Mind Games

“Seifer, I wonder if I could have a word with you?”

Seifer barely glanced up at the tall blonde approaching him. “No,” He said curtly, hoping that perhaps she would just leave if he ignored her presence long enough - of course, it had never worked before; when Quistis got it in her head that the needed to talk, there was little Seifer could do to escape her until he had been thoroughly lectured… but a guy could dream, right? She took a seat across the table from him, setting down a massive binder crammed with folders and papers next to her lunch tray.

“That wasn’t really a question,” She announced, giving him a very stern, don’t-even-think-about-trying-to-wiggle-your-way-out-of-this-one kind of stare. As if he would have tried to embark on such a useless endeavor as attempting to get out of a scolding from Quistis, Queen of Lectures. He picked at the half-eaten sandwich on his plate while the instructor watched him, clearly trying to determine exactly how bad his mood was and mentally adjusting the severity of the sermon she was planning to give him accordingly. At length, she began, “I didn’t see much of you at the graduation ceremony last night.”

“I didn’t see much of you, either, instructor,” Seifer replied cordially, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “But that’s probably because I was making a conscious effort not to.”

“Seifer.” She said in her most authoritative voice. The gunblader smirked; not fifteen seconds into their conversation, and she was already bringing out the big guns. Either he’d done something particularly dastardly to her last night that he couldn’t remember, or - more likely - Squall had bitten her head off for not chaperoning him properly at the banquet and she was now going to take out her frustration on him. “What were you up to last night?”

“Give me one reason why it’s any of your business, and I’ll tell you,” He said, shrugging nonchalantly. Her expression turned stony, and she abandoned the salad she had been nibbling at to clasp her hands together in front of her, giving Seifer a very no-nonsense stare that may have worked on her groupies, but certainly didn’t daunt him any.

“Very well. It’s my business because I am the one who had to spend half the morning searching for you,” She said coldly, peering at him over the rim of her glasses. “Xu and I looked for you for hours after the banquet had ended. All I want to know is where you spent the night, and that you didn’t create any disturbances.”

“If I had, wouldn’t you have heard about them already?” He snipped back. Unsurprisingly, her irritation with him was not mitigated by this answer at all.

She tossed her head, and Seifer noted a flock of her groupies hovering nearby, no doubt monitoring their conversation closely to make sure he wasn’t causing their beloved instructor any undue stress. He sighed again, pushing his plate away, but before he could actually get up and escape, Quistis continued, “You didn’t spend the night in your room, and I checked all the usual places. Now, I could go through all the security footage from last night, but I think it’d just be easier if you told me now and saved us both a lot of time.”

“The usual places?” He repeated, slightly annoyed by the way she’d said that - as if getting stinking drunk and collapsing just anywhere was something he did regularly enough for her to know where he would go to do it. She gave him a small, cocky grin that was completely uncharacteristic of her… what was it with everyone taking the piss out of him today? His luck must be really out of whack or something if even Quistis was able to one-up him.

“Your dorm, of course, Fuujin’s, and Raijin’s,” She began to tick off on her fingers. “The library, the parking lot - behind the front desk - the maintenance tunnels… I even went through the training center to make sure you hadn’t passed out and gotten chewed on by a T-Rexaur. I think that just about covers all your usual haunts…”

Seifer gritted his teeth. How the fuck did she know all of his favorite hiding places? She was smiling gently, waiting patiently for a reply, and, to be honest, he was a little too dumbstruck by the fact that she apparently knew where he was at every moment of the day to be bothered putting much effort into a response.

“Well, since you’ve established that I wasn’t in any of those places, that leaves you a lot less area to cover when you’re looking over that video footage, doesn’t it?” He said tepidly, standing and grabbing his lunch tray before stalking off. He dumped the remnants of his lunch in a bin, stacked the tray on top, and then cast one glance back at Quistis - whose put-out expression displayed plainly that her threat to probe the security footage to find out where he’d spent the night was nothing more than a bluff, to which he smirked, feeling extremely smug - before stalking out of the cafeteria.

It’s not like she would have believed him, anyway, if he had told her the truth. Who would believe that he could ever be desperate enough to sleep with Zell - or that Zell would ever let him? The idea of it was so far-fetched it bordered on preposterous. In fact, he was beginning to wonder if he hadn’t imagined the entire ordeal… No, the memory of Zell’s body pressed against his, even for just the moment that it had been, still burned on his skin, that was no dream…

Wait… what?

