Ceaseless Oblivion

I own nothing, nor am I making a profit. However, if I did own these guys…believe me, you guys would hear about it on the news. :D

Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly. ~Edward Albee

Cloud was aware that he was asleep. He knew that he was back in the cave with Sephiroth, on his makeshift grass bed, catching some shut eye before he had to find more shelter. It was his duty to help Sephiroth, to escape oblivion, and to overcome everything that he had ever been through to get to the Promised Land, his final resting place.

However, he was also aware that inevitably as he slept, he was experiencing yet again another out of body experience. Cloud opened his eyes to nothing but the sapphire tint of his skin, and he looked at his arm, bringing it up from his body. He flexed his wrist and hand, and saw that he was somewhere beyond the cave, in a dream like state. His original body was still in the cave, and he was resting still, despite his…soul spirit thing walking around.

“Why am I here?” He spoke this to empty air, wondering if the Goddess Herself would appear, or Zack. He received no reply, but a rush of a breeze behind him made him look behind him. Cloud turned around, and saw the floating white sphere, the one that he had first seen from thirty feet in the air, thanks to the Goddess. It was some sort of a mirror into other times and spectrums, and the last time he had seen this, he had seen Tifa, taking comfort in Reno’s good nature and spontaneity. Yes, it had been awhile since he had seen her. Besides, who knew? Time passed differently in this world, as compared to time on Gaia. Years could have gone by, and he would have not known it.

The orb shimmered, and revealed shadows of people, before evening out in color and form, allowing the viewer to see who was in the sphere. Cloud took a seat, and watched.

He saw Tifa first, staring out at a beautiful sunset at sea. Greedily, Cloud memorized all of the colors of the land, the saffron of the sky, as well as the mercurial blue of the ocean. His eyes would miss such colors. Then, he took note of his best friend, and saw that she was crying. Tears were leaking out of the corners of her eyes, and she was sobbing softly, looking out at the ocean. The ocean…ah, yes. It seemed like it had happened a hundred life times ago, instead of almost a year’s time in oblivion. Had it been almost a year, or only a few months? It was no matter, for time had passed, the way it always had.

“Don’t cry, Tifa.” Cloud said this to no one, for he knew that Tifa could not hear him. If she could have, then she gave no reaction. Her hands brushed across her eyes, and she began speaking.

“Cloud…you were my best friend. You were so selfless, taking everything on yourself, even when there were people around who would have gladly eased your burden. You were a hero to the entire world.” She paused for breath, and turned around, as if she were facing others. “You are our hero, Cloud, and you will be immortalized here. You are always loved here, in my heart, and in the heart of your friends and family. We love you, Cloud Strife.”

The focal point zoomed out, and Cloud gasped aloud. Tifa had been standing on a podium by the sea, and he had assumed that she was talking to herself. No. She was talking to hundreds of people…no, thousands. It had to be. From a long line, trailing from the podium, all the way down on the beach, were people from Midgar, and all of the places on Gaia. There were women and children, fathers and brothers, sisters and aunts, all together, dressed in their best clothing. Some were crying softly to themselves, children gripping their parent’s hands. There were women sobbing, holding small children to themselves, as if they were grateful to be holding them.

He wasn’t…he was. He was looking in on his own memorial service.

Cloud was taken aback. He felt as if he were some sort of lingering phantom who was looking in on what people thought of him, after he was gone. A lot of people desired that he knew, knowing what people thought of them when they were dead and buried. However, in this instance, Cloud didn’t want to know. All he wanted, was for all of his friends and family to move on. He knew that he was headed to a better place, and that after all of his distress and internal strife, that he would get his recompense, what had been promised to him. So many had been sacrificed for the sake of the calm of the Planet, and now, finally, there could be peace in the world. The villain was no longer a villain, and he would never be able to come back to wreak havoc upon the world.

He saw familiar faces, Cid Highwind and his wife Shera, holding hands. Both of them were dressed head to toe in black, and for once, no cigarette was held between Cid’s teeth. He was looking straight ahead at Tifa, and Shera gripped his shoulder, placing her head there. They had gotten married he knew, but he had no idea that Cid would have let her be so affectionate to him in public. Though, every man needed comfort through grief.

There was also Barrett and his daughter Marlene standing together, looking up at Tifa Lockhart with blurry eyes. Tears were in Barrett’s eyes, and Cloud had never seen the man cry. Ever. He had always been a powerhouse of strength, someone who held it together even when the Meteor had almost destroyed the Planet. But now…tears were trailing from his eyes, and he looked like a lost little boy. Marlene gripped his hand, and placed her arm on her father’s forearm, meaning to comfort him. Denzel held the man on his other side, and both adopted brother and sister gave each other a look that said that they would help this man through this loss.

Vincent Valentine was off with Yuffie beside Cid and Shera, and both looked downtrodden as well. Both were in black, and Yuffie had managed to find something other than her short shorts to wear, as had Vincent. Vincent changed from his red cloak to a black outfit, and had bound his hair back in a black tie. He still looked so young, despite being almost sixty years old. Still, the look in everyone’s eyes Cloud found, was that there was an air of fatigue about them, a mourning that none of them could shake.

Red XIII and Cait Sith were there too, and Red’s tail was drooped, and for once, the cat was quiet, listening to Tifa speak.

