Eternal Fall

Final Fantasy and its characters are owned by Square Enix.
Warnings: Rape, sexual situations, violence

Eternal Fall: part XII: Feeling


Sweat covered his entire body and he shifted this way and that on the bed. Her voice boomed in his head louder than it ever had before.

Kill them....

He breathed heavily and tried to block out the pounding voice. It was so painful.... It was as if every inch of his body was no longer his own. He struggled to maintain his own consciousness... his own humanity. He felt as though he was slipping away, his heart and soul and mind being taken to some dark place while his body was ripped from him.

Kill them...! Kill them all!

He groaned and tossed and turned. He wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep anymore. His jade eyes shifted this way and that, trying to keep hold of reality.

You're mine.... I've taken so much of you after all these years, and you never knew.... But now... you're all mine....

It was the most terrible feeling he'd ever experienced, even after all he'd been through. His body, his soul, everything about him was being erased. With all of his strength, he managed to roll his body onto the floor. He hit it hard, but it didn't matter. He started to drag himself to his door, his body not moving as he wanted it.

You will kill them....

He pulled himself up and unlocked the door. But then his strength left him. He rolled over, his silver hair sticking to his sweat covered body. The sweatpants he wstarstarted to make him unbearably hot, and he groaned in pain again. He closed his eyes and tried to keep control. But he was starting to slip.

Just then he felt two strong hands on his shoulders. With a great deal of willpower he opened his eyes. They closed again only a second later, but they were open long enough to take in Zack's worried face. Zack was speaking to him, trying to find out what was wrong, but he couldn't hear him clearly.

You must kill them all. Start with this one.... KILL HIM!

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sephiroth screamed in his own mind.

And then, he was free. He opened his eyes and managed to grab Zack's wrist before the worried young man could run to the phone on his table. Zack could feel Sephiroth's hand shaking as he held his wrist. The young general was pouring with sweat and gasping for air as he lie in the silver pool of his hair.

"Let go," Zack said sternly. "I'll calling a doctor."

Sephiroth shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to relax himself. The experience was horrible and pulling himself back together was harder than he expected.

"Damnit," Zack muttered. "What was that? What happened? Are you sick?"

"No," Sephiroth whispered. "I can't explain it."

"Try."

Sephiroth never spoke about his self-proclaimed guardian angel. He didn't want to endanger anyone by telling people about her.

"Sephiroth, what is happening to you?" Zack asked again. "You can tell me."

Sephiroth looked into Zack's selfless eyes. Eyes that wouldn't judge him. "I don't want you to get hurt, Zack," he whispered.

"Seph, let me help you. I don't care."

Sephiroth started to feel his energy coming back slowly. He sighed softly before sitting up. Zack helped him to lie down in bed again. It was then that Sephiroth realized the sun wasn't up yet.

"Zack... why are you here?"

"I just felt like something was wrong. Guess it's a bond between friends."

Sephiroth closed his eyes after hearing this. When he opened them again, he told Zack all about the woman who spoke to him all these years. He told him how much she tortured him. She was usually gone for months at a time now, but when she came back, she was powerful. WSephSephiroth was finished talking, he could already tell that Zack believed him completely.

"We’ll find a way to get her to leave you alone, Seph."

"She wanted me to hurt you. If I ever get violent with you--"

"It's okay," Zack said, placing his hand on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Don't worry about me."



Later that day, when the sun was up and the afternoon was warm, Sephiroth and Zack sat together in the cafeteria. Sephiroth stared into space while he mindlessly moved his fork around in his food.

Zack watched for some time, and waited for Sephiroth to come back to the real world on his own. "You must be tired," Zack sfinafinally.

Sephiroth's body didn't move at all, but his jade eyes met Zack's gaze.

"I finally got to sleep," he said softly. "I only require around four hours of rest."

Zack nodded. "Are you sure you want me sitting with you?"

"I appreciate your company," Sephiroth said. "We'll just say we're talking about the recruits."

Zack nodded, and they both continued eating. It wasn't often that senior officers ate in the same area as the recruits, but quick frankly, Sephiroth didn't want to put up with the stuffy older officers. He wanted sound around him to distract him from what happened earlier that morning.

"Hey," Zack said, pointing to the spiky-haired blonde sitting by himself. "It's Cloud. I forgot to check up on him today."

"Don't forgot about him. We don't want to find him dead or bleeding one day."

