Tough Love

FINAL CHAPTER!  I sincerely apologize about the amount of time it took
me to get this posted.  Been a helluva few months.  Not to mention, I
rewrote this thing probably 3 times before being finally satisfied with
it.  It wasn't an easy chapter to write the first time, and it wasn't the
second, nor the third for that matter.  But it's finally complete, and I'm
NOT TOUCHING IT EVER AGAIN!  Thanks again for your patience and for
supporting this fic for as long as you have.  

And now...THE FINALE!  

*curtain opens*

=============================

“...suspended for one week, without pay, starting tomorrow.” 

“WHAT!?” I demanded, sitting bolt upright, and nearly launching myself
right out of my chair. It was all I could do to keep from diving across that
mahogany desk and throttling that son-of-a-bitch, broken arm or not. 

“You heard me,” he stated firmly. 

“What the hell for?” 

Tseng narrowed his eyes spitefully and recited the charge to me without even
bothering to look down at the file. “On the grounds that you jeopardized your
associates’ and your own life by acting without just cause—” 

I opened my mouth to object, but he rode over me, his tone rising. 

“—and, you caused an entire mission to fail because you could not
take control of your personal emotions,” he finished,
emphasizing every word with icy clarity. Jaw set, he stared at me evenly, as if
daring me to respond.

I felt sick. And pissed off, and confused, and numb and a million other
things I don’t think they’d invented words for yet. Take control of my
emotions. Well, pardon me for giving a damn.

I could remember the knot I felt in my stomach the moment I recognized the
Salamander walking into the Materia shop like it was all in slow motion replay,
still all so fresh in my memory. And the horrible images that flashed into my
mind of a bloody reunion if Tseng was identified painted pictures for me in
gruesome detail. All I had thought of was getting Tseng the hell out of that
shop. Whatever it took. And he was right—I hadn’t considered my own
safety...or even Rude’s, for that matter. Now here I sat with my arm in a cast
to show for it and a briefcase full of missing money walking somewhere around
Midgar.

Luckily, Rude had kept me right in check, though, always the one to keep his
head on straight. And since we got back, I’d been trying to rationalize
everything that happened—that fight with Sal and his buddy probably would’ve
started anywhere, whether it had been in that shop or three blocks away from in
an alley we chased them in to. Rationalizing only went so far, though. Someone
had to take the blame.

But we had gotten out alive as a team, and, silly me, I thought that’s what
teams did—stick together and cover each other’s asses. And for the life of
me I couldn’t see how anything there was worth risking Tseng’s own life.
Six-and-a-half million gil that wasn’t even his, and a handful of Materia he
didn’t believe in...neither of those add up to one of our lives, in my
opinion.

But my opinion didn’t mean jack, apparently. Not to Shin-Ra, and not
even to Tseng. I guess could see his point, but...shit. Since when was suicide
a part of the job description? 

Once again, I went to respond, and once again Tseng cut right me off before I
even finished taking a breath. “Anything you say regarding this matter will go
on the official report,” he further challenged. He’d known what I was going
to say before I even said it. And there went my entire argument right up in a
puff of smoke. Shin-Ra had no room for a “righteous” Turk. And it’s pretty
sad when my morals outweigh an entire company’s. 

“If you have nothing to add, then you’re dismissed to leave the premises.” 

Oh, I had plenty to add, but what the hell could I say? He was
right...even if he wasn’t right, he was right. My title didn’t give
me the luxury of asserting my opinions. I couldn’t argue, much as I might’ve
wanted to. And even if I did want to debate the issue, I couldn’t muster
enough energy right now to make the effort. 

“I said you’re dismissed.” 

Yeah, yeah...I’d heard him. I’d heard a lot of things in the last
twenty-four hours. All of it, apparently, bullshit. Last night he wanted me to
stay, now he wanted me to leave. At least I wasn’t confused any longer on
where I stood with Tseng. I guess I really don’t mean anything more to
him than my suit and gun. Just goes to show you even a practiced con like me can
be fooled once in a while. 

Rising slowly from my chair, I felt aches and pains in places I didn’t know
existed. One particularly nasty bruise right on the small of my back caused me
to wince a little as I was painfully reminded on how I’d received that one:
sticking my neck out for him. And without so much as a simple thank
you... Fine. Say what you wanted about ‘unjust causes’ and ‘unnecessary
risks,’ Tseng would be wearing a ceiling right now if it weren’t for me. 

Stopping with my hand on the doorknob, I felt my blood pressure pop up like a
thermometer in a pot roast. I slammed the door shut in front of me and wheeled
around to face him. “As a matter of fact, I do have something to say,”
I snapped. Tseng looked up calmly from his desk and blinked mechanically at me
as if I’d simply asked him the time. Goddamn him and his indifference! It was
just the push I needed... 

“Okay, so maybe I didn’t take time to think everything through
when I charged in there, but what you did was completely stupid.” It
was on now, and I knew that if I didn’t keep going, I wouldn’t be able to
finish—Tseng would surely kill me first. I was treading dangerous waters here.
But if I was going down, I was gonna say something about it first.

“You walked right into an unknown situation unarmed and wide open, and even
if that Salamander bastard hadn’t turned out to be someone who recognized you,
it was still a bad call on your part. Anyone at all could have
recognized you—in case you didn’t notice, Shin-Ra is not exactly the United
fucking Way. Plenty of people would love to have your head on a pike if they
knew who you were. You are just as much to blame for losing that Materia today
as I am and you know it.

“So let’s cut this bullshit and talk about the real issue here.” I
lowered my voice and eyed him with a contemptuous glare. “From day one, all
you’ve done is tell me what a goddamn failure I am: Everything I do is wrong.
Everything I don’t do is wrong. There’s just no winning with
you, is there? Well, I’ve let you yell at me, I’ve let you push me around,
and now I’ve let you fuck me, too, and it’s still not good enough for you.
What the hell do you want from me, Tseng? What did I do to make you hate me,
anyway?” 

