Wrong?

/"You've been travelling on a holy pilgrimage and committing blasphemies the entire time. How could you do that to me?"/

/"How could you lie to me like that?!"/

/"You sleep with other men! That's... it's just... disgusting!"/

/"Leave. Don't come near me anymore. I can't risk your sins ruining my pilgrimage."/

The teenage blond couldn't get the words constantly running through his head to stop. Over and over they repeated themselves like some kind of twisted broken record, a reminder that his angel now hated him. That she was disgusted by him. That she never wanted to see him again.

The logical part of his brain yelled at him that none of this was actually his fault. He may have known that Yevon was against gays, but no one ever told him it was that big a deal. He hadn't thought it would really matter, especially since an Al Bhed was travelling with them. If it was okay for Rikku to commit crimes against Yevon or whatever, then why wasn't it okay for him? But Yuna had answered that, hadn't she?

/"At least Rikku never lied to me! And at least Rikku isn't... dirty!"/

In her eyes, the Al Bhed may sin by using machina, but they weren't dirty. Tidus was. He knew it was true. Not because he was gay, though. No, no matter how much he hated himself, it wasn't because he was gay. Saying all gay people were dirty wasn't right, he never thought that. That would be saying that Dennick and a lot of other perfectly decent people he'd met both in Zanarkand and Spira were dirty, and Tidus knew they weren't. They were good people, it didn't matter who they slept with.

But Tidus was a different matter. Yuna may have called him dirty for the wrong reason, but the term was accurate enough. Tidus was a whore, he had slept with so many people he'd long ago lost count. He used sex to hurt himself because he was sick in the head. Hell, dirty didn't even begin to cover it. So even if Yuna's reasoning was wrong, she wasn't wrong in her conclusion. And that was enough to convince him that he should do as she asked and leave. He never had any right to be in her presence in the first place. So he ran.

For what had to be quite a long time he just kept running aimlessly, paying no attention to where he was going or his surroundings. He encountered a few fiends, all surprisingly low-level, and killed them before continuing on his way. Finally even his seemingly endless energy supply eventually ran out. He let himself collapse to the ground, panting and sweating from the exertion of his actions, pulling his knees up to his chest to hug them. Dammit, it was cold here, a lot colder than it had been back at the inn. And was that ice? Where was he?

As this thought hit him, he realized exactly what kind of situation he was in. He was completely alone, in the middle of the night, in a world he still didn't fully understand, and he was lost. No, not even lost, you can only get lost if you have somewhere you're trying to get to in the first place. He didn't have anywhere to go. He had nothing. And he was really starting to feel the despair of it all.

Tightening his arms around his legs, he buried his face in his knees. Fuck it all. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to Zanarkand. He wanted to see Dennick and the rest of his friends. He wanted to go back to high school during the day and play blitz for the Abes at night. And he wanted to be able to walk home after practice, go into his simple houseboat, and have Auron waiting for him with dinner... Auron... He wanted Auron.

Shit, he had left without even saying goodbye! His hands clenched into fists, and he started wishing he hadn't just taken off so quickly. What if Auron was worried? Tidus could still remember when he was a kid and tried to run away, how scared Auron had been. He had never seen the older man look like he had that time. This was almost exactly the same, wasn't it? Tidus may have been older now, but... would Auron still get scared?

He shook his head at the thought, mentally chastising himself. Of course he wouldn't. Auron had only been scared that time because he was a little kid, and he'd promised his old man that he would protect him... But Auron did say he wanted him, even without his promise to Jecht... so maybe... Shit. He didn't want Auron to worry about him, he didn't want to even risk the possibility. Maybe he should go back and explain things to the older man, just in case. That way he could be absolutely sure Auron wouldn't get upset because of him. Yeah, that's what he'd do.

"Excuse me. Aren't you one of Lady Yuna's guardians?"

Tidus jumped, recognizing the voice but unable to immediately place it. Turning slowly, he looked over his shoulder and felt his eyebrows raise of their own accord. "Oh... it's you. Hi."