Seifer blinked, and he stopped short where he was walking down the corridor, causing more than a few irritated students to mutter mutinously under their breath as they closely avoided running into him. What was he thinking? He shook his head, trying to regain his train of thought, which certainly wasn’t going to be making any stops on the other side of the fence.

He stuffed his hand into his coat pocket, curling his fingers around the carton of cigarettes. It was definitely feeling like time for another… Luckily, he still had one last hiding spot to resort to he could guarantee that not Quistis or anyone else knew about…

Zell sluiced a handful of cold water over his face before turning off the tap, leaning over the bathroom counter as he breathed heavily, the only sound in the quiet dorm room besides the gentle thumping of the punching bag in the corner as it bounced against the wall. He still felt edgy - his entire body was as tense as a coiled spring, even after his run, after the two hours he’d spent pummeling grats in the training center, and even after having beaten the stuffing out of every bag he owned… this was too much.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t know what the problem was… no, that in itself was the problem; he knew exactly why he couldn’t get rid of all this tension, and it was seriously unnerving him. He had gone far longer than this without sex before, and it had never affected him this badly… but then, he’d never been teased like this before, either, and he had always had someone to go to if things got really desperate - if not a girlfriend, then at least someone with whom he could come to an arrangement that was suitable for them both.

He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. That was it… he knew just where to go. He patted his face dry with a towel and grabbed a jacket off the back of the door, shrugging it on over his black tank-top, heading for the door - and jumping back in shock as he opened it to find someone standing just on the other side.

“Quistis!” He said in surprise, stepping back to allow her room to enter. “Sorry, you scared me!”

“You scared me a little,” She admitted, placing a hand on her chest. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Nope, c’mon in,” Zell replied, waving her in. She entered, toting the massive file folder stuffed thick with papers that she never seemed to be seen without, and she rifled through it until she found what she was looking for, pulling out a smaller three-ring binder that she handed over to her colleague with a smile.

“I just brought a few things, um… my schedule for next week, some of the topics I was planning to cover in class…” She explained, watching Zell flip through the binder, scanning her lesson plans. “And thanks again for covering my classes next week. I wasn’t expecting to have to go to Timber so soon…”

“S’no problem, I got absolutely nothing going on,” Zell grinned in response, snapping the binder shut and tossing it haphazardly onto the couch, earning himself a disapproving stare from the beautiful blonde. He shuffled from foot to foot, cramming his hands into his pockets, while Quistis went on about her syllabus, which subjects were to be covered on which days, how much time was to be spent on each point, and other stuff that Zell generally didn’t give a damn about; he was planning to let her class have free study all week, mostly because he felt they deserved it - good intentions aside, Quistis tended to be far too harsh with her students - well, maybe he could show a movie or something, so they could at least pretend he’d done some teaching while he was substituting in her absence...

Absolutely nothing… Absolutely nothing… the phrase echoed in his head like a death knell. It was painfully true; he had nothing going on, absolutely nothing at all, in his life right now. The two classes he taught - history of magic and intermediate junctioning - were through for the semester, although there was still the beginner’s hand combat course he headed, which ran year round, but that was just one hour once a week - hardly anything to occupy his time. In fact, until Quistis had come to him to ask the favor of him substituting while she went on a mission, he had entirely planned to seclude himself in his room with a stockpile of junk food and some good movies and books for the week - although, as he now thought about that plan, it seemed miserably pathetic, and he was somewhat glad he had been given the opportunity to do something more constructive than vegging out in his dorm room.

“Zell?” He snapped his head up. Quistis was repeating his name concernedly, and he did a mental backpedal to try and remember just what she was blabbering on about before he’d completely zoned out. He sidled over to the couch and retrieved the binder he’d so disrespectfully discarded minutes before, skimming through it again so as to seem like he’d been following her.

“Sorry, I must’ve spaced out for a second. What were you saying?” He muttered.

“Have you been smoking?”