The words hung in the air like smoke from a gun. Tseng had sat frozen in his
spot, glaring at me as I’d exploded at him. Now silence filled the room and
his dark gaze wandered from me and settled to focus on a distant spot on the
floor. There was just no reading him. It was like I’d just yelled at a brick
wall.

And now that I was done with my outburst, I just wanted to vanish. He sat so
still, I wasn’t even sure he was going to react, and the longer I stood there,
the more I didn’t want him to. I wanted to leave, but I just couldn’t force
my feet to move. I thought if I could just sneak out, I might forget the whole
thing happened. Or maybe I wouldn’t forget, but I could just keep walking and
never turn back. Either way, though, I’d be gone, which is apparently what
Tseng wanted anyway.

He was still and silent for a long moment. Just when I thought I might get my
feet to move for me, he finally spoke. “Feel better?” Calm, collected, cold.
Just like always. I was beginning to think I’d dreamt last night.

I shifted uncomfortably where I stood and sighed. “No.”

I know he was looking at me, but I turned away from his gaze. I just couldn’t
look him in the eye. I was still too angry, too humiliated. Leaving me there to
squirm a moment, I heard him sigh deeply. He spoke again, and I was positive he
was gonna tell me to get out, but I got quite another surprise. “Reno, do you
honestly think after last night that I hate you?” 

I was stunned. It was like I’d been hit in the chest with a wrecking ball.
I almost wanted to ask him to repeat it, just to be sure I heard him right. I
mean, it wasn’t like he’d ran to me and swept me up in his arms to carry me
out of this stinking building, but shit...at least he acknowledged it. I
opened and shut my mouth a few times without saying anything, trying to form a
cohesive thought into a sentence, and finally exhaled in frustration. “Tseng,
I...” I broke off, feeling my knees weaken, my resolve slip. “I don’t know
what to think.” 

Tseng lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He seemed at a
complete loss for what to do, and was visibly trying to collect his thoughts. I
had no idea how long he was gonna make me stand there, and I wasn’t sure how
long I’d be able to as it wasn’t just my knees beginning to weaken anymore.
I felt sorta like...well, like a building had collapsed on me today. But
finally, he shook off his little funk and gestured to the seat I’d just been
invited to leave. I walked over and sat back down the gunmetal gray office
chair. It was amazingly comfortable...compared to a solid concrete bench. But
right now, any support to my aches and pains was a comfort...not counting the
one in my heart.

He squarely met my gaze, but now instead of the cold, sterile formality that
I was so used to, his gaze seemed to direct that inward—softer, but haunted
and aged, and I honestly can’t say I liked this one better. The glow from the
artificial lights outside cast long, sickly shadows on his face, and he looked
like a young man with old eyes. Eyes that have seen too much and aged too soon.
My heart ached to watch him. Damn him! I still had feelings for him even after
all this. Just wrap me in cellophane and call me ‘sucker.’

“Reno...” His tone had softened as well, though not nearly as much as I
would’ve liked it to. Still, there was just the faintest trace of the man I’d
been with last night in there, and I was willing to take what I got. “I don’t
hate you. I’ve never hated you.” He opened his mouth as if to say
something else, and then shut it again as he seemed to re-gather his thoughts
once more. There was something unspoken there, and even though I didn’t know
what, I knew when he spoke again, I wasn’t gonna like it. “As for last
night...I...made a mistake.”

There it was: the five-hundred pound shoe I’d been waiting to drop, and it
landed right on me. If he’d’ve stabbed me in the chest, it probably would’ve
hurt less. “A what?” Of all the things he could’ve said, this was
the one thing I did not want to hear. And the one thing I’d most
expected. Those words terrified me. Maybe I was in complete denial, but I just
couldn’t believe that. There had been something there. I refused to
believe last night was a mistake. But if I wasn’t careful, I’d be walking
out of here with a week’s suspension, a broken arm, and my last chance on this
godforsaken excuse of a planet to tell the one person I’ve wanted more than
anyone in my whole life what he means to me.

My hands were shaking and I was surprised my voice wasn’t as well when I
said, “Tseng... You’re the first man I...” I couldn’t even finish that
much.

“I honestly didn’t know that last night.” A look of pained guilt
crossed his face. It was the first real emotion I’d seen, and I wanted to make
him twist there...just a little.

“Would that have made any difference if you had?” I snapped.

Tseng’s gaze lowered. “Maybe.”

“Well, it doesn’t make any difference now,” I fumed. “You owe me an
explanation, goddammit. I deserve that much from you.” I was back where I’d
started when I’d walked in here, ready to dive across his desk again to beat
the answer out of him if I had to.

He looked at me levelly again. “You’re right. I do. But...I’m afraid it
isn’t a very good one.”

I didn’t say anything. I just sighed impatiently and gave no indication
that I was going to leave until I heard something. Hell, I didn’t even care
what his reason was now; I just wanted him to talk to me, to acknowledge last
night—to acknowledge me.

He slumped a little bit in his chair again, folded his hands in his lap, and
stared down at them, hesitating. “Today’s my birthday,” he said out of the
blue, announcing it like he’d just told me he had terminal cancer.

Admittedly, I was a little caught off-guard by that. I blinked. “You’re
shittin’ me.” He shook his head gravely in response. “Wow...I wish I’d
known. I would’ve gotten you something.”

A small, knowing smirk slid over his face. “You gave me plenty last night,
Reno.”

For a second I didn’t have anything to say, and I could feel my face burn.
“Oh yeah... Well. Happy birthday.”

“Care to guess how old I am?” he asked, his voice an even monotone.

“Oh, no, don’t make me do that. I don’t want another week’s
suspension.” I’ve learned there’s just no way to win with this answer. You
guess too young, people think you’re bullshitting them, too old, and they get
mad. Friendships have ended and wars have started for less than this.

