The Hojo's

Danielle and the Photo Album....


“SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“You’re in for it now, brother...” Sephirena smiled at her twin, she was sitting on the roof.

“I didn’t do it!” Sephiroth cried.

“OH YES YOU DID! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE BACKYARD?” Lucrecia said, storming out of the house.

“Sis and I wanted to make mud-pies...” the seven year old Sephiroth smiled sweetly at his mother. He was standing in the middle of what was once the backyard, and was now just a giant mud pit, himself being covered from head to foot in the gooey mud.

“And where is you r sister?” Lucrecia, a much younger Lucrecia, said.

Sephiroth pointed his shovel upwards, “On the roof...”

Lucrecia turned quickly and glared at Sephirena, “And you young lady, how many times have I told you not to climb up on the roof!”

“Three thousand eight hundred and forty three times!” Sephirena said, “Besides, I get a better view of Midgar when I sit on the roof.”

“That is no excuse...” Lucrecia began, before Sephiroth broke in.

“Hey Sis! Can you see the sector six playground from here???”

“Sure can! It looks wonderful!” Sephirena said.

“Kids...one of these days your father will become a brilliant scientist and we will move out of the slums.” Lucrecia said, looking at their house, a two room shack that was pieced together from rubble.

“You have said that for as long as we can remember...” Sephirena said, hopping down off the roof. “And father is always spending time in his laboratory, always up on the plate...and you are always down here with us... when is it going to change?”

“Do not talk to your mother in that tone young lady.” Lucrecia said, before shaking her head and going back inside.

“Hey Mom!” Sephiroth said, “Can Sephirena and I go play?”

“Yes, go play... by all means go play... but be back in time for dinner.” Lucrecia said.

***

“SEPHIROTH!”

No answer.

“Sephiroth, come on, this isn’t funny...” Sephirena looked around in the dark church, she was about ten at the time.

Still no response.

“Sephiroth, come on, I’m really getting scared now.” Sephirena hated that church, the run down thing in the Sector Five Slums, but they were getting flowers for their mother for a present. She had turned around and Sephiroth wasn’t there anymore.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGA BOOGA BOOGA!” Sephiroth jumped down from the rafters and landed almost on top of his twin sister.

“SEPHIROTH!” Sephirena screamed, batting at him with her one hand, while the other held onto a bunch of flowers.

“Gotcha.” Sephiroth smiled.

***

“Splash splash!” Sephirena giggled, she was only three and was in a tub full of rubber duckies, bubbles and other toys.

“Splash!” Sephiroth squealed, throwing water in her face.

Sephirena cried and threw a rubber ducky at him, which squeaked as it hit him in the face, right between the eyes.

“MA!” Sephiroth cried to Lucrecia, who was cleaning them up after having eaten spaghetti that night for dinner.

“Hush, you deserved it.” Lucrecia laughed as both babies played in the water.

***
***

“Do you have to look through our photo album?” Sephirena Beth sighed, “It’s embarassing...”

“Yes, Danielle... it is.” Sephiroth said, “Look, you can see my little dinkie in the bathtub.” Both twins looked at each other as Danielle turned the page.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, look...she dressed you two ALIKE!” Danielle smiled as she looked at the picture of the two twins, both about four, dressed alike.

“Yes, and no comments on the fact that I’m wearing a pink dress...” Sephiroth scowled.

“But you look so cute...” Danielle smirked at him.

Sephiroth turned a bright red color before looking down, “Hey, that’s our old pet cat, Zelda.”

“I loved Zelda.” Sephirena smiled.

“You use to pull her tail all the time.” Sephiroth hissed, “she hated you.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you painted her green!” Sephirena hissed back.

“I wanted a dinosaur, not a cat.” Sephiroth said, “And it wasn’t paint, it was crayon.”

Danielle sat between the twins, giggling at the fight the two were engauged in. She chuckled as she turned the pages to show the next set of pictures... newborns.

***

“Push Lucrecia, push...” Eugene said.

“How about I push you off a cliff???” Lucrecia hissed through her teeth.

