CatMa

Disclaimer: I have no rights over The final Fantasy Characters nor is the script I based off mine either. The script used was acquired off the net from Movie script site.


Catma
By Sailor Poison
based off Dogma script

Chapter 1


The news talks about the mysterious man who was found beaten to near death on boardwalk and is now in intensive care. This brings much controversy. Esp in St. Irvine’s Parish. A priest named Johnny stands before his congregation.

Johnny, “The Right to Life foundation is holding like a annual softball game next sunday. Though who can’t join protest outside that evil clinic, please come cheer our team at the game. Refreshments are gonna be bitchin!”

Many of the parishioners sit on the pews. Some of them listen while others are nodding off. Some kids are drawing in a coloring book.

Johnny, “Today the collection plate will be sent to that poor John Doe Jersey man who was beaten senseless last tuesday. They have yet to find out who he is or any family. Doesn’t that suck? The state wants to take him off life support! This money will go to keeping him alive.” Then adds, “ Oh, and people, stop parking in my spot? Next person who does is definitely going straight to hell. Now please rise for the Recession of Faith.”

The congregation joins in the prayer. Tifa, a young and very beautiful brunette, is also joining in the prayer. Hers is flat as she struggles to stay awake.

Later... Small group hold a march in front of a sterile abortion clinic. Inside Tifa is talking to a young girl.

Relm, “I don’t wanna be here but who does?”

Tifa gives the girl an understanding smile.

Relm, “This is like my third time having an abortion. Each time, I get a fat ass counselor who tells me I should be more careful next time. Like I wanna hear sex lectures from some fat ugly chic who never gets laid?”

Tifa, “ I won’t lecture you. I just want to make sure you really want to have this done.”

Relm, “I would rather go back and undo the night my stupid boyfriend said he was sterile. I just don’t have a choice.”

Tifa, “ You can keep the baby.”

Relm pauses before replying, “What girl doesn’t wanna keep the baby?”

Tifa, “I can say I didn’t.”

Relm looks surprised, “ You had an abortion?!”

Tifa nods, “ It was my first year in college. I was still dating my high school boyfriend, Cloud. We were madly in love! We even went to the same college. Final away from your parents we were having sex left and right. Then I got pregnant. Cloud wanted me to have the baby. Said we can quit school and get legal. I refused to screw away our future. I promised that someday we could have kids of our own after we have great jobs. So, I got an abortion. After we graduated, we got married and tried to have kids. We really tried everything. One day, my gynecologist gave me some bad news. “ Tifa pauses to take a breath, “ My uterine wall had a fissure. The doctor who did the abortion botched the job. I can never have another child.”

Relm looks very sad for Tifa.

Tifa, “ I had to tell Cloud this. I cry my eyes out when I told him. My husband, who never wanted the abortion in first place, couldn’t look me in the faceHe sHe sat there all calm and asks me in an empty voice for a divorcee. I tried to tell him about our options. He wanted a fertile wife.”

Relm, “ What happened?”

Tifa, “He married some wonderful girl named Aeris. Two years later he has kids and is living happy. I haven’t spoken to him for a long time. Now I work here.”

Relm, “ What a sad story... “

Tifa, “I once dated this guy who collected comic books. He says I’m like a super hero. Trying to protect people from going through what I did. “ Smiles at that, “ I just don’t have breasts that defy gravity. Lets get to your paperwork.”

Outside the clinic, a car drives up. A petite woman gets out and makes her way to the clinic. Protesters throws her insults at her calling her a baby killer. That demanding she be ashamed of herself.

Shera points to the side, “ Is that Seymour?!”

The protesters turn to look so Shera hurries inside the buildings, She joins Tifa in the clinic coffee as as Tifa reads a newspaper. The main article is about John Doe Jersey.

Shera, “You’re a Catholic. Go talk to them!”

Tifa, “I am greater evil then you. You’re excused because you’re jewish. I should know better.”

