Sweet Cowardice

Chapter Two

Written By: Fox

Notes:

*...* is flashback territory.

Also in reply to QueenAdreena I meant to keep Quistis' death a somewhat suspenseful thing in the last chapter until this one. You'll see why when you read. ^^

And thanks to Ri for reviewing. ^^

~*~

Irvine Kinneas was tired. He was laying on the infirmary bed, counting the tiny bumps on the popcorn ceiling and constantly losing count after about one hundred and twenty. He sighed after the third unsuccessful attempt at counting and turned over onto his side.

Dr. Kadowaki walked in carrying a clipboard and shaking her head at the young man.

"You've been overdoing it again Irvine. How many times have I told you that you have to sleep?"

"Maybe about 5?" Irvine drawled, taking a wild guess at his estimation.

The doctor sighed and shook her head. "Nine times Irvine. Nine. You know that if you do this one more time I can recommend you for expulsion from the entire Garden system. Squall would back up my decision."

'Squall can't even get up to make it to the damn Garden meetings. He can't take care of himself!' Irvine thought as he grimaced to himself.

"I know doc, I promise I'll be good from now on. I've just been wearing myself thin so that I could take the field exam. You know how that is." he said simply. It was an excuse, and only a third truth.

"Yeah yeah, you and almost everyone here.” Kadowaki grouched. “Since Squall became Commander there have never been so many injuries from trainees trying to become SeeDs to work under him or to be just like him. Well, here.” She handed him a small brown paper bag with his name and prescription stapled to the outside of it. “Take these until you are up to speed sleep wise and no more massive junctions or magic for at least another three weeks. Just take it easy for a little."

He nodded as he got up and walked out, tipping his hat in thanks before leaving the infirmary and walking back to Squall's dorm.

He slid his copy of the key card into the slot next to the door, stepping back as it opened with a small purr from the motor and a soft click. He stepped in and walked to the bathroom, totally ignoring the dazed and confused look that Squall shot him from his seat on the bed.

"Still haven't dressed." Irvine observed as he stuck the bottle in the medicine cabinet. "I'm leaving some medicine for myself in here, ok? That way I can grab it when I need it instead of tossing and turning on the couch again. You don't get to have any of it though, okay?"

Blurry gray eyes glared at his general direction as their owner rolled onto his belly to squint at Irvine menacingly.

"...What the fuck ever." Squall finally muttered as he ran a hand through his hair and winced as he finished waking up. He flopped down for a moment as reality started to clear his fuzzy mind and remembered a little of last night.

*
"Suit yourself.” Squall murmured before taking a razor blade and cutting just under the picture. He tilted the picture over the mirror to let a a surprising amount of pure cocain pour out onto the reflective surface. Squall looked it over as Irvine's eyes grew large.

"Pure?" he asked in shock.

"Of course." Squall said as he drew the razor blade over the mirror, dividing it into a few thin lines on the surface. He reached under his couch again and retrieved a baggie to stash the uncut portion of the drug and pulled out a small snorting straw from the envelope.

Irvine shook his head as he watched the once respected in his eyes commander of Balamb Garden snort the first line quickly, then follow it with the second line. Squall then sat back and smiled lazily.

"Not too bad... You should try..." he murmured to Irvine a moment later.
*

He groaned and onto his back, wanting to throw up. Irvine was there in a moment with a wash cloth that he had dampened with cool water. He placed it on Squall's forehead and then sat on the bed beside him.

"You're going to have a rough wake up. I took that stuff from last night down to the lab and analyzed it. It had much more than just pure stuff in it. It had a mix of about four different drugs, including dry powdered heroine. Not a very good mix to wake up from. When they asked about the mix after realizing what it was, I gave the excuse that I had found it just outside the Garden and Xu put up the command to have everyone's room searched."

Squall's eyes widened at the news and he tried to get up, only to be held down by the strong hands of Irvine.

"I cleaned this place spotless last night, so they won't find anything. I ran a fine tooth comb throughout the place. Nothing is left. They'll be here in about half an hour. I suggest you go to the bathroom, clean up, and I'll get some food, ok?"

It had been a long time since Squall had received any orders, but he immediately nodded and took a few breaths before getting up slowly and making his way to the tiny bathroom. He showered and shaved, cleaning up to look at least semi presentable before pulling on his normal black jeans and white t-shirt, completing his outfit with his belts, chain with Griever, and his jacket. Irvine had obviously had everything washed for him because his clothes didn't reek of alcohol or coughed up blood.