Tseng looked at me a moment and gave me a small, humorless smile. “Oh no,
please. Take your best guess. I won’t penalize you.”

Thing of it was, I had no freaking clue how old Tseng was. I knew he was
older than me, but who knew how old. He could’ve been forty, for all I know.
He looks twenty. He puts on like he’s been alive forever, though. “Hell,
I dunno,” I grumbled. “Nine-hundred.”

He stared at me a moment and blinked mechanically. “Nine-hundred?”

“Yeah, sure,” I shrugged, giving him a sly little grin. “At least that’s
how old you act.”

Tseng’s eyebrows arched imperiously. “Oh, do I? Well, when
nine-hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.”

I snorted inelegantly and rolled my eyes. “Tseng, I ain’t gonna look that
good next year. So c’mon, birthday boy, fess up.”

He just stared wearily at me for a moment. “I’m thirty-four.”

His answer didn’t faze me a bit. If he’d of said anything over about
thirty-eight I would’ve thought different. But at the moment, he just looked
downright antique, so I had to give him shit. I’m a card-carrying jackass. It’s
in my contract. “Wow,” I said widening my eyes in mock surprise. “You don’t
look it.”

Tseng tipped his head in slight gratitude toward me.

“I mean, damn,” I went on. “I knew you were older than me, but I
didn’t know you were that old. That’s like, almost ten years’
difference.”

Tseng crossed his arms and leaned over his desk to rest his elbows on it with
a nice little ‘thunk.’ He glared impatiently at me, and flattened his mouth
in a thin, mutinous line. I was really fighting hard here not to break a grin.
“What’s your secret?” I pressed him, leaning in conspiratorially.

“I get it,” he ground out. “You’re not impressed.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why should I be? I mean, just because you grew up
listening to the Beatles—”

“I did not grow up listening to the Beatles—” He turned his head
away, I think to try and hide the fact that he was almost smiling.

“—and radio shows because you didn’t have television—”

“Reno, shut up.”

“Oh, Tseng, get over it,” I rode over him, dropping the shtick
immediately. “So you’re thirty-four, big deal. You have the stamina of a
thoroughbred and you look younger than I do. Why do people in their thirties
always sound like they have one foot in the grave?”

He glared irritably at me. “Because people in their twenties push us there.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn’t have a comeback. He’d called
my bluff with a pretty good punchline. I couldn’t help chuckle a little at
that.

But Tseng continued to stare at me for a moment without any trace or hint of
a smile anywhere, and the longer he did so, the more I felt my own grin slip
away. He rubbed a hand over his face tiredly, plunking his head in his hand. “It’s
not how old I am, it’s the fact that I’ve been with Shin-Ra for fifteen
years now, and the idea of putting in another fifteen isn’t exactly exciting
me at the moment.”

Now, that did surprise me a little. Fifteen years with Shin-Ra...that
was almost half his life. I can’t imagine being anywhere that long, let alone
being a Turk that long.

“I came here when I was nineteen, and I threw myself into this job. It’s
the only thing I’ve known since leaving Wutai...” Absently, he brushed the
mark on his forehead with his fingertips. When I gave him a questioning look, he
just shook his head and said, “Another story for another time.” I can’t
say I wasn’t curious as hell, but I certainly wasn’t going to push it.

“I wasn’t even old enough to drink yet,” he went on. “I thought I
could forget...my past...if I just worked hard. And for a while, I did. I had
other things to occupy me. As soon as I was issued my first gun, there was
always something else I wanted. I wanted the nice car and nice apartment. A
wanted a promotion. I wanted a corner office with my name on the door, the key
to the Executive’s Men’s room, for crying out loud... There was always something... And I got them all. I was also a little surprised
that it took a lot less time than I imagined it would.

“And after fifteen years,” Tseng gritted out tensely, that trademark
glacial control just beginning to chip away, “this is still all...I...have.”

He closed his eyes a moment and took in a deep breath, and his mouth
compressed into a thin, bitter line. I was completely transfixed on him.
Somewhere it occurred to me that this was probably the first time he’d told
anyone any of this. The first time anyone actually tried to listen. And it was
probably the first time Tseng had really forced himself to think about it. I
sure as hell try not to think about my past. Or future, for that matter.

“And then suddenly today everything changes because of one good fuck,” he
growled, closing his eyes in frustration and dropping his head back on his hand.

I felt my skin flush hot then cold in a matter of milliseconds. Hearing him
say that was bad enough. Hearing him say it so crudely was even worse,
especially for Tseng, the guy who practically farts concertos. He’d said it
like...like it had barely even been worth his time. “So that’s what last
night was...” I bristled. Well, fine. If that was how he felt, then I would
walk out of here on my own. I moved to stand.

“No, Reno, it wasn’t. That’s the problem.”

I sat back again. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

He stared at the floor a moment, then took a huge breath as if to steel
himself, turned to me and said, “I wanted to feel something. I wanted
to feel alive. I’ve been...attracted to you for a while, and I was
fairly certain you were attracted to me. You seemed willing, and I...took
advantage of that...” He trailed off, shaking his head remorsefully.

“I thought that if just get this out of my system, I would blow off some
frustration and finally get over this...feeling. This...attraction. But I
didn’t realize the impact last night would have.” He paused a moment, sighed
heavily and looked back up at me. “Well, I definitely felt something. More
than I expected, and certainly more than I’d planned for. You reminded me what
I’ve been missing. And it wasn’t the sex, though I’m not complaining,”
he amended quickly. “I just...missed being close to someone. Someone I like.
Someone I...trust.”