***

Auron watched as Yuna sobbed against the mage, apologizing over and over in a breathless voice. He frowned, starting to feel anxious. Something was very, very wrong here. What could she have done that would upset her so?

"Yuna, you have to tell us what happened," Lulu coaxed gently, still combing through the summoner's soft brown locks. She was just as worried as Auron was. She'd known Yuna for years, since she was a child. Only once before had she ever seen her cry like this.

Yuna, however, didn't seem to be willing to share. She kept opening her mouth like she was about to say something, then shutting it with a whimper, hiding her face again. She didn't think she'd ever felt this bad, this guilty, in her life. Finally she gasped out, "I'm a horrible person," before breaking down into sobs once more.

Lulu immediately shushed her, telling her she wasn't horrible at all, when an angry little Al Bhed entered the room. She took one look at the situation, pushed Auron out of her way, and stormed up to the crying summoner. "Yunie," she said evenly, eyes very serious, "what did you say to him?"

Yuna didn't want to even think about what she'd said to Tidus, let alone actually voice it out loud. She seemed to sober a bit, looking desperately at her cousin. "Rikku, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, really. I'm so sorry."

Rikku squatted down in front of the older girl, so they were eye-level with each other. Again she asked, "What did you say to him?" When Yuna hesitated in answering she corrected her question to, "Did you say mean things to him?"

At this Yuna, nodded, swallowing hard to keep from bursting into tears. She felt terrible, but she knew she deserved to feel much worse after what she'd done. "I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have... said those awful things..." She covered her face, shoulders shaking. "He looked so sad."

Auron was pretty sure now he knew what had happened. Stepping forward he demanded, "Where did Tidus go?"

But all the summoner could do was shake her head. "I don't know. He ran off... Sir Auron, please... please try and find him."

Auron grunted and turned on his heel after sharing a brief, worried look with Lulu. This was bad. Tidus could send himself into a state of depression if someone just looked at him wrong. If Yuna, someone he deeply cared for and cherished, actually said something to him, something that would make her cry in regret... this was very, very bad.

Tracking the boy's movements wasn't hard. Even in the dark, it only took a minute before Auron found his trail. He seemed to have followed the road leading to Macalania Temple, though Auron doubted it was on purpose. From the spread and layout of his footprints, it looked like he had just picked a direction and ran. And that in itself was the main problem. The boy had been running, at what seemed to be top speed. A speed Auron could never hope in a million years to ever match, let alone overtake. In short, if Tidus, a fit, in shape blitzball player, had run away from the inn, Auron had no hope of catching him. He may be stronger than the boy, but in speed and energy he lost hands down. The best he could do was follow and eventually reach him... assuming the boy would stop long enough to let him catch up. He needed to discuss this with the others before he made anymore moves.

With a very tired sigh, he shut his eyes momentarily to compose himself. The damn brat had better be okay.

***

Yuna wasn't sure she had ever felt worse in her life. Sure she'd felt bad before. For instance, when her father had died she'd felt horrible, even though she'd known it was going to happen. But that was a different kind of feeling entirely. When that happened she felt sad, a little empty and alone. A little scared, now that both of her parents were gone, angry that she'd never be able to see her father again, yet proud of what he'd sacrificed himself for. But all of those feelings couldn't compare to this. Because now she felt guilty; and there wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to real guilt. The way it hollowed you out inside, the way it physically made your stomach hurt. No other feeling was quite like it, and it was the first time she'd ever really experienced it. Sure she'd felt bad before, accidentally broke something, wasn't quite as polite as she should have been... but never before had it hit her like this. Never before had it completely crushed her. Because never before had she ever purposely hurt someone the way she just had Tidus. And she couldn't hate herself more for it.

