Invisible Ink

Well, this is the last chapter that we had completely worked out. :( Maybe if we get enough pokes and prods though we’ll get our butts working on it. *nod* But… Vincent had his heart-to-heart with his confidant and now Cid gets his heart-to-heart. Ex-girlfriends are always good for that, no? BTW… Vince’s Shera is a little perv. :3
~Cid

Chapter Fifteen

Shera laughed when they got to the top of the stairs. "Wow, I feel like I'm 16 again."

Smirking a bit, Cid looked around. "Why's that?"

She led them into the guest bedroom. "Playing games with your parents, running upstairs to a bedroom hand in hand." She shrugged, flopping on the bed happily. "It's really kind of nostalgic."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Cid chuckled softly. "Yeah, guess I can see it. 'Cept we're stuck in Cloud's old room instead of mine. Not that I'm complainin', but yeah." He looked over his shoulder at her. "Kinda miss it."

"Yeah," she agreed, smiling up at him. She sat up, shifting to sit cross-legged on the bed and folding her hands in her lap. "Okay, let's hear about this girl."

Pushing himself up so his back was against the headboard, Cid shrugged. "I really dunno what ya wanna hear."

"Well, what's her name? What's she like? How'd you meet?" Shera smiled wider. "C'mon, spill it."

The blond shrugged again. "Her name's Tifa. Really nice." He gave a little laugh. "Met her 'cause my roommate dragged me out to a Chinese restaurant an' she was the waitress. Asked her out, she accepted an' boom. We were goin' out."

"What does she look like?" Shera asked, soaking up the gossip.

"She's pretty. Dark hair, nice shape..." He shrugged again, not sure how to describe Tifa properly to his long-time ex without sounding like a complete jackass. "She's athletic. Kick-boxes if I remember right."

Shera chuckled, reading him like an open children's book. "She's hot, then. Nice shape means she has nice boobs, and athletic means she's curvy, right?"

"Ah..." Cid glanced away. "Maybe," he mumbled, sinking against the bed a little. "But she must've liked me back so yeah. Plus, she seems pretty damned interested in me still."

"Well, that's good. There's nothing wrong with dating a girl you think is hot, Cid," Shera chuckled. "I dunno why she wouldn't like you back."

The blond glanced away. "Dunno."

Shera's smile fell a little. Cid seemed bothered and she wasn't sure why. Placing a hand on his knee, she leaned forward a little. "Something wrong, Cid?"

Shaking his head, Cid looked back up. "Why?"

"You seem like something's up. You're quiet and you keep looking away."

Cid frowned a little. "An' what makes ya think that means somethin's goin' on?"

She shrugged. "Unless you've changed completely in the past five weeks, that usually means something's bothering you." She tilted her head a little, looking gentle and concerned. "What's going on?"

She essentially had him cornered. But whether he should tell her or not, he wasn't sure. Sighing a little, he shifted some more. "I... I think I'm stuck."

Frowning a little in confusion, Shera shook her head a little. "Stuck with what?"

Cid looked her in the eye. "I... can I trust ya? I mean, really trust ya?" The expression in his eyes was incredibly serious, as was the tone of his voice.

She got worried for a second, her mind jumping to some bad conclusions, but she pushed them away until she heard him out. "Of course," she said, giving him the same look.

"An' this can't get out to Dad, Lily or Cloud, all right? 'Cause I dunno how they would take it, but I don't think it'd be good." He felt a little nervous about telling someone, but he did feel rather confident that he could trust Shera. "I'm kinda... datin' two people at once," he mumbled softly, hoping she wouldn't change her mind and decide she hated him. He didn't think she was that shallow, but it was hard to tell.

Shera frowned. "You mean... you're going on dates with two people at once, or you have two relationships going that are supposed to be monogamous?"

"I, uh..." Taking a breath, Cid bit his lip and mumbled his answer. "The second one..."

Shera just frowned a little more, but let him continue, knowing him well enough that he wouldn't be using two people like that. "Okay," she said, making it obvious that she was waiting for the rest of his confession, for the part that would justify his actions.

"I-I never meant for it to happen. I just... The first one wasn't anythin' really an' then Tifa came along an' kinda both at the same time decided they wanted to, ya know, be with me." He felt a little panic rising inside of him, but he kept it down the best he could. "I couldn't just pop out to either of 'em that I was datin' someone else 'cause then someone'd feel hurt an' I just couldn't do that to either of 'em!" He kept his voice down, but his tone sounded stressed.

Nodding a little, Shera thought about his words. She knew he meant what he said. "So you're stuck between them?"

