Ghosts

Note: This is the rewritten version of Part II- When I went to start Part III I felt like I had rushed things between these two at the end of Part II. It is COMPLETELY new starting just about half-way through. I decided also to further the plot along a little bit more at the end so it's longer and it sort of needs to be read for Part III to make sense. I appreciate everyone who reviewed and liked the old version! It is still available at my LJ which is linked to from my profile! Thank you for your patience with my erratic writing!

Ghosts - Part II - Redux.

Sephiroth awoke bleary-eyed and stiff. Sight was a struggle as his eyelashes had crusted over so badly during the night that he had to literally pick away at the dried stuff before they could open. When Sephiroth was finally able to blink his eyes open, he immediately regretted it, sinking a little back into the pillows as a frown pulled at his lips. Along with the opening of his eyes came the awakening of his brain and the morning sun that was just fully peaking over the horizon had lit the tiny bedroom up with the happy glow of new day joy- Sephiroth's mood, however, was falling ever further as the synapses in his brain fired and all the memories of the previous evening woke up along with his body.

Cloud.

Cloud holding him. Holding him while he cried. Holding him while he slept.

Sephiroth couldn't ignore the tiny flip his stomach made at the memory. Nor could he stop the rush of blood to his head that caused a sort of loopy panicky anxiousness to grab hold of him. Cloud had held him all night. The memories were clear as the pain from his stomach wound, the sensation of Cloud's arms loosely wrapped around him burned permanently into his skin. Now that Sephiroth's body had been given a taste it seemed determined not to forget it, and he could hardly do anything other than sit in bed and replay the night over in his head. Sleep had taken him deeply, deep enough that the familiar nightmares couldn't find him- but Sephiroth remembered waking every so often for no other reason than Cloud shifting against him. It amazed him that the awkwardness of the situation hadn't kept him up. Instead, Sephiroth realized he had gone the entire night sleeping in the arms of Cloud Strife.

Well fuck.

Dust danced like sparkling stars from a tiny universe in the air around the bedroom, almost as if they were trying to help brighten Sephiroth's mood. The lilting notes of birdsong floated in from outside- and was that a wind chime tinkling from some far off location? Sephiroth gripped the sheets in a deathly twist. Cloud would not leave his thoughts. His body and heart were working against his mind to try to make him come to some sort of realization. Sephiroth was used to this. Defeating these sorts of feelings was something he had been practicing his entire life- he just needed a distraction. Looking around Sephiroth picked out details from the room that he had failed to notice the night prior: There were two doors leading out of the small space, the window had been opened just slightly to let fresh air circulate in, and the fireplace was crackling with the remainder of a small fire that was more ash than flames. Assuming Cloud had started the fire when he had retreated from the room Sephiroth would guess he'd been alone for no longer than an hour.

A shower sounded like a good idea, and after shifting the sheets back so he could examine his stitches Sephiroth determined that he'd probably survive a short trek to the bathroom. Picking a door and holding his breath, Sephiroth braced himself against pain and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. The few unsteady steps it took to get him to the door were more excruciating than he thought they'd be. Laying in bed had caused the wound to become stiff and sore, and the stitches pulled sharply at the angry swollen skin surrounding the area- nevertheless, Sephiroth grit his teeth and made sure his grasp on the door handle was firm, pushing past the doorframe to reveal just what he sought, a bathroom.

The room was beyond simple, but in a strange way there seemed to be some elegance about it. A single frosted-glass window lit the entire room in the same rosy golden light that he noticed in the bedroom. The tub was claw-footed and large, the porcelain bright and pearly against the hardwood floor. A brushed metal shower head arched out from the pipes running exposed along the ceiling, and there was a thin net curtain surrounding the tub that was probably there more for modesty's sake than for containing any splashing water. A dark furry brown throw rug sat in the middle of the floor, and matching dark brown towels sat folded atop a small wooden stool next to the tub. Besides the small unassuming toilet in the corner and the sink that was built into a mirrored wooden cabinet that stretched from floor to ceiling, the room was almost bare.

Sephiroth's first stop was the toilet- surprisingly he must have been able to contain some of the water from the previous night and, by the way his parched mouth salivated at the sight of the sink's tap, his body must be in need of more. There was a little glass cup on the countertop and he had to fill it three times before his thirst felt somewhat satiated. The water was naturally ice cold, probably it was drawn from a well that collected the rain wanter from the mountains, and it soothed Sephiroth's aching body. Filling one last glass, it wasn't until Sephiroth was twisting off the faucet that he actually caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He nearly dropped dead at the sight.

