs, hugging Rufus tightly as he rested his head on the President’s shoulder.

“Then why are you crying?” Rufus asked. Yazoo just hugged him harder, not completely understanding why himself. It was embarrassing and he hoped Rufus didn’t think less of him because of his tears.

“He’s crying because he’s so happy,” Kadaj murmured from the other bed. “See brother, I told you Rufus was a better choice than Tseng.” Yazoo sat back, wiping his eyes and looking over his shoulder to see both his brothers sitting up and watching them.

“I thought you two were asleep,” Rufus said, a grin on his face as he looked around Yazoo at the other two remnants.

“Like we can sleep with you two yapping,” Kadaj said with a grin, leaning back against Loz’s chest. “Although, I’ll totally forgive you both if you want to play.”

“Kadaj,” Yazoo growled, glaring at the youngest remnant. “You touch Rufus and I will hurt you.”

The youth pouted, crossing his arms and glaring back. “That’s so not fair. Why can’t we play with Rufus too?”

“Don’t you already have Reno?” Yazoo retorted. “He’ll get angry if you touch Rufus, and I will tell him if you do.”

“That’s so unfair! I only want to play with him once, just to see what he’s like and make sure that he knows what he’s doing,” Kadaj insisted.

“Kadaj, you better not be propositioning the President,” Reno said from the doorway, everyone turning to find the redhead leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“I… I wasn’t, Reno. I was just… I mean, I was just testing him, to make sure he’d be faithful to Yazoo,” the youngest remnant replied shakily, biting his lip nervously.

“Testing him, eh? Honestly, Kadaj. Do I look that stupid?” Reno retorted, walking into the room and stopping next to the bed that the youngest was on. “You have to learn to control your fucking hormones or I’ll put you in one of those damn chastity belts. Understood?”

“Chastity belts are for girls, Reno,” Kadaj retorted and Yazoo almost laughed as the youngest put on a brave front while backing away across the bed. “They don’t make them for boys.”

“Oh yes they do and they look really, really uncomfortable,” the redhead said, his voice lowering dangerously. Kadaj froze, looking up at his Turk with fear on his face.

The room was completely quiet until suddenly, Rufus began laughing, burying his head in Yazoo’s chest. The sound was contagious, everyone else beginning to chuckle except for Kadaj whose frightened face twisted into a scowl.

“That’s so unfair. Nobody’s putting one on Loz and he’s just as bad as me!” the smallest remnant spat, folding his arms and glaring around the room. “It was him that wanted to play with you, Reno, and he didn’t even ask me before he touched you this morning.”

“You slept with Loz?” Rufus asked, looking at the redhead with wide eyes. “Reno, does Rude know?”

“I didn’t sleep with Loz!” Reno blurted, making Rufus raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

“He’s telling the truth. Reno was asleep and I just held him still and used him as something to thrust against. His ass is really perfect for it,” Loz replied, smiling innocently. “He did tell us to stop but Kadaj convinced him to let me keep going.”

Reno’s face went purple as he gaped at the elder remnant. Kadaj buried his head under his arms while Yazoo and Rufus just stared. Yazoo was starting to realize that his brothers weren’t adjusting to a normal life as well as he thought they were.

“Did you two force Reno into this?” he snapped. Kadaj kept his head hidden and Loz began to look worried.

“Well, maybe at first but Kadaj made sure he enjoyed it too,” the eldest insisted, looking around the room in confusion. “We didn’t hurt him or anything. I like Reno and I’d never hurt him.”

“If someone says no, you have to stop immediately, Loz,” Yazoo insisted, climbing off of Rufus’ lap to walk over in front of his brother. “Promise me you won’t do that again.”

“Okay, Yazoo. I’m sorry if it was wrong. I just woke up horny and Reno was right beside me and I didn’t even realise it was him to begin with,” Loz rambled, his hands clenching together. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, just disappointed, and it’s Reno you should be apologising to, not me,” Yazoo said, running his hand through his brother’s hair.

Loz turned towards Reno, apologising to the redhead who mumbled an acceptance in return, his face still blushing as he turned towards Kadaj. “Kadaj, get your butt over here now,” he ordered, the youngest standing up and walking slowly over to him while staring at the floor. “Dinner will be ready in five minutes, everyone. Lucky it was me and not Rude who came in to tell you. Kadaj? You and I are gonna have a little talk first.”

Yazoo watched as Reno led Kadaj out of the room, turning back towards his remaining brother with a frown. “Rude doesn’t know?” he asked.

“No,” Loz mumbled.

“Tell him, Loz, and apologise to him too. Promise me?” Yazoo asked, lifting the eldest’s chin so they faced each other.

“Okay, Yazoo. I promise I’ll do it after dinner,” the eldest said. “Can I go out and see Rude now?”

Yazoo nodded, watching him go before turning back to Rufus who was watching him intently. “Don’t worry too much, Yazoo. They have a lot to learn and making mistakes along the way is normal,” the President said, holding out a hand to him once more.

