Absolution II: Redemption

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy characters and I’m not making anything from this.

A/N: And we slowly make our way towards the end. It’s almost sad to see this fic nearing the moment I’ve been planning since the very beginning of “Forsaken”, but you can only delay the inevitable. Mild violence and language is about all there will be here.

And no one understands at this point
That a handful of redemption’s all we need
Redemption’s all we need
~ Boy Sets Fire – Handful of Redemption
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gotta keep walkin’, gotta go far away from ‘Nessa and Mommy. Don’t wanna be ‘round no more girls that do bad stuff. Wanna find Daddy. It was better ‘fore he didn’t come back from doin’ that stuff on TV with all the people in blue.

Just great, another one before I ask them to stop happening.

Huh? Who is you and why’s you talkin’ in my head again?

You’ll understand some day, kiddo.

The boy, wearing only his shorts, plods along the sidewalk and whispers apologies to everyone he bumps into since he’s not noticing who or what happens to be around him. He’s so lost inside his own head at the moment that he almost steps into the road at the same time that a large truck speeds across the intersection, only stepping back when he hears its engine.

Why’d they make Daddy go away and why’d that old guy make Mommy cry when he came here? He’s gotta come back, lotsa guys are comin’ back now. ‘S what the TV says.

Seifer finally stops for a break when his bare feet hurt too much. He sits on a bench, wipes his nose on his arm, and listens to his tummy grumble. Breakfast was just toast because of the cake promised. But since he left before eating any cake, he’s now trying to think of how to get something to eat.

A toddler clinging to her father’s arm passes by carrying a container of popcorn and Seifer grabs it from her hand, runs to hide behind a trash can, and eats it after hearing her scream and cry over the missing food.

Stealin’ isn’t bad when you’re really hungry, right?

No.

It only takes him a few minutes to scarf the salty snack down and lick the last bits of butter from his fingers before he continues his walking. He has no idea where he’s going or what he’ll do if someone asks him what a five-year-old boy is doing alone in downtown Deling City. All that he knows is that he needs to find somewhere else to be.

Another couple of blocks trudge by as slowly as the first few had and Seifer now finds himself looking up at the police station, a sight that brings a small smile to his face.

Cops is nice people. Wanna walk in and tell ‘em ‘bout what Mom and ‘Nessa done, but they might say I’m lyin’ and take me back home. Don’t wanna go home. Never ever wanna go there again.

He starts crying again without realizing it and keeps standing there as he tries to decide what he wants to do. A delicate hand rests on his left shoulder, which is sore from his mom yanking on his arm roughly a few nights ago, and makes him yelp painfully before scowling up in the woman’s face.

That looks like a younger Edea. Things are kinda falling into place now.

Looks like who?

She’s a very nice lady. Talk to her.

“You look scared. Can you tell me your name and what’s wrong?” Edea asks softly, her hand moving to his forearm as she motions with her other one at a well-dressed man leaving a building near station.

He hesitates, but talks after again wiping his nose on his arm. “I’s Seifer Franklin Almasy. My mommy hurts me and da lady next door did somethin’ icky today. Birthdays is ‘pposed to be happy, not bad.”

She carefully hugs him, then carries him into the building the man left from, as he talks faster about everything now that he has someone else to listen to him. The man, who introduced himself as Cid, writes down his name, goes somewhere else, and comes back with a piece of paper that he hands to his wife. Edea skims it quickly

“Seifer, do you want to know what happened to your dad?”

Daddy?!

“Yes. He went away and ain’t been back. Some old guy made Mommy cry when he talked to her. Dunno why.”

Cid’s noticed that Seifer’s not completely comfortable being held on Edea’s lap, so he holds the boy instead as she looks at him sadly.

“Your dad was almost done with his time fighting. When he was on a truck with about ten other people, they got attacked. He killed a lot of the bad guys to let the others get help, but he got shot a few times. After the bad people ran away, he fell down and never got back up. He died protecting his friends.”

Seifer knows what “died” is. His mom explained that to him after his pet goldfish floated on top of the bowl one morning. As soon as he hears that, he cries even louder and finds himself clinging to Cid’s chest.

++++++++++++


I wake up to find my cheeks wet with tears. I wipe them away, sit up, remember everything that Ellone made me see, and can’t help but laugh softly. Even more messed up than the idea that I told myself to be mean to people is the idea that I told myself to talk to Edea when I was five and terrified.

Squall told me that, because of him being lost in Time Compression for a while, he’s the one that gave the idea for SeeD and Garden. It didn’t make sense until all of this started to happen.

A quick look at the clock tells me that there are only 30 minutes before my scheduled meeting with Ellone. Dammit, I gotta hurry so I can tell Squall about this flashback. Really hope that it’s the last one I have.

