Ceaseless Oblivion

I own nothing...aside from my cell-phone case, which I almost lost the other day. *kisses case* It's on , it anyone wishes to buy it! I will send them the link formally! Best $6 I've ever spent!

Expect for some light-heartedness in this chapter. All because in my next chapter, you all will be gasping, and there wont be much light-heartedness for awhile. It is oblivion my fair ones, not paradise. Yet.


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I think that wherever your journey takes you, there are new gods waiting there, with divine patience - and laughter. ~Susan M. Watkins

At some point in everyone's life, they have a moment of insight. This insight proves to either be the death of them, making that person believe that everything they had ever done, everything they had ever lived for up until that point was completely meaningless. Two outcomes come out of that: suicide, or the want for change. For Sephiroth, he had realized that in the beginning of this seeming exasperating trip, in which he claimed that nothing could be gained from it, he was longing for just that: death.

He wanted to run into the shadows, disappearing into them like the monster he had been at one point. How suiting that such a beast should roam in darkness, dissipating into the nothingness, waiting for orders from the Devil to plague humankind once more. That was what he wanted: abyss, and oblivion itself. If it would help him forget all of his wrongs, all of his pitiful happenings and actions, then he was willing to let the earth beneath his feet split open, if only he could escape this world. Anything was better than limbo.

Sephiroth realized that what he had wanted, an end to everything his life had become, was one of the stupidest things he could have ever thought of. Yes, he had a lot to answer for. Yes, this was hopeless, the task that he had set out for himself. But if he had learned one out of the many things he had uncovered, it was that everything, no matter how dire or discouraging, had the ability for salvation. Meaning, that he had every reason to continue with his life.

Also, suicide was the coward's way out. It didn't matter how hard it got, this life or the next one, but he would go off kicking and screaming into the night if only he was allowed a few extra moments. For this time, in this world, as impossible as it was to admit, was a place he was allowed to live, free from everything that plagued him.

Besides, where he was now was better than where he had been on Gaia. Here, he knew that Zack, Genesis and Angeal forgave him, and once more, were looking out for him the way guardian angels did, hovering over sleeping children as if they were the most precious things in the world. He was far from precious he knew, and so far from deserving said protectiveness. But he would earn it, in due time he knew. It just helped that he was not alone in this.

Sephiroth found that here, there was no such place as ShinRa, a company bent on the seeming reconstruction of the Planet. There was no such haunt as SOLDIER, a place that took on young men and women, wishing to toy with their lives and own them, the way that they had him. There was no one around who would remind him of who he once was-aside from Cloud himself-a hero, a demon, and a nightmare. Here…he was simply Sephiroth, scrubbed free from all titles. He had his name, his body, and the clothes on his back. As far as he was concerned, that was all he needed to live.

How pathetic that it had taken death, humiliation, humility, and finally, abyss to uncover that truth, this bout of clarity. But regardless of how he had achieved this higher level of understanding, he was standing on the threshold of it, looking up at all that he could be. It was powerful, awe inspiring. Carrying on would be…difficult, tremendously hard. But he would not give in. He was a human now, and he had a mission: get out of this world, all the while gaining a companion's trust, a man who should not have given him his time, his anything. He had done so much, and hoping for forgiveness was almost futile. Cloud would never tell him those words, that he forgave him. It was hard to believe they were being civil, considering their history. But they were, and Sephiroth commended Cloud for it. They were getting along, and that was all he could hope for.

Sephiroth rose from his position on the ground and stretched, feeling a few muscles in his neck pop with the effort. He ran a hand over his neck, knowing that the pain he felt was from sleeping on the hard earth for what seemed like forever. Though, he knew that mattresses were only given to those worthy enough. He would endure, like he had been.

Instantly, he dropped to his stomach and began doing push ups, knowing this was for the best. Though he and Cloud had not ran into anything dangerous in this world thus far, there was no reason to let his guard down. It made him irritated, for he knew that it would only be a matter of time before they were attacked, and the beasts of abyss would have to be faced. Hence, he would not let himself lose his upper body strength.

"Fifty four, fifty five…" Sephiroth looked up and saw Cloud mimicking his exercise, his strong arms lifting his body off of the ground. His shoulder muscles coiled and released themselves, as if he were an inter-working of gears, the sign of a strong back. Sephiroth continued his work out, trying to block out the image of Cloud kneeling with the world on his shoulders, slowly falling to his knees from the effort.

After one hundred push ups, Sephiroth fell to his back, taking in a few intakes of breath. A thought came to his mind, and before he could take the time to analyze the thought, he let it slip from his lips.

"Good morning, Cloud." There was nothing but silence, one that stretched, wrapped around the men, and then released itself into nothing but a ringing sound, the tone of quiet. Sephiroth wondered if it was so odd for him to attempt to be pleasant. Had he been in his previous state of mind, one that entailed for him to berate himself for thinking he could get away with this notion, then he would have cut off his tongue right then. But nothing got accomplished through self chastisement, the kind that destroyed good thoughts. There was no time for anything other than his clarity.