Reno came into view then, for he had stepped onto the podium. “Cloud pal…I’m sorry for…everything I’ve ever done to ya. You was just…you were amazing man. More of a hero than I could have ever been.” Reno’s confession sparked a chain reaction in everyone, for Yuffie piped up next.

“Yeah! Cloud…thank you. Thank you for saving us all.” Something changed in her eyes then, and she looked to Vincent, and then all those that were gathered around them. “You know what…I don’t think I want to be sad anymore…yeah. I don’t! I want to live! I want to live with the life that Cloud gave us!” Yuffie dodged through the crowd, and came to the steps by Reno and Tifa. “Don’t you see guys? Cloud wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad about this. Hell…he saved our lives! The Planet is wonderful, thriving thanks to Neo-ShinRa and James Shinra…and all that’s left…is to live.” Her voice rang out through the crowd, and her words seemed to make every saddened eye look up, as well as every tear to dry. Even Vincent seemed to be a little more at ease.

Cloud blinked twice, and when he felt something wet on his cheeks, he knew he was crying. It was unfair he knew, to let them not know that he was alright. However, he had to let it be. Tifa would not stop at anything to find a way into this land to save him, and that was not how it should be. She had already done that once before in the Lifestream, helping him retrieve the truth of his memories and past, the parts that had not been jumbled and mixed in with Zack’s.

“Thank you, Yuffie. Thank you.” Cloud let the tears flow freely then, and he watched what happened next.

Tifa smiled through her tears, and Cloud saw that he had been wrong. It was not sunset…it was dawn. The sunlight came forth from the ocean, and it shown so brilliantly, diamonds and scintillating hues bouncing off of the curtain of water, that it made him weep even harder. The beauty of the situation found its way into his heart strings, and he cried with reckless abandon, the way that he had when he was very young and still able to get away with it. He hadn’t remembered the last time he had done such a thing.

It bathed everything in a golden glow, as if the Goddess’s wings enveloped everyone in her embrace, letting them all bask in the rapture and glory of how she held them . All eyes turned to the sky, and in this light, it seemed that a new hope had been birthed, screaming into existence throughout the cosmos, giving all those that were hurting a remedy, as well as a healing antidote to ease their internal pain.

Tifa smiled then, brilliantly to Reno, and to the crowd. “Yuffie’s right…Cloud told me to move on. Those were some of the last words he had said to me. I will move on, but no one will ever forget him. Cloud…wherever you are…no one will ever forget you, and the way you sacrificed yourself to save us all.” Tifa then walked towards the left of the podium, and Cloud saw a large white sheet covering something massive. “This is for you Cloud, so that no generation forgets what you did for all of us.” Tifa eased the sheet off of the structure, and he gasped aloud when he saw what it was. It was…a monument. Built just for him.

It was a large dark brown stone that looked indestructible. It was placed directly into the ground, and he sensed that there was something around it, something that would prevent the elements and the natural erosion from coming over this thing. It might have been some new type of materia or spell around it he figured. Regardless, Cloud was touched by how much his life had meant to these people. He was alright, he really, truly was. And they would be he knew, without him.

The stone had an engraving of his body as it was turned around, whirling the Buster Sword in his right hand. It was carved into a large marble slab on the monument, and there was script there. He was allowed to read the epitaph. It read: “In loving and honorable memory of Cloud Strife, the Planet’s Hero. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten. Rest in place, dear comrade, friend and hero.”

More tears then. Cloud wiped at his eyes, and wondered where this emotion was coming from. Was it release from all of the pent up feelings he had about his past, finally coming to the surface and to light? Or was this acceptance, acceptance telling him that his friends would move on, as would he. Life would go on for him, and something higher than life would find him, eventually. All he had to do, was escape from that dark wasteland, as well as the ceaseless oblivion in himself, and in reality.

Cloud was struck by the epiphany of the moment. That was what the Goddess had wanted, wasn’t it? She had wanted for him to uncover how he was loved and needed, outside of Gaia. Also, she wanted him to know, more than anything, that sometimes, there were others who were suffering way worse than him, and that he had to pay attention to them, and help them. Sephiroth had gotten severely injured on his behalf, and Cloud thought that he deserved help, and utmost care. Though, what Sephiroth really deserved, was to be loved.

“Thank you, my friends. I cherish you all. I’m alright…I really am.” Cloud put his hand to the thin glass material of the sphere, and breathed in a sigh of relief. They would be alright…no. Better than alright.

A cheer erupted from the crowd, from lips that had once been trembling with hushed sobs. “Thank you Cloud Strife!” Those words spread like a wildfire through everyone, and soon, everyone was cheering for him, clapping, and calling him a hero. His sacrifice, the sacrifice of his life, had not gone unnoticed, nor had any catastrophe come of it, like it had when Midgar was destroyed because of the Meteor hitting the Golden Saucer. There was no guilt, nor was there any blame.

“And you are vindicated, Cloud Strife.” Cloud felt himself rise to his feet, and he tilted his head back in reverence, for that was the Goddess speaking to him now. He kept his eyes closed when his wings sprung from his back, and he felt a hand brush his forehead, the way Aeris had once done to bring him back to life into her church.

A shiver ran over his skin, and he knew, that everything would be alright. He had resilience here, and he had gained so much from this oblivion, from this infinite expanse of time.

“Time to wake up, brother.” Zack’s voice. Cloud felt himself being gently, ever so gently, tugged backwards, and he kept his eyes closed, not wanting to know where he was going, or where he was drifting-like a cloud in the skies-for he didn’t want to know.