“Hey Irvine...” he said softly as he looked around. Irvine was curled up on the couch, snuggling up to a throw pillow. He looked up at Squall.

“Yeah Squally?” he murmured, sleep dripping from his voice as slightly clouded violet eyes took in his commander.

“Why are you doing all of this for me?”

“Doing all of what?”

“The caring for and cleaning, and the covering up...” his voice dropped some.

Irvine blinked and looked him over. Squall was sitting in one of the dining room chairs, his hands folded on the tiny table, his posture almost old man like. Irvine felt a surge of sorrow at the sight, but didn’t let on.

“I dunno. No one else is I guess... I mean Selphie is unreachable in Trabia heading up the reconstruction there, and I didn’t expect Rin to be all buddy buddy after your break up, not to mention you almost ripping off Seifer’s face with your bare hands after me and Zell stopped you from grabbing Lionheart... But the one I expected most to be here and setting you straight would have been Quistie-“

“She’s dead.” Squall cut him off quickly.

Irvine blinked, looking as if he was staring up the barrel of Exeter. He coughed, then cleared his throat. “ I don’t think I caught that one quite right there Leonhart. She’s what?”

“She’s dead. She died a month after my break up with Rinoa. I thought you knew.”

Irvine shook his head, completely shocked, and looking somewhat saddened at the news. “How...?”

Squall shrugged, shuffling his feet slightly. “Zell had ripped up his brand new Ehrgeiz gloves a couple weeks before after fighting off a red dragon. The guy at the shop told him he could fix them if he had a couple dragon fins, but how could he get those without any of his gloves? So Quistis volunteered saying she wanted to try to beat a dragon of her own. You know how she gets.”

Irvine nodded. Quistis’ stubborn attitude was nothing new.

Squall sighed as he looked away. “Zell hasn’t been the same since. He says he should have gone with her.” Squall lowered his head onto his arms on the table. “I think he’s right. Maybe if he’d been there, he could have stopped it... or died with her.”

Irvine sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “That’s a harsh wish.”

“It’s a harsh world.” Squall replied.

“I’m sorry...”

Squall shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. No one meant for it to happen. Same with Rin. And Seifer’s just a dick.” he said bitterly.

Irvine chuckled. “A dick with no balls.”

Squall chuckled at the comment.

“Holy shit... You’re laughing! Oh my god, Squall Leonhart, Mr. I’m-a-fucking-badass-that-can’t-even-crack-a-smile is laughing!” Irvine joked.

Squall was about to send a zinger right back at Irvine when a tapping was heard from his door. He cast a quick look back and Irvine nodded his encouragement. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Xu! What brings you here?”

Xu smiled and looked apologetic. “I’m sorry Commander, but we’re having a drug search on all of the rooms. This includes your own, sir.”

Squall nodded, adopting a serious look. “Well feel free.” he said, letting them in to completely search the room.

However calm he came off as being, Squall was practically sweating bullets during the search. He only hoped they wouldn’t open his “sharps” drawer, and was biting his lip nervously as he watched them come closer and closer to the hidden drawer in the low oak coffee table. He figured he was home safe as time dragged on however and no one even approached the drawer. That is, until one sharp eyed student found the drawer while looking under the coffee table.

“Commander, what is in this drawer?” he asked. Xu walked over and opened it. Squall felt his heart drop as a large, sick bubble of fear welled up in his chest. He looked in the drawer and the bubble popped popped as his jaw dropped, followed by all the blood in his body rushing into his face.

Xu had almost the same reaction as she quickly slammed the drawer shut and apologized profusely. She then grabbed her now red faced and giggling helpers out of the room, and excused herself saying that his room was clean and not be checked again.

Squall turned on the now loudly laughing cowboy, his hands just itching to strangling him long past the necessary amount of time it would take for Irvine’s body to enter rigor mortis.

“What the hell is a dildo, lube, and large condoms doing in my ‘sharps’ drawer?!” he fumed.

“You mean I should have gotten you regular size?” Irvine asked innocently.

Squall fumed.

Irvine just collapsed back onto the couch and laughed more. Squall bit his tongue and rolled his eyes, sighing as he went to the drawer and pulled it out before walking to the trash.

"Wait up there partner! That dildo is a souvenir!" Irvine yelped, finally able to control himself as he leaped after Squall. He immediately pulled a plastic shopping bag out and dumped the contents of the drawer into it. He smirked as he tied it shut and dropped the bag on the table.