Cloud cleared his throat a few times, as if he had swallowed something down the wrong tube in his vocal cords. Sephiroth sighed and shook his head back and forth. What was he expecting? Though, time was ceaseless he knew, and maybe in a little bit, in a month or two, Cloud would say good morning to him. Trust took time. Nothing occurred within the snap of impulsive fingers.

Sephiroth began doing sit-ups then, and felt that since he had been doing so well with them, his stomach muscles were beginning to get more defined. This helped digest his food, and keep off the fats of the meat that he and Cloud ate daily. It was a miracle that since they had nothing but meat, that they were not starved for vitamins that came from fruits, from the other necessary food groups. There was no secret garden they would come across. But it was always possible that they would find a fruit tree.

The thought made him chuckle aloud, something that he was getting used to. He had never laughed or expressed so much emotion before in his entire life. But here, where there was no light other than that from Cloud's skin, and no sound came from anything but the stream and their voices, more had to happen. For the sake of mental sanity, there had to be broken silence, laughter.

He knew Cloud was watching him as he was exercising, for he could feel the man's gaze bore into him. Sephiroth never knew that one pair of eyes could be so smoldering, so…blazing. They were fire, burning holes into his skin, reducing his body into nothing but ashes. The thought almost made him stop his workout, but he continued, placing a calm mask upon his countenance. Cloud had no need to know that he had just had a…fancy about him. Besides, he knew it was only a thought. He would never act on it, or conceive the notion that he and Strife could be anything but companions, acquaintances, and friends.

With a grunt, he rose from the earth and landed on the balls of his feet. Sephiroth rolled his neck around until he heard a distinguishable snapping noise, one that let him know his spine was properly erect. He felt lighter then, and refreshed. This made him look to the skies, for he never thought that he would have such a thought. The nightmares that had haunted him so had ended, and his envy for Cloud had abated down to a low simmer, the green monster gone for now. There was no need for phantoms, or jealousy.

Sephiroth looked to the distance and squinted, an idea taking hold of him. "Strife…how are you sure we're going in the right direction?" This made Cloud rise from the ground, where he had been previously catching his breath. He sat up, and the light from his skin bounced, lighting up what Sephiroth had not been able to discern before: a horizon dotted with valleys.

Cloud didn't turn around for a moment, and Sephiroth wondered why the man had been so quiet this morning. Yes, it was Cloud, the Prince of silence. Yes, it was Cloud, the King of passive behavior. But from what he had been able to comprehend about the man, he had not enjoyed solitude. He liked quiet, and spoke when he had something important to say. But from when they traveled lately, both of them seemed to enjoy the act of speaking, of communicating better than when they had been when they were on Gaia. Sephiroth knew why this was though. They were one another's civilization, the other's lifeline to keep them from slipping into themselves even more.

"The bringer of light brings life from a husk. The bringer of nightmares gets his worthy rest. The bringer of chaos ensues healing." Sephiroth raised his brow, and nodded his head. He was getting used to people talking in his head regularly. That was one thing Jenova prepared him for.

It was Genesis of course, ever the poet even in another realm. He had no idea what the sentence meant, but as always, it would become clear later. He stored it in his mind so that he would not forget it, and turned to Cloud once more.

After an eternity, Cloud spoke. "You know…that's a good question." Cloud looked to Sephiroth, and rested his eyes once on his face, then his eyes, and then looked hurriedly back to the ground. This made the silver haired male frown. Had he done something to make Cloud act in such a manner? Cloud looked around then, as if he had now just realized he was up and about, snapping out of his daze. "I have an idea. It sounds crazy…"

"Strife, out with it. This is oblivion, you have wings, and I am trying to be a changed man. Nothing is crazier than that." Cloud looked up to him then, and the man's normally marble encased face cracked a smile. The grin was beautiful of course, the act of lips stretching over skin poetry in the making. The man should have smiled more often.

Sephiroth mentally slapped himself and eased away from the inevitability of inception. Once a thought occurred, there was no shaking it. But this he would shake off with all of his might, and not even give it a second thought.

It was not Cloud's words he heard, but Genesis's. "When a body can become your sky, you can find completion. See how he moves, languidly, poetic in form. Sapphire stars that split, caressing away all thought of denial." A small chuckle was heard, and Sephiroth knew that if he could, he would elbow Genesis in the ribs had he been behind him, or at least in this world. But he was not. He was just a voice that promised he would return. When he said he would return, Sephiroth had no idea just a voice would do such a thing, ramble on about poetry. Nothing made any sense anymore, seeing as how what he had just recited meant that he had some sort of…fascination with Cloud. No, he didn't. He just found him to be a good companion, and he wished for the man to answer his question.