“What? You know I don’t smoke-” Zell replied, confused, and looked up at her - but she was staring, not at him, but through the door to the kitchenette at the table, where the ashtray he’d set out for Seifer that morning was still sitting with the two mugs right where he’d left it all and had forgotten to put it away. He felt himself pale - there were only two people who ever visited him who smoked, and Quistis knew that, because one of those two was herself (she had, in fact, been known to go through a pack a day or more during the more stressful times of the school year, like exam season,) and the other was Irvine, who had been in Galbadia for the past five months and was therefore very unlikely to have come calling on Zell recently. She turned her gaze on him curiously, and he adopted an expression of utmost nonchalance, racking his brain for something to put her off the subject.

“Who else do you know that smokes?” Zell resisted the urge to curse aloud. Any other time there was a sign that someone had possibly stayed the night with him, she would be far too polite to ask outright, instead preferring the tactic of keeping a respectful silence punctuated with pointedly curious stares, waiting until he spilled the secret himself - which Zell usually did; he and secrets had never gone well together. Figures the one time he really was concerned about no one knowing who had spent the night in his room, she would choose to become interested in his personal life.

“Nida,” He blurted out the first name that popped into his head, and Quistis looked utterly shocked - as well she should; why the fuck he’d said the pilot’s name he’d never fathom, because Nida was probably the very last person he could imagine smoking, besides which they were hardly friends at all; if the other SeeD were to have any unsavory habits like that, Zell would be one of the last people he confided in about it. Quistis frowned contemplatively, while Zell internally cursed himself for once again having spoken completely without thinking, a trait of his that more often than not got him into trouble.

“I’m certain Nida doesn’t smoke,” She said eventually - and she would be the one to know, Zell thought to himself, as she seemed to spend much of her time keeping tabs on everyone to make sure they were behaving themselves in a manner befitting SeeDs (despite the fact that she, herself, often behaved in a manner very unbefitting of a veteran SeeD and an instructor - anyone who’d seen her performance on top of the bar at the last New Year’s party could attest to that.) Zell bit his lip, fishing for something to say.

“Well, I don’t think he likes people to know. It’s not often. Just, y’know, when he’s stressed out.” He said sheepishly. Quistis didn’t seem to be buying it. Damn, he was just digging himself deeper and deeper, wasn’t he?

“Stressed out?”

“Come on… the guy flies this damn Garden around twenty-four-seven… you don’t think that gets a little stressful?” He tried. To his relief, Quistis began to look chagrined, a sign that she believed him and was slightly ashamed of having doubted him. On impulse, he added, “Just… don’t mention it to anyone, okay? Especially Nida. He’ll know I blabbed.”

“Of course,” She nodded enthusiastically. Quistis was so easy to play; although she’d never admit it, she would do anything to be let in on a secret, which Zell knew full well and used to his advantage as often as he could get away with. “Anyway, I should get going. You looked like you were about to go out somewhere, yourself,” She said, assuming a serious expression once more. Zell shuffled from foot to foot, giving a casual shrug.

“Yeah, gotta stop by the library.”

“Well, I’ll see you later, then,” Quistis moved past him to the door, showing a rare warm smile as she clutched the monstrous clip of papers to her chest. “I’ve got to check in with Squall, so I’m going the other way.”

“Mmm-hmm,” He nodded, waving her off as she sauntered away, the clacking of her heels on the tile echoing through the corridor. Zell sighed. He watched her leave and, when she had rounded the corner, promptly slammed the door shut and stomped back into the kitchen to get rid of the dishes he’d so carelessly left out - disposing of evidence, as it were. That was certainly reckless - how could he have been so absentminded as to leave such incriminating evidence lying around? Well, he hadn’t been expecting any surprise visits from Quistis or anyone, there was a small point in his favor. He dumped out the ashes and threw the ashtray back in the drawer where it belonged, and then gathered the two mugs from the table and tossed them rather heedlessly into the sink.