Squall looked at the bag as if it might crawl over and bite him, and then at Irvine as if he’d never known Irvine existed before. "Do I want to know what you meant by souvenir?"

"I dunno. Do you want to know about me, that dildo, and a fine girl? Or maybe me, the dildo, and a sexy man?" Irvine teased, a smirk on his lips.

Squall shuddered at the look.

"Nevermind. Just...” he sighed. “Thanks."

Irvine blinked, going serious. "Thanks? For what?"

"For cleaning the place... and me up enough to get away with my habit." Squall mumbled.

Irvine smiled softly. "No problem man. I figured something was up with the stuff when you pulled me onto the bed. So I cleaned the place just in case I got caught analyzing it."

Squall went red. "I pulled you onto the bed?!"

"Yeah. I think you wanted me to ride you or something cuz you pulled me smack dab on top of you." Irvine chuckled, getting a genuine kick out of telling Squall what had happened.

Squall sputtered and looked away. "Did I say anything stupid?"

"Nope." Irvine said honestly.

"Thank Hyne for small favors." Squall muttered.

Irvine raised an eyebrow in curiosity. This was getting interesting all of a sudden. "Why?"

Squall mentally kicked himself. "...No reason. In any case, thanks." He replied quickly, not quite looking at Irvine.

"Your welcome..." Irvine said slowly. He looked him over carefully before he noticed the curious look Squall was giving the bag.

He chuckled. "What Commander? Never seen a dildo before?"

Squall flushed. "I have! I was just wondering... how much experience you have to have for a souvenir like that..." he said quietly.

Irvine blinked and thought for a minute, then shrugged. "I dunno. A different person almost every night since Selphie lost me I guess."

Squall blinked and swore softly. "When's the last time?"

"Night before last." he said as he looked over his hat. He pulled off some stray hairs that clung to the brim on the back.

"Son of a bitch." Squall swore softly as he counted how long it had been.

"Now now, don't talk about my mom like that." Irvine joked lightheartedly.

Squall sent him a sour look before looking away. Irvine went to Squall's side and leaned down, licking his cheek quickly before jumping back and out of gunblade range. Squall looked confused for a moment at the action, then embarrassed by it, and finally enraged that Irvine had done it. By the time he realized enough to grab Lionheart, Irvine was already out of range.

"You're dirty Irvine Kinneas."

"And you're sweet Squall Leonhart." Irvine retorted smoothly.

Squall looked away, looking embarrassed again.

"What's wrong Squally?" Irvine asked gently.

"Nothing Irvine... It's just odd, hearing my full name." he replied.

Irvine mouthed the word "oh" and then smiled. "Well then it's about time, huh Squally?"

Squall nodded for a moment, then frowned. "You shouldn't sleep around so much."

Irvine's violet depths narrowed defensively. 'Yeah, well my sex life is mine. And you don't hear me complaining about your drinking and drug usage."

Squall looked up at Irvine, a challenge in his eyes. "I'll make a deal with you Irvine. I won't do drugs for a week if you don't take someone home for a week. To make sure neither of us are doing anything behind the other's back, you can move in here with me."

Irvine blinked and then looked angry. "What the fuck Squall? I have to give up my sex life to get you clean?!"

Squall narrowed his eyes. "What's the matter Irvine? Can't go a week without fucking?"

Irvine growled. "I can."

"Then do it."

"No."

"Fine. Then the challenge is off you scared little prick." Squall taunted.

"I am not a scared little prick." Irvine glared and then looked away, his breath short from the effort of not lashing out at Squall. He then turned back to Squall. "Fine. You wanna play this game, let's play. What if I win?"

Squall thought it over for a moment. "I'll fuck you."

Irvine grinned. "That's one nice prize Squally. And if you win, I'll look away from your little habit, on the condition I know what you're doing and get a chance to check the stuff."

Squall looked away and then nodded. "Deal."

“This ain’t gonna be a walk in the park you know Squally.” Irvine said quietly.

“I know! I’ve been through Hell Week before Irvine.” Squall snapped.

“Oh oh, I’m sorry Mr. Pissy Pants. I was just making sure you wanna do this.” Irvine replied.

“Already ready to give up Irvine?” Squall sneered.

Irvine shook his head. “Nope. Just checking you out.”

“We’ll see.” Squall said before flopping onto his bed and pulling out a copy of ‘Weapons Monthly’ and opening it, effectively ending their conversation.

~*~

*blinks* God my chapters get longer and longer...