Cloud finally spoke then. "When we first came to this world, I was facing this direction." Cloud turned to his own left, towards the horizon that was lit up from his skin. "I don't know if it is East or West, starboard or port, backwards or forwards. All I know is that I was facing that direction." He looked to Sephiroth with amusement in his eyes, something that Sephiroth had never conceived the possibility of the man having in his eyes for him. The emotion was directed towards him, which was as much insane as it was impossible.

"If it is impossible, then how is it happening?" Zack's voice now. Sephiroth wondered why he was not smacking at his head, in a vain attempt to stop the voice's that came from all directions. He was grateful for the company…but when both men decided to not leave him alone to be with Cloud, then he would have to do something about it. Granted, he could not run around and tear at his hair, asking for the "voices" to stop. He did not see dead people, nor was this Jenova. It was merely his friends from another world, looking in and slightly interfering with his morning with Cloud.

Genesis's laughter filled his ears then, and Sephiroth resisted the urge to bat at his ears, as if he had water in them. "As you wish. We will leave you with your Cloud." Silence was a blessing then, and Sephiroth felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Were they always being watched?

Sephiroth recalled what Cloud spoke of then, and cleared his throat to answer. "That's a good plan, going straight. However, how are you so sure it is the way?" The blonde haired man folded his arms then, showing slight defiance. Sephiroth held his ground, for he had no need to apologize for asking a simple question. However, when Sephiroth looked to Cloud then, he saw that his eyes were sparkling, twinkling, almost like little blue stones when the sun hit them at an angle.

"Once again, cadet, don't question my authority." Sephiroth looked to him, and couldn't help himself. He busted into laughter then, though he knew that the act must have looked strange, disturbing. Was he supposed to laugh? Was it ingrained in his being to feel, to be amused by this man? Regardless of what Hojo had done to him, he was certainly not going to let faulty DNA or tainted cells spoil his time. How interesting it was that the world looked lighter when something funny had just happened.

Cloud chuckled with him, but Sephiroth saw that he was on edge, as if he still did not trust his own motives for laughing in the first place. That was fine, for if he was in the man's position, he would have been screaming and running away if his enemy was laughing, high-tailing it out of there as fast as his legs would carry him. Not because he was a coward. Merely because an enemy that was laughing like that would do nothing but harm. He didn't mean harm though, for all he wanted was a laugh.

Sephiroth shook his head and composed himself, almost as if he were slipping into an extra set of skin. This was his infallible persona, one that would never let him down. It was necessary to don this, to keep his own walls up, for even Cloud could not know everything about him.

An audible sigh rang through his ears, and he knew it to be Angeal's. That man had the loudest sigh he had ever heard. Sephiroth resisted the urge to groan aloud, for he wondered if he would be pestered all day by his friend's spirits. He knew Angeal was upset with him, and his show of frustration meant that he wished for Sephiroth to do…something.

"Tear down your walls. It's the honorable thing to do." Sephiroth felt his breath catch in his throat. That sounded exactly like something Angeal would say, for the man never stopped talking about honor. He wondered how much Minerva was paying them to check up on him like this, three friendly ghosts who meant to pry into his mind, and eavesdrop on him and Cloud's conversations. This was insanity.

Still, he figured he would take his friend's advice. If he didn't, he had a feeling he would be soaring ten feet up in the air and landing in the river. Sephiroth pat Cloud on the back twice and shook his head the way an exasperated-but loving-father would do his son, one who had just pulled some ridiculous antic.

"Strife, I'm not sure why you are so amusing." A slight flush coated Cloud's cheeks, and this made Sephiroth frown. Was it the blush of one who was being put on the spot, something he knew Cloud hated? Or was it the flush of getting praised from his once idol, one whom he had dreamed of being like one day? Sephiroth figured it the latter, for there was no other alternative. There was no other motive for Cloud's facial coloring.

Cloud shrugged, and Sephiroth caught that the man was trying to put on a show, to hide how he really felt from him. In due time, he hoped to know just what it was that he was hiding. "I guess. All I'm saying is…I know. I know if we just keep going, keep traveling like we're doing…we'll get to leave this place." The thought seemed to excite Cloud, for a light filled his eyes then, one that no amount of darkness in this place could diminish. It was the light of hope.

Sephiroth felt something move in his being then, as if there was something trapped in his chest, shaking, stirring, coming to life. All because he happened to look at Cloud. The thought made him uneasy, for he didn't wish to feel this way. Thus, if he didn't want to feel this way, he should just stop. His past depression was gone all because he wouldn't allow himself to feel sad. The same could be said for his sanity. If he just controlled himself, and didn't allow for himself to feel any hint of mania or sadism, then he would be fine. Ideal, almost. That's what he wanted above anything: to be better than what he was, at any costs.

