A Reluctant Guest

Yep. This wasn’t so bad.

Of course, that’s when he heard an obnoxiously loud honk of a horn in his ear. Reno briefly looked back over his left shoulder to see who the hell was making the racket.

“You’re swerving all over the road you drunk!” hollered another motorcycle rider. He was one of those heavily overweight men that looked kind of funny on a small bike. It was like he was really riding a mini scooter.

Reno just flipped him the finger and sped up to get away from the other man.

“HEY!” Reno heard the man yell again, “WAIT UP, RED!”

What the fuck? Reno pulled his bike to a screeching halt and kicked out the stand. He took a firm grasp on his EMR and flipped on the switch. A sizzle of blue electricity could be seen grazing over the rod. Reno didn’t really have time for this bullshit right now.

“What the fuck do you want, asscrack?” the redhead yelled angrily. The large man had also come to a stop and was off his bike approaching Reno, until he saw the flash of the EMR lighting up.

“Hey, hey now.” The fat man said in a meek tone, “I didn’t mean to start anything here with you Red, it’s just that you were swerving all over the road, and, well, I saw this silver hair blowing in the wind and- is she dead?” The stranger didn’t step any closer now that he realized Reno was armed, drunk and pissed off.

“What?”

“That woman tied to your bike. Is she dead?”

Reno blinked. Oh. Right. He looked down at Yazoo. Well, he did have long silver hair and being kind of slender and head face down…

“This is a guy you nosy bastard.” He reached down and grabbed a fist full of Yazoo’s hair, pulling on it so the man could see Yazoo’s face. “And no, he’s not dead. Just drugged and unconscious.”

The portly man squinted his eyes at Yazoo, “It’s a guy?” he asked, sounding slightly uncertain.

Reno rolled his eyes, “Yes it’s a guy. I’m also a guy, and if you keep talking to me, you’ll be a dead mound of gelatinous flesh.” Reno wasn’t going to follow through on that threat. He just wanted to go home and didn’t need the fucking aggravation. He kicked in the stand of his bike and revved up the engine.

“Hey! Wait! Red! Is he for sale?”

Reno paused in disbelief, “For SALE? Are you fucking kidding me? You fat fuckin’ pervert!” geezuz. The people you run into on the roads these days.

“I’ll give you 5000gil!” the heavy man offered.

He was actually being serious. This piece of crap actually wanted to buy Yazoo.
……

He wanted to buy Yazoo for 5000gil.
Reno looked down at the unconscious man. Holy shit. That’s like, a hefty sum of cash! That’s like 5 months rent. Wait-no. 10 months because I split rent with Rude. Holy Fuck! I could SELL Yazoo! What a load off my back THAT would be! Muwahaa. The look on Yazoo’s face if he awoke to a sweaty, hairy, naked fat man, salivating over his restrained body, now THAT would be priceless! Or maybe this freak would just like, manicure Yazoo’s toenails and suck on his feet. Oh ieew- Reno was drawing far too many horrifying images of the strange, overweight man. Blah. Besides, he would get in shit if he sold Yazoo. Oh well. It was amusing for a minute or two.

“Hmm 5000gil eh?” Reno said to the fat man, as if he was actually considering the offer, “Well, I think he’s worth a bit more than that. Why not hobble your wide arse over here and check him out more?”

With a disgusting look on his face and the most unsavoury smile, the obese dynamo made his way to Reno’s bike.
And as soon as he was in range, Reno hit him as hard as he could, whacking the man’s temple and watched as his hefty weight slammed to the ground in a painful jolt of electricity. Reno peered over the man’s still quivering body.

