Whispers in the Dark

Kain knew on an intellectual level that there was no real need to keep watch. The same Lunarian magic which created the dimensional pocket that he and his friends now rested in--the small, even quaint three room cottage that unfolded from a small disc in Cecil's hand--was the same powerful magic which infused the rune-covered menhirs that surrounded them. The menhirs, placed at the cardinal points of the glyph, were a ward against evil and ensured that no harm would come to anyone in the room. Golbez himself had explained it to him on any number of occasions. However, Kain Highwind was no sorcerer. Kain Highwind was a soldier. And a soldier's instinct said that one kept watch in a dangerous place, no matter how much appearances might deem it otherwise. So Kain sat just inside the front door of the cottage, Gungnir at the ready. It's not as if he could sleep, anyway, much less wanted to. He kept watch against the nightmares as much as against any foul Lunar creature.

"Kain?" Cecil's voice was low, so low that he barely heard it in the quiet of the room. He sounded mildly shocked.

"Yes?"

"Good Lord, man. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I'm on watch."

Kain could hear Cecil doubled over in silent laughter, and then his friend warmly clasped him on the shoulder. "I don't think anything will attack the cottage, Kain."

Kain shuddered and pulled back from his touch. It wasn't as though it were unpleasant. Quite the contrary. But Kain could ill afford such thoughts, not with Zemus lurking about like a skulking thief in the shadows of his mind. "...I don't want to take the chance."

There was a long, awkward pause, and then Cecil spoke again. "Do you want some tea? It may help settle your nerves, and Rosa left the kettle on the fire."

Despite his better judgement, Kain nodded in the affirmative. Tea did sound rather good at the moment. Leaning his spear against the door, he followed Cecil over to the fireplace and eased down onto the soft blankets on the floor, then removed his helmet and gauntlets. The fire, merrily burning without any wood at all, was warm and inviting. The days of hard travel seemed to catch up with him then, and the warmth of the fire seemed to leech the weariness out of his very bones. Kain watched as Cecil steeped leaves in a pair of small earthenware cups, then handed one to him. The steam was fragrant, with a hint of spice.

"Edward gave us that in Kaipo. Damcyanese men usually drink it in the mornings while the women are at the wells gathering water," Cecil explained. "It's unusual, but good. It sort of tastes like spice cake in a cup."

Kain nodded, and took a sip. It was strange, quite unlike Baronian tea; almost cinnamon-like, but it was indeed quite good. Then he frowned. "Edward?" he said, looking over at Cecil in confusion as he sat down next to him.

"You remember him, don't you? He's the Prince of Damcyan, the bard. He--" Cecil suddenly stopped in mid-sentence and pursed his lips into a frown. "Oh, that's right. You never really met him, he was with us while you were..."

Cecil let the sentence trail off, and it seemed to Kain as though he were too afraid to complete it. There were a thousand ways it could have ended, and none of them were pleasant. He lowered his eyes and sighed instead, choosing to sip his tea rather than invoke those memories. All things considered, Kain agreed with that decision, and drank from his own cup in silence rather than complete it.

It was back, then, to the distance that had grown between them. A wall had slowly erected itself between them over the past few years, bit by bit, and now it seemed as though it were insurmountable. It may as well have been the Tower of Babil, and it didn't begin with what happened in the Misty Valley. Cecil had his responsibilities as Lord Captain of the Red Wings; Kain had his as commander of the Dragoons. It was a simple, convenient excuse to say that they had grown apart because of their duties. But Kain knew why. Because even as Kain spent less and less time with them, Cecil and Rosa were together more and more often, alone. Where it was once always three, there was now two. Kain no longer knew where he fit in. Perhaps he no longer wanted to. And that, more than anything, was why he was so ripe for manipulation. It was a sign of his weakness. He sighed, and sipped his tea.

"...what's going on, Kain?" Cecil asked, his voice tinged with a bit of helplessness. "I see you here but you feel like you're worlds away." He reached for Kain's hand, but the Dragoon snatched it away.

"What does it matter?" Kain snapped, and the words came out harsher than he intended.

"It matters because I care about you. You're my best friend. I hate to see you in such pain," Cecil replied. Kain felt his friend's eyes boring into him, and kept his own firmly focused on his tea. He always wilted, crumbled in the face of that particular stare, ever since they were children.

"I'm fine, Cecil."

"You're a horrible liar, you know. You always have been." Out of the corner of his eye, Kain saw Cecil shake his head in frustration. "You aren't sleeping. You've barely eaten anything. And you refuse to take this off." Cecil tapped Kain's shoulder plate. "You can't fool me, Kain. You're not armoring yourself against monsters. You're armoring yourself against us, your friends."