And if being better entailed that he would have to deny himself something, then he was willing to take that chance. Angeal wanted him to tear down his own walls, the disguise that made him all that he was. That was not possible. He would show Cloud himself, but not all of it. It would be most unbecoming if he was that open. However, one needed to be open in oblivion, for though the darkness stretched and coiled around them, there were something's that needed to be spoken aloud, some secrets revealed.

The silver haired man let out an exhale of breath, for he had come to yet another revelation. If he was to change, he would show Cloud himself. But, not all of it, for there were parts of a person that could not be revealed, no matter how much light was cast on the shadows of their character. He would show him just enough to where they could become friends, and to where he could gain the man's trust, something he desperately wanted if he was being truthful. However, that pesky feeling in his chest, the one that made his heart beat like a raucous instrument could and would be ignored, denied, and unfulfilled.

"Very well. You know the way." Sephiroth gestured with his chin towards the horizon. "And I believe you." Cloud looked at him almost as if he couldn't believe that those words had slipped past his lips. They had, and there was no taking them back. That was the thing about words: once spoken, they could never be taken back, or forgotten. Sephiroth was going to have to choose them wisely if he was going to keep up with his volition.

Cloud nodded. "Yes, I do. Now, let's find something edible to eat." Sephiroth agreed and reached down to pick up one of their wooden spears. Those hardly qualified as weapons, and he figured that he would be able to handle picking one up, holding destruction in his bare hands. For, it would only be the undoing of an animal so he could have nourishment, and not self induced slaughter for his own amusement. Those days were behind him.

After a quick breakfast spent on dining on the meat of some unrecognizable animal, Cloud sniffed his shirt, and made a face of disgust.

"You know, I think I need to wash up." Sephiroth chuckled and smelled his own clothes. He didn't reek, but it was the scent of salt and perspiration. He was surprised that both of them were not attracting beasts with their scent, for they didn't have any antiperspirant or deodorants with them. Those were luxuries abyss did not provide.

"Strife, since you're all knowing, what is your theory on how we don't smell?" Cloud looked up at him, and Sephiroth caught how he was hesitant to look at him. He had been that way all week, almost as if he were afraid to look him in the eye. That was expected. Nothing could be perfect, even if they had sworn an oath of a truce.

"I think…it's the water." He looked to the stream to avoid Sephiroth's eyes. "It probably has something in it when we bathe, and it allows us to…not smell." He chuckled lightly, and the sound was soothing to Sephiroth's ears. Mentally, he back-pedaled. There was no need for him to think such things. "And since we wash our clothes…the component seeps into the material." Sephiroth supposed that was as good an answer as any, considering that is what he suspected as well. He could have told him that a month ago, for he had many theories on this world. But theories didn't become truth until it was proven, and until someone else agreed with him. In this instance, Cloud and Sephiroth agreed on this technicality of the world.

Sephiroth stood up and began walking to the water, thinking that while he was bathing, he would wash his clothes as well. He took off his shirt and placed it on the grassy bank, the incline that had always been there. Nature was a constant in this world.

"W-what are you doing?" Sephiroth was snapped out of his train of thought at Cloud's words. He turned around and raised his brow to Cloud, a man that looked…quite frightened. A horror filled his eyes when he saw what Sephiroth was doing, almost as if he were the only witness to unspeakable dark makings, something that was occurring in the heart of a wretched forest somewhere. Sephiroth looked to the river and then back at the man.

"Washing up. Why?" Cloud quickly looked away and began digging at the ground then, meaning to bury the bones of his meal. He churned the earth with his hands as if he were an impatient farmer meaning to get a quicker harvest. To Sephiroth, he was acting a fool, throwing dirt everywhere, grunting every so often with his actions. What the Hell was he doing? " Strife, what the Hell is your problem?"

Cloud snapped his head up then, and a nervous flush came over his skin, one that Sephiroth was not blind to. What was he…shy? With the way he was looking at him, and the inevitability of his nudeness, Sephiroth had to agree with that statement.

Sephiroth chuckled aloud. "I see. You're shy." Cloud grumbled and looked away then, looking very much like an impatient child, one who had just been told that he could not get his way. This made Sephiroth laugh aloud once more. He had never really known for anyone other than males who were just coming of age to be shy when they bathed together. That being said, he had spent a great majority of his time in the barracks of SOLDIER, where he was constantly surrounded by naked, and half naked men. He thought nothing of it, for there, it was proper.

"Just…we always bathed at different times. I washed up while you were sleeping, and you did the same. Can't we…do that again?" Sephiroth looked at the man as if he had just asked him if he would be willing to don a young girl's dress, put it on, and whirl around and ask if he looked pretty.

"Strife…you were the one that wanted to bathe. Besides, it's no big deal." And with that, he simply stripped and went into the river.

He wasn't going to let this happen. Cloud needed to break his shyness right then, for they were going to be together for he felt that they were going to be together for a long time in this world. Sooner or later, they were going to see the other naked. It might as well be now, exposing him to his nudeness.