Well. Color my ass humbled. I was pretty sure all my vital signs had stopped.
I wasn’t breathing, I wasn’t blinking, and I’m pretty sure my heart had
stopped, too. Tseng had just said a mouthful and it was taking my entire brain
to process it, even the parts I don’t use for thinking. I really didn’t know
what to say. He’d just used a lot of really big words I was still trying to
find meaning for. Words like “feelings” and “attraction” and, by far the
biggest one, “trust.” Tseng trusts me. So there was someone in cold
hard shell, after all. I knew it. I’d heard it in his voice last night
when he’d asked me to stay, and I was seeing it now. He was letting me in.
Because he goddammit trusted me.

Okay, well no need to go skipping ahead of myself here. Lucy still had a lot
of ‘splainin’ to do.

“I really hadn’t planned on letting you staying over last night—”

“Planned?” I butt in before I could stop myself. Apparently my
mouth was still working okay, but it really has a mind of its own most of the
time. “I thought you said you’d made a mistake.” See what I mean?

Tseng smirked a little sheepishly. “No, Reno. Not last night. Mistakes aren’t
planned...that’s why they’re called mistakes. What was, was my reaction to
it all. I just...didn’t want to let you go.” He breathed a soft laugh. “This
morning, I was confused and angry with myself. I was feeling things that I haven’t
for a long time. You were an easy target, so I took it out on you.” He smiled
tightly and added: “I lashed out because... Because I couldn’t ‘control my
personal emotions.’”

Whoa. Whoa. Either I had just walked into some kind of alternate universe, or
Tseng had his hit head in that earthquake harder than I’d thought. He’d planned
that? Holy cow. Just leave it to him to make it all seem as spontaneous as it
had. Well...the Salamander was surely unexpected. Not even Tseng was that
crazy. But beside that, I’d somehow volunteered myself for Tseng’s fantasy
and not even known it. Wow... I had been Tseng’s fantasy. Me.
Holy shit and donuts.

Okay, okay. My turn, here. He was brooding again, and I was afraid I was
gonna lose him to his own thoughts. “Jesus, Tseng. You’re not a robot.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Not for lack of trying. It would certainly make
things easier. My job, for one.”

“Oh, everyone hates their job.”

“Yes, but it is my job to hate!” he suddenly exploded, and
I jumped back just a little. He clenched his fist into a ball until his knuckles
turned white. Forcing himself to take a few deep breaths, he shut his eyes for a
moment before going on. When he spoke again his tone returned to the tight
self-discipline I was uncomfortably familiar with. “Don’t you understand? I must
maintain control. Otherwise, I get distracted and something like today happens.
Look at you—you’re a mess. You foolishly risked your own neck to protect me.
You could be dead now for something as ridiculous as a bad heist job.”

“So could you,” I coolly reminded him.

“One dead Turk is better than two. Which is why it’s important for us to
remain detached. You can’t let your feelings affect you. Otherwise this job
will begin to affect you. It takes a special kind of bastard to pull a trigger
in someone’s face.”

“Hey, I’m one of those bastards,” I cut in.

“Yes, I know that, and I’m not questioning your innocence, nor your
skill. I’m questioning your ability to remain objective on the job. If this
continues, how effective do you think you’ll be?”

“Maybe you should be questioning your own ability as well,” I volleyed.

There was a significant pause as he fixed a hard glare at me. “Yes,” he
admitted tightly. “Both of us. This is not something to take lightly, Reno.”

“You didn’t plan for of that last night,” I muttered quietly in
what I hoped was to myself, but Tseng heard me loud and clear. He sighed and
fell into a morose silence.

My chance to tell him anything was slipping away. I was coming across as
angry and bitter, and, while I can’t say I wasn’t at least a little of
those, I wanted to make him understand how really felt about him. I played the
last ten minutes of conversation over in my head and realized something strange:
Tseng was actually opening up more here than I was. I felt plenty of
things...but how was he to know that if I didn’t tell him? Tseng’s
perceptive, but he ain’t a goddamn mind-reader. Jesus, if only I could trust
my own mouth not to fuck me over.

Thing is, I knew exactly what he was thinking, and he was right. This wasn’t
something to take lightly. Being a Turk isn’t something to take lightly. I
might roll my eyes and seem like all his constant reminders of safety, and ‘do
this,’ and ‘don’t do that,’ and ‘I’ve told you before’ go through
one ear and out the other, but I hear him. What if I had to choose between his
life or the President’s? What if he had to order me to do something he knew
would kill me? Decisions like that are hard enough to make on your comrades, let
alone a lover. Things could get complicated. Hell, things were already
complicated. I had no answers.

But I wasn’t about to give up, either.

All right, time to cut the inner monologue. I was damn close to losing my job
and him for all the wrong reasons. I’d been born with the ability to bluff my
way out of almost anything. Time to put my money where my mouth was.

“Tseng, we all make mistakes,” I said firmly. “Big ones. In my case,
legendary,” I said touching one of the two scars on my face. He looked at me
and his expression softened a little in sympathy, as if noticing them for the
first time. Or maybe he was just relating... “But I’m human. And I’m not
going to deny that or apologize for the fact that I have feelings. I’m not
going to push them aside and pretend they don’t exist. And excuse me for not
thinking that makes me weak.

“If you regret any of this,” I said lowly, “just say it now. I’ll
walk out of here and never say anything about it again. I’ll do my job by the
book to the fucking letter. I’ll be your goddamn robot, if that’s what you
want. But I want you to know before I do...” I stopped a second in the middle
of my thought and went over everything Tseng had said again in my head. Christ,
leave it to me to over think everything. But it all added up to one thing, and I
think I smiled when I figured it out.

“Yes?” Tseng said, evenly. I looked back up and realized he was eyeing me
patiently and waiting for my response.

“That I care about you too, you son-of-a-bitch.” It was a lot to assume.
But I knew—I fucking knew—I was right.

Tseng’s expression did not change a fraction—I was terrified he actually
would call my bluff and send me on my way, and then I’d be right back at
square one. I was gonna have to stick my foot in the door wherever opportunity
would knock. I just hoped like hell I could hear it.