And Nida? What the fuck possessed me to say his name, of all people? Zell thought to himself crossly, leaning against the counter and heaving a great sigh. Hyne, that really was a close call - and Quistis tended to be of the suspicious sort; had he really put her off the scent, or was she just feigning noninterest in his guest? It was hard to tell with her… Zell could rarely tell what his colleague was thinking; she seemed to often have hidden agendas, which was quite fine with him, as long as he didn’t have his own agendas to try and keep, well, hidden. And although he’d managed to remain uncharacteristically nonchalant earlier that morning when Seifer was still around, he had as much desire as the other boy to keep the fact that he’d spent the night there a secret. In fact, he had more - he was an instructor, after all, and even though Seifer was an arse and somewhat of a special case within Garden, even though they had history, even though everyone knew that Zell was just too nice for his own good and would never kick anyone out in cold blood - even someone who had made a good portion of his school life a complete misery - the fact remained that Seifer, a student, had spent the night in his, a teacher’s, room, and that spelled trouble with a capital T if anyone found out.

He stood there for a few minutes more, mentally cursing himself and then Seifer, whose fault the whole stupid situation was in the first place. The idiotic arse just had to come knocking on his door - and why, in the first place, had he even opened the door? It wasn’t as if anyone he ever expected to come visiting would do so in the middle of the night, but then, he had been in the middle of a dead sleep, and Seifer had been making an undue amount of noise in the hallway. In fact, he had been surprised that no one else had already gone out there to kick the gunblader’s arse before he himself got to it, before he’d remembered that most of the other instructors were at the banquet-

The banquet. The banquet that Seifer had gotten himself blitzed at and then escaped from in order to come irritate Zell. The banquet that Quistis had also been at and had complained about for days prior because Squall had set her the task of playing babysitter to the unpredictable blonde, who she had to have noticed had disappeared halfway through the celebration. How long would it be before her suspecting nature incited her to put two and two together, and wonder just where Seifer had escaped to…?

Zell scoffed aloud at himself. Now he was just being paranoid. He needed to get his mind off the whole ordeal, and especially off Seifer. Which reminded him of what he had been planning to do before Quistis’ untimely arrival, but he wasn’t entirely sure he still felt like… well, there was no harm in getting out of the apartment for a little while to clear his head, in any case. He could sure use a distraction right about now, and, luckily, he knew exactly where to find one.


Seifer carefully scanned the area to make sure it was clear of anyone he didn’t want to encounter - which was just about everybody - before he climbed over the ledge he had been hiding behind and swung down from his perch on the sloping roof over the Quad. He dropped the twenty feet or so to the ground in a crouch and then stood, dusting a few ashes off the sleeve of his coat. Hyne, but it was a pain getting up there - but it was well worth it, being both completely secluded and so inconvenient to access that it was almost a guarantee that he would never have the surprise of being joined there. It also happened to be just about the last place he could be close to sure that no one would be able to find him - particularly a certain blonde instructor who had a bad habit of sticking her nose in his business, which was one place it certainly didn’t belong.

He wandered slowly out of the Quad, musing on where to go - there was no place in particular he wanted to avoid; he disliked every sector of the Garden as much as the next, and as they were currently docked in FH, he wouldn’t be going outside of the ship to explore - he held as much contempt for the fishing village as it did for him, although it was understandable that they should hate him, him having been the head of the Galbadian army and the Sorceress’ mascot; in essence, the face of the war. Peaceable town or not, it was evident every time he stepped outside the Garden that the residents held grudges, and even in the best of moods Seifer had a hard time taking it in stride. He knew full well that he deserved it, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

He circled the first floor, and then veered towards the dormitories. He couldn’t leave the ship, his classes had all ended for the semester, he hadn’t been sent on any missions in fuck knows how long, and Fuujin and Raijin weren’t due back from Esthar for another two weeks or so - Seifer wondered if it wasn’t possible to be bored to death. He rounded the corner towards his room - and stopped short upon seeing the congregation of people gathered by his door. Damn. Double damn. Is it too late to run away? He thought to himself.

“Seifer, there you are!” Quistis chirped, starting toward him, followed by the second and third on the list of his least favorite people - Squall and Xu. Yep, too late. Grumbling to himself, he walked forward again; maybe he could just walk right past them into his room. No, maybe not - Squall was giving him a glare icy enough to send chills down Shiva’s spine, although Seifer couldn’t imagine that he was really that offended by him bunking out of the party early the night before, not when he knew for a fact that Squall hated attending those things as much as he did, if not more - Seifer, at least, wasn’t forced to make speeches at every event. But he couldn’t remember any other recent instances in which he had done anything that might piss off Commander Crabass, aside from simply existing, which seemed to piss everybody off to some extent, so he attempted to remain impassive, waiting to see what this was all about. Quistis went on, “Where have you been all afternoon?”