The water was chilly, but it felt nice around his legs. He sat down in it and began scrubbing his chest and arms, feeling soothed. There was nothing quite like bathing. Sephiroth met Cloud's startled expression, and he laughed aloud once more.

"You were the one who wanted to bath in the first place. Now get your ass in here. We don't have all day." Cloud, in a move that could only be described as hasty, tore off his shirt, pants and under garments, and entered the river in a large splash. Sephiroth shook his head, not knowing what the problem was. He figured he should voice his confusion. If it had worked miracles before, then he would try it again.

"Cloud, what's the problem?" Cloud looked at him from a good ten feet away and shook his head.

"Nothing." He began scrubbing his chest hastily, and then his arms, as if he wished to get this over and done with. "Forget I said anything." Sephiroth sighed aloud. The man was absolutely infuriating. Cloud swished some water around in his mouth for several minutes and spat it up on shore, though the water was able to handle their own dirt and would return back to it's original state.

"Strife, really? You are the one that wishes for us to be more open. If I shared to you my sin, and you told me all of those other things…then I see no reason why you cannot tell me the problem here." Reason always killed indecision. Cloud grumbled aloud and dunked his head, scrubbing furiously at it. Sephiroth sighed and did the same, knowing that the man would be quiet for awhile.

While he was under the surface of the water, Sephiroth couldn't help but consider that what he and Cloud were doing was completely inane. He had tried to kill him many times, and had screwed with his mind just to do it. And here they were, many lifetimes later, trying to understand and get to know the other. It was crazy. Yet, it made perfect sense. It was no wonder the man could not open up to him easily, for he was the cause of so much of his own weakness and personal crisis. Sephiroth did not think that he would be able to do the same if he was in the position Cloud was in. Cloud was unquestionably the better man here. But by aligning himself with a better man, he would learn to be better for it, which was his deepest desire.

He surfaced and saw that Cloud had stood up and was scrubbing his legs. Sephiroth watched the hands that had tore at his own skin wash his limbs with precision, as if he knew that he would not be this clean for awhile. His skin was alight as always, humming from the inside with a sapphire light, one that made him the purer soul. Cloud was in his ultimate stage of power then, and he was nothing but a mortal watching him from afar, longing to be his equal. Role reversal was a bitter thing.

Cloud looked up at him, and for a moment, Sephiroth found that he could focus on nothing more than his eyes. Those eyes held him transfixed, spellbound, as if he were watching a grain of sand, after much pain and torment of the oyster, turn into a beautiful and shining pearl. It was the look of one who was watching beauty, held in it's awe, in complete and total rapture. They were so lovely, a color so deep and rich that it reminded him of the lapis lazuli, a rare stone in the days of old that had been used to make lovely colors on canvases, whole works of art. Cloud…was a work of art.

Sephiroth felt as if he had suffered yet again from temporary insanity. There was NO need for him to think those thoughts, or to let himself slip from his own clarity. No reason at all.

He looked away from Cloud and stood up, knowing he had to clean other parts of his body as well. He bent over and scrubbed his legs and then worked his way up his stomach, wishing he had a bar of soap. But that was a luxury he didn't have, and it was something his SOLDIER days instilled in him. Use what the land provided, and don't wish for anything else.

Cloud left the stream and Sephiroth saw the man look to the water, and then back. Sephiroth then realized his dilemma: he had wanted to wash his clothes, but in order to do that, he would have had to be naked for much longer. It was something that he didn't want. Sephiroth shook his head.

"Strife, you're ridiculous." And to that, Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's clothes and began scrubbing them together in the water, meaning to clean the shirt. Cloud scoffed and came into the water again, reaching for his shirt.

"Hey, I'll do that." Sephiroth shook his head.

"Are you sure you can handle that? You were barely able to look at me. What makes you think you can wash your clothes and be naked?" Cloud growled and reached for his shirt, something that Sephiroth teased away from him. The man was not going to get the clothes until they were clean.

"Just give it back." Sephiroth shook his head.

"No. In return, you can clean my clothes though, if you wish." Sephiroth focused on making the shirt clean, and once it was, he placed it on the bank. "Or, you can make yourself useful and begin drying the shirt." Cloud grumbled aloud and reached for Sephiroth's shirt, meaning to clean it. It was across from Sephiroth, meaning he had to touch the man in order to get the act done. Sephiroth felt the man's fingers brush his bare skin, the skin of his collarbone, and he felt a shiver run up and down his spine. Cloud caught this and frowned.

"You cold or something?" Sephiroth decided just to agree with him.

"Yes. Let's get our clothes washed so we don't die of hypothermia please." Cloud chuckled and resumed washing the clothes. Sephiroth washed the man's pants, and threw his under garment at him. "Those you can wash." Cloud laughed a little then, a grin splitting his usual stoic features.