All Cloud knew, was that he was far stronger than he had ever been. He was ready for whatever oblivion hurtled at him, and he was prepared to fight to the last tooth and nail, just to get him and Sephiroth out of that place.

It was his own awakening.
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Cloud awoke to find himself refreshed and stretched out on the makeshift bed he had made. For having little to nothing in this land, he was surprised there was grass. All he had ever seen was a massive foliage in the beginning of the journey, as well as a desolate wasteland that had pointed and jutted rocks that came from every which way off of the land. And now, there was the stream that followed them, as well as grass and some berry bushes. It was the strangest land that Cloud had ever seen.

He sat up slowly, stretched and blinked as he looked around the cave. Something didn’t seem quite…

“Sephiroth!” That was the problem. Sephiroth was nowhere to be seen.

Cloud sprang to his feet, and felt his wings escape from his back, as if they wanted to be free from the restraint from his skin. He took off from the cave, propelling like a light blue cannon ball, and looked around, frantically, from left to right. Where the Hell could Sephiroth have gone? “Sephiroth!”

“There’s no need to yell, Strife. I’m fine.” Cloud had been hovering over the ground, brushing his wings gently in the air, finding a balance between the air and the dead wind to make him fly. When he heard Sephiroth’s voice however, Cloud landed on his feet, and practically fell forward from shock.

Sephiroth was in the stream, bathing, and when he looked to Cloud, his eyes were sparkling with unreleased laughter. Cloud felt as if he were trapped in the man’s gaze, simply because it was so rare for Sephiroth to have any emotion in his eyes. Normally, he would have had a calm expression on his features, a placid façade on his face, the mask that he donned. But now…for some reason, that was shattered, as if the pieces from that indestructible façade he donned were gone, removed. His eyes displayed emotion, and utter feeling in them, that unlike Cloud had ever seen.

“Honestly Strife. I am capable of bathing without your knowledge.” Cloud blinked twice, and felt like the biggest fool that had ever lived. Of course Sephiroth had been bathing-or something else-and that was why he had not woken up to him in the cave. He felt his ears burn with a hidden blush, and Cloud coughed a few times, hiding behind his wrist so that the man would not see his enflamed cheeks. He was hopeless, a lovelorn, pathetic….

“Are you quite alright, Cloud?” Cloud snapped his head up, and he looked into the mako eyes of the man he was certain he adored, but did not forgive. Love, and this ceaseless passion he had for Sephiroth was quite a contradiction against the past they had lived through.

“I am. Sorry, I thought that…something had happened.” Sephiroth chuckled, and dunked his head in the water, revealing a smooth back, one that was unmarred by scars or by ugly tissue. The injury he had sustained while saving his own life was now just a small pink dot, one that was utterly miraculous to behold. He would have still been writhing in pain, his wound leaking blood had he sustained such an injury. But not Sephiroth. Sephiroth had Jenova within his veins, as well as the mako that had been inside of him since he became of age, old enough to join SOLDIER. He was special, someone who could heal quicker and bathe himself.

Sephiroth raised his head from the water, and his hair fell around him, in long silver waves. Cloud was certain his tongue was lolling out of his mouth, and he had to remind himself to breathe. It was not hard to sustain oxygen. In through the mouth, out through the nose. However, all technicalities set aside, Cloud highly doubted that the one who had made up that rule had something this incredibly alluring to stare at.

“You thought that I had been dragged away from the cave by some Hell beast that wished to finish what it started?” Sephiroth shook his head, and began combing his fingers through his hair, and Cloud could not take his eyes off of him. What was this, ogle Sephiroth day? That being said, now that he…acknowledged that he cared, adored-loved-the man, he was going to have to get used to this.

“Acceptance is only the beginning.” Cloud resisted the urge to beat at his head, and tell Genesis to hush, but if he did that, then Sephiroth would have thought he was….

Wait. Since when in the HELL did he care what Sephiroth thought?

‘Since you fell in love with him.’ Cloud about choked on his own saliva, from the truth of his own thought. He should have been telling himself to stop thinking about Sephiroth in such a manner, and that this was no time to be admiring the man’s face, eyes…and entire body.

As Cloud was thinking to himself, Sephiroth stood up, and began combing through his hair, balancing his weight on his left leg. Cloud practically swallowed his own tongue then, and he found the dream he had a few nights previously come back in full force. The way the man had looked naked, glimmering in the sapphire light of his own skin, and the hot spring all around them. The way his eyes had looked like polished and faceted moonlight in his skull, focusing only on him.

Sephiroth then stepped gingerly out of the stream, and reached for his clothes. He dressed his lower half, and Cloud was thankful for that. The man was ideal in every aspect of his body. Every. Single. Aspect. Meaning, if he kept ogling Sephiroth like that, practically drooling all over the man’s feet the way he was, the man was more than likely going to catch on to how attracted he was to him. That couldn’t happen. Besides…just because he admitted his love out loud, didn’t mean that he had to say anything yet. He had to escape oblivion first, and that was his priority. Falling in love had to be set aside for now.

Cloud cleared his throat. “Yes, actually. I woke up, and you were gone. What was I supposed to think?” Sephiroth chuckled and began walking slowly back to the cave, being mindful of his wound. His shirt was not on, for he was more than likely going to try and look at his injury when he was back in their shelter. Cloud would have been more than happy to do it, for he promised the man that he would take care of him. It was what one was supposed to do when someone saved their life after all.