"But he seemed better after you talked to him."

"He's not better. Nothing has changed for him. He'll remember my threats when he is in uniform. But once it comes off, it's a different story entirely."

"Did you ever self-injure yourself?"

Sephiroth sat there silently for a while. Zack could tell that me wanted to give an answer, but he wanted to find the right words.

"When I was very small, I thought about dying. I had no one there for me. But for some reason, I was too afraid to take my own life. It was as though I felt I should live... but why, I do not know. But even though I felt I should live, I felt so out of place and dead inside. So I tried to have someone kill me. I was young and naive. But he couldn't do it. For a while, I was angry at him for not being able to. But he only wanted me to... transcend."

Zack nodded while Sephiroth glanced at Cloud again.

"I can't forget that man’s words," Sephiroth continued. "It will be more blissful when I transcend. So every time I thought about ending it, I'd remember him. He was like a father to me... or a big brother. Though I'm not sure what either should be like. And now, I feel that living is one of the few things I can do right. It's one of the few things I can do for myself. Cloud uses pain to help him know he's alive. But I've had enough pain."

Zack listened to everything Sephiroth had to say, and said nothing for a long while. He really didn't know what to say. "Life is going to be heaven for you later, Seph," he said finally. "No one as good as you can live with so much pain for a lifetime."

~~~~~~~~~~

He held in his screams and bore the pain. The cold water of the shower felt like needles on his skin, and his wet blonde hair fell into his face. His chest and cheek were pressed hard against the tile wall of the shower, and he stared off to the side, his blue eyes holding the emotions of a dead soul. The older, much more muscular young man banged him harder and harder against the tile wall, ones of his strong arms wrapped around the blond, while the other pinned his wrists above his head uncomfortably.

But Cloud didn't seem to care that his body was being violated. He found it amazing that he stopped cutting, but he still wanted the pain. He wanted to feel. And he felt everything as the young man pinned him against the wall and took him. He hardly put up a fight before he was spread open and pierced violently. Each time the torturous organ was thrust deeper inside of him, part of him welcomed it. The blood, the burn, the pain. The mausheushed a hand over his toned abs and breathed heavily in his ear. But Cloud only continued to stare at the wall at his side.

He was almost sorry when it was over. The man left him in the shower like a piece of tossed out trash. Cloud sank to the tile floor, taking in every burn and rip... reminding himself that he could feel. But he dove too deep into his own pain, and soon he found himself in tears, the shame of it all ripping him to pieces harder and faster than the hard length forced inside of him. He sat there and hugged his knees, his blood flowing down the drain.

He didn't hear footsteps approaching until it was too late. The water from the shower was cut off, and he was slowly lifted to his feet from behind. He waited to be pressed against the wall once again for another round of beautiful suffering. Instead, a towel was wrapped around him, and a strong hand squeezed his shoulder as gently as it knew how. Cloud realized that he was still crying, and he lowered his eyes rather than turning.

"I'll get a doctor," came the deep voice from behind him.

Cloud whipped around and grabbed Sephiroth's arm without much thought. "No," he begged. "General... please... I don't want to go back there. I don't want to be the weakling who's always in sick bay. I'll bare it... sir."

Sephiroth's gaze softened. "Who did it?"

Cloud stared into that soft green gaze. "He'll kill me if I te"
"

"Not if I get to him first."

"It was... it was the head resident soldier on the floor below us...."

Sephiroth nodded and was about to say something when someone opened the door. The same young man Cloud spoke of was laughing and was back to play with Cloud again. He wore only a gray robe.

"Still here?" he smirked as he rounded the corner that distanced the sinks from the showers. "You should learn not to stay out of your room after everyone is asleep."

Cloud stood there alone with shock in his eyes. The older boy approached him and pressed him against the wall.

"Ready to feel the burn from the inside again, little man?" the older boy whispered.

"I don't think he'd appreciate that," a deep voice sounded from behind him.

The young man turned startled, but found no one there. Slowly, silver strands started to cascade down from above. The young man looked up to see Sephiroth sitting on the ceiling. It was as if terror itself gripped the young man, and he burst into a run to get out. But as soon as he made it to the door, he found it blocked... by Sephiroth.

"You should l to to be a little faster, soldier," Sephiroth said lowly.

The young man sank to his knees. "Don't kill me!" he yelled.

Sephiroth arched a brow, wondering what was being said about him to make people so afraid. The young man was more than terrified of him. At that moment, Zack walked in whistling and clad in a towel. He peeked around Sephiroth and saw the kneeling young man.

Zack blinked. "Red phone?"

"Red phone," Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes sir," Zack said as he walked out and down the hall to the emergency phone. "We need someone picked up immediately--" Seph heard Zack say before the door swung closed again.

Later, after the screaming young man was hauled off and after Zack had showered and joked around and gone off to bed, Sephiroth went to visit Cloud in his room. Cloud was still awake when Sephiroth knocked and entered. The blonde stared up at the ceiling, motionless as stone. It took himew mew moments to even realize the young general was there, and then he immediately started to jump up to stand at attention.

"Stay there, Cloud," Sephiroth said sternly as he pulled up a chair and sat by the blonde's bed. "If you won't go to the doctor, I'll have to heal you myself."

Cloud blinked. "You mean... you're going to..."

"You don't have to move."

"Oh, I see. You neeteriteria then? You can use mine...."

"I don't need it."

"I don't underst--"

"Shut up, Cloud," Sephiroth said with a small smile. "Now this will be uncomfortable. I have to meditate and find the areas inside of you that need healing. I'll have to extend my consciousness and energy to explore your body. It might feel like you're being touched, and you might feel like you're being watched from all sides. But I assure you that I'm not trying to hurt you."

Cloud nodded and closed his eyes. Sephiroth pulled of his black gloves and sat there silently. His eyes closed sl, an, and for a long time there was silence. Suddenly Cloud gasped and squirmed a bit.

"It's alright," Sephiroth said softly. "This is more than a simple healing spell since you need stitches and have severe da on on the inside. As you can see, my hands are right here. I‘m not touching you, it just feels like I am."

Cloud winced for a moment. It felt as though something was being inserted inside of him again. But this time, it burned only for a few moments as Sephiroth began to heal the torn areas. But then... Cloud bucked again. Sephiroth opened his eyes for a moment and looked down at him. The blonde breathed heavily and nodded, asking him to continue healing. Sephiroth's eyes closed again. Usually healing wounds took no time for him, but that was because he was aware of the workings and construction of most of the human body. But this... this was a new area.

Cloud didn't even know when the healing had finished, because Sephiroth put a sleep spell on him, causing him to drift into a peaceful slumber. It worked very easily on Cloud, because he definitely needed the rest. When the blonde awoke, he still remembered every sensation that hit him last night. It was as though Sephiroth's hands were on his body, touching him in the most intimate ways, even if Sephiroth didn't realize it was anything like that. Cloud tilted his head towards his window, recalling the silky, long silver hair and the bright green eyes of the young general.

"Shit," Cloud whispered to himself. "Of all the people to think about, Cloud, you chose the most inaccessible one in the world."