"Yeah. An' now they're both gettin' all attached an' I can't push either of them away. I just can't do that." Shaking his head, Cid ran a hand through his hair, gripping lightly. "I know I shouldn't be doin' somethin' like that, but there's nothin' I can really do about it now without hurtin' someone pretty damn bad."

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Shera gave him a sympathetic look. He was obviously struggling with this, which made her feel a little better about the situation. Not that she wanted him to suffer, but it really proved to her that he was still the same genuine, caring man she grew up with. "So who's the other girl?" she asked, wanting more details so she could really give him her advice.

Cid winced. He knew what he needed to tell her, but he was reluctant. What she would think about him being with another man, a man who was his professor no less?

"Cid?" Shera asked, getting a little more worried at the change in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Biting his lip again, Cid looked down, almost ashamed. "The other girl's... not a girl," he mumbled quietly, almost inaudible.

"What?" she asked, leaning closer to him. His mumbling was too soft for her to hear.

"She's... not a girl."

Brown eyebrows creased a little in confusion. "Not a girl?"

Cid pressed a hand against his head, huffing. "The other one's a guy," he just blurted out. He held his breath, worried about what she was going to say. He didn't want to lose his closest friend because of some mistake he had made.

Not sure what to say, Shera just sat and looked at him, her lips parted in preparation for the words she couldn't find. "A guy," she finally mumbled quietly, looking away from him without realizing it.

The blond swallowed hard. He was just waiting for her to turn on him and tell him how disgusting he was. "It was a mistake," he whispered, trying to somehow redeem himself. "I didn't want it to happen. It just... did."

She looked up at him again, her heart breaking a little at the turmoil she saw in his expression. "Which... which one do you think you like better?" she asked quietly, still surprised.

Closing his eyes, Cid leaned his head against the headboard, a dull thump sounding. "I don't know. I like them both. That's my problem. I figured I would try an' see who liked me better an' who I liked better, but it's... kinda even everywhere."

"Um... who's the guy?"

Cid cringed again, knowing that if she didn't think him absolutely wrong now, she would soon. "He's... he's someone I know from school," he said weakly, knowing his statement wasn't anywhere near acceptable for a situation such as this.

"I imagined," Shera said, still trying to understand and remain gentle at the same time. "But I mean... why a guy? Where did he come from?" She bit her lip, really not wanting to sound like she was scolding him or being condescending. "Are... are you gay?"

"I... no. I mean, he's the only guy I've ever... found attractive." He felt awkward trying to explain everything, but at least it didn't seem like Shera was going to hate him for his choices. "He's kinda like a special exception or somethin'."

"Why?"

The blond shrugged. "I... dunno. When I first saw him, I thought he was a woman. But he obviously ain't an' even after I knew that, I still... I dunno... wanted him."

That struck something in Shera. "Is it just sexual?" she asked.

Cid shook his head. "Don't think so, 'cause I enjoy just bein' with him. We don't even have to be doin' anythin', just sittin' there." His voice was sitll soft, but it was a little more steady than before. "There's just somethin' about him. I feel... comfortable around him."

Keeping careful track of the way Cid held himself, Shera kept looking at him. "And what about the other one? Tifa, was it? Is it more sexual than anything else with her?"

"I... It's hard to tell." Sighing, Cid rubbed his hand over his face again. "I mean, it's kinda the same as with Vince, but..." He sighed again. "I guess it's a little more sexual with her. Prob'ly 'cause that's what I'm used to. An' it doesn't help that usually when I'm around her, that's what she always wants to do..." He cast his gaze aside, feeling odd for discussing such a thing with Shera. "But most of that's prob'ly 'cause I don't see her as much."

"You see him more?"

"Yeah. Usually see him every day, not to mention spendin' most nights over at his place. Only get to see Tifa durin' the weekends since she works all day all week an' I have early classes. Can't spend the weeknights with her." Why he just kept talking, he wasn't sure. Something was telling him that he had said enough, but he just kept going. "So I really have more time to spend with him an' wanna be with him in a different way than with her."

Shera pursed her lips, listening to him and trying to pick out his feelings. "Different in what way?"

"Like... I just enjoy spendin' time with him. I like bein' with Tifa, but I just feel like we always need to be doin' somethin'." He took a breath, looking down at the bed. "He did somethin' weird before I left," he added quietly.

"What did he do?" she asked, trying to keep him talking.

Cid shook his head a little. "He really acted disappointed. No, sad almost. An' he kept sayin' he was gonna miss me. Sure, Tifa said that too, but he just seemed so serious." His brows knit a little. "I mean, I could see it in his eyes that he didn't want me to go." Bringing his gaze up to Shera's, he let out a breath. "Ya don't think he's that attached, do ya?" he asked, not sure what he wanted to think about it.