Shera, “My people are still blamed for death of christ. Where were you yesterday? We all had this great brunch.”

Tifa, “I was at church.”

Shera sits down to drink some coffee, “You and church! Our job was created to piss off the cloth and you break bread with the enemy.”

Tifa, “It is habit. Hmmm.. I used to get something from church. Now it is just another task. Sometimes, in church, I balance my checkbook.”

Shera, “Why are you still going?”

Tifa sighs, “Not something I can easily explain.”

Shera, “I’m not going to laugh. We are friends. I might tease you for lack of a sex life but I will never joke your faith.”

Tifa looks down, “ I lost my faith.”

Shera hands Tifa a cup of coffee, “I once met this fifteen year old girl. She said faith was like a glass of water. When you are small it is easy to keep full. But as you grow up, the glass gets larger. The same amount of water can;t keep the glass full so you need to add more.

Tifa, “ This girl was fifteen?”

Shera, “Her pastor got her pregnant.”

Tifa sighs “ A minster had sex with a teenager? Where is god when you need some holy wrath?!”

Shera, “That needs Faith, which we lack alot of these days, except for those zealots without a life out there.” As she gets her things, “ So what are your wild plans for tonight?”

Tifa, “ Curl up with a bottle of wine and watch tv.”

Shera, “ You need to get laid.”

Tifa laughs, “Men aren’t worth the effort.”

Shera, “How about women?”

Tifa, “Naw.. Women are too crazy.”

Shera, “Then go ask god what’s behind door number three.”

Tifa, “If there was a god, sure.”


Three Turks kneel before handsome figure who sits in a leather chair of a library who sits in dark shadows.

Figure in a silky voice, “ The plan is going coming along. The powers above will try to contact the Last Scion. She must be killed before she interferes. When she is gone, nothing can stop is. Now go help her have that eternal rest.” Rude, Elena, and Tseng stand up and disappear into the shadows, The shadowy figure’s laugh follows them on their way,

Tifa kneels down in front of the fridge, looking inside before pulling out some chocolate cake. She sits down to drink some wine and eat cake as she watches television. Later, he is in bed staring at her ceiling. From the dark, she hears some floor creaking. Tifa grabs a bat and looks around.

Suddenly in the one a huge flame appears and starts to take a human like form. The voice booms, “ Behold The Metatron! Herald of the True Almighty God!”

Tifa runs out of the room flaming the Stunned Metatron trying to repeat his words to her. Then she comes back with a fire extinguishers, spraying the contents on the flame. This halted him in mid sentence. The flame out, the red headed figure drops to his knees coughs up the extinguisher's contents. Tifa stands in stock before grabbing up her bat again.

Reno the Metatron, “Sweet mother of god! Did you have to use the whole damn thing on me?!”

Tifa stands offensively, “Who the Fuck are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?!”

Reno, “ I have been assaulted by fire retardant chemicals and she is the one pissed off? That is truly funny... NOT.”

Tifa ties to get the phone, “I am calling the cop! Breaking and entering attempted arson. Oh you are never going to see the light of day again.”

Reno is trying to wipe his clothes off, “The phone is dead.”

Tifa tries to use the phone but it is head, “You cut my lines... “ trying to explain that away, “Now get the hell out of my house!”

Reno, “What? Or you’ll ht me with that salami?”

Tifa looks at her bat and sees it is a stick of salami, drops it on the ground and backs against the wall.

Reno snaps, “Just shut up and listen to me.” as he proceeds to strip.

Tifa, “ Are you going to rape me?” as images of the assault ill her head.

Reno, “ I am not going to rape! Bleh look at my clothes?!”

Tifa, “ Just don’t hurt me!”

Reno, “Enough with the rape... “ as he pulls off his pants, “ I lack the equipment. “ as his groin is a smooth as a ken doll. “ You women all think everyone wants to rape you.” As he rings his clothes out.

Tifa, “ Wh.. what are you?”

Reno, “ I am one pissed off metatron. If you go around attacking people with a fire extinguisher, you’ll never get laid. Now will you get me a towel?”