“I’m not sure what you were thinking Strife. Your thoughts are a mystery to me.” Sephiroth entered the cave, and Cloud stood at the entrance, resisting the urge to place one finger in his ear and rub it back and forth. Had Sephiroth just…wished to know what he was thinking? He doubted it.

A thought came crashing down on him full force, and it nearly knocked him to his knees from the strength of such a realization. This love he had for Sephiroth…it was more than likely…no it was one sided. There was nothing sadder than unrequited love. Though, the real tragedy, was that he could do absolutely nothing about it. There was no quenching that flame once it burst into existence, once that breath and kinder was placed on that fire, burning in his chest, lapping against his heartstrings, and making his passion all the more stronger. It happened every time he looked at the man.

Damn. From one oblivion, to the next.

Cloud squared his shoulders, and walked into the cave, hell bent on becoming something resilient. He hadn’t made it this far by being a pathetic little wimp who cried because life was unfair. It was unfair, because it had taken him from a life where he was wanted and needed, to a place where he had to fight for survival, and fight to understand the man who had murdered his mother, and entire village of Nibelheim. That was the true unjustness of it all.

And, like that, his good mood was shattered.

The blonde haired man practically expected for Zack or Genesis to come barreling into his thoughts then, telling him that he was wrong, telling him that what he had been thinking was completely false. However, all was silent. It had to be silent in oblivion, for there was not much noise aside from the breathing of two men, their hearts, and the stream that gave them pure water. There was nothing.

‘Come on now. Be strong.’ Cloud walked into the cave, blinked a few times, and found Sephiroth lying against the cave wall, looking at his wound. There was no need for it to be bandaged so severely any more, for it was practically healed. Cloud looked to his own arm, and found that during the night, the bandages had gotten disheveled, revealing some of his skin. He took off the bandage, not seeing, not noticing anything else. There were still the scratches there, but in a few weeks, they would heal over with soft pink tissue, and maybe scar. He would never forget how he received them, fighting for his life and survival, as well as the safety and well being of another.

“It looks better.” Cloud looked up from where he had been standing, looking at his wound. Sephiroth’s eyes went from his arm, to meeting his face. Cloud looked away quickly, and focused on a spot on the floor, trying to think of anything but the color of the man’s eyes. Surely there were other subjects he could think about, things he could think on other than mako eyes. Eyes he could drown in, eyes he would willingly spend his lifetime sinking under…

“Thanks. It should be healed soon.” Cloud quickly took off his shirt, and began tearing it in strips. All the while, he felt the burning gaze of those mako eyes on his own, and he felt as if he were being analyzed all of a sudden, scrutinized until nothing was left. It was…unnerving. A shiver ran up his spine at the thought, and he ripped the shirt with more force than was needed.

Cloud stumbled over to Sephiroth, thinking all the while that if he could-foolishly-avoid the man’s gaze, then he might be able to get over this…infatuation. There was this undisclosed idea of him loving this man, but he had to get over it. The man did not love him, nor could he ever. Sephiroth was changed, and he was someone who he enjoyed the company of. However…no person in their right mind could find it in themselves to forgive- much less love- the one who gave them so much distress.

Cloud’s hands shook a little as he bound a bandage on Sephiroth’s stomach, and he wondered why this had happened, much less what the Hell he had been thinking. Who declared their love for someone while they were sleeping? That was such a cowardly move. Besides, why would anyone do that? It was like a vampire drinking the blood of a fair maiden, one in a laced nightgown, knowing that come morning, the marks on her neck would heal, and there would be no evidence. Had he…fallen in love with this man, for a distraction from the reality of this world?

He tied the bandage, all the while thinking of that thought, and he heard a slight hiss escape Sephiroth’s mouth. Cloud’s hands left the man’s stomach, and his eyes caught the oculars of the one who he was not supposed to be staring at. Mako eyes bored into his, and Cloud was reminded of what mako was. Mako was supposed to be the Planet’s life force, giving it an energy source that would light up every town and city, from now until the end of time. However, what ShinRa had not known, was that they were killing off a spiritual entity while they were trying to live. One life gets forsaken, and one gets gratified. This was supposed to give SOLDIERS supernatural abilities, giving them awe inspiring strength and wondrous speed, something that could not have been given by any other means. It gave the men and women affected glowing eyes, eyes that could have easily shone in the deepest of midnights, and they were easily distinguished by those eyes.

His eyes were like this, because he had been in one of these chambers for years on end. A tag was placed on him, for he was one of the failed experiments from Professor Hojo…a man who had been Sephiroth’s biological father. Mako was poison, liquid jade poison that looked so much like Sephiroth’s eyes, that he had to look away after a moment. For a sheer instant, such revulsion came up for Sephiroth, for Gaia, and for all that he had been through, that he was afraid that if he continued to stare, continued to look and inquire, that he would have said something he would have regretted.

Sephiroth broke the silence first. “Cloud…what’s the matter?” Cloud’s head snapped up, and he caught Sephiroth’s eyes once more. Shit. He really, really needed to stop doing that.

“I’m…fine.” Cloud grabbed some of the bandages off of the cave floor-makeshift bandages, god damn it-and he began binding his arm. He ran through a mental tabulation here, thinking all the while that he was going to have to get a lot accomplished on this day. He was going to have to hunt, bathe, as well as locate a new place for him and Sephiroth to seek shelter from. Everything was always so hard, especially when you were in love with someone who more than likely, could never return the feeling.

