There’s always a choice, you just don’t get one.

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He closed the door behind us and roughly pushed me back up against it. Brining his face up to mine, he smiled. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Tseng?”

I nodded. It had been a while, six months in fact; six whole agonizing months of waiting.

He raised his hand up to my head and delicately stroked my hair. Running his fingers through the length, he allowed it to fall out between them. It cascaded over my shoulders and gently passed over my chest; tickling my skin as it fell. He took a step back and surveyed me. Folding his arms, he smirked with amusement. His eyes were gracing my body, paying close attention to my trousers. He looked up through his fallen fringe and nodded with approval. “I’d almost forgotten what you looked like under those. It’s about time my memories were refreshed.”

He turned his back to me and headed towards the bed. He’d lead me to his hotel bedroom. I was so nervous of his rejection, anytime now his mind could change, my stomach was tying in knots at the prospect. He flopped himself down onto the mattress and patted the sheets with his palm. I reluctantly advanced closer. It’s not that I didn’t want this. Far from it. It just didn’t feel right, doing this while he was influenced by something other than his own will, alcohol being to blame. We’d been here before. I thought it was what he wanted. But, it wasn’t. He hadn’t wanted it. That’s what he told me afterwards- after it was too late.

I stood tentatively by the bed and he gestured me to sit. I sighed and sat down beside him. He could tell how anxious I was, his facial expression showed fulfilment; he was clearly entertained by what he saw. I didn’t want to upset him, but whatever I did would in the end. I could leave now- he’d be annoyed. If I stayed…he’d be angered in the morning. I wasn’t sure what to do.

He shuffled up closer and placed a hand against my thigh, fingers inching upwards. He began slipping them slowly below my now loosened waistband. His lips met with my arm and he gently started to kiss; working his way gradually to my shoulder. I bit down hard on my lip. He was caressing me beneath my underwear. His actions began to intensify, he was no longer being gentle. I tried to muffle my enjoyment, ignore the pleasure I was receiving, but he noticed.

“Tseng, you know how I feel about that.”

He grinned and shoved me back against the bed. I gritted my teeth. He was now squeezing me painfully, while smirking evilly above. “Tseng, I want to hear your pleasure.”

I gasped, and scrunched up my eyelids; trying not to focus on the pain. He looked down to me. Removing his hand from my trousers, he brushed away the hair from my face. “How much do you want this, Tseng?”

I opened my eyes, then opened my mouth, but his hand clamped it closed. He smiled and shook his head. “No, don’t tell me. You have to show me.”

He distanced his hand from my mouth and slowly stroked my face, his fingers trailed softly over my reddened cheeks. I paused for a moment, lying still, wondering if this was genuine. Reaching upwards, I placed my arms around his neck, bringing him forwards towards me. He leaned in further, allowing me to handle him; granting me momentary control. Maybe he was being sincere. Fine, I’ll show him just how much I want this. To me, this wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just entertainment. It might be for him, but not for me. I genuinely wanted more. Our lips made contact and I opened his mouth, my tongue slipped effortlessly inside. The pace I’d set was so relaxed, so immersed. My hands found his back and I pulled him in closer, tightening my possessive embrace. There was no way I was going to let him go…not now I had him.

He suddenly broke off our kiss, withdrawing his lips. I opened my eyes in confusion.

“Rufus?”

He paused for a moment, lost deep in thought before sitting up straight on the bed. I sat up also, taking hold of him from behind. I placed my arms around his waist and kissed along his neck. “Rufus, tell me what you want. Tell me, and I‘ll do it.”

His head tilted backwards and rested against my shoulder. His nose was now by my throat. He inhaled softly, lips displaying a smirk “You know, Tseng. You should feel very privileged. I’d never dream of doing this with anyone other than you.”

I nodded, I understood. I also understood that whatever he asked of me, anything at all, I’d do without hesitation. I had so much admiration for him, so much respect. He just had to request it and I’d instantly provide. I was devoted to him.

I gently nuzzled my lips against his once more and he responded with just as much affection, almost naturally settling back into our previous indulgence. It had been so hard, all the waiting…all the excruciating waiting, all over a misunderstanding. I’d missed him so much in our time apart. No mistakes this time. What he wants, he will get. My eyes suddenly widened. Rufus’ hands powerfully pushed me backwards, pressing me down against the mattress and breaking our affectionate bond. Smiling deviously, he climbed up on top of me, gripping tightly hold of my wrists.