"Fine. And sorry. I just…am not comfortable with…certain things." Sephiroth raised a brow and stepped out of the river, wishing to dry Strife's clothes on their revolving stick for cooking. It would warm their clothes soon, and they would be on their way.

"Certain things? Cloud, just tell me." Cloud was silent then, as if he wished he could take back those words. Sephiroth placed the man's clothes on the stick, and turned around, running his hands through his hair all the while. If he didn't do that immediately, it would tangle in a mess of silver that no comb could help.

"I…never really liked showering in front of others." Sephiroth supposed that was natural. But no man could stay that way forever. There would be instances where they had to break their own security and comfort zone for a higher cause, the cause being the self improvement that he wished for.

"I see. But you are the one who wishes to change your ways. Why not begin with something small?" Cloud stepped out of the river and handed him his own clothes, of which Sephiroth took with delight. He saw that the man hadn't flinched from washing his socks or undergarments, of which he had not offered to do. The man was better than him, hence he would do more for him than he knew.

Cloud looked up at him then, as if Sephiroth had just voiced the meaning of the universe in one sentence. "You know…that might have been the best thing you have said this entire time here." Sephiroth raised his brow. "Really. You're not crazy anymore." To this, Sephiroth laughed.

"I suppose not. You kind of have to stop being crazy to do what we're doing." Cloud shrugged and shook his head, as if he still could not believe that they were together, and being civil. They were not throwing the other to the ground constantly, with the intent of murder. Instead, they were doing something much harder: attempting to understand that which they didn't identify with. And that was much more trying than a fist fight.

"You're right. I guess we're both a little crazy then. In a good way, a constructive way." Sephiroth nodded and placed his clothes on the stick with Cloud's. His own were almost dry, whereas Cloud's were laying limp and damp against the fire. He turned the handle and sat on the ground next to the blaze, enjoying the warmth of it.

"Yes. Now, tell me your confession for the day. Or is your shyness of nude men your secret?" To this, Cloud flushed and Sephiroth wondered about the man's sexuality then. Did he…enjoy looking at his own body when it was without clothing? To this, he nearly laughed until he rolled on the floor. That was insanity, crazy talk. To even conceive the idea of such a thing was amusing. No, Cloud was still longing for that Tifa woman he knew, or someone else, some other female. Who knew? Maybe he would settle down in the Promised Land like Zack had.

Cloud looked to the ground, deep in thought. "I'm not sure. What do you want to know?" Sephiroth caught the man's eyes, and saw that in this moment Cloud was willing to tell him anything. This was…unreal.

Sephiroth shook his head. "In due time, Strife." A thought struck him then. "Tell me…about your home life. Since you already have seen mine, I think it only fair." Cloud nodded his head sadly, and pursed his lips, ready to tell the tale.

"My father was lost to one of the many wars when I was younger. My mother had me when she was still a teenager, and was estranged from my grandparents as a result. She raised me all on her own in Nibelhiem." His eyes were lost in nostalgia, and Sephiroth wondered if he should have even asked the question.

"Cloud…I know what I did to your home. Don't tell me if you don't want to." Sephiroth looked to the fire, and began to wonder if he had been in the right by bringing up the past.

"The only way to gain the present is by facing the past." Sephiroth felt a sigh ripple through his lips upon Zack's words. So they had still been listening. Cloud shook his head, and in a bold move, gripped Sephiroth's arm.

"I…want to. I know what you did. And I know that you know it was wrong." Cloud's eyes met his then, and he let a small smile come to his features, one that had Sephrioth absolutely bewitched. "I don't forgive you…but I know that you acknowledge that it was wrong." He let the man go then, figuring he had made his point. Sephiroth felt the point of contact that Cloud gave him burn his arm, and he knew that he was going to have to try much, much harder if he was going to get anywhere with his volition.

"So, let me tell you about it." In the expanse of twenty or so minutes, Cloud described his childhood. How he had picked fights with other children just for sport at times, or out of boredom. How he had been estranged with Tifa for awhile, and had caused for her to get hurt. Also, he alluded to how Sephiroth had been his idol, and had trained to be just like him.

This made a pang of hurt throb through Sephiroth's chest. So many people wanted to be like him. He had no idea why. He had been the type of person who was not afraid to step on a few bodies in his path of status, mindlessly leaving carnage and ruin wherever he went. That type of power was destructive. Why would Cloud wish for that?

"And that was my childhood. It was…a good one." Sephiroth caught that Cloud wished to say more, to say something other than the words that he had said. Cloud looked to the fire and took their clothes from it, for they both had been sitting on the ground naked for the time being. Cloud had tucked his legs up and around himself to where Sephiroth would not be able to see anything. It wasn't like he looked, aside from once or twice, but the man was modest, and didn't wish to sit with his legs outstretched, to where anything was exposed.