Kain drained his cup, and rose to his feet. This was precisely the sort of thing he didn't need right then. At all. None of them needed it, least of all Cecil, who was dealing with his own monumental problems. This was a distraction from Zemus to keep them off-balance, to take their eyes and their focus off the mission.

"Well, Cecil, if you want me to sleep, I will take my armor off and go to sleep. Right now. I don't have anything else I want to discuss." He began peeling off the armor in irritation, tossing it in the corner of the room with thud after thud.

"Be still, you're going to wake the others," Cecil hissed angrily up at him.

"Good. They can keep you company."

"Damn you, Kain! Why must you be so confoundedly stubborn?"

Kain angrily sat back on the floor, roughly grabbing Cecil by the shoulders. "What the bloody hell do you want from me, Cecil? What?"

"What do I want? I want my damned best friend back," Cecil hissed through clenched teeth. "I have gone through Hell and back without him, and I need him!" he cried. "Hang it all, Kain! I need you."

Kain froze and let his hands drop away from Cecil's shoulders, watching hot tears stream down his pale cheeks as a storm of raw emotion played across his face. His words hit him harder than a kick to the gut; Kain felt winded, unable to speak, simply watching Cecil collapse into a shaking mess of tears. Kain didn't know what to do, or what to say. All he could do was watch Cecil's pain flow out. He'd never seen him in such a state. After several moments, his crying subsided, and he wiped his eyes. Cecil stared listlessly into the fire. "Odin, my father, he's gone. He's been gone for so long and I don't even know when it happened. I never got to say goodbye, or thank him for what he's done for me," he said quietly. "The fiend that took his place...I did terrible things in his name, things I knew were wrong. But I was too cowardly to question it. And the man I've been fighting, the man who nearly killed the woman I love is the brother I never knew. I don't know what any of it means, if all this has been for naught and my last blood family lies dead in the Core. And there is no one I dare speak of these things with."

"But, you have Rose..."

"I would not burden her with this. She's been through so much already." Cecil tilted his head, smiling sadly at Kain. "Do you know something, Kain? I feel as though I'm floating adrift, because my mooring's left me. Even now, it lies just out of reach. And I'm quite helpless."

Kain was rendered speechless by the implication of his friend's words. He was Cecil's mooring? Kain, that profound mess of pent up anger and frustration? He could barely keep himself together--indeed, he couldn't, as had been proven over and over and over again over the past few months.

"...I can't be that for you, Cess. I can't," Kain replied in a hushed tone, unconsciously reverting to the use of the childhood nickname, so lost was he in thought. "I can't be that for anyone. I'm not strong enough."

He realized then what it was, watching the warm golden glow of the fire flickering in Cecil's violet eyes. It was not precisely a realization, more that he finally gave himself permission to admit just what it was he felt, what compelled him to stay away, and why he never once spoke of his time with Golbez. Kain could never be that rock of support for Cecil again, because it hurt too much. That closeness, that level of intimacy--it was painful. Even this, sitting before a fire in the godsforsaken Lunar Subterrane, was too much. It was too much because Kain knew that when the night--or whatever it was--was over, that was all it would be. Nothing more. Nothing that he wanted. Better the wall, then, than crossing that bridge to find there was still a chasm a mile across.

Kain suddenly felt quite bitter.

"What's happened to us, Kain?" Cecil bowed his head. "Why can't things be as they were?"

"Because we aren't as we were. We're too different, now."

"If the worst should happen down below, if we were to fail--"

"We won't."

"Confide in me, Kain. If you cannot be my rock of support, I would at least be yours. You mean that much to--"

"Stop it," Kain interjected, his voice broken. "Please," he said, softer that time, his heart in his throat. "Stop it."

"Why? I've forgiven you for what you've done. You were blameless. Please, let me help you. I still care about you."

"You have no idea what you ask of me."

"I just..." Cecil sighed. "I just don't want things to end this way, regardless of the outcome in the Core. I want to go into this battle knowing my best friend is at my side."

"Of course I am," Kain protested.

"Then let me in. Share your burdens with me. I've shared mine with you, and they are already a bit lighter. At the very least, you'll go in with a clear head--one that can't be tampered with."

Kain had to admit that Cecil made a very good point. Was he...was all this brooding a liability? Was this what made him so easy for Zemus to manipulate? His palms were sweating, and he was shaking. He sighed, and took a deep breath, steeling himself. If nothing else, Cecil deserved to know the truth. He owed him that much. What he did with it was up to him.

