Death 101

I’ve never been a fan of churches. Visually there ok, I suppose. If you like that whole religious thing. I’m not really a fan of a dead guy on a wall. Its his own fault really. He should have stayed in bed. I bet he just wanted a sandwich too.

“Are you just going to stand there and stare at a wall? Or are you gonna help me?”

Who plants flowers at a church anyways?

“Sorry. I don’t do gardening.”

“How can you not do gardening.”

“I got a plant as a present once. It didn‘t last a week.”

I walk over to her and kneel next to her. She’s laughing at me again and I’m not too sure how to feel about it. No one thought I was funny when I was alive. If this keeps up I can go into stand up. Yeah, a dead, invisible comedian. Ba-da Ching! Uhm…. Maybe not.

She’s still laughing.

“So why plant weeds in a church?”

“There not weeds, there flowers.”

“You’re the crappiest demon ever.”

That’s set her off again. Aren’t we meant to meet that blond guy again here? Now how I figure it is that I’m either dead or in a coma and this is just my brain being an asshole. Or I could have been warped into another reality which just happens to be my brothers game. And pigs could fly, land on the great wall of china and turn it to jell-o. Either way I’m still here for now, invisible or not. Really it could be fun. Up there with the red laser things I’d imagine , and not an ’Amanda’ in sight. Invisible, crazy, and Dead. I guess it could be worse.

“I could be chased around all of Dis by a huge mouldy sandwich.”

Shit! Did I just say that out loud? She’s laughing but I don’t know if she ever stopped. I look around for a distraction but nothing remotely interesting catches my eye. Where the fuck is that guy. I really don’t want to have to spent the rest of my unnatural life in a church with a flower crazed pink demon.

Oh fuck, what was his name? Squeal, Squall, or Sonic. Shit wasn’t that a beaver or something. Mother fucking brother always naming people Bob. This is one of those role playing games right? So the name would be weird and annoyingly positive. Like Sun, or Rainbow. With an oversized sword that always makes you wonder what he’s compensating for. Poor Donut, never had a chance did he?

“Midgar.”

“Wha?”

I’m so fucking articulate, aren’t I?

“The city is called Midgar.”

“Of course it is”

She shrugs and goes back to her weeds and I consider helping her. Not for long mind you. The doors open so I turn around, as you do, and in comes Cookie. Aeris seems to too into her weeds to notice.

“Aeris, there’s a guy behind you.”

She turns to look at me and yelps, falling back into her flowers. I would laugh but its just not my style.

“Hey sorry, I didn‘t mean to scare you.”

“No its ok. My own fault really.”

She glances at me and I just shake my head. One crazy person for the time being is enough. So I just stand there and watch them chat about stuff. He’s actually pretty hot, if you go for weird blond guys. There’s something up with his eyes but its not as distracting as his hair. Its actually kinda cool, in a crazy spiky kinda way. Would be cooler if he dyed it bright red, no wait green. Yeah, green hair is hardcore.

“Aeris, ask him to be your bodyguard.”

Its worth a shot right. If the feds show up maybe his hair will distract them. She tilts her head towards me and sighs.

“Hey Cloud?”

“I knew his name was stupid!”

She glares at me for a second then throws him a weak smile.

“Can you be my bodyguard? There’s a date in it for you.”

I almost smirk at them. He’s got one of those sly smiles on his face and Aeris is twisting one of her bangs in her finger. I didn’t think she had it in her. Maybe she isn’t so bad after all. I turn and look back at the flowers. Listening to them flirt with each other would probably make me nauseous. Even though I’m already in Hell no need to make it worse by hurling in a church.

“So this is where you run off too”

Fuck. I knew one of the feds had to show up sooner or later. Why now? Right when I was doing something important, like zoning out. Actually he doesn’t look much like a fed, not that I’ve ever seen one. He looks nothing like Moulder, or even Scully. Well maybe if you squint, then cut his hair, dye it and got that spot removed. I don’t think they ever wore blue suits either. Oh there I go again.

“Stand down.”

“Not a chance.”

I don’t know what happened next, only that I presume everything went into kill the suit mode. I watch as Moulder and Pumpkin try to kill each other. As amusing as it is I look up and notice the support beams over head. Are those barrels? Why would someone keep barrels up there? That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. They could fall down and kill someone…

Oh I get it now.

“Hey Aeris.”

“What should we do? We have to help him, but I.. Will you quit pointing at stuff!”

She looks up at where I’m pointing and then back to me.

“You’re a genius”

“Jack One. Sandwich Nil”

“Um right. So what now?”

We both turn and watch Marshmallow and Scully fight some more. He’s doing pretty well considering the suit deals with aliens on a daily basis.

“Cloud just has to jump up there and pushed the barrels on that guys head.”

Cloud is his name right? I guess it is cause he stops and tilts his head before turning and running for Aeris, grabbing her and making his way up towards the barrels. Once up there Aeris falls and grabs onto one of the beams. I’d like to think it wasn’t my fault either but who am I kidding.

“Cloud!”

“Just hold on.”

While he’s playing with the barrels I sit down next to Aeris and dangle my legs. Oh the glare.

“Will you help me up?”

“Hold on Aeris!”