“I wonder if Kadaj will ever learn,” Yazoo replied, taking the hand and going back to his previous position on the President’s lap. “He’s just so passionate when it comes to everything and has so little control, whether it be his temper or his desire.”

“I think that’s what Reno likes about him,” Rufus chuckled, lifting a hand to thread it through Yazoo’s hair and pull him down for a kiss.

***..***

Tseng lay with his eyes open, staring out the open window with his head resting on his brother’s chest and strong arms wrapped around him. The stars shone brightly outside as Tseng’s thoughts turned towards the future. He’d just turned thirteen and his brother would turn seventeen just a little over a month later. He couldn’t help but worry, knowing that his brother would be expected to marry in the next year and would have to leave the family home to live with his new wife. Tseng wondered which of the nobilities’ daughters would be chosen to become his sister in law and whether or not his brother would still want to see him once he was married.

“What are you thinking?” his brother asked, making Tseng look at to find a kind, smiling face looking back.

“Just about the future…and what’s going to happen once you’re married,” Tseng answered, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. He felt a hand move up to thread through his hand and he closed his eyes, sighing at the touch that always calmed him.

“You worry too much for one so young.”

“Hey, I’m not that young!” Tseng retorted, eyes opening as he sat up. “I’m thirteen now and that’s old enough to go hunting with the men.”

His brother chuckled, pulling him back down against his chest and kissing the top of his head. “Yes, you are growing up fast, little one. Every day you become more of a man. Every day you become more beautiful.”

“Beautiful is what you call girls, brother,” Tseng grumbled.

“A man can be beautiful too and it doesn’t mean he’s any less of a man,” the deep voice chided him before continuing. “I want you to come and live with me when I’m married.”

“Really?” Tseng exclaimed excitedly, before his thoughts made him frown. “But won’t your wife not like me being there, getting in the way?”

“As man of the house, the choice will be mine, not hers. Besides, it’s quite common for elder brothers to take in their younger siblings. As you said yourself, you’re old enough to go hunting with the men and you’ll need someone to teach you all about it. I was thinking you might like me to be your mentor, since father shows no interest. Would you like that?”

“I would love that!” Tseng said, hugging his brother tightly. “I want to be with you always.”

“And I with you, little one,” the deep voice replied softly.

Tseng’s worries ebbed away as he finally fell asleep, his dreams full of hope and the loving smile of his brother.

***..***

Reno stood on the front stairs, leaning on the railing and staring up at the stars as he slowly enjoyed a cigarette after dinner. He was worried because Loz had taken Rude aside for a talk and the redhead had a bad feeling it was about what happened this morning. He didn’t want Rude mad at him and it wasn’t because he was scared of being beaten up. True, it was a possibility, but he was far more afraid that he wouldn’t be forgiven.

The front door opened behind him and he could hear heavy footsteps stop beside him and then silence that made his hands shake.

“Reno?” Rude said softly. He glanced over, glad to find there was no anger in his partner’s eyes. “I want to apologise for what Loz did to you.”

“Apologise?” the redhead asked. “Why?”

“Loz is my responsibility and I asked you to look after him that night. I feel responsible that he took advantage of you,” the bigger Turk explained, looking down at his feet. “I shouldn’t have left you outnumbered.”

“Outnumbered?” Reno whispered, trying to wrap his mind around the conversation. “Wait… just hang on a minute. Shouldn’t you be angry at me?”

“Why would I be angry?” Rude murmured, tilting his head to the side. “You were asleep at the beginning and you asked him to stop when you woke up. I’m aware he’s stronger than you, Reno.”

“But… I could of…,” the redhead began, closing his eyes and breathing in deep as he tried to clarify his point. “Honestly, I could have stopped it. If I’d insisted they stop, I think they would of.”

“You woke up, already aroused and thinking that it was Kadaj,” Rude replied with a grin. “By the time you worked out it wasn’t, you were stuck between them both and I can understand how hard it would be to resist that. I doubt that I would be able to.”

“Really?” the redhead asked.

“Yes, really. Loz has told me how attractive he finds you, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise. He’s a little obsessed with your hair,” Rude said with a smirk, his hand coming up to pull Reno’s ponytail forward and twine it around his fingers. “And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t agree with him.”

Reno just stared, his mind going blank as he watched his hair wrapped around his partners hand. “Kadaj keeps talking about your skin. How the darkness contrasts with Loz’s paleness,” he whispered, words coming out without his permission. “He says… he says that he dreams about seeing me with you.”

Rude smiled at him, taking a step closer and Reno suddenly found it hard to breathe. “And how do you feel about his dream?” his partner asked softly, his eyes locked onto the redheads.

“I… I dream it to.”

***..***

Tseng awoke to a stinging pain as his hair was pulled hard. He flailed out his arms as he was dragged out of the bed and onto the floor, away from his brother’s arms.