Tifa gets him one of her guest towels and watches him dry off.

Reno, “ Stand back ... “ as he slowly extends his wings. They are indeed large enough to require Tifa to step back. Also send her cowering against the wall again. “ I am the Metatron, voice of god. “ Tifa is too scared to respond. “ Hello? Anyone home?” Still no respond, “ Crap. I am an angel. The highest choir of angel. A seraphim of you will. You follow me?” Gets a nod finally. “I act as the voice of God. You can use Yahoo.com to research the many times god has spoken to people. Those times they are really talking to me.”

Tifa, “Why doesn’t god speak for himself? Is he shy? Or Lazy?”

Reno gets dressed again, “ Oh! And she can talk! Good girl... and a good question. Humans are just too frail and lack the ability to withstand God’s true voice. Lets just says, your mind would explode. We accidentally killed five adams before we found the problem.”

Tifa, “ Why are you here?”

Reno, “I would like to kill you but I am here on buss. s. We need you to go on a mission. “

Tifa, “ A mission? And how am I sure you are the real deal?!”

Reno, “I give you a fiery entrance I even let you see my wings. Yet you still wonder what I am? Humans kill me. Fine, how about a stiff drink?”

Reno snapped his fingers and Tifa is now in a Mexican restaurant sitting at a table. She is still in her pjs. Reno waves a bartender over.

Tifa, “Where the hell are we?!”

Reno, “ Only place to get a good hard drink!” Looks at the waiter, “Dos tequilas, por favor. And an empty glass.” Reno lights up a cigarette after the waiter leaves.

Tifa, “ You took me to Mexico?!”

Reno laughs, “The chili’s down the street. I lost the wings because it tends to freak the populace out, hope you didn’t mind.”

Tifa, “ So hard not to be cliché and say this is the weirdest dream ever.”

Reno, “Thanks for the ego lifter! Image if someone called you a figment of a mere dream.”

Tifa, “ Why do you want me again?”

Reno, “ Think of this as a holy crusade. I hope you know what that is?”

Tifa, “ Umm.. Duh.”

Reno, “Don’t give me lip! My last charge had to look the word up.. “

Tifa, “ Why me?”

Reno, “ You have a divine heritage. Plus, you’re not all that busy are you?” Waiter arrives with his drinks. “ Ah.. Gracious, Senior.” he picks one up one of the shot glasses, “ One of the few things you humans can make right is a good tequila.” and sips.

Tifa, “I work in an abortion clinic... “

Reno spits into the empty glass, “ So? Moses was a drunk. Yet, he found the time to led the children out of Egypt. All you have to do is go to New Jersey.”

Tifa, “ Why there?”

Reno, “ To visit a small church on a very important day.”

Tifa, “That sounds simple.”

Reno, “ Well not using fine print, yes it is.

Tifa, “ Fine print?”

Reno mumbles, “Youmuststoptwoeangelsfromenteringandthusnegatingallexistence. This is a damn fine drink,” as he sips.

Tifa, “Whao there. Say that again slower.”

Reno, “ This is fine tequila.”

Tifa, “ Before that, smart ass.”

Reno, “ Details details... You must stop two angels from entering and thus negating all of existence. Why do you people need it all spelled out all the time?”

Tifa, “ What do you mean?”

Reno, “ Oh for pete’s sake! Alright... Back ng tng tome ago, God was a vengeful and hot-tempered deity. His wrath was bore by the Angel of Death known as Zack. He was the one who destroyed Sodom and Gomorra. He was the angel who flooded the world. He was good at his job. Till one day, he refused to bear God's wrath.”

Tifa, “ What changed his mind?”

Reno, “ His Grigori friend Sephiroth.”

Tifa, “ Grigori?”

Reno, “ Humans know them as watchers. I hope you understand even that. Zack just got done killing all first born in Egypt.”

Tifa, “ Tenth plague.”