Shera shrugged. "I can't really say," she said, feeling bad for him. "What do you think about it? Do you not like that he could be attached to you?"

"I dunno. It's prob'ly not a good thing considerin' the situation." Cid sank a little more, his head hitting the pillow as he ended up lying on the bed. "We shouldn't even be seein' each other, let alone havin' some sort of relationship."

She turned to look at him better. "Why shouldn't you be together? Because... you're two men?"

"It's not that," Cid replied. "It's... really open around there. Took me a while to get used to it an' believe me, I'm still not used to it completely." He chewed on his lip again. "But... he's my professor."

It took a moment for that to register. "He's your professor?" Shera asked, unable to keep the surprise from her voice. "How old is he?" she asked, almost immediately regretting it. She couldn't help it though. She now had an image of Cid with some old man with grey hair and wrinkles.

"Twenty-seven. Five years younger'n me. He got all interested in me 'cause of that an' that's kinda where... I started feelin' somethin'." Rubbing his face for a moment and then looking up at her, he caught her gaze. "I'm in a bad spot, ain't I?"

She looked slightly relieved. "Maybe. But at least he's around your age." She smiled a little, trying to lighten the mood. "I thought he was some old man with a cane or something."

Cid paused and thought, his face twisting a little. "That's... uh, that's just gross," he said with a grimace. "The fuck you thinkin'?"

"Well you said he was your professor. College professors are usually older."

"He's a grad student," Cid said quietly. "Which kinda makes this even trickier. If somethin' gets out, his whole career could be shot. But he keeps sayin' he wants to be with me even though that could happen."

"Wow," Shera said quietly. She noticed Cid was talking more about the man than he was about Tifa, and she filed that away for later.

"Whaddya think that means?" he asked, wanting someone else's opinion. He wanted to see it as a good thing, but now that he stepped back and looked at it, he realized exactly how bad things could get if their relationship was ever brought into the open.

Shera shrugged, having trouble narrowing down her thoughts. "He's risking his career... for you. I dunno what to think about that." She slowly lay down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "That sounds like you're important to him."

Cid nodded. That was the only thing he could get out of thinking over Vincent's actions and words, but it still didn't make sense. They had been together for around a month, but that didn't seem like enough time for him to become so important to the professor. "I dunno what to do about all this," he said softly. "I don't wanna tell either of them it's over, but I know this is wrong. Not to mention it's tirin' as fuck."

Shera sighed, draping one arm over his chest. "I don't know what to tell you," she said quietly. Really, she was still surprised by his confession, and by the fact that, even if he didn't realize it, he sounded like he was slightly more interested in the man. She understood why he was so torn. It wasn't just that he was worried about hurting someone. He was terrified about the fact that he was involved with a man, something that was the worst kind of taboo in their town, as they both knew well.

Cid moved his gaze down to rest on the girl's head before glancing upward toward the ceiling, a mix of worry and shame cloaking him. "Ya prob'ly think I'm some sorta selfish freak now," he said softly. She hadn't given any indication that was how she felt, but it was what he expected. "Was fine till I went to college an' boom. I'm a huge bastard who likes a guy." He let out a short breath. "I dunno what happened."

She rubbed his chest lightly, trying to be comforting. "You're still the same guy I grew up with," she said gently. "At first I thought you might be being a little selfish, but you're not. You just don't want to see people get hurt." She leaned up on her elbow so she could see him better, her eyes worried and a little sad. "But Cid, you have to make a decision. Just because your intentions are good doesn't mean people won't still get hurt. The more you lead them on, the harder one of them will be let down later. And..." Her face changed a little so she looked unsure, but understanding. "It doesn't matter that one of them is a guy. Your feelings are what's important here. If you think he's worth it, then that's all you need to know."

"But the problem is that I don't mean to be leadin' 'em on. I just..." He shrugged, letting out a slightly frustrated sigh. "I dunno which one I like better. I know I should be likin' Tifa better, but when I think about it, I really can't decide. I feel more comfortable just bein' around Vince when we're alone, but then I'm almost the same way when I'm with Tifa. I wanna be with her an' see where things end up. Same as I want with Vince." Tipping his head back, Cid let his eyes close. "I'm startin' to think I can't trust what I want anymore. I kinda feel like I just need someone to tell me what to do an' I hate that."

"No one can tell you what you really want, Cid." The fingers of the hand that was still resting on his chest started rubbing lightly. "But you need to make a decision soon. Hurting them isn't nice, but leading them on is worse."