“Now, now dear... it can’t hurt that bad...” Eugene said.

Lucrecia latched her fingers and nails around Eugene’s ball sack and twisted, “I AM IN PAAAAAAAIN!”

“Yes dear...” Eugene squeaked.

***

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“Great, two babies screaming in stereo...” Lucrecia said, shortly after their births.

“Aw, but they are so cute.... a boy and a girl.” Eugene said.

“Go jump into a boiling vat of Mako.” Lucrecia hissed.

The nurse handed the twins to Lucrecia and she smiled, “Hello...”

“What are we going to name them?” Eugene asked.

“The boy is Sephiroth Greg, and the girl is Sephirena Beth...” Lucrecia said as the babies in her arms yawns all cute like.

***

“Come on Sephirena...come on...” Lucrecia said, arms spread out, “come walk to Mommy!”

“Mommy!” Sephirena cooed and took one step before falling onto her butt, she started to cry, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Lucrecia ran over and picked up her daughter to comfort her, “Shh...it’s alright, all better...” Mommy kissed her boo-boo.

“Sephiroth, Mommy’s big boy! Walk to Mommy!” Lucrecia sat Sephirena down and stepped away from Sephiroth, about five steps.

Sephiroth stood up and took four steps towards his mom, giggling... before Sephirena grabbed onto him and pulled him face first into the carpet of their slum home.

Sephiroth cried and punched Sephirena.

Both babies started crying.

***
***

“Gosh, you two were cute.” Danielle said, looking at the picture of the two babies sitting in the sandbox.

“She put sand in my hair that day.” Sephiroth said.

“What? You made me eat it!” Sephirena hissed.

***

“Now, you two play for a minute and Mommy will go make lunch...” Lucrecia said as she set her two babies, now three, in the huge tire that doubled as their sandbox.

“Hey Sis...hungwy?” Sephiroth said, using his broken shovel to make a ‘castle’ a lump of sand.

“Yes...” Sephirena smiled, making a hole in the sand, she was trying to dig her way to China.

“Want a Sand-which?” Sephiroth asked in his cute little voice.

“Yes!” Sephirena said, leaning over to her brother and opening her mouth.

“Here you go!” Sephiroth shoved a huge shovel full of sand into her mouth and she wailed.

Sephirena screamed and tried to get the sand out of her mouth, then picked up a handful and dumped it into Sephiroth’s hair.

Again, both twins screamed and cried.

***

“Bye babies... have a good first day of Kindergarten!” Lucrecia said, making sure that each of them had lunch money and everything they needed.

“Bye Mom!” Sephirena said.

“Bye Mom!” Sephiroth said, “Don’t get lonely without us!”

***
***

“You two looked so cute on your first day of school...” Danielle grinned.

“Sephiroth actually took care of me in elementary school...” Sephirena grinned.

“Hey, I have to take care of my younger sister...” Sephiroth said.

“I’m only younger by four minutes...” Sephirena said.

“I rest my case, you are still younger.” Sephiroth said.

***

“Hey, squirt...” a bully spoke to Sephirena, who was eating her sack lunch on the playground, Sephiroth was playing with his own buddies, they were in first grade.

“Hello.” Sephirena said nicely, she knew that kid, he was in the fifth grade and loved to pick on younger kids.

“Squirt, I like your dessert.” the bully said.

“Thank you, Mommy made home-made cookies today and gave me and my brother TWO each...”

“Give them here.” the bully said.

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no, if you had asked nicely, I might have said, ‘I will share,’ but no, you were rude, so no.” Sephirena said, biting into a cookie.

“That’s it Squirt.” the bully pulled his hand back as if he were about to hit her.

“HEY!” Sephiroth said, running towards them at full force.

“What do you want?” The bully said, hand still cocked and ready to hit the cowering Sephirena.

“Don’t hurt my sister.” Sephiroth said.

“I can if I want to.” the bully said.

“NO!” Sephiroth pulled out his wooden pirates sword and smacked the bully hard in the family jewels.

The bully dropped to his knees and as soon as he could, ran away.

“Thank you Sephiroth.” Sephirena said.