~~~~~~~~~~

Over the course of the next few days, Zack became a lot less cheerful. Sephiroth noticed him becoming absent-minded, and the raven-haired young man didn't joke around as he normally did. He was even late for training, which was unheard of for Zack. After a few days of this behavior, Sephiroth invited Zack over to his house on the edge of the military academy.

"What's wrong?" Sephiroth asked, setting a beer in front of his dazed friend.

Zack was obviously searching for the right words.

"Just say it."

"My... my girlfriend...."

"Did you break up?"

"She's missing."

"Missing?" Sephiroth said, a somewhat disturbed look taking over his normally tranquil features.

"Well... yea.... I mean...." Zack covered his face and sighed. "Look Seph.... My girlfriend is...." He stopped to take a drink. "The ShinRa are after her. I don't want you to get involved, and I'm probably in trouble for even talking to you about this."

“Of course you aren’t in trouble. I want to help you.”

Zack nodded and continued speaking at length of his girlfriend, taking a break every now and then to drink. Apparently he met her on a mission to Midgar, and he was there to arrest her and bring her to ShinRa Headquarters for some sort of research. Instead, he found a way to release her while making it look like an accident.

The silver-haired young man felt bad for him. He didn't like seeing someone who was normally so cheerful in this much pain. He especially didn't want Zack to feel the pain of loneliness, which he knew could destroy a person. But Sephiroth had long since buried that pain, along with a lot of other pains. He didn't want Zack to even begin to feel any of it.

"Do you want another beer or something to--" Sephiroth stopped in mid-sentence as he stood, suddenly collapsing to the floor.