I struggled slightly, furrowing my brow. “What happened to being gentle?”

He smile and shrugged “You know me. I get bored easily.” His mouth thrust over mine and attacked my tongue, tightening his grasp on my wrists, he yanked them high up above my head. After breaking apart again, he openly allowed himself to grin.

“Besides, you should know by now, Tseng…I hate all of that gentle shit.”

He lowered his head eagerly, licking along my chest; causing it to immediately fluctuate. That’s more like it, that powerful passion in which you unleash. The way you do only with me. Gentle or not, I’d waited for this for so long. I didn’t care what he did…as long as he did it. My head rolled back as he massaged me with his tongue, teeth starting to playfully bite. His hands had left my wrists, they were now travelling down my arms; but he’d commanded me to stay in place, to keep completely still. At times such as these, he didn’t like to be touched.

He was now off exploring, scratching and squeezing, making me moan with excitement. I was unsure of what was coming next, but he always worked on impulse, unrepentantly changing the pace. He withdrew from me smiling and slipped himself off from the bed, vanishing from sight. He disappeared?

I rose up, darting my eyes, quickly inspecting the room. Where did he go?

He abruptly dropped himself back onto the mattress, his sudden decent made it slightly bounce. He was so adorable when he was like that…almost child like. I suppose in a way he still was. He pressed his hand leisurely over my chest and forced me back down onto my back. Yes, of course, I know. I remember the routine. His other hand rose to his mouth. The bottle between his fingers was brought to his lips. He then ripped the lid off with his teeth and spat it across the floor. Oh, so that’s where he’d disappeared to. He began preparing himself for access, and I watched with an unblinking gaze. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him…just so beautiful.

He stopped what he was doing, turning his head; a smirk had formed on his lips. “Did you say something?”

I shook my head. No. I didn’t say anything…did I?

He leaned forwards and shadowed my face, slightly narrowing his eyes. “Well, thank you very much for stating the obvious, Tseng” he smiled before continuing from where he left off. I laughed to myself. Yes- yes, you did just say something. You just say that out loud.

Rufus then teased my entrance with slicked fingers, applying slight force as he provoked.

“You do want this, don’t you, Tseng?” He smirked, gently easing his fingers inside.

I nodded, closing my eyes.

“How much?”

***

I couldn’t breathe, I was panting so much. The air seemed to have vacated my lungs. How ever much I inhaled, I couldn’t replenish it. I gripped hold of the bed covers, my fingers clinged to them as he continued his stimulating assault. His speed was increasing and so was my breathing, I just couldn’t keep up with him. The noises I was making were growing louder; influenced by the movements that he made. I tried to hold them back, tried to keep them in, but I couldn’t. Whenever I did he just intensified his actions, forcing me to discharge my enjoyment. Oh, and GOD was there enjoyment!

My head fell firmly back against the pillow, his body pressed solidly over my chest.
The experience had grown insanely sensual, making me groan with maximum content. My legs had comfortably wrapped themselves around him, locking us temporarily in place. I needed the contact, I needed the heat. I didn’t intend to let him go.

My growing frustration was clearly evident, growling aggressively, twisting impulsively, writhing noisily beneath him. As our assertive bodies swerved and shifted, his pelvis brushed up vigorously, pushing me repeatedly up and down the bed. I didn’t care what I sounded like, I didn’t care what I looked like; I just needed him further within me. The intense friction we were producing had become agonizingly blissful…yet my walls still hungered for him. His forehead was soaking, his body was trembling, but he still looked as beautiful as before. The sight only made me rock myself harder, move myself faster, make me want this even more. Oh, Rufus please, don’t stop…please don’t stop!

My mouth was open, gasping for air, but he covered it with his. My fingers left the covers, attaching themselves to him, digging deeply into skin. The hold tightened, becoming more needed as I screamed silently down into his throat, losing my self control. My back arched and rose upwards, leaving the mattress behind. My face, that was screwed up with anticipation released to calm, finally granting me relief. My body compressed and confided Rufus inside, squeezing him with compelling force. His eyes widened, his grip on my hips strengthened, fixing me completely in place. He pounded himself forcefully, colliding against me, making me scream out in ecstasy before freeing himself entirely inside. He collapsed, landing heavily on top of my chest, moaning his obvious satisfaction. I knew how Rufus felt; I felt the same way…but I didn’t want this feeling to finish.