The blond head shook a little, blue eyes opening to look blankly ahead of him. "I know," he replied weakly. "I just... can't decide. The more I'm with Tifa, the more I wanna be with her. An' the more I'm with Vince, the more I wanna be with him. An' even if I could make a decision, I don't know how to tell either of 'em it's over. I don't want things goin' bad."

"That's just a risk you'll have to take, Cid. The longer you wait, the harder one of them will hit the bottom when you let her... or him, down."

"I know..." Cid's head tipped forward a little. "What if I give it another couple weeks? Just to figure out what I really wanna do? That shouldn't be enough time for either of 'em to... fall for me or whatever." He didn't like thinking of either of them caring that much for him right now.

Shera sighed, laying her head back down on his shoulder and snuggling closer. "That's up to you. You have to be the judge." Her hand took up its gentle rubbing again, her eyes following it. "Do you... do you not like the idea of being in love?"

"I... no..." The blond reached up and placed his hand over Shera's, stilling it. "I just don't think it'd be a good idea right now. 'Sides. I've seen what love does to people. It's not pretty. It makes them crazy." His voice was soft and he hoped it would lessen the impact of his words. According to a few people, Shera had at one time been in love with him, but that was far in the past. He still didn't want to hurt her feelings by having his statement sound like an insult.

"It does," Shera agreed quietly. "And it's never a good idea, but you can't control it."

"Yeah, well, if I can help it, I'm gonna keep myself from fallin' in love." He shifted where he lay, trying to get more comfortable. "An' if I can, I'm gonna keep anyone from fallin' in love with me too."

"You can't do that," Shera said, a little more forcefully than she had intended. She quieted her voice again when she realized how harsh she sounded. "You can't just decide who falls in love with you and who doesn't. And you can't just decide whether or not you're going to fall in love. It doesn't work that way."

"Doesn't mean I can't try," Cid replied, keeping his voice down. He hadn't meant to upset her. "It's just not somethin' that needs to happen right now. That'd cause a shit-ton of trouble that no one wants."

"Well, you can't stop it," she said, unconsciously holding him a little tighter.

Cid fell silent, unable to make his argument anymore without further upsetting her. He just lay there looking up at the ceiling and wishing he had a clear answer to his problem rather than a bunch of questions he didn't even want to think about.

Shera sighed, frowning. It was common knowledge, how much she loved him, but now it really was more of a best friend kind of love. She couldn't imagine her life without him, and it hurt her that he was suffering and she couldn't help him like he wanted her to. But what he was asking wasn't possible. She didn't know any other way to make him understand.

Lying there quietly, she thought about all he had told her. It was strange to think of him with another man, but not strange enough that it didn't make sense. He had never been as interested in girls as all the other guys had been. She always just chalked it up to the fact that he was just a gentleman and preferred to be picky. He could certainly afford to do so, because many of the girls in their town had already had their hearts broken after they threw themselves at him and he turned them down. But she never thought it would mean that he could have been more interested in guys. It didn't bother her as much as she thought it should, but she knew that anyone else around them would be disgusted, at the very least.

Sighing, Cid closed his eyes. He felt a little better after telling Shera and not having her go crazy over what exactly he had said, but he still felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do with himself because all that he had actually figured out was the same things he knew all along. It frustrated him and he unconsciously squeezed Shera's hand a bit as he let out another breath.

She closed her eyes, heart aching for him. She could almost feel how frustrated and confused he was. She slowly opened her eyes again, staying as she was. "I'll always love you. You're my best friend. That's not going to change, okay?" she said, leaning up a little to look at him. She smiled a little. "It doesn't matter to me what gender you like."

A tiny smile appeared on the blond's lips as he nodded. "I know. 'M just glad ya didn't blow up at me or somethin'. I mean, I know you're not like that, but... yeah." He shook his head a little, an unsteady laugh sounding. "Hell, I couldn't accept anythin' till I was stuck too deep in it. Hate to think what everyone else'd think about it," he said quietly, meaning his family.

Shera shrugged one shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look. "Your parents will always love you, too. They might not approve at first, but I think they'll be okay."

"Yeah," Cid said through a dry laugh. "Tell me that when they find out an' I'm sittin' on the curb 'cause I got disowned."

She rolled her eyes a little. "They won't disown you."

"What makes ya think that? Dad'd at least have a goddamned heart attack if he found out I was sleepin' with a guy. Ya know how he thinks I'm his pride an' joy or some shit like that." The blond's voice became harsh and he bit back his next words, glancing away. "Sorry."

Sliding her hand up Cid's chest to touch his cheek gently, turning his face to look at her again. "Cid, that's exactly the reason he won't care. You could do anything and he'd still be so proud of you." Her thumb rubbed lightly against his cheekbone, her eyes loving and serious. "And Lily thinks of you as her own son. She'd never let anything bad happen to you."