He got dressed quickly, pulling his shirt over his chest, hiding his prominent muscles from Sephiroth, something that let the man know that all of that working out was paying off. Cloud placed on his briefs and pants, and then put on his socks and boots. Sephiroth had dressed as well, and both were getting ready to go and travel for the day.

As Sephiroth killed the fire, burying it under some earth and twigs, Cloud spoke. "I was going to say…it was better than yours. I have a lot to be thankful for." He looked up sheepishly at Sephiroth, almost as if admitting this was making him something weak. No. One should never be ashamed to admit truth.

Sephiroth nodded to him, agreeing. "Yes, it was. But childhood seems to always be filled with pain…but we are men now. I don't want to be defined by what Minerva showed you, or what I have done." Cloud looked to him and revelation filled his eyes then, as if he had witnessed something awe inspiring, truth filled.

"Sephiroth…you have changed. I'm glad." Sephiroth looked to Cloud, and found himself lost in his cerulean gaze once more, as if the waves from the ocean were hitting him, lulling him into a blissful stupor.

"I…never thought you would tell me that. You of all people." Cloud laughed and lightly hit his arm, a move Zack Fair would have definitely done.

"Yeah well, we're surprising each other." He looked in the distance, and then back at Sephiroth, as if checking to see if he was still with him. "Are you ready?" Sephiroth nodded and began walking behind Cloud, all the while feeling as if he were getting closer and closer to the clarity he wanted, as well as closer to Cloud.

That should have been the end of his thoughts, but it wasn't. Laughter filled his ears and he felt himself being lifted off the ground, much to his surprise. He voiced his panic and Cloud whirled around, a little too late to dodge the two hundred and odd some pound man headed his way. Sephiroth's head connected with Cloud's jaw, and both men lay on the ground, nursing their aching heads.

"What the…" Sephiroth sat up slowly, his head spinning. What the Hell had just happened? Voices filled his head then, and he knew that if he were not continuously visited by his friends from the hereafter, he would have been afraid he had gone insane.

"Open up your eyes, and look at the truth. Open up your mind, and look to the possibilities. Open up your heart, and let the rain ease your body." Genesis of course, the poet who would ever be irritating him with limericks and lines from LOVELESS. Though this was a poem of his own making.

"Come on now Sephiroth…surely you're not that dense?" Zack, slightly instigating him. What did he mean about him being dense?

"The honorable thing Sephiroth, is to not disguise yourself." Angeal now, always speaking of honor and what was becoming of a young SOLDIER.

With all of this going through his head at light speed, Sephiroth was almost able to disguise his surprise when he landed on Cloud. He rose his head slowly, and saw that he had almost knocked the other man out. He was holding his jaw, massaging it with his fingertips, all the while looking dazed. Sephiroth had to admit, he had saw stars for a moment. He eased up carefully and tried to sit up in such a way that he was barely touching Cloud. He didn't want for them to touch more than what was necessary, for there was no need for that. However, since he was dizzy, he wound up slipping and falling on Cloud again.

Cloud made a small yelp of surprise, and to Sephiroth's amazement, the man placed his hand on the back of his hair. It was still damp, and with the way he had been surprised, Cloud's fingers wound thickly through his wet locks unconsciously. A small groan eased from Sephiroth's mouth, for his hair had always been sensitive to touch. Meaning, if someone thought to yank his head in battle, he would have yowled in pain. The same could be said for pleasure. If someone meant to give him comfort, they could have stroked his hair. Though, no one ever had.

Sephiroth eased his face off Cloud's chest and was met with Cloud's own startled visage. A flush was spread over his cheeks, something that made the light from his skin emanate a slight crimson, just on his face. Why was he blushing?

"U-uh…what just happened?" Sephiroth sighed and shook his head, wishing he didn't have this much "help" from his friends.

"Indeed. I was…hurtled and picked up by something. The next thing I know, I'm on top of you." Sephiroth raised his head and blinked his eyes twice, finding that he could see nothing else but Cloud. He was so handsome right then, looking up at him in that way of his when he was curious about something. And it didn't help that a flush lined his cheeks, making him look almost…child-like, adorable. Shit. What the Hell was he thinking? Cloud was not adorable, handsome, or child-like. He was simply his friend! Almost his friend anyhow.

Sephiroth managed an upright position, and found that the crotch of his pants was connecting with another bulge, the bulge of the man beneath him. He mumbled a profanity and rolled off of Cloud, feeling heat course from every single pore on his body. What the Hell was going on? He ran a hand through his hair to disguise the heat that was coming to his face, and his steadily growing erection. Was he just…had he just been turned on by Cloud?

Cloud stood up then and offered his hand out to Sephiroth. Sephiroth took it and lifted himself from the earth, unable to look the man directly in the eye. This was…completely humiliating! Was he into men all of a sudden?