He folded his hands calmly in his lap and sat back in his chair, still
staring at me pompously. “I’m not sure I like your tone of voice. Is that
any way to talk to your commanding officer?”

I lowered my gaze and shook my head slightly. “No,” I said, as sincere as
I could. “But I wasn’t talking to my commanding officer. I was talking to my
lover.” I returned my gaze to him again and held it squarely, hopefully. And
then I saw it...just barely, but it had definitely been there. The slightest
mouth twitch. And then he swallowed. Most people wouldn’t have even noticed.
But to a practiced con like me, I knew he was bluffing.

“You assume a lot,” he said, his gaze darkening. “I haven’t agreed to
anything.”

I felt my grin slowly spread across my face. “You will,” I purred. “Or
maybe you just need to take a week off to think about it.”

Tseng shook his head tightly and set his jaw. “Reno, you are the most
arrogant, obnoxious, exasperating, insubordinate, careless ...” and on and on
he scolded without even stopping for breath. I felt my grin widen even more and
knew this verbal ranting was the final notch in the belt. Suddenly he pinned me
with another gaze that made my blood run hot.

“...And I’ll be damned if I know why I want you so much.”

Bingo.

I couldn’t get a better invitation if it was handwritten. I slid out of my
chair and stepped around behind his desk to stand next to him. He blinked up at
me for a moment, and then I sank to my knees in front of his chair trading
vantage points with him as I searched his eyes. And suddenly there he was—the
man behind the mask, out of his shell and exposed. I could see every emotion
laid out for me there like a map: anxiety, desire, affection, fear. It echoed
everything I was already feeling, but it was so good to know I wasn’t alone.

“This isn’t going to be easy,” he said.

“Hey,” I said breezily, “I’m not asking for much. Just your total
devotion and affection. Oh, and great sex.” I gave him my most charming,
lopsided grin.

“One of those is a lot easier than the other two.”

I swallowed hard. Wasn’t that the truth? Up until last night, it was the
idea of the sex that worried me. Now I realized that was the easy part. “I
know... I’m right there with ya. I’m scared as hell.” Uneasily, I looked
away and stared at the floor.

“If you’re so afraid, why pursue it, then?” His voice was still low and
serious, but had taken on a slightly gentler tone. I looked back up into his
eyes and saw the genuine concern there.

“I’m just crazy like that, I guess,” I shrugged. “And...some things
are just worth the risk.” I felt ridiculous and awkward as hell doing it, but
I reached out and patted his knee. It was time to bring down this wall between
us, or I was gonna jump out of my skin from being so tense. And I really wanted
to emphasize my point: Tseng was worth it. Completely. Totally. Hey, I
don’t kneel at just anyone’s goddamn feet.

I let my hand fall back to my side, and knelt there at his feet feeling a
little foolish and nervous, just hoping he’d do something to respond. For a
moment I really thought he would just turn back in his chair and begin working
on paperwork again, with a “We’ll talk about this further once you’ve
returned” dismissal. But then I felt the softest hand brush over my cheek,
just to lightly graze over the scar there before continuing down my jaw. I felt
a shudder run through me completely, and I closed my eyes and held my breath,
hoping to whatever deity was listening that I wasn’t dreaming.

“Then I hope I don’t disappoint you.”

I sighed deeply, and nearly cried in relief at the feel of his warm touch on
my face. I reached across with my free arm and covered his hand with mine. On
impulse, I pulled his hand away just slightly, and breathed on the inside of his
wrist. I heard a sudden soft intake of breath when I brushed my lips over his
pulse point, and then touched the same spot just lightly with my tongue.

I felt his breath on my face before his lips covered mine. Relief flooded
through me like a tidal wave, and I felt my body lighten and release what felt
like a year’s worth of tension as I melted against him, savoring everything I
could about him. It wasn’t even a half hour ago that I was sure I meant
nothing to him at all, and now I knew the truth. It was exciting. And it was
terrifying. But in the moment I tried not to think about it, just that I wanted
all of him, afraid that if I let go he might not ever come back again. I knew I
should be patient, let him set the pace and command the control, but he tasted
and felt so damn good, I couldn’t help but lean into him and urge him
to deepen our kiss. His tongue touched mine and I moaned into his mouth, as I
pulled myself closer to him and wove my fingers through his hair.

“Reno...” he panted against my skin, nipping at my bottom lip while I
gasped for air. Just hearing him say my name seemed to strike a spark within me
and I shuddered at the sound of it. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Well, it was a little late to turn back now, wasn’t it? Other parts of my
body would certainly agree. But truthfully I knew we were a long way from ‘okay.’
This was A Big Deal and something that was going to take some getting used to on
both our parts. Hell, just my physical condition at the moment was a complete
train wreck; I knew in all honesty I shouldn’t be doing anything more than
figuring out fifty ways to fluff my pillow. Normally I would wholeheartedly
agree. Hell, normally I would insist on it. But this wasn’t normally.
God, right now I just wanted to be with him. Right now, I needed it. So I
responded the only way I could and kissed him again for all I was worth.

He broke from my mouth to slide off his chair, slowly guiding me back against
the floor as his swift fingers went about unbuttoning my shirt. He didn’t
bother to remove it, just let it hang open, afraid that trying to wrestle me out
of it would further upset any of my injuries. But stretched out on my back with
him over me, I forgot all about any bruises I had. His lips slanted over mine
again as he began to make rather slow progress on his own shirt. Tseng just
finished button number three when I growled impatiently, not in the mood to
fumble around with anything that required opposable thumbs, and simply yanked
the rest of his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. I laid my hand on his
chest as I looked up at him, stroking the smooth skin then experimentally licked
my index finger and brushed it across his nipple. I watched as his eyes darkened
instantly with arousal.