Cid shook his head again, but said nothing else. He knew better than to argue with Shera. Instead he just closed his eyes again and leaned his head against her hand without thinking about it, almost missing the simplicity of what they used to have. There was never an argument over what his family would think, there was never some moral issue and there was never a reason for him to doubt their relationship. "We just had to be too close, didn't we?" he asked before he could stop himself, his tone hushed.

Shera tilted her head, keeping her touches continuous. "You and me?" she asked quietly.

"Mhmm. Was so much easier."

Shera smiled a little, admiring his handsome features quietly. "Yeah, but remember how we started feeling towards each other?" she asked. "It really did start feeling like we were just best friends who happened to be sleeping together."

"Yeah, I know. But..." He shrugged. "Things like this make me want that back sometimes. There wasn't so much at risk or involved or whatever. It was just us. An' yeah, we just felt like best friends, but I dunno how I like feelin' like a weekend boyfriend or just a student who happens to be sleepin' with his teacher."

Shera frowned. "Something tells me that's a big part of what's bothering you so much." She shifted her hand so that she was petting his hair. "Do you feel like they're using you?"

"No, 's not that. If anythin', I kinda feel like I'm usin' them. I know I kinda am, but I don't want somethin' like that." He shook his head.

"Are you really using them, though?"

"I dunno. I guess I kinda am since I'm with both of 'em at once, but I don't wanna be. I know some guys like doin' shit like that, but... it just bugs me. I don't like it." He sighed a little. "An' at the same time I kinda feel like somethin's missin' with both of 'em."

"What's missing?"

"Dunno. Just feels like somethin's not there."

"No idea?" Shera asked, tilting her head a little.

The blond head shook. "Guess it's just another one of those things I gotta figure out, huh?" he said with a wry smile.

She smiled sympathetically. "Well... you know you can call me if you need to talk to someone about it."

"I know," he replied quietly. "Funny that I came here for a break to think about everythin' and here I can't figure anythin' out."

She settled down on his shoulder again, sighing. "I guess you just need to keep thinking about it."

"Makes my head hurt," he muttered, tipping his head against hers. Her hair tickled his nose when he breathed in and he gave an almost sad smile, remembering that almost the exact same thing had happened with Vincent the night before as they fell asleep. He didn't want to say he missed the professor because his feelings weren't that strong, but he did miss how accustomed he had become to sleeping near the younger man and feeling the warm body curled against his own.

"So..." Shera said after a few minutes. "I'm... a little curious about this guy." She made sure to keep her voice calm and quiet. "Do you mind telling me a little about him?"

Cid was slightly startled by her voice in the silence of the room, but he just shifted and settled back down. "Like what?"

"What did you say his name was?" she asked.

"Vincent. I usually just call him Vince though." Cid shrugged a little. "He said he hates nicknames, but he doesn't seem to mind it."

"Hmm," Shera said quietly. "What's he look like?"

The blond let out a little breath as he tried to think of how to describe Vincent. "He's... tall. Taller'n me, even though that's not sayin' much. Uh... Got long, black hair, which is why I thought he was a woman. Really, I dunno... not really feminine lookin', but he's kinda in the middle. That pretty-guy look. Looks almost Asian or somethin'."

"Hmm," Shera repeated, trying to conjure up a mental image.

"Not really skinny, but he's not big either. Kinda that good average." His chest lifted as he held in a laugh. "Kinda curvy for a guy. He's got nice hips. Nice smile, too."

Shera glanced up at Cid briefly, taking note of the fact that Cid also gave her a more detailed description of Vincent than he had of Tifa. It made her wonder if Cid was really as confused as he said he was, but she let him continue.

Cid opened his eyes momentarily, looking down at her. "So what else ya wanna know?" he asked, not sure if he could come up with a whole lot more without prompting.

"What's he like?" Shera asked, half because she was curious and half to see how much detail Cid would really go into. "What does he like to do?"

"Read. A lot." He laughed a little again. "He's an English professor, so I guess it kinda makes sense." He suddenly paused, thinking. "I... don't really know a whole lot of what he likes to do. I mean, I saw him making a model airplane one time. He said he likes doin' things with his hands. But besides that an' readin', I don't really know."

"He was making a model plane?" Shera asked, thinking of the many times she had seen Cid doing that very thing.

"Yeah. That was before anythin' really happened." He snorted a little. "That's when I thought he was just some weird teacher who thought I was too interestin'. From day one he kept sayin' he wanted to be my friend an' he thought I was interestin' 'cause I was older than him an' he'd never had anyone older in his class. I thought he was just crazy."

"How did everything start?"