Reno, “Ohhh.. Look who is an expert suddenly! yes, now shut up so I can tell the story. So Zack takes Sephiroth out for a post slaughter party. After many rounds, they talk about whither killing in the name of God is murder. Sephiroth easily runs circles around Zack. It probably helped that Zack was smashed. Long story short, Zack is convinced to quit his job. He not only quits, but he throws away his fiery sword down and gives God the middle finger. Because of that, we angels are no longer able to drink Alcohol. Hence why I am spitting.”

Tifa, “ That’s not so bad.”

Reno, “ I am a lush by nature... I need my drink.”

Tifa, “I mean Zack quitting his job.”

Reno, “For a human maybe. But this was angel of death. He is suppose to be neutral and carry out God’s justice. They were thrown out of Paradise forever.”

Tifa, “ Did they go to hell?”

Reno, “ Nope.... Kansas. They must sit in kansas till the world ends. Then they must sit outside the gates if heaven for Eternity.”

Tifa, “ Why does this affect me?”

Reno, “They found a dogmatic loophole thanks to your catholic church.”

Tifa, “So what? They beat the system. They can go home.”

Reno rolls his eyes, “Not that clean cut. If they get in, they will have changed God’s word. This is the Important part so listen close. The universe is built on one thing. God is never wrong. To prove this destroys that one rule and makes whole universe unravel. Existence goes back to nothingness. All they have to do is enter one church to unmake the world.”

Tifa, “ What?! They know what they are doing?”

Reno, “They are completely clueless. They just think they are going home.”

Tifa sips her drink, “ If this is so important then why me? God has power to stop them.”

Reno, “ He could but he wants you to handle it,”

Tifa, “ Why?”

Reno, “ Why not? Stop bring a bitch and just do your job.”

Tifa, “ No way am I going after two angels.”

Reno, “What?”

Tifa, “Why should I help god? He didn’t help me when some asshole doctor fucked up my Uterus. Or when my husband left me for a woman who can. Now he wants me to do him a favor? Count me out!”

Reno, “Cut the crap. Tifa! The whole universe is in danger and you can only think of your pretty problems. Don’t let whole history of the universe be blinked out because of your grudge against god.”

Tifa, “ I work in an abortion clinic... its my way of telling God to fuck off.”

Reno, “ Normally I wouldn't give a rats ass. But this isn’t about you and your sad pathetic life. This is about everyone. So you can’t have kids. Whoopedo. You get to be mother of the world by protecting it. “ Sips rest of his drink and spits it out, “ I can’t make you do anything even if I wanted to. So either stop being selfish and accept the mission or don't. Besides, not like we’ll send you alone.”

Tifa, “Who will I get?”

Reno, “Prophets, although they don;t quite know it yet. You will know them when you see them. One speaks too much and never shuts up. he will prefer to himself as a prophet. The other hardly talks. “ Looks at the watch, “ I must run off. I know you will do the right thing.” and gets up to leave.

Tifa, “ Hey. Well you really work for god?”

Reno, “That is what they tell me. If not, I'm gonna be pissed of for all these years of errands and spitting out good Tequila.”

Tifa, “ What is god like?”

Reno, “ God has an amazing sense of humor.”

Tifa, “ A sense of humor?”

Reno. “ Sex is a great example. I asked him why do you humans make such funny expression. He said if you didn’t look stupid, you would do it all the time.”

Tifa, “ We do have sex all the time.”

Reno, “ I know. And you all look so stupid, we laugh our asses off.”

Tifa, “ Sex is a joke?”

Reno, “ From what I seen its a joke in both realms.”


Tifa wakes up back on her bed. Looks down and sees she is still holding a shot glass. Tifa goes to work next day. Even when another young woman is talking to her, she hardly seem to hear her for she is too preoccupied by what happened night before. After the clinic is closed, Tifa goes around shutting the lights off. Setting the alarm, she exits and heads for her car. As she walks, three dark shadows approach. Tifa looks for her keys in her purse when she hears sound of a ball hitting pavement. Tifa looks behind her but sees no one.