“My dear Quistis, wherever did you get the idea that my whereabouts are any of your business?” He replied cordially, though not enough so to keep from receiving a collective look of disdain from the three of them. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This was going to be a fun conversation.

“You reek of cigarettes,” She added, giving a deep frown, but she didn’t look expressly angry, merely thoughtful. “You do know smoking is banned in the Garden, don’t you.”

“Really? And does that apply to teachers as well? Because you might be in some trouble yourself, instructor,” He replied, but with little venom - Quistis was still frowning at him, contemplative, as though something had occurred to her and she was trying to piece it together in her head. She didn’t even notice the curious glance Squall shot her way at the accusation, and continued to say nothing for a few moments, her unusual silence making Seifer good and nervous. At length, Xu spoke.

“You know, Seifer, just because you-”

“I suppose,” Quistis interrupted, paying no attention to the other girl whom she had cut off and who was now staring at her, looking fairly offended, “That you’ve been hiding out in the same place you effectively hid from me last night?”

Seifer peered at her, unsure of where she was heading. “No,” he answered eventually, “I wasn’t, actually. Not that it’s any of your business where I spend my free time.”

“It’s our business when we need to find you and you’re nowhere to be found,” Xu interjected, her sharp tone indicating that she was more than a little irritated with him - she was evidently still bitter about having had to spend half the night searching for him with Quistis. Seifer, himself, was becoming frustrated with the three of them; Xu was looking very cross with him and not attempting to hide it, Squall seemed to be torn between being amused at her anger and being angry himself, and Quistis was still merely staring at him, scrutinizing him - but for what, he couldn’t be sure, and that made him slightly anxious.

“So, what?” He began with a half-laugh, shrugging his shoulders. “You all came down here to grill me, to find out where I’ve been holing up? Just so you know, it’s not possible to nag someone to death, but good effort. Bravo.” He clapped sarcastically, edging around the group and toward his door. He didn’t quite make it inside, however, before someone spoke again - this time, Squall.

“I have a small assignment for you,” He said quietly, and Seifer turned despite himself. Squall shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets and looking supremely nonchalant, as he went on, “I was going to ask you to join Fuujin and Raijin in Esthar...”

“You were?” Seifer repeated doubtfully. His response was merely another shrug, and Seifer had to restrain himself from socking the stoic brunette in the face in reply to all his fucking shrugs.

“Seeing your attitude, I’m not so sure now.”

“You don’t look like you particularly want me to go,” Seifer said, leaning casually against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. It was true; Squall’s facial expression - though hardly far removed from his normal deadpan expression - showed that sending Seifer abroad was the very last thing he wanted to do. He was always hesitant to send Seifer anywhere, and especially anywhere where the ex-knight’s appearance might cause an altercation, which was, frankly, everywhere. Seifer could count the number of real, actual missions he’d gone on since he’d become a SeeD on one hand.

Quistis piped up, “He doesn’t - it was my idea. You seemed exceptionally restless lately, and I thought a change of pace would do you good,” She explained, leaving Seifer mildly surprised that she’d picked up on such a thing - but considering how much time she spent involving herself in the affairs of others, maybe it wasn’t so surprising. Still, although he certainly wouldn’t have admitted it, he felt somewhat grateful that she had suggested it; he was beginning to feel a little stir-crazy being cooped up in the Garden all the time.

“Why, I never knew you were so considerate, instructor,” He said civilly, offering her a sedated version of the sarcastic smirk he was so well known for. He had tried his best to keep the derision in his tone to a bare minimum, but had apparently not done so well enough, because her frown only deepened.

“Well, I personally thought that you would jump at a chance to get away from this place for a little while, but I guess I overlooked the fact that you are, after all, an arse,” She replied tepidly, folding her arms in front of her.

The smile dropped from Seifer’s face, replaced by a scowl that was almost as trademark as his smirk. “Well, if that’s all.” He said shortly, and turned to punch in the password on the keypad outside his door. The lock clicked and he slid the door open, but was not quite able to reach the sanctuary of inside his room before Squall had one more thing to say.