Sephiroth emitted a sound between a guffaw and a snort. “The Hell you are. Tell me what’s wrong, Cloud.” Before, had Sephiroth said those words, Cloud would have thought that they would be spoken to purposely antagonize him, to make him feel less than himself. But now, his tone was spoken softly, as if he truly cared about what was making him feel so low. Had he told the man it was because he now realized the extent of his allure, attraction, and ardor for him, then Cloud was sure Sephiroth would not speak a word to him the entire rest of the journey.

“Seriously, I’m fine.” Quickly, Cloud stood up, and dodged the man’s gaze. There was no way he could risk getting ensnared once again, in those poisonous oculars that he would have never longed for the antidote for.

Sephiroth rose to his feet so fast, Cloud thought that for a moment, the man had found his old strength. He towered above him, and backed him against the cave. Cloud’s body hit the wall, and he shivered from how cold it was. This was so ironic, for the following day, he had been tracing the man’s lips with a strawberry, in this exact reversed position…damn. He really was going to have to get his bearings straight if he was going to manage to leave this place.

Then, primal fear took over. Without his knowledge, his mind went on auto pilot, and it scanned through every heinous thing Sephiroth had ever done to him. Sephiroth made him almost attack and kill Aeris, right before he plunged his masamune through Aeris’s ribcage. There Sephiroth had been, sleeping behind a crystal tomb, resting up for his inevitable resurrection, and Sephiroth had made him…place the black materia into that tomb…giving him the strength to live on, to wreak pandemonium on his beloved world. Oh Goddess…this man had manipulated him. He was nothing more than his puppet even still, for somehow, the wooden play thing had thought, foolishly, that he could be something real, with flesh and marrow, all because the puppet master was nice to him. There was a fairy tale he had heard once, about a Tin Man who had no heart, and longed for such a thing. That was him, ever the steel encased man, longing for love, longing for strength and the stability that would come with love. And he was so, so wrong.

Cloud closed his eyes, and brought his hands up to his oculars, his forearms touching his face. He was hiding now, hiding behind his own body, out of reflex and genuine fear of this man. He was afraid because of what Sephiroth had done to him previously, as well as all that he had been forced to see. Also, he was afraid that if he looked at him once more, saw his eyes and beautiful face, he would be so overcome with rapture, that he would kiss him. His hands would grip his neck, and his lips would smother Sephiroth’s, wrapping him up with one heated kiss after another.

He shook then, and it was only when Sephiroth gripped his shoulder did he realize he was sobbing. He opened his eyes, and managed a weak glare through his tears. God damn it…why the Hell did he have to break down? Breaking down was for the weak, was for those pathetic heaps of wooden puppets who longed for strings-or skin-who longed for owners and love from them. Crying was for those that didn’t know what else to do with themselves, who would have rather shed tears than sweat for a victory that they were undeserving of.

“Strife…Cloud…” Sephiroth backed away from him then, and he seemed to realize what his slight instigation had done to him. By backing him into a corner, he made him feel weak, a shade and shadow of his former self, something that was torn asunder, ripped open, exposing his soul for all those to peck apart. Cloud felt as if he were his teenage self again, a dwarf in comparison to all of those that were around him, nothing more than a mutt in a pure bred litter, the runt that always got pushed around. “Cloud, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think.” Cloud was shaking then, from rage for the past, from the rapture of the present, and the inevitability of the future. He was both livid, and extremely saddened all the while. He couldn’t help this, or the tears that were falling from his face.

Cloud wondered what had happened that had made him react in this manner. Was it Sephiroth, and the way that he had forced him to the wall, only to experience all of the pain of the memories? Or was it the fact that he thought, in this feverish state of mind, that Sephiroth could not love him the way he did him. That was the truth, something he couldn’t run from had he been on a mako high: that he, Cloud Strife, had fallen in love with his enemy, and had been denying it without fail, for months.

He slid to the ground and stared blankly ahead, not knowing what to do. He had been scared yes, as well as weakened. It had to do with his dream he knew, the dream in which his friends were telling him goodbye, and giving him a legacy on Gaia. He wanted to be there, and not here. That was the truth. However, he had died to protect them all, and there was no returning. There never would be. The Goddess Herself had told him that in order to get to a final resting place, a place that he had seen brief flashes of, as well as all of his old friends with the promise of something greater than Gaia.

That was what happened. The old wound was ripped open from the almost dissolved stitches, and he was left to bleed and gasp on the cold earth, reaching for the warmth of sunlight, the light of the color that could have come. However, there was no color in oblivion, no nothing. Acceptance never came easy, did it?

Cloud blinked once, and looked up to Sephiroth, unsure of what to say or do. The man looked so dejected, so guilty for doing what he had done. He looked like he was ready to tear out his beating heart and offer it as recompense for the sin of scaring him that badly.

“Sephiroth…” he swallowed quickly “I’m sorry I’m…showing you all of this.” He brought his hands up, and dropped them to his sides quickly, almost as if he longed to take flight into the air, and lost interest half way. “You…you can come sit by me.” Sephiroth tensed, and then dropped to the floor, giving Cloud plenty of room.