Suddenly, as if he had been struck by lightning, Sephiroth realized something important: that he enjoyed women, but what he had always wanted was an enigma, something that he just did not understand. That was what he wanted, as well as one who could best him in battle. Cloud…was both things. The man had bested him three times, and right now, he was above him in every single aspect of his life.

'Oh shit…' He gripped the man's hand, and found that beside himself, his gaze strayed to the man's eyes. Big mistake. They held him allured, spellbound once more, and there was no escaping it. He was ensnared now, in a web he could not get out of. His face burned, as did his body, and all he saw was Cloud's face, a perfect, pristine face outlined in blue light. Never had he seen something so beautiful in all of his life. His mouth was agape then at this realization, at this shattering clarity of his body, that he, Sephiroth, was into men. And was into a man that should have every reason and cause to hate him.

"It's alright. Zack loves to play around." He chuckled, and the motion made his lips slide into a lovely grin, one that had Sephiroth enraptured. Sephiroth looked away and dropped the man's hand, not wishing to make a spectacle of this…realization. This was ridiculous! And he would not focus on it any longer, self truth or not. "Don't worry about it. Just let me know if you feel yourself being lifted up." Cloud laughed and turned on his heel.

"Sure. I will." Simple sentences were best, for the real dialogue was going on in his head.

This was clarity in it's finest hour, for he had found that he had all of the signs of liking men, and had had them for all of his life. Yes, he had enjoyed the sex he shared with that prostitute. But he knew he would have enjoyed it even more had it been a man that he had found inscrutable, someone who would have been a mystery to him and could best him in combat. Those were the things he wanted in a partner. Though, that was only true if he was on Gaia. Since he was not, and was all alone with only Cloud for company…he found that all of his ideals were now placed on this man. He felt like he should have been pulling at his hair out of frustration, for this wasn't the way things were supposed to go.

However, if he had learned one more thing in this place, it was that nothing was as it appeared to be. And whatever solid intentions he had wished to pave for himself, all of those could change with the drop of a dime. That was the same with life he supposed, that all of it was subjective to time, and to circumstance. And in this instance, Sephiroth had found that he was in the bloom of denial, hiding who he was, his true colors, his everything.

Cloud began walking on, marching as if he had found a definite sense of purpose in his life, and would continue to live in the middle of his own clarity. Should he join him in that journey? Or just…suffer in oblivion?

Sephiroth decided then that whoever he chose to be partners with, that he would still find solace in what he had agreed to previously. That he wanted to change and be good, a man who was in control of his actions and thoughts. He wanted control. Also, he longed for Cloud to trust him, and that was his other mission, to prove that was worthy of being trusted.

"Sephiroth?" Sephiroth looked up to where Cloud was pointing, and saw, to his absolute disbelief, a bright flash of light in the distance, the image of a falling star. But it was not a star, merely a white orb of light, one that flashed in and out of focus in the sky. "There's light?" Sephiroth stared at it, and slowly, he was beginning to understand the world.

He chuckled, thinking that it was so simple, yet so profound. "Cloud, care to hear my theory?" Cloud nodded, and both men watched as the light twinkled, staying in the heaven's for a bit before fading out. "Since we're getting along and making the effort to understand the other, we are bringing ourselves to light." His mako eyes met sapphire oculars. "By helping each other, we are helping ourselves. And this world is getting lighter because of it."

Cloud looked around, as if he had never thought about it. "So…something can come from oblivion?" Sephiroth nodded, and felt that his eyes were looking at Cloud in ways that they had never seen him. He saw him now as a beacon of light, someone who could lead him away from his own foolishness with the light from his skin. Cloud was…his guardian angel. That thought should have sent him reeling away from himself, but it didn't. Instead, it made perfect sense. It was not something he should laugh about. Cloud was meant to be his light. And the sooner he accepted that, the better off that he would be.

"Yes. Despite what we thought before…this makes sense somehow." They saw the light flash and stay in the sky for a moment before fading out. It would return he knew, inevitably. Goodness was hard to find, and evil was always possible, looming in the distance. But the choice was his alone.

Cloud then looked to him, and a small smile filled his features once more. Sephiroth realized that that smile was going to be the death of him, of all that he knew.

"Sephiroth?" Sephiroth raised his brow, wondering what he wanted to ask him.

"Yes, Cloud?" Cloud smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Good morning, my friend." Sephiroth looked to Cloud's hand first, and then to Cloud's face. The emotion on it was sincere, utterly genuine. Sephiroth nodded his head, and remembered earlier on in the morning when he had told the same thing to Cloud.

Sephiroth nodded to the man, and felt himself lost in his eyes once more. He was going to have to be careful with that. "Good morning, my friend."

And just like that, his clarity became something fractured, broken into minute particles. Everything he had thought he understood was nonsense, the nonsense that was the makings of attraction, of lust and love itself.


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Oh ho ho! What have we here? Don't deny it Sephi! As always, I adore each and every review and have taken to replying to them all in my authors note. :D