“You’ll be leaving a week from tomorrow. Be ready to go by then.”

“And, it probably doesn’t need to be said,” Xu added sternly as Squall turned away and headed down the corridor, clearly having nothing more to add to the conversation, “But try and behave until then?”

She too, then, trotted away to catch up with the headmaster, and Seifer, left standing with Quistis, watched the two of them go from his doorway, feeling strangely… happy. Well, given the chance to finally get out of this flying prison and stretch his legs a little, who wouldn’t be? Getting to see his posse - well, he supposed they couldn’t really be called that anymore; they took their orders from Squall now, and the prissy commander would never let Seifer forget that - was an added bonus. He smiled to himself, before casting a glance over at the instructor who had, all the while, been watching him with the same intent she had shown throughout the whole encounter… and it was beginning to seriously unnerve him. She only ever looked at him like that if she was having some kind of idea, and he didn’t particularly want her having any ideas, because they never turned out to his liking.

“I hope you’re not plannin’ on hanging around here all day just cos Squall let you off your leash for a while,” He snorted, but, disappointingly, Quistis didn’t rise to the bait - didn’t even flinch at the implication, merely cocking her head slightly as she peered up at him… and was Seifer mistaken, or did she seem to be smirking? Shit, she was definitely on to something… but just what, that was the million-gil question, wasn’t it? Well, knowing Quistis, she wouldn’t keep him in suspense long; she never had been especially good with secrets.

“Oh by the way, Seifer, before I forget to tell you,” She began - Here it comes, Seifer mentally braced himself - and she smiled in a way that might have seemed sweet to anyone who hadn’t been on the receiving end of such smiles often enough to know what kind of mischievous intentions they hid. She was about to pull her trump card, whatever it was, and though Seifer honestly couldn’t think of anything he’d done lately that would cause her such elation just at the thought of holding it over him, he couldn’t help but be wary. He waited for her to continue, and she did, after a pointedly lengthy pause, “Zell was looking for you earlier. I believe he had something to discuss with you.”

Seifer felt himself pale; he’d been expecting something, but, for a variety of reasons, not that. That’s why she’d been acting so imperious - goddamn Dincht had told her everything! He bit back his anger with difficulty - restraint had never been something at which Seifer excelled - and merely said, hoping he had injected enough indifference into his tone to put her off, “Dincht? Fuck do I want with him?”

“How should I know?” She replied, although her entire countenance suggested that she did, in fact, know. She looked positively triumphant, and Seifer was becoming angry not knowing why. He was just about to bite the bullet and ask her, he was that desperate to know what she was laughing at him over, but as he was steeling himself to begin, Quistis left - without even the consideration of a word of farewell, she simply turned and moseyed away, her head held proudly high, leaving Seifer to stand in his doorway thoroughly seething in anger.

He’s so fucking dead, was the first thing Seifer decided after he took a few moments to collect his thoughts. Damned Dincht and his big mouth…! If he’d told Quistis, who else had he told? No, never mind that - if Quistis knew, then it was only a matter of time before Squall knew, which meant that Seifer might as well just go start packing now. But before that, there was the small matter of crunching up Zell’s jaw a little to attend to - just to make sure that he didn’t blab to anyone else.

It didn’t occur to Seifer until he was well on his way to the instructors’ wing of the dormitories to wonder exactly what Zell had told her… Certainly he wouldn’t have followed through on the threat he’d made earlier in the morning… would he? Seifer felt a stab of panic as he pondered it. No, Zell wasn’t vindictive - unlike the gunblader, he wouldn’t be an asshole just for the sake of being an asshole; even when provoked, he rarely did more than bitch and rant or, if he was really well egged on, throw a few punches, but he had never been known to seek petty revenge… And considering that Seifer hadn’t even really done anything to him, aside from costing him a few hours of sleep, he especially shouldn’t be seeking to do so now. But there was no way, absolutely no way that he’d told Quistis without knowing full well that it would get around - that was the only reason anyone ever told Quistis anything of importance.

Well, it didn’t matter anyway… Zell would definitely think twice about ever spreading rumors about him again, Seifer was going to make sure of that.