In truth, she didn't really care that Tidus was gay. Yes, she was shocked. Yes, she was confused because she'd been brought up with the belief that homosexuals were bad people. Yes, it made her a little uncomfortable for that very reason. And maybe if it had been someone else she wouldn't be able to accept it... but for Tidus she was willing to overlook her misgivings, ignore any doubts and fears she had. Because she loved Tidus, plain and simple. And that was the problem. The problem was never really that Tidus was gay, it was that he could never be with her, no matter how improbable it was in the first place. And that had really hurt. More than she'd expected.

She thought she could control her emotions, no matter how hurt or angry she was. But then he'd come into her room, just minutes after Rikku had crushed any hopes she had, and she found she couldn't control herself like normal. She wanted to yell at him for rejecting her, even if he'd never directly done so. She wanted to demand why she wasn't good enough, why he'd rather be with someone of his own gender than her. But when she went to say this, she found her voice stuck in her throat. She couldn't admit her feelings to him out loud, not now that she knew they would never be returned. And unable to get rid of her anger, she lashed out with whatever she could, turned her anger of rejection onto the easiest target. His homosexuality. Because honestly it did bother her; but not the way she'd made it out to. Not to that degree. Because even though after years of strict religious upbringing, the very thought of it made her shudder, more powerful were her memories with him. More important were all the times he'd been there for her, cheered her up, comforted her, gave her the strength she needed. His love for her, even if it wasn't the same type of love she had for him. So it didn't matter if it made her uncomfortable, she would work on becoming comfortable with it for him. She just wanted Tidus back.

She looked up quickly when Auron came back into the room, eyes searching desperately for a sign the blond was with him. Her heart sank when they saw none.

"You couldn't find him?" Lulu asked softly.

The big man cleared his throat harshly before shaking his head a bit. He surveyed the scene in the room to find it pretty much as he'd left it. Yuna had managed to stop crying now but was still in the same spot on the floor, Lulu was rubbing her back to comfort her, Rikku stood off to the side looking angry, Kimahri stood silently next to her, and Wakka had made his way over at some point, looking still half-asleep and unaware of what was happening around him. "I found his trail. He's actually headed toward Macalania Temple. He was running, so I would imagine he'll reach it in no time."

Upon hearing this, Rikku leapt into the center of the room, desperately looking around at the others. "Well, what are we waiting for? We know where he's going, and it's not even out of the way. Let's go!"

Yuna perked up at this thought, quickly catching onto her cousin's enthusiasm, but Lulu shook her head firmly. "No. It's dangerous to travel that trail in the dark."

Both girls shared a look of understanding followed quickly by one of horror. "Dangerous... but Tidus is on that trail in the dark!" Rikku wailed, now very worried for her friend. "Doesn't that mean he's in danger?"

Lulu frowned and looked away. "Yes."

"But then--"

"Please," Yuna interrupted, ignoring the surprised look Rikku shot her. "Please, we have to find him. He's out there alone because I... and I have to... have to say I'm sorry..." The brunette buried her face in her hands once again, unable to say anymore. This was all her fault. Because she had taken her anger out on him, because she had said awful things she didn't even mean... "He must hate me now."

Auron watched tears return to the girl's eyes and sighed. Seemed he'd been doing that a lot lately. Stepping up to the summoner he put on his most comforting voice and said, "He doesn't hate you."

Yuna hiccuped a few times, shaking her head. "No, you don't understand... What I said to him... the look on his face..." What had she done?

"He doesn't hate you," the warrior repeated more firmly. When the girl looked up at him, eyes red from crying, he knelt down in front of her, trying his best to explain. "Tidus could never hate you. He... he adores you. He ran away because he thinks you hate him."

But the girl wasn't convinced. At all. She continued to shake her head, kept repeating that he would hate her, that she was sorry. Auron wanted to scream. Why didn't children just listen when they were told something? He knew what he was talking about dammit! "I know what I'm talking about. I've lived with him for ten years. He doesn't hate you."