Tifa, “ Hello? Why don’t you psychos go home!”

No one responds to her. Sound of ball being bounced is heard again. Tifa searched for the source of the noise. Suddenly a ball smashes into her knee. Tifa goes down as the ball was rather hard. Another ball goes for her head, but Tifa ducks before it and the ball dents the door of her car. Tifa tries to get her keys out faster. One of thrks rks smack her purse away with a biltz ball. The three line up, bouncing their weapons in unison.

Then from no where, Tall dark figure swoops down landing between Tifa and her attackers. The tall figure punches Tseng in the face twice and tosses him into a bush. Then drops as two try to punch him, missing and getting each other in the face. Then smaller figure flips into large one’s arms and kicks two Turks in the heads. The two fall on their backs. The first Turk jumpt sct screaming in tongue. Tall figure grabs him by throat and lifts him off the ground, head butts him, and him into the other two. The three get up and run off.

Shorter man, “ Go back and get some better clothes you fucking freaks!” then smiles rather pleased, “Asshats.” The taller man walks up snd they shake hands, “ That is what I call kicking some ass.”

Tifa just stares in show, “ Where did you learn that?”

Shorter guy, “ Comic book shop. Its a long story, lady”

Tifa, “ I am speechless.. “

Shorter man, “So we gonna get a reward? I take sex or blowjobs”

Tifa just blinks, “Whoa! Who are you?”

Shorter man gets a light cigarette from taller one, “ I’m Cid. My partner in crime here is Silent Vincent.”

Tifa, “Thanks for coming to me rescue.. wait are you two protestors?”

Cid, “Wha?”

Tifa, “ Part of Rights to Life.”

Cid, “ The panzies with pictures and signs? Hell no. Me and silent Vincent are pro choice! A woman can do whatever the fuck she wanna with her own body.”

Tifa, “ Why are you here?”

Cid, “ Picking up some babes.”

Tifa, “ what?”

Cid, “Hey if they are at the clinic in firstplace, means they must be loose enough to fuck us.”

Tifa blinks, “ Oh.. well I have to get going home.”

Cid not pleased, “Shit! We saved ya life! You owe us something.”

Tifa, “I had a really bad couple of days boys. I just wanna go home and sleep.”

Cid to Vincent, “ Fuck this shit. I would rather go back to Jersey and sell some weed.” as they start walking, “ At I can make myself a profit there.”

Tifa stops, “Oh not them... “ takes a deep breath and calls out to them, “ Hey wait!”

Tifa hurries over to them as they swing around ready to fight if they have to.

Tifa, “Hey! Sorry. Would you.. Would you like to come have a drink with me?”

Cid smiles and elbows Silent Vincent, “ Told ya we would get luck!”


Inside a gunshop, two angels were looking over weapons. The salemems was showing them different handguns he offers.

Luke, “This piece is nice. Has weight and a kick. No one is going to mess with you.”

Zack picks the gun up. “Its alot more compact then my flaming bustersword.”

Sephiroth, “Guns are very popular rthese days.”

Zack, “ But the sword was impressive. Sure this can scare people? Sword is way more personal”

Luke, “You can be a hero? Like daredevil or Alucard?”

Zack, “ Alucard uses a sword.”

Sephiroth, “Why don’t you just waste the building like you did Sodam and Gomorrah? That’s something no one forgets. Simple enough and fancy!”

Zack, “Oh yeah... You just had to witness it. I was the one doing all the hard work.”

Sephiroth, “You set them on fire.”

Zack, “I rained down sulfer!”

Sephiroth, “Whatever.”

Zack, “ Any idiot can use a match. It takes endurance to rain down enough sulfer for mass genocide. Only thing harder is Biltz ball.“ to Luke, “ I’ll take this.

Luke, “ That will be seventy five dollars if you want it now.”

Sephiroth, “ Blitz ball?”

~ go to chp 2 ~