Ceaseless Oblivion

On with it! I own nothing! Believe me, if I owned these characters, we'd be taking over restaurants.


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The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend. ~Aristotle

Since Cloud has arrived in this place, in a world of no light, he had thought that he was the butt of some cosmic joke. He had pictured Minerva laughing at his distress, for she had put him in such a wrong position, one that he had longed to get out of.

All was bleak, and there was no end in sight. Everything was hopeless, and all of the time, he seemed to have a weight on his chest, a chip on his shoulder. It was caused mainly by Sephiroth, but also from acceptance. It was hard to deal with the fact that he was truly dead and would never see his friends again, or attempt to make the world a better place. Never again would he rev up Fenrir and deliver packages from coast to coast. He would never spar with Vincent again, or share a laugh with Barrett. It was over, his life on Gaia.

But, like all humans did, he adjusted and did his best with this situation. No good would come from him being an unyielding man, unwilling to compromise. For Minerva's sake, Sephiroth had been the one to show him kindness at first, when he was so willing to judge him, and write him off as having an ulterior motive. That was not the case, unless Sephiroth was an awe inspiring actor, the world's greatest pretender. No one could fake that kind of emotion, the subtle facial gestures that occurred when one was trying to be…friendly. Yes, that was the word. Sephiroth had been friendly to him, and had not stopped being that way for many days. That was a whole other thing to adjust to as well.

For example, he and Sephiroth joked about casual things, such as his weight. Cloud had smiled to that, and whereas his old self would have thought that Sephiroth had gone insane for trying to be pleasant, he accepted this. They both took an oath, one of a truce. Neither would fight the other, or try to kill the other so long as they both were in this world. Besides…he was Sephiroth's example, for he had to lead the man out of this world. He had to practice what he preached as the saying went.

Cloud looked to the skies and saw the outspread gold wings unfurl, marking the end of night and the beginning of day. There was no change in the scenery of course, for everything was still black. It was quite…perplexing how he knew that this was the dawn. But there was no denying that the wings were there, and that they lit up the area they were in in a brilliant flash of gold light. It was like no sun he had ever seen. But maybe…it was one of Minerva's servants, shining the way for him and Sephiroth.

Yes. Shining the way out of this oblivion. Cloud stood up and walked over to where Sephiroth was sleeping, knelt down, and shook him gently awake. He remembered a little over a month ago when he had not wanted to touch the man, hitting him with the tip of his boot. Even that made a bad taste come to his mouth. But now…he didn't mind. Carrying the guy had made him susceptible to his own personal revulsion. Besides, for the moment, they were on good terms. If Sephiroth didn't snap and revert back to his old mania driven self, then Cloud could overlook all of the horror he had caused. Though, he knew that was quite…becoming of him, almost forgiving the man. No. He was not forgiven yet, despite most of the people he killed being in the Promised Land. That did not excuse the act. But still, how could he be mad at someone who looked so innocent while they slept?

Sephiroth blinked twice and rose, sitting in a daze for a moment. Then, without a word of warning, he flipped to his stomach, and began doing push ups. He positioned himself so that his body made a perfect angle with the earth, rising on strong arms, and counting aloud. Cloud raised his brow, and he cleared his throat once.

"What are you doing?" Sephiroth chuckled, and continued counting.

"We've been here for a month, and not once have we encountered anything…despicable. Do you not find that odd?" He huffed a few times, but continued, the muscles in his biceps coiling, fine veins showing on his arms. Cloud contemplated that thought, and said the first thing that came to mind.

"I think we're lucky." Sephiroth chuckled, and got to twenty.

"Never assume that. This is oblivion Strife, there is bound to be monsters. Hence, we need to be prepared for anything. So, we must toughen our bodies." Cloud understood why this man had once been a General. He was a master at strategy, tactics, and critical thinking. It was what everyone under a war torn sky wished for, someone to look to who was their stronghold. He felt a gall rise to his throat, for that was how he had used to think of Sephiroth. He was indefatigable, a paragon of strength and intelligence. This was the man he had wanted to be. It was ironic he knew, but there was no helping a memory.