I dig through the laundry basket for clean clothes, run my hand through my hair, and make two roast beef sandwiches with onions, mustard, lots of tomatoes, and pickle slices. One of them is gone by the time Squall comes to get me and the other disappears down my throat moments later.

“Ellone decided to give me one last trip to the past before we met. This one wasn’t all that bad, actually. Figured out how I must’ve got to the orphanage and I learned a little about my father.” Oddly, thinking about just what the younger me was told makes me wanna cry a little. And it makes me wonder if my mother is still alive. Hyne, I could have a lot of fun if she is.

“It’s weird knowing about your family, isn’t it?” Squall asks before wiping a smear of mustard from my lower lip and making sure I didn’t stick any weapons under my clothes. “When I first figured out about Raine and Laguna, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry for what I never had or scream at myself for wondering why I cared about a mom I never knew and a dad who didn’t bother to tell me he existed.” I don’t say anything, just grab his hand and start walking with him to meet Ellone and Matron, who wants to talk to me for some unknown reason.

Once we board the white SeeD ship, the only place they would agree on meeting me, I shake Matron’s hand, smile faintly at her, and step into an empty room with Ellone. Whatever she has to say can come later. Right now, I’m pissed and need to get a lot of things off my chest.

“Why the hell did you do that to me? I kinda understand why you did it with Squall and the others back when I was with Ultimecia, but this don’t make no sense. I ain’t as much of a bastard to anyone other than the people who deserve it, I might actually make SeeD this time, and you go and make me remember being physically and sexually abused! Do you hate me that much for what I did or something? I don’t regret any of it and right now I almost wish I had found you back then.”

Since I ain’t armed, all I can do is watch the look on her face as I make a fist and raise it, glaring right at her. “Everything was going great for once in my goddamned life. Then you make me see why the hell I act like this and I start doubting myself again. If you don’t have a damned good reason, I swear I will beat your face in.”

Ellone doesn’t answer me, so I punch her jaw pretty hard, watch her stumble back, and actually laugh a little until I hear what she whispers. “Say that so I can hear it or I’ll hit you again.”

She’s crying when she looks up at me, but she repeats herself more clearly. “Matron told me that you needed to know about your past. She picked the moments, I just did what I was asked to do.”

I lean against the nearest wall, blink, and then get even angrier. Edea knew what she was doing when she told Ellone what to do. She’s the real one I need to hurt for this. It makes no fucking sense – I didn’t need to know a damn thing about my past – so I hope nobody tries to stop me from doing anything to her.

Without saying another thing, I storm out of the room, find Edea and Squall talking, push him out of the way, and wish looks could kill as I scowl at her.

“I know what you’re going to say, Seifer and I have to disagree. You did need to know that you’re responsible for telling yourself how to treat people. When you were little, you told me about the ‘bad voice’ in your mind at a few events and it made sense to me once I learned that Laguna, Kiros, and Ward heard the thoughts of the people that had temporarily occupied their minds. So it was inevitable that you would end up witnessing those moments to become that voice in the mind of your younger self.

“Vanessa died in a car accident not long after you came to stay with us, but as far as I know, your mother, Gillian, is still alive and living in Deling City.”

She doesn’t get to say anything else because I backhand her. When a few white SeeDs come to grab me, Squall steps in, pulls me away, and looks into my eyes.

“Calm down, Seifer. You always want someone to blame when things don’t go as you’ve planned. But it turns out that you can’t blame anyone but yourself for turning out this way. Back in the war, before we fought you in G-Garden, Irvine said something about our choices bringing us to where we were. I don’t think that could be any truer for you. Just think about the choices you’ve made lately.”

I’m still pissed at both Edea and Ellone, but with Squall in the way, I can’t hurt either of them. He’s right about me blaming everyone and he knows it. I don’t want to admit it, though. Always try to blame everyone else for my mistakes. Hell, I even blamed Ultimecia and Mattie for making me try to kill myself. But lately I chose to apologize to Zell, even though he still hasn’t accepted it; I chose to trust Squall, which has been the best damn thing ever; and I chose to try my damnedest to make SeeD in this last try. Guess all those choices are why I’m standing here.

If I admit those good choices, then I have to accept my responsibility for the bad ones – harassing everyone while I was on the Disciplinary Committee, raping Zell in the first place, working with Ultimecia, hating myself, killing a lot of people, and trying to die. Been a lot more bad choices than good ones.

Almost like Matron can read my mind, she says softly, “You made bad choices in the past. But you’re doing better now and that proves that you’re not a bad person. If you continue not blaming other people for your mistakes, I’ll give you your mother’s last known address soon. Now head back with Squall. I think you have a field exam coming up soon.”