"Seph!" Zack called out, jumping up from the couch and running to him. "Hey, come on!"

"Zack," Sephiroth said softly. "...Run...."

"What? I'm not going anywhere."

"Please... run...."

"No! Is she hurting you again? Hey! Say something!"

Sephiroth grabbed Zack's wrist and pushed up from the floor, getting into a kneeling position as his glowing green eyes stared straight into Zack's glowing bluish-purple gaze.

"Does it hurt?" Zack asked gently.

"You... are trying to take him away from me," Sephiroth whispered.

Zack blinked. "What are you saying, Seph?"

Sephiroth leaned in, his lips barely touching Zack's. "You pathetic creature. Do you really think you have any power? I give you strength, and yet your will denies me...."

"I... I don't understand, Seph," Zack said, leaning bacbit.bit.

"You're so fragile," Sephiroth smirked darkly as he brushed his fingertips against Zack's cheek. "I can break you instantly. Why he cares so much for you, I'll never know. What have you ever done? You have no heart, and you feel nothing."

"Who are you?" Zack asked softly.

"I will be your end," Sephiroth whispered as he grabbed Zack by the shoulders and pulled him closer. "My poor little Sephiroth. He must learn his lesson. Once he learns how fragile you creatures are, and once he learns how much strength he has over all of you, things will change...."

Zack opened his month to say something, but Sephiroth lunged forward and pinned him to the floor. Zack tried to move his arms as they were pinned down beside his head, but to his surprise he found that Sephiroth really was stronger than he ined ned him to be.

"Seph, come on! It's me! Wake up!"

Sephiroth kissed Zack forcefully before the raven-haired young man could say anything more. Zack gritted his teeth as Seph's grip on his wrists started to crush and bruise him.

"Seph," Zack gasped. "Come on. We'll find a way to work this out. Don't give in, okay? You'll be okay."

"Does it hurt already?" Sephiroth whispered to him. "Oh, but this isn't enough. He has to know what it means to be far more powerful than everything he comes in contact with."

"Stop torturing him!" Zack yelled. "I'll do anything, just leave him alone, got it?!"

"There is nothing you can do for me," Sephiroth hissed.

Suddenly the young general jumped up and pulled Zack to his feet. Before Zack knew what was happening he was shoved violently into a wall. He quickly stood his ground again, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to attack Sephiroth, and he didn't want to leave him. But his goodness cost him dearly. He found himself moving from the wall and backing away from his friend as he tried to think of some way to bring him back. It was far too late when he realized that he was right where he was wanted. One final burst of speed and a powerful shove knocked Zack back into the bedroom. Sephiroth pulled the struggling young man up and threw him into the bed. Now Zack knew he was in trouble, but by the time he made a move to defend himself, his hands were pinned above his head again.

"Back to square one," Sephiroth smiled darkly. "But isn't this more comfortable?"

"What are you planning to do, exactly?" Zack said, struggling and fearing the answer. He nervously thought of the long chest under the bed where Sephiroth kept the Masamune.

Sephiroth pulled Zack’s wrists together above his head and pinned them both down with one hand while the other hand reached over to the bedside drawer. He pulled out two pairs of handcuffs, and soon Zack found his wrists cuffed to the bed.

"Why aren't you fighting me? You're stronger than this," Sephiroth said as he rested his weight on Zack.

"My heart isn't exactly in it," Zack muttered.

"What heart?" Sephiroth laughed. "You have no heart. Humans are so... physical," he murmured as his hand moved between Zack's legs. "You human males think with this pathetic appendage so much that it's a wonder anything gets done."

Zack squirmed under his friend's touch, but froze immediately when Sephiroth pulled out a small blade.

"This is from Wutai," the young general murmured. "You gave it to me. You see, I arfecrfectly myself now. Maybe more than I've ever been."

"You're lying! Sephiroth ithinthing like you! You can't trick me! Just fucking get on with whatever you want to do to me."

"As you wish."

Zack clothes were cut and shredded, and Sephiroth put little care into it. By the time he was done, and after Zack's clothes had been pulled away and tossed to the floor, Zack was bleeding all over. But the young man didn't cry out or complain. He bared every injury with dignity.

Sephiroth started to undress, and while he did, Zack tried to pull his wrists free. It should have been very easy for him, but he couldn't even bend the metal frames.