“Hey, Carmina! I need a favor,” Zell whispered loudly, nearly startling the girl he was addressing off the ladder up which she had been climbing, her arms full of books. She teetered, and Zell jumped under the ladder to catch her in case she fell - she didn’t, just managing to keep her balance at the top of the swaying ladder, but she glared down at him furiously, pelting him with a number of paperbacks until he retreated across the library in defeat.

“Shit, Zell! What’s wrong with you, scaring me like that?” She huffed. Zell held up his hands, his expression offering a meek apology.

“Sorry, sorry!”

“I’ll be down in like one second, just wait there!” She growled, turning back around and stuffing books back into the shelves where they belonged, the wrath simmering under her innocent exterior evident in the purely negligent manner in which she was cramming the books into their rightful places. Zell waited aside, tucking his hands into his pockets sheepishly - he always forgot that Carmina was the temperamental one, and he vaguely wished it had been the other girl working that afternoon, the shy little blonde one - he could never remember her name, but he was much less likely to receive a verbal bashing from her than from the other. Of course, it would have been best if Miri had been working, seeing as she was the person he was looking for, but he had no such luck.

Carmina, now finished with her restocking, stomped back down the ladder and stalked over to Zell, who was waiting by the front desk, and boy did she look pissed off… Zell wondered if it wouldn’t just be better to apologize and retreat for now; the girl didn’t look like she was in the mood to be trifled with, and his reason for interrupting her work seemed more and more trifling with each heavy, angry step she took toward him. “I… I’m sorry, really I am,” He repeated, cowering slightly upon her arrival at his side, and he must have looked penitent enough, because her features softened a small bit.

“What do you want, Zell?” She asked sharply, punctuating each word with a quick breath as she folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the counter beside him. “I told you on Friday that the new issue of Combat King doesn’t come out until next week, so if that’s what you’re after-”

“No, that’s not it,” He said quickly, giving a long sigh. “I’m looking for Miri, she’s not working this afternoon?”

“No, she’s not,” Carmina spat, tossing her hair huffily. “I switched shifts with her today because she wanted the night off. She has a date,” She muttered the last as if just saying it was poison on her lips, and Zell felt the little bit of good spirit he had inside him deflate. So much for that plan. He hadn’t known Miri was seeing someone; to Zell’s knowledge, it would be the first time since they had broken up - if you could call what had happened between them a break-up, since at the most their relationship had been (and, to some extent, still was) little more than the occasional hook-up. But even that, his last resort, was now no longer an option if Miri had a boyfriend. Shit, why was everyone getting some except him?

“Hm,” Was all he said in response, chewing on the corner of his lip.

“As if she’s the only one who ever had a fucking date. Like no one else had anything to do tonight,” Carmina murmured, her tone acidic as she curled a stray braid near her temple around her finger. “My boyfriend lives in Balamb, and I had to work the whole time we were docked there. Didn’t see her volunteering to give me a day off so I could go on a date.”

Zell thought he knew exactly how she felt, but he didn’t say anything, mostly because Carmina didn’t seem to want an answer and he was still slightly wary that she might attack if he offered her one. At least he wasn’t the only one suffering from a lack of companionship, he thought bitterly to himself. For Hyne’s sake, he had saved the world - well, he had helped - girls ought to have been falling at his feet! But then, he had never been particularly good with girls in the romantic sense; he had plenty of female friends, but something about him always seemed to scare away the potential for anything more than friendship.

“Hmmm,” He said again, wilting a little. Carmina peered sideways at him.

“Y’okay, Zell?” She asked, a note of concern briefly overshadowing her pique. “You’re awful quiet.”

“You know…” He began, but trailed off with a desolate sigh. “It’s not important. Just, never mind.”

“Yeah?” She didn’t sound as if she believed him, and said, “Well, s’there anything I can do to help?”

“No,” Zell replied, trying to suppress a snort of laughter at the ideas that that brought to mind. No doubt if Carmina knew what he was after, she’d be much less keen on offering her assistance, but he wasn’t about to tell her. Instead, he went on, “Thanks, but, uh… I’ll be fine.”

“Sure. It’s just strange, seeing you so mellow.”

“Sorry. Umm,” He hummed, pushing himself off the counter and shuffling from foot to foot as he turned around. “Anyway, I’ll see you around. And hey, sorry again about scaring you!”