A frenzy of our remaining clothes scattered about his office in only a matter
of minutes, breaking contact with our mouths only when absolutely necessary.
Straddling my hips, he leaned over me, trapping our erections between our
bodies, and slowly ground his hips against mine.

Screwing my eyes shut, I listened to the sound of his voice vibrate through
my skin. “I want you...” Tseng moaned. I was already moving my legs, opening
myself up to him; I didn’t care about the pain now. Hell, after what I had
been through today, I would have gladly welcomed it. But he pushed my legs back
down to the floor. “No,” he whispered with a smile that looked like the
proverbial cat that caught the canary. “Not that... I want you inside me.”

That would definitely teach me to pay attention from now on.

There haven’t been too many times in my life when I’ve been at a loss for
words, but the last 24 hours were making some kind of record out of me. I was
going to lose my reputation if I wasn’t careful. Good thing Tseng didn’t
wait long for any kind of answer.

Reaching down between us, he grabbed my length in a grip that felt like steel
wrapped in velvet. He shifted his position slightly, and as Tseng’s obsidian
gaze locked onto mine once more, slowly he lowered himself onto me. Nervously I
watched, afraid I might hurt him. But then I was inside and I forgot to care. I
gasped and grabbed for the first thing I could find to hold on to, tightening my
hand around his thigh, until my fingers dug so far into his flesh, I left
imprints. The feeling of being inside him was phenomenal...so warm, sofuckingtight,
and slick, wondering how the hell that was possible. And then it occurred to me
hazily that the bastard probably planned for this, too, or at least considered it
a possibility, and I’ll be damned. I’m new at this but I’m not
stupid. Tseng really is the ultimate Boy Scout.

Tseng began to rock his hips in an even tempo—fast, then slow, then fast
again—our synchronization dead on as I thrust to counter his movements. I
watched in amazed wonder his stomach muscles tighten and release, stoking me
from the inside as he contracted himself tightly around me. Seeking out his
pleasure, my hand moved without even thinking to curl around his erection, and I
attempted to stroke him as he rotated his hips, causing me to hiss involuntarily
as I drove myself deeper inside. My rhythm was off, having to use my
less-dominate hand on him was proving to be problem number one of having broken
my right arm, but his hand wrapped around mine and steadily guided me, helping
me pleasure him. “You feel so good,” he panted.

I was so totally hypnotized by the look on his face—so normally controlled
and emotionless, now the absolute polar opposite of that: The cords in his neck
popping, the heat of desire in his gaze, the look of pure rapture on his
features. It was thoroughly fascinating the transformation I was watching. I was
so caught up in it, I barely realized how close I was, how close he was, too,
for that matter. It became quite obvious when I watched him arch his back like a
bow and throw back his head so far his hair tickled my thighs. “Ah! I’m
gonna come—Reno!” he cried out, chest heaving as he shuddered his release
onto our joined hands.

And only seconds later when my name was still a dying sound on his lips, did
I jerk forward, thrusting into him hard and deep one last time before emptying
myself completely, pulling him down on top of me to bury my face in his gorgeous
hair. “Ohmyfuckinggod...”

I wasn’t gonna win any poetry contests with that, but it got the point
across. 

Hearts pounding, breath ragged and bodies slick with sweat, we laid together
in a tangled heap, Tseng’s head pillowed on my shoulder. He wasn’t allowing
me to move a muscle, claiming we’d both put enough stress on my body for one
day, and for a change, I wasn’t arguing with him.

We’d used my stained dress shirt to clean ourselves off—Tseng had looked
at it doubtfully, and suggested a little stain remover might be just the thing I’d
need to salvage it. I shook my head and insisted the only thing that would help
that shirt after today was an incinerator. He shrugged and gave no other
arguments either. Vaguely, it occurred to me that I still had to get out of the
Shin-Ra Tower sometime this evening, and that I’d probably draw my share of
looks from late-night workers and security guards if I were to walk out of the
lobby completely shirtless. But I always draw those kinds of looks no matter
what I wear...why should now be any different?

I absently traced my fingertips up and down his spine, enjoying the feel of
his muscles jumping slightly under his skin. “I hope this doesn’t become a
pattern,” I half-joked, breaking a long silence. “I’m not going to have
hurt myself every time I want to be with you, am I?” Okay, so it wasn’t
even a half-joke. I was serious and not even my shot at an admittedly phony
smile could hide the anxiety in my voice from Tseng as he looked at me, concern
etched into his own features.

“Better not,” he answered tersely. “Besides, you’ve got a week off
now to recover. I might be able to work in a long lunch or two just to prove
your wrong.”

“Waitaminute,” I said, stopping the laps my hand had been doing up and
down his back. “You mean you’re still suspending me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Without pay?” I whimpered.

Tseng’s eyes met mine and that The Smirk ™ was back, fully in place. “If
I don’t pay you, then I’m not obligated to call you in.”

I gave him a wry look. “Clever bastard,” I muttered. “What about Sal?”

Tseng shrugged indifferently. “We’ve got eyes and ears all over this
city. He won’t get too far. I’m sure Rude and I can handle it if we run up
against him in the next week—” I moved to protest this, but he cut me off by
putting his finger over my mouth. “Don’t worry, Reno. We’ll be better
prepared this time. You won’t be along to distract me, for one.” I snorted
in annoyance.

“No favors, Reno,” he said, in all seriousness. I’m going to be just as
hard on you as I ever was. Maybe even more so.”

“I know,” I groaned dismally. Oh well. I really hadn’t expected Tseng
to cut me any slack. The discipline would be good for me...or so he would no
doubt say. In all honesty I couldn’t help but feel a little warmed by it,
though. It really had been a long time since anyone had bothered to worry about
me this much...if ever. Not to mention, I was really looking forward to some of
those long lunch breaks as well. Didn’t mean I still couldn’t whine about
it, though. Why break tradition?

