Scandal

~*Part 2*~


It has been 6 days since Rinoa picked up her things and left. I called my dad, and Selphie the next day like I promised, but I half regret it now.

Selphie had been flabbergasted, and then she had been pissed beyond belief. Firstly for Irvine’s betrayal of me and secondly for Rinoa’s cheating. She and Irvine had broken up a few years ago, actually just after Quistis and Seifer’s marriage, but they were still friends and talked often.

She then screamed at me for not telling her about it when it first happened. I was quiet as she sympathized, ranted, and carried on. I shut her out after about 5 minutes. However, I told her I wanted her to be quiet about it because we didn’t need the press getting to it. She agreed before I hung up.

I didn’t need another half of hour of bullshit.

Then it was my father’s turn. Now we have become very close in the past decade. I hade toe to depend on him a lot throughout this time. Just as he came to depend on me. I know that he feels guilty for missing out on the first 17 years of my life, but I’m just glad that he is here now, and I told him that.

However, sometimes he can’t let it go. I know that he knew nothing of me till after he talked to Ellone, who told him, and then he met me. After that, he knew it was the truth, and had tests done to make sure. He wanted to double check before telling me.

He was - is - indeed my father, and I’m thankful that he has found me, or I him. Whichever, I’m glad we are together, and reunited. I don’t realize how much I need him, and I miss the reassurance of a parent till it’s there.

You see, I called him up and told him. He was quiet while I explained everything. When I was done, silence was my response, which is unusual for Laguna. He then asked if I wanted to stay with him for a while. I found that I needed him near, and I practically dove at the chance.

I hardly had my agreement out when he had commands for Zell and Raijin to pick me up in the hour. For another ten minutes we talked, till he sent me off to pack, and promised to meet me at the Airstation.

It’s times like these I realize how much I love him.

I quickly packed, not wanting to stay in the room any longer than necessary. I told Xu I was having a vacation, and she practically held a party. I’ve hadn’t had a real vacation since I the the Headmaster job, and she has been on my case even more lately to take one since my divorce.

Zell and Raijin were told, and were very careful around me. I comforted them by joking with them, which just seemed to add to their confusion. Finally, I decided to be blunt and told them that I was fine and that they didn’t have to worry. Basically, I told them that they needed to act normal, and like nothing happened in order to comfort me.

They obliged, and the flight was quite enjoyable when they relaxed and joked. They were still careful about certain areas that they knew would be tender, but were overall, fun. It was one of those times I realized how perfect they were for each other. Different, but alike.

My father greeted me with his lover, Kiros, at his side, who had my bags taken to the palace as Laguna started talking about the latest events, and various other things.

Obviously avoiding the obvious.

It didn’t bother me. I didn’t really want to talk about it. Ellone realized this instantly when I arrived, and immediately started to comfort and baby me like she did when I was a young child. Instead of being disgusted, or angry at her antics. I was comforted, and craved the attention she gave me. I needed to be the reassured, and I felt pathetic.

Everyone saw how I practically latched onto her, and I knew they started to pity me. Realizing how affected I was, no matter how indifferent I insisted on acting. Ellone, on the other hand, was pleased to take care of me. We hadn’t talked much over the past few years, and she hadn’t been the one to comfort me.

I think Ellone missed being my big Sis.

Without any other words passing our lips, Ellone took my hand and dragged me to my room that I would be staying in. At first, I thought we were going to the room that Rinoa and I had shared every time we came, but she took me to another room, and demanded that my luggage be brougherehere.

We must have sat on the bed for hours together, as she simply held me close, humming a familiar tune and rocking me as though I were a child, while I cried out my sorrow. I should have been disgusted with myself, I should have pulled away, but I had been without this for so long that I didn’t care. I needed it.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I woke up the next ing,ing, partly undressed - a blanket had been thrown over me as I lay on the bed. My things had been put away - I don’t doubt that Ellone had unpacked my belongings as I slept. Cooing at me occasional to reassure me when I started to make sounds of protests in my dreams.