When she still looked skeptical, he growled unconsciously and formed his hands into fists. Why the hell did he have to talk so much tonight? First with Lulu, now explaining the inner workings of a brat's mind to his summoner. Was there a full moon? "Look, you probably think Tidus is some cocky playboy who's always so sure of himself and never worries about what others think. Right?"

At her nod he nearly smiled. The boy really did pull off that character well. "He's not. Well, sometimes he is, when he's in a good mood, but he's actually a lot more self-conscious than you realize. He takes what other people say to him very seriously. So if you said something... mean... to him, he would think you were the one who hated him. He probably... believes whatever you said is true. He might hate himself. But I can guarantee that he will never hate you."

Yuna looked both shocked and horrified now. She opened and closed her mouth several times before finally blurting, "But I didn't mean what I said! Really, I didn't! I'd rather he hate me than... than..."

"Blame himself?"

"Yes!"

Auron chuckled wryly, but there was absolutely no humor in the sound. "I know. Trust me." He started to stand when the girl asked softly, "Sir Auron... are you angry with me? For what I did?"

The question made him freeze and he slowly squatted again. Was he angry at her? "I'm not happy with the situation. But everyone makes mistakes, and you've realized yours. I'm not angry." *At least not with you.*

On the other hand, he could now add this to the list of reasons for why he should have taken care of Tidus' problems forever ago. It was bad enough he withdrew himself when he imagined someone might be mad at him, but when someone really was upset with him (or at least thought they were, as in Yuna's case), he just took off. Into a dangerous forest. Alone. As the big man patted Yuna's head briefly, he cursed himself once more. If anyone was to blame, it was him.

He noticed Lulu watching him carefully and gave her a small nod, letting her know he'd be all right. "We should rest. We'll leave at first light and continue towards Macalania Temple. Hopefully we can meet up with Tidus there. If not... we'll make that decision when the time comes."

His heart clenched a bit at these words. Ah yes, that decision. If they left for the temple at sunrise, generally around six in the morning during that time of year, they should reach it sometime around noon. Tidus, running the way he had been, would cut that time in half, so he'd reach it sometime that night easily... assuming he didn't run into trouble... Hopefully, he'd reach it sometime that night... The problem was that he could reach it, have more than enough time to rest, and then continue on, long before the party could reach him. Hell, when he realized he'd run to the exact place they were headed, he'd probably be out of there faster than you could spit. After all, he would most likely do anything he could to avoid seeing Yuna now.

And that posed the very real possibility that they could be faced with a difficult decision indeed... What would they do if Tidus had already left the temple and headed in a different direction than the pilgrimmage would take them?

Of course Auron wanted to say fuck everything else and chase after the boy who was not only his charge but the person he loved. Logically, though, he knew he should stay with Yuna. She was a summoner, the child of his other good friend, and the person he'd sworn to protect as a guardian. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't just leave her for personal reasons... no matter what they were. If he could, he would have already continued following the boy's trail, danger or not. He was a hardened warrior, he could travel a path in the dark and fight off any fiends that attacked. It was because the rest of the party couldn't that he was forced to wait until morning. Because he couldn't leave them after swearing an oath of protection. His only hope was that if Tidus was already gone by the time they reached the temple tomorrow, Yuna would choose to delay her pilgrimage in favor of chasing after him... but Auron honestly didn't know how good the chances of that were. As important to Yuna as Tidus was, he wasn't sure anything took higher preference than her pilgrimage.

Going into his own room, which he now had to himself, he shut the door and immediately slunk back against it, feeling boneless. *Dammit, brat,* he thought, squeezing his eyes shut tight, *you had better be safe.*

***

Tidus looked at the man next to him warily, debating whether his luck was good or bad for running into him. He was familiar, and he could tell the boy who wasn't native to Spira where he was; but... he was such a creeper.

"My my, it certainly is a surprise to see you out here... and all alone."

The teen flinched involuntarily as a large hand fell onto his head and rather long fingernails began stroking through his blond locks, making him shiver in an unpleasant way.