Kain leaned over, took Cecil's chin into a shaking hand, and pressed his lips against his friend's. They were softer than he'd imagined them to be, much softer. He could feel Cecil tense up, perhaps from shock, but to Kain's great surprise, he was not pushed away. He pulled back, and stared at Cecil, who stared back at him in wide-eyed amazement.

"That," Kain whispered, "is the burden I bear. And that is why I can't share it with you."

"Kain...gods above. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For making you suffer so needlessly for so long."

It was Kain's turn to be stunned, when Cecil moved in close, taking him gently into his arms and kissed him deeply. Kain closed his eyes and melted into Cecil's body in bemused disbelief, some part of his mind screaming at him that this was all wrong and had to be some trick of Golbez's. There was no way this could possibly be happening, no way that Cecil could be untying the band from his long blond ponytail and letting his calloused fingers tangle in it. Kain felt as if his heart would burst out of his chest, and Cecil finally stopped for air, only pulling away to rest his brow against Kain's so that the closeness would not be severed.

"My gods, Cecil," Kain breathed, reeling from the passion, the hunger in that kiss. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was like nothing he ever could of dreamed or imagined. It was far better than any of the thousands of pictures his mind concocted--that Golbez, or rather Zemus, had painted for him.

"I was such a coward, Kain," Cecil said softly. "My heart was so neatly divided in two. And, all this time..."

"It was I who was the coward," Kain gently retorted. "I feared what you would think of me. What Rose would think."

"Do you love her, Kain? Truly?" Cecil asked him, his heart in his voice. "I would know."

Kain paused, carefully considering Cecil's question. For so long he'd been consumed by thoughts of her, for so long he'd been convinced that she was all he ever wanted...but what Golbez said, what Zemus said--that it was merely cover for the twisted desire he had for Cecil, that his love for Rosa was not for the woman but merely for what she was, what she possessed. But sitting there, in the firelight, Kain finally realized that was false. A heart divided in two... he thought to himself, and almost wanted to laugh from the tragic irony of it all. His sadness, his anger and frustration, not knowing what role he played any longer in their lives...he understood it then, for perhaps the first time. He was not jealous of Cecil, he was jealous of what he thought he could no longer be a part of. He was angry because he felt shut out of their love.

"Yes," Kain finally answered. "I love Rosa. I love you both, I desire you both. With all my soul. Is it truly so wrong or terrible?"

"No," Cecil breathed, smiling. "But if it is wrong, then I share in your sin."

Kain wrapped his arms about Cecil and kissed him soundly, parting his lips with his tongue. He ran his fingers through Cecil's beautiful silver hair, and it felt like silk in his hands. Cecil's own hands wandered, caressing Kain's back until they rested on his hips. Kain came up for air, and flashed him a saucy grin. "I had dreams about this when I was fourteen, you know," he chuckled. Cecil returned his grin with a rather wolfish one of his own.

"I still do."

Kain laughed, and embraced him tightly. He hunched down and rested his head on Cecil's shoulder. "What does all this mean, though?" he asked in all seriousness.

"What we want it to mean," Cecil replied softly, stroking his back. "The future holds no guarantees for any of us. For anything."

"...what do you want, then?"

"Tonight? I want to forget about everything, for just one night," Cecil confessed, rubbing Kain's back. "For one moment in time. I don't want to think about what tomorrow means, just this once. I want to let go of it--all of it. And then tomorrow, I want to strap on my armor and bear my sword for whatever lies waiting for us at the Core. I want to find my brother alive. I want to face Zemus knowing that I have no regrets because the woman--and man--I love are at my side. And then I want to go home."

Kain smiled, and kissed Cecil's shoulder, then planted smaller kisses on his neck, gently pushing him back unto the floor. "One thing at a time, hmm?" Kain mumbled. Cecil tensed up a bit, and Kain stopped, cursing himself for pushing things too far too quickly. "I'm sorry, I assumed..."

"Oh, no! No, that's not it. I just...there are three other people in the next room. And what if Rose--" Cecil turned bright red, and Kain snickered.

"If it's Rose, we ask her to join us. I'm sure she won't mind. Rydia can watch, and fill in what I'm sure are bound to be some gaping holes in her education from the Feymarch," he deadpanned.

Cecil couldn't help but laugh at him. "What of Edge?"

"We get Rydia to Stop him. Or, alternatively, I can silence him and he can join in. He can be attractive on those rare occasions when he chooses not to talk."