I was acting like I was a five-year-old again.

Being five was so much easier.

I had a quick shower, dressed, and went down to the dining room for lunch. I slepslept through breakfast, which was good because I hadn’t been sleeping at all since Rinoa left. Not because there wasn’t a bto sto share warmth with, because that had been missing long before she left, but because I couldn’t forget. My mind just wouldn’t let me rest during the night. I kept constantly asking questions, and wondering if I could have made it work. Trying to figure out where I went wrong, or if there was something more I could have done.

No one said anything about my arrival. Avoiding the subject of Rinoa, and our divorce - picking mutual ground to talk about, like news, weather, movies, work, and other trivial things. I was unnerved at how they avoided it, but I was glad, because I wasn’t really ready to tell everyone yet.

I know that some blame Rinoa and Irvine for my pain, but Rinoa is just as much a victim as I am. Irvine . . . well, I think he was just as hurt as we both were. I don’t think he wanted to hurt me, but I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive him for any time soon. I can’t blame Rinoa for turning to him. He got tied into it somewhere along the line.

Rinoa and Irvine are hiding, and haven’t said anything yet. I haven’t spoken to them since that day I caught them together. I didn’t need any words when the papers came for our divorce. I didn’t need to say anything to Rinoa when she came to collect her things. We already understood each other, and what went wrong. She knew I was hurt, and I knew that she was too. We also both knew that we couldn’t work it out, because it had been a problem since we first garriarried - a shadow lingering over us both.

Since then, Laguna, Kiros, Ellone, Raijin, Zell, and everyone else in the palace had been making my stay completely work free. I can hardly feed myself without someone around asking if I need anything. Christ! I think they would agree to hand feed me if I asked.

I hate the attention as much as I like it.

I hate to feel weak, and like I can’t do anything for myself, but I also like the attention, and comfort they give me. I haven’t had it for so long that I’ve begun to forget what it feels like. Feeling that I didn’t need it. Trying to convince myself that I didn’t need it. Still, I find that I need it more than I was willing to admit.

They have finally stopped this endless pampering of me, but it is only momentarily. Even so – it brings relief. Still, sometimes I get really t of of the hovering. It’s getting old rather quickly. However, if I move I know that a servant will be at my side asking if I need, or desire anything.

How about something to remove all the pain? Can you give me that?

I thought not.

We are sitting around the pool on the nice warm, sunny day. Laguna, Kiros, Zell, and Raijin are playing water volleyball in the pool while Ellone referees. Ward is resting on a lawn chair, while I do the same.

Actually, I’m reading a mystery-action novel I found in the library. I’ve been meaning to read it for a lonme, me, but never found any free moments when I could. Before everyone would bug me, and drag me out to do things. Now, however, if I choose to read, they leave me in peace. Let me wander and do as I please as long as I’m somewhere insight, or someone is hovering over my shoulder catering to my every whim and desire.

It’s nice to feel the warm sun heating my skin since I’m only wearing my blue shorts, and sunglasses. I tend to burn, so I was sure to put on a lot of sunscreen, and Ellone was right there to do the places I couldn’t reach. I was mildly considering moving to the shade when the glass doors slammed open, revealing two frazzled characters.

“Where the fuck is he?” Seifer demanded as he came to stop just after the door, holding a paper crunched in his grip. He was livid it seemed, and I knew that I was the ‘he’ he was looking for. Even though there were at least five other ‘he’s in the area.

Everyone quickly got over their shock as they went to calm him. They knew he was looking for me as well, and didn’t want a scene. Plus I really didn’t need it at the moment.

“Seifer! Quistis! It’s good to see you two! How have things - ” Laguna started to say, smiling as he approached. Seifer held out a hand to stop him, his eyes still wandering around the area, searching for me.