“No problem sis...” Sephiroth said.

“Want my other cookie?” Sephirena offered the sweet to her brother.

“Thank you.”

***

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Sephiroth bellowed, “WE’RE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!”

Lucrecia came out of the kitchen. “So I hear.”

Sephirena and Sephiroth were about twelve at this time, and had shoulder length silver hair.

“How was your day?” Lucrecia asked.

“I had a spelling test today,” Sephirena said happily, “we both did.”

“And?” Lucrecia said, “What did you do on it?”

“One hundred percent!” Sephirena smiled. Sephiroth slinked away.

“And you young man?” Lucrecia caught him.

“Thrity....two...” Sephiroth smiled.

“Why did you get a score that low?” Lucrecia said.

“Because Sephirena wouldn’t let me cheat.” Sephiroth said.

***
***

“Ah, look at your family pictures. You two are cute.” Danielle said.

“That’s when our parent renewed their wedding vows.” Sephirena smiled.

“Dad shoved cake in Mom’s mouth.” Sephiroth laughed.

“Yeah, but Mom got him back and poured champagne on his rented tux.

***

“Cut the cake! Cut the cake!”

Lucrecia and Eugene cut the cake, and Eugene picked up a piece and smiled at Lucrecia.

“Eugene...don’t you da...” was all Lucrecia could get out of her mouth before Eugene shoved the huge piece into her mouth, and all over her face.

Everyone laughed.

She smiled and licked some of it off, the frosting around her mouth. She then gave Eugene a small bite of cake.

Eugene filled the champagne glasses and handed one to her, she reached up and instead of letting him drink, poured the bubbly down his shirt and pants.

“EWW!” Eugene did a funky dance, as the stuff was cold and wet.

***
***

“How old were you two when your parents renewed their vows?” Danielle asked.

“Fourteen, that was just about five years ago.” Sephiroth said.

“Hmm...aw, look, it’s Nanaki as a puppy playing with Cait as a kitten.” Danielle smiled.

“That is Mom’s favorite picture.” Sephirena smiled.

“You guys hungry?” Danielle said, putting the photo album away.

“Yeah.” Sephirena smiled.

“Starved.” Sephiroth said.

“Let’s order in.” Danielle said, “Sub Shack anyone?”

“I love their triple meat and cheese Fatty Platter.” Sephiroth said.

“Typical teenage boy.” Danielle said, reaching for the phone, “Sephirena?”

“I like the foot long turkey with Choco-greens and mayo.” Sephirena said.

“How about cookies?” Sephiroth said, “A dozen triple quadruple chocolate chip cookies and a dozen of white chocolate pepo nut cookies!”

Danielle pulled out Sephiroth’s debt card and smiled, “Let me order...”

Sephiroth didn’t see the card in her hand.

***

“I didn’t know that the ‘Fatty Platter’ was three feet long.” Danielle said as the trio sat down with their food after it was delivered.

Sephiroth was already stuffing his face. Sephirena unrolled her own sandwich and took a bite.

“Hmm...” Sephirena smiled.

“Dis ish reawy reawy goodsh.” Sephiroth said, reaching up to grab his cola and down most of it in one drink.

“How can you eat like that?” Sephirena asked.

“Eh... chew Sephiroth, chew.” Danielle said.

“I ams chewingsh!” Sephiroth said, his mouth full of food.

***

“Ah, that was good.” Danielle said, leaning back in the living room.

“That it was.” Sephirena smiled.

“Now what?” Sephiroth said.

“How about we watch home movies?” Sephirena smiled.

“NO!” Sephiroth said, jumping up. “NOT THAT!”

“I know the perfect one...” Sephirena said, jumping up and putting the tape into the VCR.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

***

“Come on Sephiroth...” Lucrecia said, “Say Mama!”

“Say Dada!” Eugene looked at his son, Sephirena was asleep sucking her thumb beside them.

“Say Mama!”

“Say Dada!”

“Honey, here he goes...he’s going to say his first word!”

Sepihroth smiled a two toothed grin and cooed, “Kill!”