“And...” he added with a rueful look, “we can’t tell anyone about
this.”

Well, duh. That was a no-brainer. I looked at him like he’d just
asked me the square root of zero. “Who would I tell?”

Tseng thought a moment, quirked a dubious eyebrow and shrugged. “Rude?”

I scoffed out loud at the very notion. “Oh, like I would tell Rude.
He might be my best friend, but I don’t want to know about his sex life, and I’m
almost positive the feeling’s mutual.” I gave Tseng a long, searching look
for a moment, seeing the uncertainty in his eyes, realizing he was just as
scared as I was. “Look, Tseng...I don’t want to pick out china patterns with
you. I just want everything to go on as normal, too...whatever is normal for two
corporate assassins who just happen to be lovers. See? Piece o’ cake.” I
offered him my best grin of the shit-eating variety.

Tseng laughed and genuinely smiled. It was still so strange to see him really
smile, and yet it looked so natural, so gorgeous on him, it just lit up his
entire face and made him look...well, young. It was gonna take some getting used
to. All of this was. Everything that I’d just said was all a load of bullshit,
and we both knew it—everything was changing now. But I tried to push
that out of my head right now and just enjoy the moment, the feel of his body
pressed against mine, the touch of his hands on me, the heat of his gaze, and
that goddamn beautiful smile... Was this worth it? Hell, yes.

“Besides,” I added smugly, pulling his head down to my shoulder again,
“I’m not sure what it would do to Rude...him knowing you loved me more than
him. It might break his little heart.”

Tseng snorted wetly and shook his head. “Don’t even go there.” He fell
silent and for a moment as he laid on my chest, tracing his index finger slowly
around my belly button, traveling up over my ribs and running his thumb over the
protruding bones like he was strumming a guitar, then back down again to stoke
my hip bone. Then around the front again to dip lower...and lower...almost... I
closed my eyes tight, my breathing heavy as I anticipated his touch, lifting my
hips toward his hand, and then—

—he snickered.

“What the hell is so funny?” I irritably demanded. That was like
getting dumped with a bucket of ice water. I was used to being laughed at, but
this was just mean.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing, nothing, I was just...” He
paused tentatively and pushed himself up on his elbow. Guardedly, he asked: “Did...Rude
ever tell you what his real name is?”

I snorted and chuckled. “Yeah, I already know,” I said. “It’s
Rudolph.” Now if we could just get back to what he was doing beforehand. I
pushed into him again and silently willed his hand to move. Leave it to Rude to
totally suck all the excitement out of a room without even being there.

“Did he tell you that, himself?”

“Rude didn’t tell me dick,” I said, looking over at Tseng. “I looked
in his personnel file.”

“Reno!” he lightly scolded.

I shrugged breezily and grinned. “Someone should learn to lock their desk.”

“I do,” he growled through his teeth, his eyebrows forming a tight
V above the bridge of his nose. “Some picklocks should learn to stay
out of other people’s business.”

“I was gettin’ rusty. I needed the practice.”

Tseng scoffed and collapsed heavily on the floor next to me, staring up at
the ceiling. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I?”

I rolled over, clinging to his side like a vine, snaking my leg through his
and resting my chin on his chest. Tseng propped his head up with his arm behind
his head and peered down into my eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t,” I purred,
giving him my best come-hither look. A slow smile stretched across his lips, but
not a smile of affection or seduction. He was just barely holding back a laugh.
Man, I just can’t win, can I?

But Tseng quickly reigned in his self-control and merely fell back to his
default smirk as he stared at me. “What were you doing looking for Rude’s
personnel folder, anyway?”

“I wasn’t,” I stated. “I was looking for mine. I just happened to run
into his first. Your filing system sucks. It’s ‘E’ before ‘U,’ you
know. Reno comes before Rude...or at least I’d like to think so.” I
grinned widely at him.

Tseng rolled his eyes and dropped his head back to the floor again. “Makes
perfect sense if you know his full name.”

“Oh?” It hadn’t occurred to me that this would be the perfect time to
grill Tseng for any info on Rude I might not already know.  Tseng seemed
awfully relaxed after sex...well, relaxed for Tseng anyway. And he’s likely to
be hip to mountains more dirt that I was.  I know Tseng said no special
favors for me.  But this wasn’t a favor.  This was my duty.  
“What is his
last name, anyway?”

“I said his full name, not just his last name.”

“So, what is it?” I repeated, trying to keep my patience in check.

“I can’t tell you. It’d be a breech of security.”

“Oh, come on,” I complained. “How could that possibly be a security
breech? I mean, I know you scrub our names from any records when we’re hired,
but—”

“Yes, but it’s also my password to every single access point in this
building.” Tseng turned his head dismissively away from me and closed his
eyes, but not before I saw that little smirk creep up around the edges of his
mouth just a little wider than usual.

My jaw dropped slightly and I stared at Tseng in disbelief. “Why the hell
is Rude’s name your password?” I demanded.

“Jealous?” There was a self-satisfied taunt to his tone, and I realized
then he was having entirely too much fun with this. He actually appeared as if
he was on the verge of an actual laugh.

“Maybe,” I growled.

Tseng shrugged nonchalantly. “Well don’t be. Let’s just say it’s not
a name I’m likely to forget...” He cleared his throat. Maybe it was my
imagination, but that also might’ve even been a chuckle.

All right, to hell with sex, this was way more critical. There comes a time
in every man’s life when he realizes what he was put on this earth to do, his
calling, his One True Purpose, when pride and dignity mean nothing in the quest
for truth and knowledge. My purpose is to Annoy Rude. If I’d blown that, I
would never forgive myself. Sometimes there are just greater battles to be won.

Tseng was just about to reach for his clothes when I caught his arm. “Tseng,”
I crooned sweetly, “Please tell me?”