Cloud looked to him, nodded and fell to the ground, doing the same as his companion. "I see where you're coming from." He rose from the ground with his hands, and about fell down. Damn. After a month of no exercise, it was going to be a bitch to get back into shape again. Still, he steadied his shaky arms, determined not to make a fool of himself in front of Sephiroth. Though they were on steady ground, he didn't wish for Sephiroth to poke fun at him. Never would he be a weakling ever again.

He compressed his wings into his back until they were almost one with his body, and he focused solely on the act. Cloud managed forty push ups before his arms gave out, and he tasted dirt. He spat and shook his head. If Sephiroth had seen him fall, he made no mention of it. Cloud decided to speak to disguise his embarrassment.

"Also…Minerva told me that our weapons would return if we needed them." Sephiroth turned to him, and rolled to his back, doing sit ups. Cloud raised himself from the ground, and saw that he was on the opposite side of Sephiroth, his parallel in this particular angle. It was as if there was a mirror between them, a long sheet of glass separating them from each other. They were still so dissimilar, and yet…alike.

Cloud shook those thoughts from his head, and fell to the ground, not even thinking of his wings. He yelped aloud and shot up so fast, Sephiroth stopped his sit ups to look at him.

"Cloud, what's the matter?" Cloud gripped his back and shook his head, biting his lips to keep from whimpering. His wings literally were separate parts of his body, two other limbs he would have to watch out for. It felt as if he had slammed his hand in a car door, or crushed both of his hands in a swinging door. That awful feeling. He took a deep breath, and shook his head.

"I…crushed my wings." Sephiroth stood up, and before Cloud could say a word, Sephiroth was behind him, his hands on his wings. Cloud felt a gasp escape his closed lips, for Sephiroth was touching that which was most sensitive. If he did that, he would react in a certain way that could only be described as…foolish. No man should feel this way when another male placed their hands on their back. No sensible man anyhow.

Sephiroth touched his wings, and made the motion of pushing them into his skin. Cloud felt his face erupt in a blush, and he was not able to help the moan that escaped his lips. This felt…as if he were in the clutches of orgasm itself. Sephiroth made as sound that inquired as to why he made such a sound. Cloud thought frantically, and only thought of saying the truth.

"My wings. Their sensitive." Sephiroth chuckled then, and released them. Cloud breathed a sigh of relief, and he felt a flush cover his skin, one of absolute chagrin. He had gotten so worked up…about what exactly? The nerve endings? The sensitivity to his wings? Or…to the man who was touching him? Cloud felt as if someone had thrown cold water on him the moment he thought that. There was no way that could be what happened, none at all. Thus, he denied it until he felt all fancies purged from his body. He breathed a sigh of relief, and turned to Sephiroth.

"What were you trying to do?" Sephiroth met his gaze with unwavering eyes.

"To help. My own wing was covered by the skin of my back once I stopped using it. I thought that if I were to press on them, that the skin of your back would cover them naturally. Also, it must be uncomfortable walking around with them out all of the time." Cloud had to admit, they were a nuisance, especially when they had been traveling in that forest. He had to dodge every pointed branch just to make sure that his wings were not stuck. It was one more thing to worry about really.

The blonde haired male nodded. "It is uncomfortable. And…thanks for trying to help." The words tasted like vinegar on his tongue, for he never thought that he would actually be telling Sephiroth that he was glad that he had tried to help him. That was something friends would do, something Zack would not have hesitated to do. Both were learning to take care of the other. What a strange world this was, and what a strange state of mind it was.

Sephiroth met his eyes, and nodded. "Try it." Cloud nodded and took off his shirt, a shirt that had permanent openings in the back for his wings. He had been forced to tear them to suit his needs, and from then on, it worked. His flesh was met with the air, and he focused on the blank space in front of him. He pictured the skin from his back covering his wings, allowing him normalcy, even for the briefest moment. His skin twitched and he let out a moan when he felt the skin stir, moving and shifting to cover his wings. Within two minutes, both wings were covered.

Cloud looked backwards, and saw that there was no sign he had ever had wings, or that they were beneath his flesh and bone. He took a deep breath and placed his shirt back on, suddenly feeling very self conscious. He had allowed Sephiroth this show of weakness, something he would have not even shown Tifa. He had always had the hardest time of showing emotions, especially when it was something as dire as this. And to show his enemy this was…unlike him.

Inwardly, he thought he saw Zack smile and nod to him. Cloud knew this is what fate had in store for him, a better future without being hostile towards Sephiroth. If they had become friendly and nice to the other in little over a month…who knew what another month would do?