***

Danielle roared with laughter as Sephirena paused the tape.

“I knew what I was going to be from the get-go, didn’t I?” Sephiroth grinned, “A mass murdering lunatic.”

Sephirena nodded and pressed play.

***

“Okay, Sephirena... come on... say Mama!” Lucrecia tried to get her daughter to say mama.

“No, say Dada! Dada!” Eugene tried again.

“Come on sweetie... Mama!” Lucrecia smiled.

“Coo...” Sephirena began.

“She’s saying something.” Eugene said.

“Coo...cookie! Cookie! Cookie!” Sephirena giggled.

“Ooooookay, our son says ‘Kill’ and our daughter says ‘Cookie.’ Does that mean we are bad parents?” Eugene asked.

“No, no, just you.” Lucrecia smiled.

***

“Ah...did they ever give you that cookie Sephirena.” Danielle asked.

“Not until I was older.” Sephirena said, “If you noticed, I only had two teeth.”

“Okay, I know one we can watch then.” Sephiroth said, standing up and looking for a tape.

“Which one?” Sephirena asked.

“You’ll see...” Sephiroth said, pulling out a tape and putting it in the VCR.

***

“BIRD!”

“Yes Sephirena, Chocobos.” Lucrecia said as the family drove the buggy.

“Bird!” Sephiroth chimed in.

“Yes they are...can you two say Chocobos?”

“Piss.” Sephirena said.

“WHAT?” Lucrecia turned around to see Sephirena giggling.

“She said piss dear.” Eugene said.

“Sephirena, where did you hear that word?”

“Daaaaaaaddy.” Sephirena said sweetly, she was about four.

“What else did Daddy teach you two?” Lucrecia asked, glaring at Daddy.

“Fuck.” Sephiroth said.

“Sephiroth, watch your mouth!” Lucrecia snapped.

“Daddy said it too!” Sephiroth said.

“Chocobobobo....” Sephirena smiled. “Mommy, can we ride one?”

“Sure honey...”

***

The tape skipped to show Sephirena on the back of a young yellow ‘chobobobo.’

“Now, Sephirena, tell the chocobo to ‘gitup’ and lightly kick it.” Eugene told her as he held onto her.

“GIDDUP!” Sephirena yelled and kicked the poor bird as hard as she could.

The chocobo let out a loud painful wark and took off, dragging Eugene behind it, and Sephirena riding on it screeching, “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This is fun Daddy!”

***

Danielle fell off the couch she was laughing so hard. “How old were you guys when that happened?”

“We were four.” The twins said in unison, then looked at each other.

“I know one this time...” Sephirena said, “It’s our sixth birthday party.”

***

“Happy birthday to you...!” Lucrecia sang to her babies.

“MOMMY!” Sephirena smiled, it was a surprise birthday party.

“MOMMY!” Sephiroth smiled, “Wow!”

“Happy birthday to my little angels.” Lucrecia said.

“Sephiroth is a fallen one.” Eugene hissed, holding his nuts where Sephiroth had punched him a while back.

“But he’s cute.” Lucrecia said.

***

“Now for presents!” Lucrecia said.

“OH boy!” Sephiroth dove into the present that had his name on it and ripped it to shreads.

“MINE!” Sephirena pounced on her own present.

Soon, paper was flying all around and then came the two squeals of pleasure from the twins.

“A SWORD!”

“A SWORD!”

“Yes, you each get one.” Lucrecia smiled.

“Awesome...” Sephirena said, swinging hers a bit, giving it a test swing.

“WATCH IT!” Sephiroth said, ducking, then bringing his own sword up to clash against hers.

“Great Lucrecia, you gave them each something to injure each other with.” Eugene said, “And me as well...”

***
***

Danielle laughed heartily, “So you guys got your swords on your sixth birthday?”

“Yes.”

“Yep.”

“Oh, by the way Danielle...” Sephirena smiled, “Our birthday is coming up...”

Danielle smiled, “can we say another party...?”

“Sure.” Sephiroth said, “I just want to get laid by a GIRL this time.”

***

((Too short, if you ask me... but funny.))