Saxophone Blues...

Part XVIII

I just grinned at the memories of chibi Squall running around in a Charlie brown-esque shirt. I felt the tension seep away and I relaxed, no longer so worried about being in the presence of Edea. Even though she had been possessed, as I had been, being near her made me nervous. Holding Squall in my arms on the other hand was something that was so perfect, I felt the need to pinch myself.

“Squall?”

“Mmm?” He sounded almost completely asleep, so I took pity on him.

“Wanna curl up in bed, I’m still tired.” I knew he wouldn’t ditch his work for himself, but maybe I could sway him to stay with me. He smiled and yawned as he nodded, doing his cute little stretch that bared his stomach and hips. I wanted to kiss every inch of porcelain skin that was exposed. I settled for pulling on my boxers and trailing him to his bed. He offered me the blankets and I let him snuggle up against me again.

~

Oscar was sleeping beside Squall later on when I came back from a short errand. Squall was out to the world, his legs curled up and his hands held cutely together by his head. I bent over him to brush the strands of hair out of his eyes and dropped a light kiss on his brow before moving over to the desk that took up most of one wall. Just because Squall was the Commander, didn’t mean that I was exempt from doing work. I had passed my SeeD test, but due to my instability, I wasn’t ‘loaned’ out on missions. I was kept at Garden and played office bitch to whoever I was assigned to. Presently, for this quarter, I was working with Squall. I would probably get another quarter or two with him as we worked well together, unlike the other SeeD’s and cadets assigned to him. He seemed to plow through them. I guess they didn’t understand how to deal with him.

“Seifer?”

“Hmm?” I turned to find him sitting up in his bed, Oscar partly draped over his lap.

“When’s lunch?”

“Soon, I was gonna wake you in a little bit. You wanna eat in?”

“No sandwiches!” I laughed and scratched at my wrist. I was grateful Squall hadn’t noticed the new scabs on my wrists. I couldn’t let him know that I was cutting still. I’m not cutting as deeply as before, now its only surface cuts, to let out the pain of knowing he’s only posing as mine, that he’s not truly mine and he’s still unattainable…

“No sandwiches then. I’ll cook ne?”

“Hai…” I smiled at him, as he sank back down in the bed. I longed to join him on the bed, but knew I shouldn’t. It would be cruel for me to try and start something that I knew full well didn’t mean anything to him.

“Seifer, you’re bleeding!” Squall leapt from the bed to join me at the desk, taking my wrist in hand. I guess during my thinking I’d managed to break the scab off.

“It’s nothing… just scratched a bite, don’t worry about it.” I tried to pull my wrist away but he’s a lot stronger than he looks. He managed to turn my wrist over, so the veins were showing and push my shirt up out of the way.

“You’ve been cutting… why are you doing this? What’s so wrong with your life?”

“Squall, drop it.”

“I wanna know why you do this to yourself.”

“That’s none of your business Squall.”

“Seifer…”

“No.” I stormed out after that. I didn’t want to tell him why I was cutting. I didn’t want to talk about it at all.