The blond shook his head, a few strands covering his eyes. "I don't really know. I mean, I guess I was kinda... I dunno, captivated by him for a while there. He's got this... almost commandin' presence to him. Makes ya wanna just sit there an' stare. Prob'ly helped that he's pretty, but yeah. An', uh... there was the night from hell. Guess that'd really be the start of everythin'."

"Night from hell?" she asked, leaning up to look at him.

"Yeah." Cid grimmaced. "It was my roommate's idea. He was doin' this whole thing like 'ya should go out with us... come to this club with us…’ 'Course I was a fuckin' idiot an' did. Just ended up bumpin' into Vince there an' makin' an ass of myself."

Shera frowned a little. "What happened?"

"I... didn't wanna dance so I was helpin' myself to the bar. Nothin' new there. But then Vince shows up an' threatens me that I better start dancin' or else he's gonna lower my grade. Don't think that's legal, but yeah. Then Zack showed an' him an' Vince started... I dunno. I guess it was dancin'. Grindin' an' shit. I got... jealous." He shrugged. "Kinda exploded at 'em an' took off, 'cept Vince followed me."

"Who's Zack?"

"Roommate," Cid mumbled. “He wanted me an' Vince together from the beginnin' ever since he found out I thought he was attractive."

Shera felt a little lost with all the names and images, but she let Cid keep talking.

"Yeah. So I was plannin' on goin' an' tryin' to drink myself silly so I'd stop thinkin' about how I was jealous, but Vince apparently decided to tag along. I dunno what happened after that. Woke up in Vince's guest bedroom an' when I asked him what'd happened, he said I kissed him." Cid gave another little laugh. "Ya can imagine how freaked out I was then. Not to mention when I finally made it home, Zack found out I did more than just kiss 'im. I apparently tried to 'make-out' with him, as Zack put it, nibblin' an' all."

"While you were drunk?"

"Yeah. Took Zack threatenin' to get me to go to class the next day. Didn't wanna show my face around him for a month, but I knew I couldn't do that."

"But how did that turn into what you have now?"

The blond tipped his head to the side. It was strange listening to himself retell everything, but he had to admit that it probably did make a good story. It wasn't exactly what one would hear every day. "I dunno. It just happened. I mean, when I get around him, my head just kinda... abandons me or somethin'. That's why I ended up kissin' him again after one class an' then again when I was at his house later that day. I didn't wanna, but... I guess I did."

Shera's eyebrows furrowed a little. "You keep mentioning what you did... he wasn't like... against all this, was he?"

Shaking his head, Cid sighed. "Nah. I mean, he kept doin' this whole 'it's wrong' thing, but he definitely wasn't pushin' me away. If anythin', he was holdin' me there. Hell, he even told me that day when I asked him what I should do that he wanted me to kiss him again." He shook his head again. "Defintiely not against it."

"Well... I guess that's good, then." It was strange, picturing Cid kissing another man, but Shera kept it to herself, not wanting to upset the blond. "So then what?"

Cid bit his bottom lip. "I dunno... I just kept runnin' into him an'... Then I met Tifa." He shook his head again. "'Nother disaster night," he mumbled.

"Why?"

"Things were goin' fine until I ended up takin' her home after we went out. Everythin' was great, but... she wanted somethin' that night, if ya get what I mean. Not that I had any objections, but yeah." Giving a small shrug and a huff, he continued. "I was a little drunk an' my mind kinda replaced her with him. I couldn't do anythin' an' had to leave. Ended up at his house an’…" He trailed off, not wanting to outright tell Shera that he had slept with his professor. It was just awkward to him.

"You imagined she was Vincent?" Shera asked, mildly surprised.

"I was drunk," he repeated, emphasizing drunk with his tone. "I wasn't thinkin' right."

"And then... you ended up at his place again?"

"Yeah." He wasn't sure where she was headed with her questions, but he wasn't sure he liked it.

She looked at him, frowning a little as she thought. She could figure out what came next, and she wasn't sure how she could deal with it, but she wanted to try for Cid. "Cid..." she said quietly. "It... it kinda sounds to me like you like him more."

Cid just looked at her. "Why d'ya think that?" he asked, his tone carrying a little more defensive bite than he had wanted.

She glanced away, but continued her thought. "You told me a lot more about him than you did about Tifa. And… you imagined Tifa as Vincent. When I asked you what Tifa looked like, you told me two or three things about her. But when I asked you to describe him... you seemed like you almost didn't want to stop talking about him."

Cid shifted, suddenly a little uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about favoring either of the two right now. "Yeah, well, I spend a hell of a lot more time with him than I do with Tifa," he said, trying to defend himself once again.