“Yeah, you should be…!” He heard her call after him as he trotted away, but she was grinning when he cast a glance back at her, a sure sign that she wasn’t truly angry with him. She was a spunky girl, to be sure, and Zell had gotten on the wrong side of her enough times to know well enough how to defuse her anger when it was aimed at him. He remembered a time when they first met when he had even considered asking her out, but that notion was quickly put out of mind after he got to know her, and he was glad of it, too, because he was certain now that he never could have handled her fiery personality. Indeed, he’d like to meet the guy who could.

Still, he mused to himself as he wandered down the hallway aimlessly, the trip to the library had not solved his problem - he was horny as hell and, with Miri out of the picture, he was not going to find a solution to his dilemma inside the Garden. Going out into town to find a prostitute was an option, but certainly not an appealing one; besides, it was nearly dark already, and although he was allowed to be out of the Garden after dark, not bound by a curfew like the students, the disciplinary committee, headed by Xu, definitely did not condone it. He was supposed to be a role model, after all, and going outside to pick up a hooker didn’t strike him as the kind of behavior that Xu would find at all appropriate.

His only recourse, therefore, was to tough it out, and he headed back toward his dormitory to do just that.

It simply wasn’t fair. Why shouldn’t he be able to get a girlfriend? What was wrong with him that put girls off so much? Hell, if even Squall, the most reclusive, socially and emotionally retarded person Zell had ever met, could get Rinoa to date him - although there was some question of her sanity, all things considered, but everyone Zell knew unanimously agreed that it was the nearest thing to a miracle they’d ever heard of that the two were able to make their relationship work - why the hell couldn’t he find a nice, normal girl? It’s not like he was searching for a soulmate or anything; hell, at this point, there was only one quality he was looking for in a partner, and that was a good fuck. She didn’t even have to like him, a long as she was willing to sleep with him, that’s all Zell wanted.

The more he thought about it, the more pathetic it sounded.

It was all Seifer’s fault, he decided after pondering it for a while more. Not that he couldn’t get a girlfriend, but that he was suddenly so preoccupied with it - the arse just had to come crawling into his bed, making the fact that he usually occupied it alone ever more acutely felt, teasing Zell with his warmth and his touch and the press of his firm, solid chest against Zell’s back… Wait a fucking second...

Zell stopped walking. Just when, exactly, did the feeling of another man’s chest become one of the things he liked to feel pressed against him? Last he’d checked, boobs had topped that list, and male anatomy was nowhere to be seen on it. Shit, he really was desperate for even considering the idea that was crossing his mind just now…

Bet he’d be a magnificent fuck, though, He thought to himself with a grin.

He stopped outside the door to his room, and rested his forehead against the wall as he groaned to himself. As if Seifer would ever fuck him, really - no, that wasn’t the point; Zell wasn’t even interested in such a thing; he was purely straight, and had never had any inclinations toward that sort of thing… Definitely, definitely not… And as if the idea wasn’t ridiculous enough by itself, to think that he might have had any desire to sleep with Seifer, of all people…

He punched his code into the keypad beside the door and it beeped to signal that it had unlocked, and he sighed deeply, closing his eyes against the headache that was sneaking up from his temples through his skull. Thinking was bad. People might have made jokes about his Zell being stupid, but it was at times like this that he really wished he could shut off his brain for a while, and not have to think at all. He rubbed his tired eyes as he slid through the doorway and shut the door behind him, leaning against it and tilting his head back, eyelids crammed shut. He couldn’t wait for the new week to start; at least then he’d have something to distract him, teaching Quistis’ classes for a few days. Maybe it would be enough to put this entire train of thought far from his mind.

“Shit, what’s wrong with me?” He moaned to himself - at least, he thought it was to himself; he certainly didn’t expect to be answered, and was understandably shocked when he was.

“Well, I could make a list, but I don’t have that kind of time.”

Zell jumped in surprise, opening his eyes immediately, and his jaw dropped a little in disbelief. “Seifer?!”

The gunblader grinned, uncrossing his legs and rising from his place on the bed, tucking his hands into his pockets. His smile was not the least bit friendly, and the intentions hinted in his cold, dark stare sent a small shiver down Zell’s spine as he went on, “It’s about fucking time you got back, Chicken-wuss. We need to talk…”