“Where is your son, Laguna?” Seifer growled as I stood up. I wasn’t sure why he was mad, but said nothing. I had my ideas.

Seifer looked the same as he did two years ago. A tall 6'2'’, solid build with his blond hair trimmed evenly around his face. His eyes jade with his peaches and cream complexion that was accented by the black dress shirt he wore. Charcoal grey pants covered his legs with black shoes on his feet. He looked as handsome as ever. I could feel the slight constriction in my chest when I realized how much I missed him.

Quistis was behind him, looking slightly different, but not completely. Her hair was longer, about mid-back, with highlights as it hung unconstricted by any bindings. Her eyes still royal blue on her nicely heart shaped face. Contacts replacing the glasses she use to wear. Her slim body was covered in a turquoise blue wrap-around sundress. Small matching sandals tied daintily around her ankles. Again my chest constricted when I realized that I had missed her too.

I missed them both.

“Squall.” Quistis sighed, sounding relieved when she saw me. Her eyes lost their franticness, and her shoulders loosened. It seemed she was concerned as to where I was.

“You!” Seifer growled, finally seeing me, and stomping over. He threw the paper in his hand at my chest and I caught it in pure reflex. “You asshole! I thought we meant more to you than this!” He hissed, his face barely inches away from mine.

“Seifer Almasy!” Ellone started to holler, I h I held up a hand for her to stop. She did, and went quiet as I questioned Seifer.

“Then what, Seifer?” I asked sounding subdued. I was calm, and I hated the fact that they could make me feel worse, but I wasn’t going to show it. I already had an idea as to what Seifer’s anger was about, but I wanted to make sure.

“Read the fucking paper, Squall! That’s how we found out!” Seifer yelled in my face, and I looked at the paper in my hand. I tossed Seifer a look before opening the paper, and scanned it for the contents that I knew I would find.

Well, it wasn’t on the front page. Rinoa and I lost the front page to some disaster in the Timber forest where three kids were killed. However, Rinoa and I got the second page, but I also found that pretty much all of it was bullshit. At least Rinoa and Irvine’s affair wasn’t revealed.

I wasn’t surprised it was in the paper because any of the servant may have told, or someone that overheard. Maybe even a friend of one of our lawyers told for a few bucks. However, what was surprising was how it wasn’t degrading. It was pretty plain and simple. Whoever the reporter was, just made it a sob story rather than some sort of scandal.

It was even titled, ‘Sorceress and her Knight find that they aren’t meant to be?’

They made it into some sort of drama. That we tried and worked hard to make it work, but it fell apart anyway. That we were both heart broken, but knew that it wouldn’t work, and divorced because we were too tired of trying to make it work. Decided to quit before we withered away, or spent too much more time on failing where we couldn’t succeed.

Well it was half the truth.

“It’s bullshit.” I muttered, throwing the paper back at Seifer, who was standing stiffly as I read. He then frowned in confusion, catching the paper at his chest, as I turned to walk inside, or basically away.

“You mean, you and Rinoa aren’t divorced?” Seifer asked, sounding apologetic. I couldn’t hold the chuckle that burst from my lips. It was somewhat hysterical, I think. I could tell that everyone was watching me with concern.

“Oh no! We are divorced. We have been for over a week, but I think we should have done it long ago!” I answered, ashamed to feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. It was then that I was thankful I was wearing sunglasses. Partly to hide the tears threatening to run down my cheeks, but also to hide the redness from the tears from earlier.

I just couldn’t let it go.

“Squall. Then what’s bullshit?” Quistis asked, tentatively as she approached me. She was reaching out to touch me, but I moved to the side, out of her reach. I didn’t want to be touched or comforted at the moment. I wanted to feel the pain. Let it linger.

“What’s bullshit?! Besides everything, that’s not how it happened!” I exclaimed, grabbing the paper from Seifer, violently, who was watching me with growing concern. I proceeded to scrunch the paper into a crinkled ball, which I threw as far as I could with a grunt.