"Kain!" Cecil balked, playfully hitting his arm. "You're terrible. Besides, you don't even know how to cast spells."

"There are many ways of silencing someone, Cecil, and very few of them involve magic." Kain raised his eyebrows suggestively, and winked at him.

"I may try one or two of those, if you insist on keeping this up." Cecil pulled him back down, and kissed him deeply. "Let's just try to be quiet."

"Of course," Kain breathed, pulling off his undertunic and sliding back atop Cecil. Both men were trembling, clearly consumed with lust, but afraid. Kain had only ever been with one other man, and his experiences with Golbez were hardly the height of romance. It had been raw, animalistic--a power struggle between alpha males more than sex. And that was not what he wanted with Cecil, at all. He was deeply afraid of hurting or scaring him somehow, more than anything.

"You won't break me, Kain," Cecil breathed, stealing a kiss from him. Kain shook his head.

"Have you even been with another man before?"

"Yes. Have you?"

Kain blinked at Cecil's answer. Of the two, Cecil had always been the naive one. Kain was the first to lose his virginity (to Lily, a dancer that frequented the pub in town). Kain was the one to introduce Cecil to the sordid drawings his father kept locked in a chest under his bed. And Kain had been the one to teach him how to kiss, using one of Rosa's dolls, when they were ten and Cecil was still not entirely sure where he stood on the notion of kissing actual girls. Yet, just a moment ago he could not deny Cecil knew very well what he was doing. The idea of Cecil having experience with men was so foreign as to be laughable. Now, Kain was deeply curious.

"When? And who was it?"

"When I was 16, right when I started training with the Red Wings. He was another cadet, named Gabriel," Cecil answered with a nostalgic smile. "One day, after exercises were finished, I went to the baths rather than wait until I got home to bathe."

"Hmm?" Kain raised an eyebrow.

"He was sitting there in the water, his eyes half closed, and his arm was moving beneath the surface. I had some idea what he was doing, but I was so shocked that I sort of froze there staring at him. I grew...flustered," Cecil continued, chuckling with a slight flush at the memory.

"Go on," Kain urged, his hands wandering idly across Cecil's body.

"At some point he noticed me looking at him, but he wasn't upset. He just smiled at me and kept on with it. It was...well, it was quite pleasant to watch, I assure you. He was handsome, and built a bit bigger than I was, since he'd been in training longer. Eventually he pulled me over, and..."

"...and?"

Kain tensed as Cecil reached down, slipping a hand down his padded leggings, and delicately wrapped his fingers around Kain's cock. "He did this."

"Somehow..." Kain breathed, growing unbearably, painfully hard, "...somehow I can't see you letting another boy fondle you in the castle baths."

"I assure you, that is how it happened," Cecil insisted. "We met a few more times in secluded places after training. We never spoke of it to anyone, and nothing ever came of it."

"Now I know you're telling falsehoods," Kain gasped. "Cecil Harvey, having secret trysts with a virtual stranger?"

"Every word of it is true," Cecil replied, keeping his hand perfectly still, much to Kain's chagrin. "Do you know what the remarkable part of it is?"

"What's that?"

"Every time he touched me, I wished it were you."

Kain was momentarily surprised as Cecil rolled him over, making it clear he wanted complete control. He let him help him out of his leggings, then watched him pull off his own under tunic. Kain never ceased to be amazed by Cecil's pale, otherworldly beauty. He was tremendously strong from years of wearing heavy plate mail, despite his lean, chiseled frame. Silver hair brushed his broad shoulders, and it was a bit messy then. Kain was growing even more aroused just looking at him. He leaned back and moaned as Cecil slid on top of him, covering his chest in a thousand tiny kisses, stopping to pay loving attention to each of his nipples with his tongue. He slid back up and hungrily kissed Kain's lips, grinding himself into the Dragoon's powerfully muscled thigh. Cecil appeared to be even harder than he was, and it was driving Kain to absolute madness.

"I am yours now, my friend," Kain panted. Cecil smiled, and drew his lips in a line of soft kisses down Kain's stomach, then across each of his thighs, and finally took him entirely into his mouth--no mean feat, given Kain's impressive length and girth. Kain let out an incoherent moan, so enraptured he was with the sensation of Cecil's warm, soft lips drawn around him. It was by far the most wonderful thing he'd ever felt. He lay back and closed his eyes, stroking Cecil's hair as his tongue provided blessedly firm friction against him. Cecil suckled him gently at first, and then picked up speed into a slow, steady rhythm. Kain unconsciously began thrusting his hips to match Cecil's exquisite sucking, and it was almost as if the Paladin saw it as a challenge. He sucked even harder and faster then, and when it seemed he could take no more, Cecil dug his fingernails into his thighs. It took all the self-control Kain possessed not to cry out in ecstasy as he felt himself about to crest. He grunted instead, arching his back with a shudder, and came so hard into Cecil's mouth that he saw spots. Cecil smiled, wiping off his chin, and rolled over onto his side beside Kain.