Shera pursed her lips, wanting to tell him that didn't necessarily mean much, but she did see his point, and she didn't want to start a fight. "Yeah, you said that. I guess that makes sense."

Swallowing down any more arguments he might have had, Cid chewed on his bottom lip again. "I just don't wanna make the wrong choice right now. What if I listen to that an' choose him an' find out I shoulda been with her all along?"

"Your instinct is going to tell you what to do. You can't help which one you choose."

"I don't wanna rely on my instincts though. Look where they've already got me."

Shera frowned again, honestly wanting to help him. "I don't know what to tell you," she said.

"Neither do I." Cid groaned softly. "It's so goddamned confusin' an' I shouldn't have to deal with shit like this. I'm thirty-two fuckin' years old, not a teenager."

"I know," she said, rubbing his chest again. "I wish I could help more."

"So do I, but I dunno how ya would."

Sighing, Shera laid her head back down on his shoulder. "You can always talk to me about it, like I said." She lifted her eyes, glancing at the digital clock next to the bed. "Jeez, we've been talking for almost an hour."

Cid chuckled a little, though he was still uneasy. Shera had implied that he preferred Vincent over Tifa, a thought that sacred him in a way. In all honesty, he didn't like the way the professor could control his thoughts and desires without even trying. It made him feel weak, not at all the strong person he thought himself to be. "D'ya think I'm crazy?" he asked quietly. "Be honest with me."

Shera looked up at him again. "Of course not," she said. "Why would I think you're crazy?"

"I dunno... this whole thing makes me feel crazy."

"You're not crazy," Shera said, giving him a firm look. "Sometimes life is confusing. That doesn't mean you're crazy."

"Yeah, well... I still feel like it..." Cid looked away, Shera's look making him feel even more uneasy even though he knew it shouldn't have.

"Hey," she said gently, reaching to touch his face again. She gently pushed him to look at her. "You're not crazy," she said, softer this time. "No one said you had to have all the answers."

Cid slowly looked at her, a mix of confusion, frustration and a little sadness swirling in his eyes. He had never been good at hiding his emotions, especially from her. "It's not right for me to be almost scared 'cause of what I feel," he said quietly. "It's ridiculous an' I don't like it. I just wanna go back to what I know, not this shit."

"But there isn't really anything you can do about it," she said, heart breaking a little more at the emotion in his voice.

"But this isn't me. Look at me. I'm a fuckin' mess." Shaking his head, Cid huffed lightly.

Smiling sadly, Shera stayed quiet, unable to tell him anything he wanted to hear.

When he received no response, Cid just closed his eyes, not even bothering to move. "Just hope I can figure out somethin' before it blows up in my face or some shit like that."

"Act fast, then," she said, moving her hand to pet his hair gently.

"I dunno how though." A blond brow creased as he leaned his head against the touches.

Using her nails gently, she combed through the blond spikes she was so fond of. "You'll think of something."

"Hope so..." A tiny shiver ran down Cid's back and he sighed.

"I think you will. I know you."

"Hmm..." He couldn't think of much more to say that wouldn't just start another conversation that sent them in circles.

Smiling a little, Shera leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, her fingers still continuing to run through his hair. "It's late," she said. "You should get some sleep."

"Yeah, I guess." Opening his eyes, Cid smiled faintly. "Thanks," he mumbled. "Ya didn't have to listen to all my shit."

"It's what I'm here for," she replied, still smiling faintly.

"Yeah, but anyone else woulda told me to shut my damn mouth an' deal with it." He smiled a little more, reaching an arm up and pulling her into a hug, holding her against him.

She smiled more, getting comfortable in his arms. "But this is me you're talking to."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Letting out a sigh, the blond dipped his head to kiss the top of her's. "An' I'm glad it's you an' not someone else. I don't think anyone else knows me like ya do." He smirked a little, though it didn't last. "That's why we're always gonna be friends. Ya know too much."

She chuckled. "Same with me," she said, pressing her face a little closer to his neck.

Chuckling softly, Cid felt a little of his unease leave him though he still felt on edge. Glancing at the clock on his own, he let out a short breath. "Guess we should try gettin' some sleep before we find somethin' else to talk about, huh?"

"I guess so," she said, already feeling comfortable enough to start getting tired. "We're still in our clothes, though."

"Oh yeah..." Pushing himself up, Cid slid out from under Shera and pulled off his shirt and pants without thinking about it, suddenly glancing back when he was in nothing but his boxers. "Uh... shit. Didn't really bring anythin' else to sleep in." He gave a tiny smile. "Didn't really think I'd be sleepin' with someone. Not that I mind, but... yeah."

