Ill Wind

The next morning, Reno bolted upright as the shaking of the bed awakened him. He watched, perplexed, as Kerri practically leaped from bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. He scratched his head and got up to follow her. “Kerri?” he called as he knocked on the door. “What's wrong?” Getting no answer, he tried the knob and found it unlocked. “Babe?” he said as he opened the door.

She was on her knees beside the toilet, and as he watched she reached up and fumbled with the flush lever and pulled it down. “Get out, Reno,” she said. “I'm sick.”

“I've seen you puke before, yo,” he argued. “The first time you got drunk with me, remember? It doesn't bother me.” He crossed to where she knelt and squatted down to stroke her hair. “What's the matter? Why are you sick?” he asked.

She rose to her feet without answering and went to the sink. Turning on the faucet, she cupped her hands beneath it and rinsed her mouth out. “Kerri?” Reno said again, concern evident in his voice.

“I'll be out in a few minutes,” she said while putting toothpaste on her brush. “Just wait, please, Reno?”

Her lover badly wanted to stay until he badgered her into telling him what was wrong, but he succumbed to her request and left the bathroom. He got back into bed and lay on his side, propping his head on his arm. He couldn't understand what was wrong. She'd been all right the night before. More than all right, in fact; he had woken her up twice to make love to her again and she had responded enthusiastically each time. Maybe he should make her go see a doctor while he was here.

After a few minutes she came out of the bathroom and crawled back into bed beside him. Reno reached out to caress her belly the way he had when she had gotten sick from drinking too much, and Kerri made a small noise of pleasure. “That feels good, Reno,” she said. “It's helping.”

“I'm glad, yo, but what's wrong?” he replied. “Has this happened before?”

“This is the fourth time. It will pass before long,” she answered.

“The fourth time! Babe, I'm taking you to see a doctor.” He started to sit up, intending to get dressed, but Kerri put her hand on his arm to stop him.

“I don't need a doctor—well, I do, but I already know what's wrong.” She didn't meet his eyes when she said this.

“Well, what is it? The only things I know of that make people sick in the mornings are hangovers and...” Reno's words trailed off. “Look at me, Kerri,” he said. She forced herself to meet his eyes this time; he deserved that much courage from her. “You can't be pregnant, can you?”

She sighed as if preparing to lift a heavy load. “Yes, Reno. I can be, and I am.” She felt her lower lip trembling, and forced herself to stop it. Now was no time for her to go weak.

“Ah, fuck, babe,” Reno breathed, looking as if someone had knocked the wind out of him. “How? You're taking birth control. What the hell happened?”

“It's my fault,” she admitted. “Remember when they gave me antibiotics after I was...was raped?” He nodded. “I forgot at the time, but antibiotics can make the pills less effective.”

Reno sat up and swung his feet to the floor, sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to her. “I don't know what the fuck to do,” he said. “What do we do, babe?”

“I'm sorry, Reno,” she said. “I should have remembered about the antibiotics.” She raised her hand to touch his back, but dropped it before she could reach him.

“Yeah, you should've. But I can see why you didn't, yo. You were going through so much then.” He heaved a sigh and got up, went to the sofa to grab his pants. He slipped them on, then simply stood there for a moment with his head down.

“Reno?” she said. The fact that he still had his back to her frightened her very badly. “Reno, say something.”

“What is there to say?” he responded, and Kerri felt as though he had slapped her. “We slipped up, Kerri. We slipped up bad.”

At least he's still saying “we,” she thought. That's something. Aloud, she said, “I know that. What I don't know is what the hell I'm going to do.”

“Then that makes two of us,” Reno said. “Babe, I never planned on being a father. Now you spring this on me...”

Kerri sat up and cut him off, eyes blazing. “On you? How do you think I feel? I'm fucking scared, Reno. I'm scared of being pregnant, I'm scared of going through labor, I'm scared of what the boss is going to say and do, I'm scared of...of everything.” She couldn't bring herself to say what she was actually thinking. I'm scared of losing you. His next words seemed to confirm her fear.

“Just what do you expect from me, Kerri?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Reno wished he could call them back. He hadn't realized how cold those words would sound out loud. Her face whitened, her lower lip trembled, and the pain in her eyes made him feel like dirt. “Kerri,” he said, and she held up a hand to stop him.

“Go away, Reno. Just go away.” She turned her face away so he wouldn't see the hurt in her eyes.

“Kerri, I...”

“I said go away!” she yelled at him. “Get out, just get...oh, fuck!” Kerri clapped a hand to her mouth and dashed for the bathroom again, slamming the door between them.

Left alone, Reno ran a hand through his hair in a helpless gesture, then bent to get his shirt and jacket from the floor, and put them on. He grabbed his goggles from the nightstand, and paused on the way to the door to slip on his shoes. Go ahead a voice in his mind said, walk away from the best thing to happen to you since Tseng took you out of the slums. Way to go, you coward.

“Shut up,” he muttered to himself, reaching for the doorknob.

You got it. Just one more question first. Would you be walking out on her right now if she wasn't pregnant?

His hand fell away from the knob and he shook his head. “No,” Reno whispered. “No way.”