"Don't bother," Sephiroth said softly. "Most of the objects in this home are made so they can't be broken easily by these hands," he said, holding up his hands and walking to the bed. "I can break something easily without using what humans would call a feather touch."

A shiver ran through Zack's body as his friend's nude form rested on top of.
.

"Don't be move around so much," Sephiroth whispered in his ear. "You'll live through this, so I don't see what the problem is."

Sephiroth spit on his hand and rubbed it over his own member, which until then had been rubbing against Zack's roughly.

"Listen to me, you fucking whore," Zack hissed, "Let Seph go!"

"He needs the release. Thanks to what the ShinRa did to him, he never even thinks about things like this. You are doing a good thing for him, reminding him what it means to feel."

"No... he doesn't want to feel through pain," Zack said sadly. "If you knew him at all you'd know that!"

"I know what is best for him...."

And then, Zack's scream rose up and rang through the air. He gasped for air as Sephiroth drove into him.

"Fucking... SHIT!" Zack yelled.

"Such language," Sephiroth smiled darkly.

Zack bucked in the bed as he was led,led, and it seemed to take ages before the young general's member was completely inside of him. Sephiroth smiled cruelly down at the raven-haired young man as he thrust violently, Zack's blood becoming his lubricant. The young general’s chest and stomach became coated with the blood from Zack’s gashes.

"Shit... stop. I can't... take it! FUCK!"

Zack's eyes started to water as the pain hit him, and tears started to flow from his eyes. Suddenly, Sephiroth froze in place. Zack looked up to see Sephiroth’s green eyes tracing the path of his tears as they ran down the side of his face. Suddenly, all malice and aggression disappeared from his features. His expression turned to one of horror and pain. Zack knew that he was back… and that he hated himself.

"Seph," Zack whispered weakly. "Hey, just undo these cuffs, okay? I'm okay, I just need you to undo these. Don't try to pull away. Just lean over and get the keys."

Sephiroth couldn't think. He only did as he was asked and freed Zack's wrists. And as soon as he was free, Zack reached up and pulled Sephiroth down into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry," Sephiroth finally managed to say, more sadness in his voice than Zack had ever heard.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Zack said, trying to smile. "Just relax."

Sephiroth rested there, still buried inside of his friend. He couldn't bare to look Zack in the eye now, and he stared off at the wall, his head resting beside Zack's. He could feel the raven-haired young man's heart pounding in his chest, and he was still trying to catch his breath. Sephiroth set to work healing him. It didn't take long, because since he was still inside of him he could easily locate where was was hurt by tracing the location of his own body.

"That feels better," Zack whispered. "Thanks."

"How can you thank me after what I just did?"

Zack smiled to himself. "Damnit, don't you know anything? You're always supposed to cuddle after sex. Would you rather I just rolled over and went to sleep?"

"I would prefer this didn't happen at all."

"Well it did. And I'm not mad at you," Zack said as he gently ran his hand over his friend's muscular back. "So... Do you have to wrap that thing around your leg when you walk or what?! You're fucking huge...."

"I'm sorry...."

"No more apologies for things you can't control. I knew it wasn't you. I never blamed you for a second. Hey, look at me for a second."

Sephiroth hesitated, but finally pushed himself up just enough to look into Zack's eyes. Zack smiled softly, then slide a hand behind Sephiroth's neck and pulled him in for a gentle kiss. Seph's eyes widened at the contact, but they slowly closed, and he relaxed just a little. Zack broke the kiss and pulled his friend into a hug again.

"Seph, I don't know what happened to you when you were younger, but it's okay to get close to people. And I don't mean just sex or whatever. You seem like the type of guy who waits for love, and that's great. I was a fucking perv when I was younger, sleeping with any guy or girl I thought was attractive enough. It doesn't feel right when it's all over though. And when I met Aeris, I found out how it felt with someone you love. So when you find someone like that, don't deny them anything, and don't deny yourself."

"I'll try."

"Good, 'cause you're pretty damn hot, and it would be a shame if no one else to to have you."

Sephiroth exhaled and tried to relax his body. "...I won't tell your girlfriend...." he said softly.

Zack grinned and closed his eyes. "Thanks. She be so jealous of me."

"You mean of me."

"I know what I said," Zack smiled.


~*~*~*To Be Continued*~*~*~


(Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm writing the chapters as fast as I can! Since they are very long, I apologize in advance for spelling errors.)