“No, I don’t think so. He’s not for sale yet.” Reno smiled showing lots of teeth.
He shook his head in disbelief at this bizarre encounter, moved out back onto the road and sped up even faster towards his destination to make up for lost time. Gods this would have been more entertaining if Yazoo had been conscious. But now Reno just found it slightly disturbing. This planet was going to hell. You can’t even ride around with a person tied to your bike anymore without someone trying to make a purchase.
Reno’s thoughts went from being mildly unsettled to outbursts of snickering over the night’s event all the way home. When he finally arrived at his building, he was in a rather pleasant mood singing and snickering as he detached Yazoo off the bike. He decided to just drag Yazoo through the front door and to the elevator by his limp arms. Yazoo’s wrists were tied together so it wasn’t that difficult.
Reno made a wave at the security camera in the foyer. It would have been a funny sight to see. But even if someone actually ever monitored the cameras in the building nobody would dare ask Reno about his business. Shinra may have been in pieces, but he still had his reputation as a Turk and people just didn’t want to get involved. It was a fabulous arrangement in his opinion.
He pressed the button to his floor and whistled to the muzak in the elevator. Yazoo lay at his feet.
When the bell rang and the door opened to his floor, Reno heaved Yazoo’s body out into the carpeted hallway, accidentally bumping into a neighbour who was throwing garbage down the chute.
“Good evening,” Reno grinned, and made a cheerful wave of his hand.

“What’s up Reno,” his neighbour replied, seemingly undaunted, and noticeably high on some illegal substance. “Got an extra smoke? I’m out”.
“Sure thing, man.” Reno dropped Yazoo entirely in a heap and gave the man two cigarettes out of his coat pocket.

“Awesome, thanks man.”

“Not a problem neighbour!” Reno smiled at the man as he watched him walk back into his apartment. He then picked up Yazoo under the arms again and continued to drag him down the hall. You know, the people on this floor are really cool. He thought. Fumbling with his keys he unlocked his apartment door and flipped on the lights.
In he went with Yazoo, kicked the door shut and listened for the automated lock.

“Home sweet home!” he exclaimed. “Now to deal with you, my temporarily unwanted co-joined twin.” He glowered at Yazoo again and hauled him to a living room chair. It took all his strength to get him in a sitting position. But now the hard part was over. Thank the Gods. He untied Yazoo’s arms and legs and re-tied them so he was locked like a seated fixture. Each arm securely bound to an arm rest, and each leg bound to a chair leg. Reno didn’t think Yazoo would have anything to complain about. This chair was a hell of a lot more comfortable than the one at the Healing lodge. It was plush. And he had a good view of the T.V. If he woke up. If he cared about television. Did Yazoo watch television?
“Bah! Who the fuck cares!” Reno yelled. He bolted to the freshly restocked liquor cabinet and scanned around a wide variety of liquid goodness. He decided not to mix his booze and opened a new bottle of vodka. But here he could have a glass, get some ice, and stretch out on the couch. It felt so very good to be home! What a perfect way to end a terrifically irritating day. Perfect except for the silver haired clone tied to his living room chair. But he could be ignored.
Reno fixed his drink and set it down on the end table beside the couch. Then he realized that he had been in his Turk uniform for far too long, and started to strip down to his boxer briefs leaving a trail of articles throughout the hallway leading to his bedroom. He pulled on some black, silk pyjama bottoms and sighed staring at Rude’s bedroom across the hall.’ I don’t think Rude would appreciate my clothing in the hall…he’s such a damn neat-freak’. After picking up the mess he scurried back to the couch and pounced on it like a cat. He mocked joyful tears as he lit up a cigarette and took his vodka in hand. Horizontal and comfortable, he flicked on the television and decided to watch a game-show.
Looking over at Yazoo’s drooping head, he couldn’t help but chuckle again at that fat guy trying to buy the silver-haired man. ‘Ah Yazoo. You could have made your pal Reno a whole lot richer.’ He stared at him some more. The clone’s beauty was kind of mesmerizing.
Not again. Reno re-filled his glass and tried to distract himself from staring and thinking dirty thoughts. Normally he loved dirty thoughts but this was different, wasn’t it? He focused on the television hoping he could keep himself in control of his actions. But he wanted to know more about his little fruitloop, Yazoo. All in good time he supposed.