“I don’t think I can”

We ignore Cloud for the moment, I lean over and try to grab the back of her odd red coat. My hand slips off .

“I guess you’ll just have to dangle there till Daisy over there is done.”

“It’s Cloud.”

“Almost there Aeris, just a little longer.”

“Same thing really”

You’d think a guy would be able to tell when a girl isn’t talking to him, but rather her invisible tag along. Then again he is blond, so that might be asking a little much. He’s true to his word though and he rushes over and pulls the pink clad flower lover onto the beam and rush off threw the roof. I suppose I should follow them. I look down and watch the suit get up and dust himself off before walking out of the church while talking to himself.

“Off I go.”

Talking to yourself isn’t crazy. In fact it builds character. I can’t even kid myself anymore, how sad is that? I’m following them now, and I can tell were going back to Aeris’s place. Its actually kinda nice, in a hippie kinda way. Their flirting again and its starting to gross me out a little. I figure this is a good enough time as any to explore the hippie hut so I go upstairs and snoop around for a bit. I’m fairly certain this is Aeris’s room. I’ve never seen so much pink in my life and I almost gag.

Why has everything gone black?

Oh fuck, its cause my eyes are closed. I could open my eyes but I really don’t want to be sick so I feel my way to the door. Strangely enough I didn’t break anything . Just when I’m almost out the door bursts open and something goes threw me.

I hear myself gasp and I look down to make sure I’m still me. From what I can tell I am in fact me, and I’m slightly pleased with myself for wearing my jeans today. Well I guess there not really jeans anymore. More like pieces of denim being held together with duct tape. Ah duct tape, my first love.

“Hey I‘m on my way. No, its too dangerous to drag her into this. Area 7? Got it.”

I turn to watch Bunny as he put his phone away. God I hate phone, vile little gadgets. He goes to the window and opens it. After hesitating for a while and looking a little moody he climbs out . I should probably tell Pinkie. I find her in the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand.

“Finally.”

I take it from her but for some reason I’m not thirsty anymore. Actually I feel pretty fucking good. Death agrees with me apparently.

“Well drink it. I didn’t poison it or anything.”

“Your Pretty boy is gone.”

“I know, isn‘t h WHAT?”

“Yeah he called someone and ran off to 7 or something. Said it was too dangerous to bring you along.”

Oh she looks pissed. She stomps out of the room and returns with a stick. A very large stick.

Yeah I like her.

“I‘ll show him dangerous! Why is it guys always do that?”

I follow her out and wonder why she doesn’t lock her door. People here are really fucking weird.

“Cause their idiots.”

I search my pockets and find my little sticks of death. After I lite my dinner I run to catch up to her. She’s pretty fast when she’s angry.

“He did this too. Kept on running off trying to protect me. Wouldn’t tell me when he was sent off on a mission either. Then coming back and would rave about how cool his boss was.”

“You sure he isn‘t batting for the other team?”

“What?”

“You sure he wasn’t gay?”

“Oh, he was as straight as they get.”

She grins at me before stopping. I know why. The was told me all I needed to know. I’ve never been good at comforting people. I usually just tell them they deserved it. I’d like to say that I care but don’t know what to do in the situation but I would be lying. I know what they want to her but I just don’t care enough to say it. She’s looking down at her feet at the moment and turns to explain to me. Oh fuck it.

I sling my arm around her shoulders and drag her forward. If she cries we can blame it on the cigarette dangling from my mouth.

“Come on, we don’t want to miss Cloud.”

“Yeah, thanks Jack.”

“Don‘t make it a habit.”

“He‘s not mine either.”

“I dunno. He looked kinda eager”

“Ya think? I mean I’m still mad but I know he was only trying to protect me.”

I nod, and hope no one ever finds out about this. I wouldn’t hear the end of it if they did. I hope I really am dead, so I can use that as an excuses for being pleasant to a pink hippie demon. I remove myself from Aeris so we can walk faster and eventually we stop. I put out my smoke and lean against a wall.

“I loved him you know. He said he loved me too. Seven years ago he went on a mission and never came back.”

“That’s shitty”

“Tell me about it.”

She laughed a little. There’s something nice about her that I can’t put my finger on. These days a comfortable silence is so hard to come by.

“What’s it feel like?”

She’s standing next to me leaning on her very large stick, watching the ground as if it sprouted a head and was telling her the meaning of life.

“What’s what feel like?”

“Being dead.”

Chances are I’m not dead, and this is just a weird dream I’m having in a hospital somewhere. Do I tell her that her entire existence is fake? Hey Aeris, you’re a character in a game, no its ok, its popular. Or maybe, You’ll find out soon enough.

Damn it, I think the pink is effecting my judgement.

“Pretty good.”

She looks at me with a calm smile on her face. I bet she already knows. Behind her I see Snowflake approach. I know how it all plays out, or well how its meant to play out and I wonder if my subconscious will allow me to change it at all.

“Aeris?”

Even if I do tell her, would she even believe me?

“You didn’t say good bye.”

I can feel a migraine coming. Screw the coma theory, I’m in Hell. If I find the bastard who made the first sandwich I fucking going kill him.
....

A huge thank you to ZombieDuke and Anon(whoever you might be).