My god. That…was amazing.

His head rested against my body and he groaned noisily, tired, refusing to move. I watched his head rise and fall slowly as my breathing started to stabilize. He eventually looked up. His eyelids were so heavy and his cheeks flushed with fatigue. I took hold of him and pulled him upwards, wrapping my arms around him. His big blue eyes were now closed; they were too heavy for him to keep open. His glowing cheek was resting against my chest and his warm breath drifted towards my face. I savoured him, lying there in my arms; so fragile and weak. It was such a rare sight to see him like this. I kissed his head lightly before shutting my eyes.

I might never see this scene again.

***

I opened my eyes, but scrunched them back closed; the light was almost blinding, seeping through the curtains and shining onto my face. I sat up and blinked continuously, rubbing my eyelids gently until they finally adjusted. It must be morning already.

I looked down at the mattress…he was gone? The covers where he had slept were crumpled, but apart from that, there were no signs of life. I surveyed the room- it was empty. He must have already gotten up. I placed my head in my hands and sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

Goodness knows what his reaction was when he woke up this morning. I was next to him, he’d fallen asleep in my arms. I was holding him as he slept. He probably couldn’t wait to get away from me, that’s why he’s not here now. I took a deep breath and pulled back the covers. As I stepped off from the mattress, I noticed that my clothes were on the chair. They were all there…neatly folded, but I’d left them on the floor.

Did he do this?

***

I walked down to the dining area, Heidegger was sat with Rufus. They were having a discussion over some documents while the food was being served.

“Ah, finally decided to get up then, eh?” Heidegger sniggered as he noticed me walking closer. Rufus’ eyes narrowed at my presence, flicking the loose hair out of his face, he ignored me completely and gestured for Heidegger to continue.

“Heidegger, you were saying?”

“Yes, if we can lower the price down to about several thousand, then tripling the quantity would be the best way to go.”

“Fine…just as long as it doesn’t take all day, Heidegger. Some of us have things to be getting on with.”

“Not at all, Sir. The suppliers are expecting you at two pm…if all goes well, we’ll be back in Midgar by six.”

I sat down opposite Rufus, he didn’t even look up at me; he was acting as though I wasn’t even there. I expected as much…he probably despised me again.

“Tseng, are you up to date on the plan?”

I put down the coffee jug I was holding and picked up the mug I’d just filled. “No, Heidegger. I’ve yet to be told.”

“Well basically, you’ll be accompanying the president to the conference. He’s meeting with two very important people. They could drastically modernize the battle equipment we’ve acquired by bringing in some rare shipments of materials. So remember, appearance is everything. You did bring a change of clothes?”

I nodded, looking down. Yes, I admit, these clothes from yesterday were a little creased.

Rufus smirked “Yes, appearance is everything. That is why Heidegger won’t be accompanying us.”

“But…but, Sir?” Heidegger spluttered in shock.

Rufus turned to him and smiled. “Well, you said it yourself, Heidegger. People judge on first impressions. I don’t want to jeopardize the meeting by having the clients be subjected to your grotesque features for hours on end. Shin-Ra has an image to uphold. We don’t want to put them off.”

I spat my coffee back into my mug and suppressed my snort of surprise. Heidegger’s face was a picture; he was blushing so much the sudden installment of nervous sweat on his forehead was rapidly starting to evaporate. It didn’t matter who you were, no matter what your rank or discipline, Rufus always spoke his mind.

Heidegger whimpered. “W-what will I do then, Sir?”

“You will stay here, while myself and Tseng go to the meeting. It’s pretty straight forward really.”

Heidegger pouted as Rufus shook his head mockingly, sarcastically rolling his eyes. His attention was then turned to me.

“So, Tseng. The car will be waiting to pick us up at one. Make sure you’re ready. I won’t accept unpunctuality. I refuse to be made late.” Rufus glared, making it pretty obvious his feelings for me hadn’t changed. We were back to where we started. I nodded and slowly swallowed my coffee, signalling that I understood.

“Excellent, I’ll see you at one then.” Rufus picked up the documents and swiftly exited from the dining hall, leaving Heidegger and myself at the table.

Oh well, looks like it’s going to be another silent car journey…again.
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