Both men were silent for a moment, but the silence was shattered by Sephiroth’s words. “Cloud…I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted you to stop being so stubborn, and tell me what the Hell you were thinking. I saw the look in your eyes. The look said that you were petrified of me.” Sephiroth looked to the ground, a forlorn look in his eye, one that made the area around his eyes crinkle into a glare. It was a look of intense self derision.

Cloud wiped at his eyes, and felt ashamed for this emotion. However, he had not felt this shamefaced when he was out of his own body, watching his memorial service. Though, that was in a different state of mind he knew, one that took all of the clarity of his own humanity and brought it forth. The trick he found, was in finding a way of keeping it in the waking hours, in reality. It was always a struggle to find mental stability in such a world.

“Sephiroth…do you want to know why I was acting so strange?” That was the only way he could have possibly put it. He was acting strange, beyond his normal self. He had no idea where this had come from, how he could have been a different person who was helping Sephiroth, and spewing out lines of hope and wisdom, and the next day, with the drop of a coin, turned into his opposite. Atlas had fallen once again, burdened by the weight on his shoulders and arms. Perhaps now…he would have help in lifting his own weight.

“Cloud, after all you have done for me, you could tell me anything. Please, please tell me what’s wrong. It’s the least I can do after…yesterday.” That’s right. Yesterday, Sephiroth had been the one who had been feeling like shit, feeling like he was nothing more than the monster that ShinRa wanted him to be. He felt unnatural, healing at such a fast rate, as well as living with the Jenova cells in his body and bloodstream. And to all of his self punishment and personal hatred, Cloud had managed to give him an awkward embrace. He had managed to tell him things that were supposed to be advice, things that he personally believed were true. Sephiroth was someone who deserved care, and the love of another.

But how could he be the man’s deliverance? Still, somehow, Sephiroth managed to be better after it, after he managed to string words together and hope that they worked out. Though, that was how it worked after all, letting instinct lead ones voice, and surging forth words that were meant to heal.

Strength could be found with another, as could resilience. It was almost impossible to go it alone, for he had done it for years. It got him nowhere, and he was not willing to return. It was a hard paved path to forgiveness, as was personal and external acceptance, but it was a Hell of a lot better than turning around and retreating. There could be no escape if he would not man up.

Cloud leaned against the wall, and caught Sephiroth’s eye. Damn, he had beautiful eyes. “I had this dream last night, about all of my friends throwing a memorial service for me. They were all so sad, and I saw people cry…who I never thought would cry.” Barrett had almost been bawling, and he had a suspicion that Vincent had been bowing his head because he was crying as well. Crying for him, for the life that had been lost. “And I got to thinking…somehow…that I had been killed off for no reason than for someone else’s amusement.” Sephiroth got a little bit closer to him, and Cloud nodded to him. “Sephiroth…I’m sorry I reacted the way that I did. I was terrified of you…for the moment.” He reached forward, and gripped the man’s forearm. A shiver raced up and down his spine, and he about moaned aloud from the contact. Any contact was good contact. “But please…don’t think that I hate you anymore. I don’t. However…I still can’t find forgiveness…yet.” Sephiroth nodded his head, and his eyes were steady, clear, and lucid on his own.

“I understand. I don’t forgive myself either yet. Please, continue. Tell me what was making you feel so terrible. Constructive madness, remember?” Cloud managed a small chuckle, one that sounded real to his own ears. It was not false, nor was it fake. It was a genuine laugh.

“Thank you for understanding.” His eyes met Sephiroth’s then, and out of nowhere, his gaze dropped to the man’s lips. They looked so delectable right then, and he had never wanted to kiss anyone more than him right then. Hell, the man had accidentally stolen his first kiss in all reality. “Then…Tifa, my best friend, revealed to the world that a monument had been made, in my honor at the cliff side where…where I died.” Shit, he had not even taken into consideration how Sephiroth had been feeling about this at all. The man was changed from then, and bringing up the memories of the past could only hurt him. Love was caring for someone, even when they might not return that care. It was a kind of blessed doom that he would not be quick to escape from.

“There was applause, and there was this brilliant sunrise over the sea, and it made me think that all of my friends would move on. Tifa would go off and have kids of her own with Reno, Barrett would find oil with Marlene at his side…and Vincent might even find someone to care for. Everyone was fine, and they would eventually be alright.” That familiar sinking feeling came upon Cloud then, and he felt a few tears slip from his eyes then. Acceptance was a bitter thing, as was understanding why things had to be the way that they were. “And I knew I would be alright…but somehow, it didn’t seem fair. I was awakened to the fact that I was trapped here, and that even after all of this…there is not much to show for it. Once again, I felt as if I was not fit to help anyone.”

Yes, that was the truth. He had always felt the need to top his best, to rise above his pathetic excuse of a past and all of the betrayal he had gone through. It was just to compensate for how naïve he had been. He was naïve because of the hero worship he had gone through, as well as the way that he had been so reckless after Zack’s death. He had marched around with his nose so high in the air, that he thought that he would have surely drowned had it rained. All of it was to cover up the fact that not only had he not gotten into SOLDIER, but that he was a failed experiment, one who had the mako induced strength, but not the legacy behind it. Geostigma only made his self loathing worse, and he didn’t know what to do after that, how to act.

Aeris had come, as had Zack, showing him that he could be healed and have a life on Gaia. But all that had been taken from him in the blink of impulsive eyelids, all because he had thought that he could save the world on his own, once again. His heart had been destroyed, and he had been subjected to a torture in limbo, by the Goddess herself.