I was not at all pleased with how far it went.

“Squall, please!” Ellone said, coming over to me, and touching my arm. I turned to look at her, and she gently whipped a tear that had leaked down my cheek, and then started to brush my hair away from my face.

At first, I accepted the touch, but then I moved out of the way, abruptly.

“You want to know? Okay everyone gather around. We’ve been avoiding it for so long now! May as well get it all out, eh?” I called, spinning around to face the group of them that were hurdled together. I ignored their looks of concern, worry, and maybe sorrow. I was going to tell all.

Even if it killed me.

“At first, our marriage was just like it is in the movies. Romantic, loving, and complete utter devotion to your partner. You know, all the lovey-dovey shit. Then after about 2 years, we started to part. She stopped dragging me places, and I stopped caring. We continued the marriage, but it wasn’t what we hoped it to be. Then about a year ago, it got really bad. We did nothing together. So she started to go to others to give her what I wouldn’t.

“She was obvious with her cheating. I see it now, but then I didn’t want to, or I just didn’t care. So on it went. I worked like a slave behind the desk, and Rinoa went out with various guys under the pretence of seeing friends. I didn’t face it till I actually saw it.

“About a month ago, I saw her and Irvine together, in my bed, when I returned from my visit here. Cruel words were exchanged, but really we can’t blame each other, yet it is all our fault. She left with Irvine, and I heard nothing till the papers were on my desk over a week ago.

“Signing wasn’t hard because I had a lot of time to think about iou sou see, I love Rinoa, and I really do, but our marriage was fake since the first day. We knew then that we didn’t belong together, but we continued playing our role to end of that damned stupid war!

“Duty. That’s all it was. Duty. I signed the papers, she came to get her stuff, I called Selphie and dad to tell them, and then I came here. What else is there to say? I divorced Rinoa, but I still love her, yet I can’t be with her. Is there anything you want me to say?” I asked, Seifer glaring at him from behind my glasses.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why did we have to find out from a paper? We are your friends, aren’t we?” Seifer asked, sounding sympathetic to my situation, but still agitated that I hadn’t called to tell him.

“What? We have hardly spoken in two years, and you want me to call you up to say - ‘Hey! I just got divorced! Rinoa was cheating on me, but I’m A-okay!’ - Fuck Seifer! What the fuck could I do? I called my dad and Selphie, the two blabber mouths of this gang, and I thought they would call and tell! Or at least Raijin, or Zell!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“If you called us, we would have been there for you. You should have called right after Rinoa left. We love you, Squall. We didn’t mean to shut you out.” Quistis said, coming forward. I just laughed.

“Shut me out? No, no, no Quistis. You did mean to, and that’s okay. Really. I didn’t need anyone before, and I think I’m more than capable of doing that again. Cause really,t dot do I need you for? I, sure as hell, can’t think of anything!” I hissed getting angrier and angrier. However, it wasn’t completely directed at them, but it made me feel better. Venting anger always makes a person feel better.

“Squall - !” Laguna started to say as I walked passed.

“Oh please! Say my name one more time and I going to have to replace it. Now excuse me. I have a book to finish,” I said sarcastically, snatching my book and slamming my way up the stairs.

I didn’t need them. I didn’t before the war, and I used them during the war. I could easy go back to my ways prior to the war. I didn’t need anyone. I didn’t need love, or care, or affection. All I needed was clothes, food, and my gunblade. Nothing more, nothing less.

I ignored the little voice that was saying different.

Otherwise known as my heart.

I sat down on the chair on my balcony, and opened my book to my place. My vision was going blurry as tears started to flow freely from my eyes and sobs irrupted from my throat. I couldn’t be loved, that’s why I had to shut out my heart. Every time I loved I was hurt because I can’t be loved. Not truly.

I let my tears flow freely as they moved to my heart to freeze it.

I was becoming Squall Leonhartless again, and I wanted it.


~*TBC*~