Sephiroth stood up, and looked down at him, a congratulatory look in his eyes. "It's natural as breathing. Be warned that if you wish to fly today, that your skin might rip. But, it gets easier. Pretty soon, you will be able to summon your wings as if you were lifting up your hands." Cloud looked to him, and nodded. For the moment, he was thankful that the man had past experience with his own wing. If he hadn't…he would have been utterly lost as to what to do.

"If you say so. I don't think I will ever get used to having…wings. Or glowing skin." Sephiroth chuckled, and motioned for Cloud to lay on his back.

"In due time, Strife. Now, give me fifty." Cloud nodded and felt a small thrill run down his spine. If he squinted, this was a fantasy of his in SOLDIER, having Sephiroth command him this way, breaking and then making an adequate warrior. Yes…for now, he was living his fantasy.

Cloud did sit ups until his limit was up. He lay on the ground, panting a few times when he saw a hand come up and into his line of vision. The male lay there, and saw that it was Sephiroth's hand, offering to help him. There was nothing the other man could have gained from offering his hand out to him, nothing at all. Which was why Cloud accepted the hand and stood up, acknowledging his companion.

"Thanks for…you know." Sephiroth raised a brow, and shook his head.

"I'm not sure what for. Tell me." Cloud knew that this was one of Sephiroth's attempts at humor, something he was surprisingly good at. Who knew that someone who had once been so sadistic could have a wit? Cloud chuckled and felt his spirits lighten.

"For having no motive." Sephiroth looked him in the eyes, and before he could protest, Cloud asked him about breakfast. Sephiroth shrugged and both men hunted, felling one more deer. They feasted and then began traveling for the day, both men being oddly friendly to the other.

It appeared that the time for old haunts was at an end.


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It was mid afternoon, or thereabout, when Sephiroth spoke up.

"Strife, we need to spar." Cloud stopped in his tracks, and felt a chill race up and down his spine. Despite his best efforts, he could not shake the image of Sephiroth towering over him, turning from Kadaj into his nightmarish self, telling him it was good to see him. He shivered, but refused to show fear.

Cloud turned around, and nodded his head, though his heart was hammering with anxiety. "To prepare for anything?" Sephiroth nodded, but his eyes never left Cloud's.

"Yes. Now, what was that look for?" Cloud felt as if some phantom had reached into his throat and restrained his windpipe, blocking all thoughts of oxygen. Sephiroth had been able to tell? He shook his head and turned around, placing his feet in a battle stance. What was it again? Left foot a few inches from the right, a balance of weight distribution…

"Strife, don't be difficult." Cloud looked up and was met with smoldering mako eyes, eyes that he was lost in. They glowed in this light, lighting up like jade that had been forged from the purest stones. They were eyes Cloud could lose himself in. He snapped himself out of it, for his own horror of the situation acted as anti-venom. What the Hell was he thinking?

Cloud cleared his throat, hoping it would disguise his thoughts on Sephiroth's eyes. "I…was thinking of the last time we fought. I couldn't help it." Sephiroth nodded his head, but Cloud saw his eyes lose some of the light he saw in them previously. It was as if Cloud had placed some breath on a candle, extinguishing some inner light of his. Damn. He didn't mean for the man to feel bad or to look this…guilty.

Cloud knew that he really had changed, for the old him wouldn't have cared less had he made the man feel bad. That being said, his old self had thought that Sephiroth had no feelings, and had lived to kill him. Now, he lived to get out of this place, by any means necessary. Even if it meant becoming friends with the man, and then letting a bond be forged…then he was willing for that to happen. Besides, like he had mentioned before, he knew that nothing would get accomplished if they were constantly arguing. They were trying to be something other than enemies.

The blonde haired man sighed and looked to Sephiroth, an idea seizing him. It was crazy, and wild…but it would help them get to know the other more.

"Sephiroth…I'll tell you. But in return, you tell me something else about yourself that no one knows. Let's do this every day, for…we need to know more about one another if we are going to get anywhere in this…acquaintanceship." Sephiroth looked to him like he had gone mad. Then his eyes lit up once more, with interest and intrigue. How fascinating. He had made Sephiroth interested.