All of this he told Sephiroth, without pausing for a breath in between. He thought that if he were to pause for a breather, that there would be no way that he could have said everything he needed to say right then. His hands were shaking, and every now and then, his voice caught, but he managed to tell Sephiroth what he needed to say.

“And…I guess I am just coming to terms with everything is all.” Cloud took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes, feeling a little feverish and ever the fool for doing this. Confessions helped he knew, and his soul felt lighter. However, wasn’t there a limit to how much a person could screw up, and have their companion hate them?

Cloud looked up to Sephiroth, and there was an unreadable expression on the man’s face. His mouth kept opening and closing, as if he could not decide what to say, or how to form his words. His eyes shone then, and Cloud knew that it was the way that someone felt when they were permitted to hear a secret, something that had been forbidden from them for the longest time.

After a long moment, Sephiroth spoke. “Cloud…I never thought you would tell me any of this. I thought that you were just going to leave me stranded in this cave, and leave with your wings and light.” Cloud was taken aback by this statement. He was a lot of things…but he didn’t abandon his friends. Especially when he was in love with the man who was supposed to be his friend. “I didn’t think that you would entrust me with all of that information, with something that I don’t think I am deserving of. I guess that’s what friendship is…or whatever the fuck we have.” Cloud laughed then, long and hard. Sephiroth could be quite the comedian when he wanted to, and he turned this bleak moment into something that was actually worthwhile. Though, this entire process was necessary he knew. “Can I…” Sephiroth got on his knees then, and he inched his way over to where Cloud was leaning against the wall “…uh…do this?” Sephiroth gripped his shoulders then, and placed his torso against his chest in a tight embrace. Cloud stifled a gasp, and felt heat resonate through his cheeks. He knew that his face was more than likely a living conflagration, a teasing flame that tickled his ears and neck, spreading all the way up his face, betraying him.

‘So be it.’ Cloud eased into the man’s touch, and gripped the man’s lower back, loving the heat from the man’s body. He was enjoying this far too much he knew, but he was savoring this moment for all of the inevitable instances where he would not be permitted to touch Sephiroth.

“You may…embrace me.” Sephiroth gripped his back tighter, as if he were trying to ease away his past sorrow, as well as all of the bullshit that he had gone through today. Through his embrace, he felt as if the weight that had been oppressing his heart then was lessening. He had always wanted to feel lighter, weightless, floating on air, the way wisps of clouds did. And in this man’s arms, he got that sensation.

It was then that Cloud realized that soon, he was going to have to be completely honest with Sephiroth. He couldn’t leave this world and not tell him how he felt about him, even if he didn’t feel the same way. It was better to die with no regrets after all.

Also, with the way that Sephiroth was holding him, Cloud would not have been surprised had the man been into men as well. It was as if he were trying to memorize this warmth, and store it away for a time when they could not touch. Hell, if the man had wanted to hold him so badly, he would have been a worthy participant. No one had done this to him in such a long time, simply because…well, he hadn’t let them. Had Tifa placed her arms around him, he would tense up immediately, for he didn’t like that contact.

Though, that was hypocritical of him. He hated solitude, and being alone, and yet he had pushed people away. Though, even after all of that, he was being honored right then on Gaia, and being told that he would be an immortal hero, one that the generations of the future would not forget anytime soon.

This contact was sacred however, for it was Sephiroth who was giving him the gift of his embrace. Also, he wouldn’t be alone in his mind anymore, for Sephiroth was there, willing to lend his ear and arms whenever he needed it. The thought was almost laughable, inconceivable, and asinine in its finest hour. However, it was absolutely true. Sephiroth was a changed man, one who wanted to do right and leave this world, a man who acknowledged his mistakes and sin, and who would serve this penance for all of the regret and mayhem he had caused. He was a man who was trying to atone for his sins, the way that he was as well.

They both had flaws, and they both were human to their cores, people who made mistakes, people who didn’t know any other way of action than to push others away. However…that was what this world was for. It was not merely to coax him into a void’s lullaby, or to have him go mad with the torment of this oblivion. It was to tell him that there was more to this world than punishment, or some Goddess’s sense of amusement. He was not Fate’s plaything, nor was he someone who was born only for the entertainment of those who wanted a show about a man in oblivion. He was someone who would endure, and who would get out here with Sephiroth right beside him. There was no time for any of this bullshit he had pulled. If anything, he and Sephiroth had to be closer than ever.

“Thank you, Sephiroth.” Sephiroth gently eased his arms from around his frame, and leaned to one side, a relaxed expression coming onto his features.

“For?”

“For? What do you mean? You listened as I ranted about all of the bullshit I pulled…and you didn’t mind. You’ve changed, Sephiroth. You’re someone funnier, and kinder than I ever would have dared imagine.” Sephiroth looked away then, as if he were absorbing Cloud’s words into his mind, trying to remember them for a later time, when his own nagging self doubt wouldn’t leave him alone. Cloud would do his best to ease him out of that. They would help each other.

“Thank you, Cloud, for saying that. I’m trying. That’s all I can say. I am trying to be better.” Cloud gripped the man’s arm, and felt a wave of tenderness come over him, that unlike anything he had ever felt for another person. Sephiroth looked down at him, and for a moment, Cloud swore that he had gotten through to the man, and that all of their barriers were down. Also, he thought that he had seen a spark of something hit the man’s eyes, something that looked a lot like attraction. Was Sephiroth attracted to him?