I was about as close to spontaneously combusting as a person could get. He
paused thoughtfully for a moment, as if debating on whether or not to spill it
to me, but then shook his head. “No. I can’t.”

I hung onto his arm and refused to let go. I was aggravatingly close to
biting him out of frustration. “Please?”
I said almost desperately. “What is it? Reindeer?”

“Pfft. Too easy.”

“Oh, I gotta know, now. You know I gotta know.”

Sobering abruptly, he attempted to turn away once again. “No you don’t.
Just forget I said anything. I can’t tell you—Reno!”

“Like hell you can’t!” Throwing caution—and probably what was
left of my physical well-being—to the wind, I pounced on him and pinned him
firmly under me. I knew it wouldn’t have taken him much effort to throw me off
completely, but I caught the mischievous glint in his eye and knew he wouldn’t.
“Tell me.”

“It’s confidential.” Tseng sealed his mouth in tight line, though his
dark eyes gleamed like hellfire.

“Tell me,” I insisted louder this time.

“If he ever finds out I told anyone—especially you—he’d kill
me, so just forget it,” he said sternly, trying to feign seriousness. “Now
let me up.”

“I’ll kill you if you don’t tell me,” I snarled.

“Like you could,” he sarcastically intoned, narrowing his eyes into
slits.

He had me there. But I had other methods of negotiating. My methods.
“Tseeeeeennng!” I wailed. “I thought you said you trusted me.”

“I do trust you. It’s your mouth I have doubts about.”

“Has my mouth ever done anything to hurt you?” I pouted.

“Yeah, you bit me not even half-an-hour ago.”  Tseng pointed to a large
purpling bruise on his neck right above his collarbone that still had a nice
indentation of my teeth where I’d chomped him but good. God, it really did
look horrible, but...

“Is it my fault you’re so damn tasty?”

Tseng narrowed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “Won’t work. Now get
off me. I’m warning you, Reno.”

I didn’t budge. When he’d said he would be tougher on me, I didn’t
realize just how tough. But I could play this just as well as he could.

“I am not going to go through and change every single password I have just
for your amusement,” he said.

“Oh, please. I have nearly the same security access clearance you do, why
the hell would I give a damn about your password? Anything I can’t get into is
just one less thing I have to do.” He stared evenly at me for a long time, and
I nearly chewed off my own tongue from the anticipation. Then suddenly, Tseng
flipped me off him, rolled over me and traded positions. He restrained my arms
pinning them to the floor with a hand on each of my biceps, strong enough to
hold me there, but not anywhere enough to hurt me. Breathless, I looked up at
the expression of wicked amusement he wore, as he repositioned his knee just
mere inches from a Very Private Sector Downtown. Ooo, yes... Now this is
what I call negotiating.

“Swear,” he demanded.

Panting, I tried to arch up closer to him, but he wouldn’t let me move.
“Fuck,”
I said, struggling against him just a little with a cheeky grin, taking him literally.

His eyes flared in exasperation. “Swear you won’t tell.”

“I swear! I swear!” I wheedled. Focus, Reno. This is important. This was
Rude’s dignity on the line here, and my one chance to snuff it. “I swear, oh
I so swear. I swear on a stack of Bibles.”

Tseng snorted sarcastically. “Coming from you? That means nothing.”

Hmm. He had a point. “I swear on...my free stolen cable hookup.”

He seemed to weigh this option with a little more significance. “Better.
What else?”

“Um...my porn collection?”

“Hn. And?”

“My gun?” I submitted as my last hope.

He seemed to consider my answer thoughtfully for a moment, and for one
horrifying, scared-stiff second, I thought he’d change his mind just to see me
suffer. Then he smiled like the sexy villain he is, leaned down, brushed his
lips just barely against my ear, and gave me full disclosure...

You could say it wasn’t really that funny. You could say that I was only
curled up in a ball on the floor of Tseng’s office trying desperately not to
laugh every single one of my internal organs up through my nose because I needed
the mental release. That I’d experienced enough anxiety, drama, excitement,
and physical strain to last me a year, let alone a day, and that it was no
wonder I was giggling like an insane asylum. You could say there were a million
reasons I was laughing like I was, none of which had anything to do with what
Tseng had just told me. You could say that.

And you’d be wrong.

It was that funny. And it was a good thing I had the next week off,
after all. I’m not sure I could look Rude in the face without collapsing on
the floor and dying of laughter right in front of him. God, his parents must’ve
really hated him. Hell, even Tseng was laughing. At least a little.

He was also trying to shut me the hell up. Hovering over me, he made cute
little shushing sounds to me, folded my arms neatly over my chest and gently
stroked the hair out of my eyes. I was no help at all. I was actually in pain
now more from laughing than anything else from the whole day.

Tseng tried to caution me like the mother hen that he is: “Reno, don’t
hurt yourself...you’re being too loud...it’s not really that funny...”
Oh, no. It was that funny, and every time Tseng tried to convince me it
wasn’t, one of us would repeat it to test the theory, and I’d burst out
again, laughing until my lungs ached.

Finally, in a last ditch effort to shut me up, Tseng bent over me and
devoured my mouth in the most intense kiss ever to exist on this hemisphere. My
toes curled, my eyeballs rolled, and as his tongue insistently explored my
mouth, I forgot how to breathe, how to talk, how to laugh—in fact, I even
forgot everything I had been laughing about in the first place.

Well...almost.

============================

THE END!  (Except for the Epilogue, to be posted soon)

I really hope you enjoyed.  Thanks for all your reviews and
critiques.  And please don't ask me what Rude's real name is.  It's
just not polite to ask for other people's passwords. ;)

ALSO, look for a new story beginning February 14—that's right, Valentine's
Day!—staring our favorite Turks (or at least MY favorite Turks), titled 
"Dressed to Chill."  See ya there~

~Teri Stearns, 2/2006