"You taste wonderful," he breathed. Kain could still hardly believe what had just transpired, and there was still that paranoid thought that this was all some elaborate illusion or trick. He didn't particularly care just then, though, not with Cecil staring at him all aglow in the firelight with heavy lids, his lips still wet and parted. Kain rolled to one side and pushed him down, smothering him with kisses, letting his lips and his tongue dance across Cecil's beautiful, hard body like they were the shadows from the fireplace. Cecil was softly whimpering, and it was the most delicious sound Kain had ever heard. His whole body was trembling, and Kain marveled at how it came alive at his slightest touch. He had dreamed of this moment so many times, yet those fantasies were woefully inadequate compared to the reality he was experiencing. Kain ran his hands across Cecil's body, exploring every inch of him with measured, deliberate movements.

"Is this what you wished for, truly?" Kain whispered to him. Cecil answered merely with a muffled whimper, and squirmed, clearly aching for more. Kain was all too willing to oblige. He wrapped his fingers about Cecil and began stroking him roughly, muffling his cry with his free hand, then kissing him. Up and down his hand went across Cecil's stone-hard cock, as he licked his way across his jaw and half kissed, half bit his neck. Cecil was struggling in vain to keep quiet, but Kain knew what to do. He shifted slightly and reached around with his free hand, clamping it over Cecil's mouth to muffle his lovely noises. It seemed to have an even better effect, as he could tell when Cecil writhed against him. Kain moaned at the sensation, and even felt himself getting aroused again. He silently cursed the lack of lubrication; he found himself wanting very badly to fuck that man, but decided to be cautious. Kain truly did not wish to hurt him. Indeed, at that moment, pleasuring him was the only thing on his mind. He jerked him off furiously, his grip tightening on his cock, fist pumping at a frenetic pace, until Cecil tensed and he grunted a muffled cry, seed shooting out all over his stomach and Kain's hand. He panted, relaxing into him, and Kain let him go, licking the saltiness from his fingers. Kain normally didn't care for it, but he was curious. And, just as he suspected he would, he loved the way Cecil tasted. His lover rolled onto his stomach, snuggling up to him, and rested his head on his chest.

No words passed between them. None were needed. They merely lay there, holding each other tightly, drinking in the warmth and comfort of each other's presence. Kain was overjoyed, happy beyond all description as Cecil lay contented in his arms, idly twirling Kain's hair around his fingertips. Bathed in firelight, the heady, intoxicating scent of overwhelming masculinity, the sweat of their bodies mixed with that of their lovemaking and a faint hint of the spice tea...the sound of Cecil's steady heartbeat against his own...it seemed to Kain a dream, and one he wished to never wake up from. But this was no dream. It was real...this was real.

Kain could never imagine anything quite that wonderful.

***

Rosa was still a bit chilly, it seemed; she hadn't truly been warm since they arrived at the moon. So it was that she gathered her robe about her and went to the other room to put on a kettle, since, as far as her body could tell, it was nearly morning. Her notion of time was still so fuzzy there, so she hoped her internal clock was correct. She paused at the threshold, however, frozen in her tracks by what she saw in the center of the floor by the still merrily burning fire. It was a mess of tangled, naked limbs, blankets, and disheveled hair that strangely resembled Kain and Cecil.

...Kain and Cecil? Rosa blinked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Surely that couldn't have been--

A brief snore erupted from the pile, followed by a yawn, and one half of the pile rolled over with fully most of the blankets. Oh, that was most definitely Kain and Cecil, alright. Rosa knew that sound anywhere; "the Dragoon's Roar", they called it when they were all children and would sneak away to spend the night in the forest.

And that blanket stealing. She was intimately familiar with that blanket stealing.

Rosa broke into quiet heaves, trying desperately not to laugh so loud that she woke them up. That was a nigh impossibility, however, for she knew those two all too well. Kain slept like the dead, and Cecil was no better. My boys, she thought wistfully, wiping tears of mirth from her sleepy eyes. My silly, silly boys.

Honestly, it's about bloody time.