“You horrible boy! What do you think you’re doing?” his mother’s voice hissed as he was pulled across the floor, his hands coming up to grab the ones in his hair in an attempt to stop the pain.

“Leave him alone!” he could hear his brother call, before he was dragged through the door and thrown onto the floor in the hallway. He looked up to see his father inside, restraining his brother who was reaching out to him before the door slammed closed, his mother locking it and turning back to him with a look that made him flinch.

“What have you done?!!” she hissed. “You little whore, spreading your sickness to your brother!”

“It’s not a sickness! We love each other!” he yelled back, tears falling down his face.

“Love each other? How can you say such things? This is all your fault! I knew there was something wrong with you. Refusing to go play with the other boys because you didn’t want to get dirty, staying inside all the time and reading, wasting hours on drawing all those flowery pictures like some girl! You were born wrong and now you’ve gone and tainted your brother too! I will never let you near him again!” his mother screamed.

Tseng tried to curl up on the floor when suddenly, his hair was grabbed once more and he was dragged into his own room, left on the floor as the door was slammed and locked behind him. He could still hear his brother and father yelling, the sound breaking his heart as he covered his ears and began to cry.

Finally, he’d run out of tears and just curled up on the floor, too numb to move as he stared at the wall. Some time later, the yelling in the next room finally died down and he hoped his brother was okay. He could hear the door to his brothers room unlocking and opening, his father’s footsteps heavy as he walked into the hall and locked the door behind him. Then there was his mother’s voice, too low to hear as she talked, his father’s responses short and also too soft to interpret. Then the footsteps came closer and Tseng backed away until he was against the far wall, his eyes wide as his body trembled. The lock clicked and his door swung open to the sight of his father, his face flushed with anger as he entered with his mother close behind.

“We have tried to understand you, Tseng. Your strange ways and insistence on being different but this is inexcusable. Explain your actions to me, boy,” his father growled as his mother stepped along side and glared down at him.

“It… it just happened. I never meant it too!” Tseng pleaded, tears he’d thought all used up beginning to fall once more. “He just… kissed me one day and it felt so right…”

“You whore! You lying, worthless whore!” his mother screamed, lunging towards him only to be stopped by his father.

“You expect us to believe that it was him that started this? He’s always made us proud and never given us any reason to doubt him. You must have started this and now you’re trying to blame it all on him? He would never have done this to us, to his family name!” his father growled angrily. “Is this because you’re jealous of him, of the fact it is he who will inherit everything? That’s why you’re telling such lies, isn’t it? Did you think we’d believe you? Throw him out and let you have what rightfully belongs to him?”

“I don’t want anything but him!” Tseng yelled back, not believing what he was hearing from his parents. They’d never been affectionate people but he’d always thought that he was loved. “Why won’t you believe me? I’m your son too! Shouldn’t you love us both the same?!”

“How can we love you when you won’t be a man? And now, to seduce your own brother like some common whore! I will not allow you to taint him, to turn him into the sick, pervert that you are,” his mother hissed.

“Please stop! Don’t say that!” Tseng sobbed. “I’m not a whore and I never seduced him. I need you to believe me!”

“How can we ever believe you again when you sit there, lying to our faces. I always knew you were different but I hoped it was something that would pass, that one day you would follow your brother’s example and become the man you were born to be. Unfortunately, you’ve proven to us that our hopes will never be realised. Our only option is to send you away, where you can do no more harm to him,” his father said coldly, pulling his now weeping mother into his arms. “You’ve broken your mother’s and my heart. To us, from this moment, you are dead.”

“Please don’t send me away! You’re all that I have!” Tseng screamed, to upset to hear the banging on the wall from his brother’s room. His parents looked down at him once more, the disgust clear on their faces before they turned away and walked out of his room, slamming and locking the door. Tseng stumbled to his feet, throwing himself against the door and screaming with all his might, “You’re supposed to love me too!”

TBC

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Review Replies -

Kira -

*hugs/snuggles* Very glad you're sticking around! Oh and you're a fan!!! I'm a fan of your work too. I love your Reno/Tseng coffee kills story! I'm still getting over that scene in the training room... so hot!!! Yeah, poor Tsengy. This chapter will hopefully make things clearer and the next will have more so you will soon know all. I hope it's clear enough but he will end up discussing it with Rufus too, in the future. Thanks for your review!!! *hugs*

Faoiltierna -

Yay for warm fuzzies!!! LOL!!! Well, with Tseng, it depends on your viewpoint whether it's sexual abuse or not. He was in love with his brother but concidering his age... yeah, it's one of those situations. He didn't concider it abuse at the time because his brother was his everything. His opinions on what happened changed when he went to live with his aunty and uncle though, which will be explained in the following chapters. They were the people who taught him that it was wrong, to put it simply. Although their methods where far worse than what happened to begin with. I've probably just confused you more so I'll shut up and let the story explain it.. lol! Thanks for staying with the story and reviewing! *hugs*


THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READS SILENTLY AND RATES THIS STORY!!!

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