“You are better. Believe me. I wouldn’t be letting you hold me had I thought that you were anything less than who you are now. You’re pretty magnificent, Sephiroth.” Sephiroth gripped his chin in his thumb and index finger, and raised his face to where it met his eyes. Cloud was certain that the message he had finally, finally accepted was clearly readable all over his face, in silent words that were his liberation. Was it not dead obvious that he was in love with him?

Sephiroth wiped his fingertips across Cloud’s face, erasing the marks that the tears had made, those watery tracks that he had thought betrayed him. He had been wrong, oh so wrong to think that tears were bad. If anything, tears were a necessary step towards an indestructible resilience. He had to return to his own shape if he ever was going to follow through on what he wanted. There was no time for second guessing, or for all of his past bullshit to get in the way. Denial was pathetic, and it proved that someone was willing to throw up every excuse to not get what they wanted. He wanted Sephiroth, and there was nothing standing in his way except for his own doubt, and what Sephiroth wanted.

“If I’m magnificent, your phenomenal…Miss Cloud.” Cloud laughed then, from the spontaneity of the phrase. He never would have expected Sephiroth as the type to make jokes.

“If you say so, Mr. Incorrigible.” Cloud felt his stomach gurgle with hunger, and he realized that he had spent far too long talking, and less time thinking about ways to leave this place. Also, he had forgotten to hunt. “Sephiroth, aren’t you starving?” Sephiroth nodded his head, and looked to the entrance of the cave, almost as if he expected their food to fall out of the sky, provided for them. Nothing was provided unless an effort was put into it however.

“I’ve been starving since I woke up. I helped myself to some…black berries, but that was about all I could have.” Chagrin came over Sephiroth’s face, and for a moment, Cloud knew that his mission right then, was to take it one thing at a time. If he let all of the bullshit of his past get in the way, then nothing would get done at all. He had to simply do one thing at a time, and find his own way to clarity. Besides, talking with the one you loved always helped.

Cloud rose to his feet, blinked his eyes twice, and eased his wings from his back. “Sephiroth…you have my permission to beat me over the head if I ever get that way again, alright?” Sephiroth looked up to him, and for a moment, Cloud felt as if he were some sort of a revered monarch that the man felt inclined to look up to, someone who he had no choice but to be in rapture of. Was that his own hope speaking? Or, was it simply something that his truth was trying to tell him, his instinct surging to the surface.

Finally, the silver haired man spoke. “Fine. I will beat you over the head if you become that down on yourself again.” Cloud chuckled, and flapped his wings once. “Also, thank you. For opening up to me. No one has ever done that before, in such a way. Besides, this is the first time I have cared what someone else has felt.” A churning feeling swept over Cloud’s stomach, and he felt as if the man’s gaze were boring holes into his skin. Cloud, the human Swiss cheese.

“Sephiroth…thanks. This is the first time that I have wanted someone to listen.” Sephiroth gestured towards the mouth of the cave.

“Save the syrupy talk for after we have eaten. Also, I would like to travel with you now. I can walk, and when I tire, you can just pick me up.” He seemed to be pondering what he just said, and Cloud wondered if he thought that he was being a little bossy, or manipulative with his statement. It was the opposite. He was just trying to come up with a plan to make himself useful. For, he was exactly like him, afraid that he was of no use to anyone. “That is, if you think that’s a good option.”

Cloud felt his jaw almost drop to the cave floor. He blinked twice, and shook his head. He was going to have to get used to Sephiroth’s personality change. It was altered for the better, for he didn’t think that he would have allowed the man to embrace him, much less listen to him otherwise. It was why he was in love with him, painfully so.

“Sure. I’ll carry you when you get tired. All that matters is that we make some progress everyday.” Cloud looked to the midnight sky, and knew that all of this was for a reason. From the dream, to being trapped here with someone who he thought he had zero in common with, all was meant for a purpose, for his tomorrow, as well as his future. Even this feeling, the attraction coursing through his veins was for a reason. “I’ll be back soon. You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.”

Sephiroth had resumed leaning against the cave wall, and his eyes had drifted closed. His right arm went over his injury, and for a moment, Cloud felt as if he were permitted to gaze onto the embodiment of perfection itself. Or, himself as he should have put it. The man’s face was polished marble in the dim lighting from his skin, and he looked like he were resting, a vampire hibernating before he sought out to feed come the moonlit hour. He seemed to emanate a small strength, but more than that, an air of humility and…vulnerability. Yes, that was it. He was closing his eyes for Goddess’s sake, and the man never would have done that in the beginning of their travels. He would not have trusted him that much, to drop his highest guard around him.

Sephiroth chuckled, and opened his eyes. Gods, he had beautiful eyes. “I would worry about myself if I let you leave.” Shit. They were bantering….

Cloud straightened himself up against the man’s gaze. He had to be the strong one, the resilient one. Besides, he felt better now, about everything. It would be better than alright, and there was a reason behind this dark world, along with these feelings about Sephiroth. He gave the man a small nod, and took to the skies, knowing that Sephiroth was looking at him the whole time.

Things really had changed he knew. When two enemies could be civil towards each other, and banter like old friends, then things were not as bleak as he would have thought. He was strong, and they would both make it out alive, of that much he was certain.

However, he was not certain about the madness of his heart, and how it still yearned for Sephiroth. That he was not sure of at all.
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Thank you for all of those who have been reading this story, I could not do it without you. :)