The silver haired male nodded. "Very well. You first." Cloud snorted, thinking it was just like this man to make him go first, to make him say something he was not comfortable with. The point was to ease him out of his comfort zone though, and that could not happen if they were always so quiet, speaking only in riddles and in false tongues.

Cloud sighed, and decided just to tell him. "Fine. I was scared. I remembered when we fought last…and I didn't trust you for the moment." That was basically it. He had been terrified, thinking of how scared he had been when Sephiroth had shown up, back from Hell or wherever he had been for the past year. Men should not be able to come back to life. And yet…he had. Like a frightening aberration, one that meant man kind only the deepest of wounds. Like a terrifying demon, meant to wreak havoc on the Planet that he so loved. Cloud had dropped his eyes, but forced himself to look Sephiroth in the eye. Confessions were not confessions if they were not spoken to ones face after all.

Sephiroth's countenance had many emotions flashing through it. Guilt. Shame. Humiliation. But above all…there was the feeling that made Cloud know that he felt bad for what he had done, that he regretted his capricious actions of the past. Cloud felt his mouth open wide, and he shut his jaw, knowing that it was not the time for words. But this was progress, undeniable progress. Sephiroth was…beginning to feel. Phantoms could be chased away after all it seemed.

The man nodded, and looked to Cloud. "And now for mine. My worst sin as of late…is envy." Cloud was sure he had a look on his face like he found Sephiroth to be the most puzzling creature he had ever known. It was the look one had on their face when they encountered someone who they had never thought that they would understand, and to that persons horror, they found that they were more alike to that one than all of the other people they had ever lived with. It was revelation.

Cloud cleared his throat a few times, and wondered if he should ask Sephiroth to elaborate. This was…a breakthrough. Sephiroth saw his hesitance to speak, and Sephiroth nodded, looking him dead in the eye.

"I will continue. Genesis and Angeal…had each other. In a world that meant for them to be pawns, they somehow managed to rise above that. They had the courage to abandon SOLDIER and ShinRa, something I knew I never would have had the gall to do." Sephiroth stopped speaking, and Cloud knew that for the moment, he was the only one who understood him. Then again, he was probably the only one who tried. He saw a broken man right then, one who disguised himself under this indestructible façade, though that façade had been his down fall. If he had had a friend, a comrade who had not called him a perfect monster, a tool, a pawn…then maybe things would not have turned out so badly.

Cloud felt a powerful emotion seize his chest, one that almost made him double over and fall to his knees. What was this feeling? Then he understood. It was pity, and empathy, something he never in a million years would have suspected he would feel for his once worst enemy. Things certainly had changed, and the tables had not only turned, but they had toppled over, splintering and cracking into fragments. It was up to the two of them to repair it.

Whether it was on instinct or impulse, Cloud gripped the other man's shoulder suddenly, an act that startled Sephiroth. Sephiroth looked to the man's hand, and then Cloud, as if he couldn't for the life of him understand why he had done that. It was the gesture of comfort, of two men trying to help the other out, trying to coax the truth out of unwilling lips. It was something friends would do. Cloud would not think of the alternative, that it was something lovers would do, intimate partners.

"If it's too hard to talk about…don't." Sephiroth shook his head, and cleared his throat.

"We had a deal. I'll continue." Cloud nodded, and gripped the man's shoulder once, then let his body go. "Also…I envied what they had." The man began to pace then, and it made Cloud dizzy. He saw that the man was completely in control though, not overcome with mania or hysteria, but with contemplation. And if pacing made his thoughts come clearer, Cloud would not rob it from him.

"I wanted that. I wanted for someone…to care. I wanted for someone to treat me with respect not because they had to, but because they wanted to." Sephiroth paused in his movements, and he pressed a hand to his mouth, as if he regretted saying anything. Cloud saw that the man was battling within himself right now, trying not to say too much lest his companion think less of him.

The blonde haired male felt pity swell in his chest once more, and he found himself at odds with himself. He really knew nothing about this man, aside from what Minerva had allowed him to see through that mirror orb. Memories were the key element in someone, but there were other factors too. Like what made a person feel pain. Cloud felt himself walk over to Sephiroth, and lower the man to the ground, as if he were trying to calm a frightened child. Sephrioth didn't bat him away like Cloud expected, but instead let him sit him in the earth.