Shera chuckled, getting to her feet tiredly and taking her pants off, leaving them where they fell. "You know I don't care," she said, climbing back into bed with him. "We've been doing this since we were like, three."

"Yeah, but... I dunno." Shrugging, Cid settled back on the bed, his head resting on the pillow. He was tired and ready to stop talking in favor of sleep, glad that she was as well. He pulled the covers up and held them above him, waiting for her to get settled as well.

She slipped under the blankets, smiling and snuggling close to him, enjoying his warmth. "This is nice. Just like old times."

A small smile crossed the blond's lips as he wrapped an arm around her and held her close. "Yeah..." He pressed a quick kiss against her forehead, leaving his head where he lay. "Night."

"G'night, Cid," Shera said, letting her eyes fall closed.

Smiling a little more, Cid reached over with his other hand and flicked off the light. "See ya in the mornin'..." he whispered, his eyes closing as well.

Shera smiled, feeling herself relax. It felt good to be next to him again. She couldn't get her mind to quiet down, though. She just kept having thoughts about Cid with Vincent, seeing images she didn't really need to see, but made her curious nonetheless. After about ten minutes of silence, she opened her eyes again, keeping her head on his shoulder. "Cid?"

"Hmm?" he asked drowsily, rousing himself enough to listen.

"...What's it like?" she asked, grinning to herself.

"What's what like?" He wasn't quite following her line of thinking.

"You know... sex with another man."

Cid's eyes shot open and he gaped at her. "I-what?"

"What's it like?" she asked again, chuckling quietly.

"I'm not tellin' ya that!" he hissed harshly, embarrassment flooding him. She couldn't really expect him to tell her about sex with Vincent.

"Why not?" she asked, giggling. "C'mon, I wanna know."

"'Cause that's... no!" he replied, glad for the darkness. He was fairly sure his cheeks were flushed, just from the sheer embarrassment of even thinking about telling Shera. "That's just... no!"

"Fine, fine," Shera said, laughing. She stayed quiet for a moment.

"Fuck... askin' me what it's like... The hell're ya thinkin'" he muttered, shaking his head and letting his eyes close again.

Shera giggled again, relenting for now.

Shaking his head again, Cid muttered something that sounded like the girl's name. "Night," he said again, a bit louder than they had been speaking before.

Shera waited a few minutes before she decided to push his buttons a little more. "So... are you the top or the bottom?" she asked, laughing afterwards.

"Goddammit, Shera! I'm gonna kick ya outta the fuckin' bed!" he yelped, shoving at her. He couldn't believe what she was asking, but he had to admit that if it wasn't him, he probably would have been somewhat amused.

She laughed loudly as she held onto him to keep from falling. "Okay, okay! Jeez!" She kept laughing, settling back down next to him.

Cid glared at her despite the darkness, yet still let her lie back down. He lay there a moment, just trying to ignore her questions, finally getting slightly annoyed. "Why the hell would ya think I was the bottom?"

"I was just yanking your chain," she said, laughing again. "...So you're the top?" she asked, grinning.

Cid would have narrowed his gaze at her if they had been able to see each other. "Whaddya think?" he asked lowly, still embarrassed.

"Just making sure," she said, still giggling. "You realize that I get to tease you now. It's just what best friends do."

"Tease me about what?" he asked quietly, not liking the sounds of her words.

"Like I just did."

"Right..." Closing his eyes again, Cid huffed. "An' for the record, it's amazin',' he mumbled, half-hoping she couldn't hear him.

She chuckled. "Amazing, hmm? Why?"

"Just is. 'S all I'm sayin'."

"C'mon! You got me curious now. It's a little weird to think about it, but I'm still interested."

"No! Go to sleep already," he said, trying to hold back a little laugh. Even though he felt slightly humiliated by the new conversation, he was amused by her persistence.

She laughed again, cutting it short with a yawn. "Fine, but you're telling me tomorrow."

Slapping a hand over Shera's mouth, Cid shook his head. "Don't think so. Not somethin' ya need to know. Now sleep before I make ya."

She giggled again behind his hand, just nodding her head.

"Good. Now g'night for the last time, I hope," the blond said with a little smile, pulling her close. "No more questions."

"No more questions. For tonight," she added, giggling again.

"Good. Now go to sleep." He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, snorting softly.

She chuckled once more, actually settling down this time and closing her eyes.

Reaching up to run his fingers through her hair, Cid smiled gently. "See ya in the mornin'," he mumbled, letting his eyes close and hoping he would actually make it asleep this time.

"Mhmm," she mumbled, lulled by the petting. It didn't take her long to fall asleep.

Smiling tiredly, Cid allowed himself to drift off, his mind working over their conversations as he did so.