"Sephiroth…" Sephiroth continued, still in the grips of his memory.

"They kissed, and I was jealous. I wanted that happiness for myself, the…sublimation they had found in the other. I wanted it more than anything. So much…that I was willing to call the President and demand he fire both of them. They were my friends…and I wanted them gone, ripped from their positions because I, the most respected General felt jealous." He spat the word, as if it tasted disgusting in his mouth. Cloud felt as if Sephiroth were tearing himself open, and he was being allowed to look into his soul right then. He asked himself, what other person would willingly listen to this man in his state? Would anyone care? Cloud certainly didn't think that he was capable of such a feat, and yet here he sat, listening to his once worst enemy pour his heart out.

"So…I thought the feeling in me, that envy…needed to leave." He chuckled darkly in memory, and Cloud recognized it as a doppelganger of his past laughter, one that had marked his episodes of mania. Was Sephiroth stable? Cloud knew that he would do everything in his power right then to snap this man out of it, if the time came. But for now, he would let the man talk. Besides, his problems seemed so small in comparison to Sephiroth's.

'There's always someone suffering worse.' Cloud recognized that voice as Aeris, and he knew that she had been listening the whole time. He bit his bottom lip, and found his thoughts turning to prayer, that if anyone was listening, they could make him as pure hearted as Aeris, and as understanding as Zack. For this time, he had to have both characteristics if he was going to say the right thing once Sephiroth was through speaking.

"I hired a whore. We rutted all night…and I thought that would help me." Sephiroth shook his head, and Cloud felt his stomach twist. It was not repulsion that he felt, nor shock that the ex-General was not a virgin. It was…something else, something that he could not put into words. Still, he had managed to find a word for it. Jealousy.

Cloud disguised his shock for his internal eye-opener by squeezing Sephiroth's arm once more. The man needed…stability while he talked. Cloud had suggested this, and now, Sephiroth was a mess. It was his fault, as always, when something went wrong. He focused on the blame, trying hard not to think of how good it felt to feel the man's warmth on his hand, or how his heart beat in his chest when he looked to Sephiroth's face.

"It didn't. Lust is instant gratification. What I wanted…what I wanted was…" Sephiroth stopped speaking then, and Cloud realized, to his utter and supreme horror, that if Sephiroth spoke, then he would start to cry. This was unreal! It was beyond belief. Yet, he couldn't help but believe it, for he was right beside this man, trying to understand him, trying to feel for him. And he uncovered that if Sephiroth were to continue speaking, that his breath would hitch, and he would sob.

Cloud felt a silence engulf him and his almost acquaintance, and in the silence, he knew that two things were possible. The quiet could shatter and kill their near friendship, and cause a rift to come in between them, something that no time together would heal or repair. Or…if he spoke the right words right then, he might be able to exorcise his demons for the moment, banish his phantoms for a little while.

What was he saying? Did he want for Sephiroth to…feel better? This was insanity he knew, for once he had longed for nothing more than the man to be eradicated from the Planet, gone forever. And now? Now…he wanted the opposite.

The blonde haired man gripped the other male's arm harder, and took a deep breath. This would not be easy. He murmured an internal prayer that he could do this, try to comfort this man in this wild predicament. Who knew that Sephiroth was so fucked up?

"Sephiroth…thanks." Sephiroth looked to him, and Cloud saw that the man's eyes were glassier than usual. It almost made Cloud sick to think that he had killed him twice before, and had reveled in his defeat, not understanding anything about the monster that he had killed. How could anyone wish for another's destruction? Never again.

"For what?" Cloud looked to him, and spoke what came naturally, thinking all the while that he was not speaking words Zack or Aeris would say. He was saying words that he, Cloud Strife, had thought of.

"You have been nice to me. You gave me that bandage when I nearly cut my finger off. You told me to man up and use the gift the Goddess gave me. And today…you tried to ease my pain, with my wings." Sephiroth raised his brow, as if he could not see his point.

Cloud met his gaze, knowing that this would be what either made their friendship, or made them enemies for life. "Don't you see? The impossible is happening. You, Sephiroth, the once nightmare are becoming something better. There is no motive behind your actions, for you are doing all of this for self improvement." Sephiroth stared at him, and Cloud swore that he could have heard a pin drop with the silence that stretched between them. What would come of this? Exorcism? Or more pain?

Then Sephiroth answered him, not in words, but in a gesture. He smiled to him, very gently, a small smile that was almost not a smile. But nevertheless, it was a gesture that turned his lips upwards, something that could be a half grin. It was there, and it was something so…kindred, Cloud felt his heart go out for the man, something he didn't know his heart could do. It looked like he was becoming something better as well.

"You know, if I had met you before I did so much shit, I think we would have been friends." Sephiroth clapped his shoulder and rose to his feet, recovered. Cloud felt a multitude of emotions swirl in his head, things he could not begin to comprehend for the moment. This was crazy, him trying to comfort Sephiroth. But, he had done it, and once more, he had succeeded quite brilliantly. And he was given…a compliment?

Sephiroth held out his hand, and Cloud looked to it, taking it without a moment's hesitation. He nodded to the man, thinking that for the moment, they had gained the other's respect.

"I think we would have been too." Both men stared at the other, and for the moment, they were once again on the same plane and level, looking eye to eye. Sephiroth trusted him with his pain, with what made him tick and hurt. And in return, Cloud had listened and had given him what comfort he could have done. He was never much for sob stories…but with this man, he deserved to have someone listen to him, in his darkest hours and confessions. Everyone needed a friend, someone who could chase away the bleakest parts of who they were, leaving only the light.

Cloud realized, that after that long moment, that he and Sephiroth were still holding hands, gripping the others palms as if their very life depended on it. They released instantly, seeing that. The blonde haired male turned on his heel so fast, Sephiroth would not have been able to see anything wrong with his face. It had erupted in a blush, and Cloud wondered that since his skin was turquoise and luminescent, that his face had turned crimson, lighting up like a blood stone. This could not be happening! What was he? Attracted to Sephiroth? He couldn't be…for that was not right. No man could love his enemy, especially when that enemy was male.

Once again, his rationale won over. Sephiroth caught up to him, and they resumed a companionable silence, shattered by the silver haired male's words.

"I take it sparring is out?" Cloud stopped dead in his tracks, and he felt a chuckle escape his lips. It began as a chuckle, but then it became a laugh. That laugh erupted into a fit of laughter that made his stomach hurt. He doubled over and felt tears fall from his eyes, ones of sheer joviality. He knew Sephiroth was looking at him like he was insane, but for the moment, he did not care. What the man had said had struck him as so funny, that he had to laugh about it.

Within a moment, he composed himself and rose from his position on the earth. Sephiroth chuckled once, then raised his brow, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Forget world domination, clearly my talent is in stand up comedy." Cloud chuckled, for he knew that Sephiroth was poking fun at his once purpose. He was not being serious in the least. Cloud nodded his head.

"Precisely. And yes, we can spar right now." Sephiroth nodded, and began to get into position. "But…before we do…I just want to say that what you did back there, telling me those things…was a good thing. We both need to do that, open up more if we are ever going to trust each other. Tell me…everything." What was he saying? He should just tear out his tongue while he was ahead! Sephiroth looked to him, and his brow furrowed, as if he were staring at a complex set of numbers, ones that made no sense from the context.

"No one…has ever told me that before." Now it was Cloud's turn to be confused.

"That you should open up more?" Sephiroth shook his head.

"That…and that they could trust them with my…emotions. Saying that I could "tell them everything." Cloud understood that this was the sort of thing friends proclaimed, saying that they could trust their comrade with anything under the sun and they would look at them no different. Cloud had already looked at Sephiroth differently for many years, so there was nothing left to lose. All that was left to happen was gain.

Cloud smiled and shook his head. "You can. I know that sounds crazy, given our past and this situation…but it's good for us. I know it is." He got in a battle stance, and he felt excitement thrum through his veins, the thought of sparring to get better and not for a life or death situation.

Sephiroth nodded, and brought up his fists. "So…what are we now?" Cloud shrugged, a playful smile on his lips.

"Friends…I think." He laughed and made the first move, charging with his fists pumping and arms swinging. It was not the sound of bitterness. It was the sound of amusement and thrill, the tone that came from two friends who were trying to learn more of the other.

Phantoms could be chased away with the right person there to shed some light on them, banishing those ghosts evermore. Friendship was a powerful part to this. But love was an even stronger feeling to exorcise past demons.


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