His once glowing green eyes looked muted and and gray underneath his sleepy eyelids, surrounded by some of the deepest, darkest circles that easily beat out those he sported during the Wutai War. His skin was pallid- probably due to the loss of blood and lack of hydration from the past few days, and he was so cold. Sephiroth, in all of his years, couldn't remember this sort of coldness. It felt as if his inner flame, his ego and strength, had been snuffed out, leaving his body tired and defeated. It wasn't just a physical cold, but a deep freezing ice that ran through his veins and permeated his very mind. He just couldn't shake the feeling of weakness that he was totally unfamiliar with. Something was missing, but Sephiroth had no idea what.

Countless minutes passed as Sephiroth stared at himself in the mirror, and as he examined his own reflection, he slowly came to note an actual small yet significant change in his appearance. His pulse fluttered weakly, and his mouth dried up as bile rose in the back of his throat. His eyes. What he must had missed in the haziness of exhaustion was an actual change of his eyes. They were still a brilliant green color, even if subdued by his circumstances, but the cat-like slit pupils that had always caused his own skin to crawl were simple, ordinary circles.

Like a human's.

What that meant, Sephiroth couldn't even begin to fathom.

-

Cloud was insane. He had acknowledged this fact on multiple occasions, this time certainly not being the first. Somehow, planet be praised or maybe it was just his own dumb luck, things always turned out OK for Cloud in the end. He may have to go through the most tragic, heartbreaking, vicious experiences ever conceived of by man or god alike, but in the end, shit just seemed to work out. Take for example this very morning:

Sephiroth, in his bed, sane and asleep.

Who would have seen that one coming? Not Cloud, not in a million years. Now, how that would work out for Cloud in the end was still being revealed, but if there was one thing Cloud was sure of, it was that this Sephiroth was not going to destroy the world, and it had nothing to do with Cloud killing him before he got the chance. Although, if Cloud didn't have another stroke of luck sometime soon it was very well possible that something else could kill off Sephiroth, like his stab wound.

Cloud did not acknowledge that he just alluded to having found Sephiroth as being lucky.

What Cloud would acknowledge was that he had no desire to see Sephiroth die from something as simple and stupid as an infection, so he needed to find a cure materia, and he needed to find it soon. Unfortunately, the few spots he knew he always had hidden some extra materia away in Fenrir were empty. It was only natural that as time passed by and the battle's for the planet's safety became fewer and farther between that Cloud would stop making sure he was totally prepared for the worst at any moment; but to not even have a cure with him? Simply put, that was just a complete lapse of good judgement on Cloud's part. Now Sephiroth was without even a potion to help with the healing process, and the slow rate in which his wounds were recovering on their own was nothing like what Cloud-

The sound of a fist slamming against metal startled the birds out of a nearby tree, their song mercilessly cut short by a fuming Cloud. He shoved himself away from his bike, pacing back and forth beside it as his hands tugged at his blond spikes. Why am I suddenly so concerned with how much pain Sephiroth is in? Cloud didn't have an explanation for his feelings. All he knew was that something had changed in him last night, and that he was totally unprepared for any of this. Taking care of an injured man he was definitely not prepared for, obviously- taking care of Sephiroth? Cloud wouldn't have thought he'd have ever been prepared for that, but alas, here he was.

"What am I supposed to do!" Cloud directed his frustrations towards the sky. "Why is this happening…"

Nothing answered him, of course. But Cloud knew better than to think the planet wasn't listening. If there was anything Cloud was sure of, it was that the planet had something to do with this, and that it was most certainly paying attention.

One of the song birds he had scared away darted back into it's tree, soon the rest of the group returned and took up their song as if he'd never interrupted them. Then, as abruptly as they had landed- a gray form darted out between Cloud and the birds, effectively spooking them into flight once more. Cloud barely had time to look down and register what he'd seen before it disappeared behind the bend of the house and he had to dash after it. The form was fast, but silent, and Cloud didn't notice any dirt being kicked up as it went tearing down the streets and through alleyways. Always just a little too far away to discern it's shape, and just a little to difficult to focus on, the form was more phantom than beast. Familiar, too. Cloud's heart beat not from exertion, but from a sort of curious excitement which he could not explain.

As Cloud followed the shape out into the open from an overgrown shaded alleyway, he had to blink his eyes before he was able to take in the image before him. The shape wasn't a phantom or a beast- it was a wolf. And it was standing in front of the former site of his childhood home.

"Zack," Cloud slowly stepped forward, a smile hesitant on his lips. He put his hand out like any stranger would do to a strange dog, but it was more from Cloud disbelieving that it could be his friend than fear of frightening the creature. Zack didn't appear often, not as often as Aerith certainly, and even her visits were few and far between. If Zack was here, it was for something especially important. The wolf lolled it's tongue at Cloud's peace offering, turning it's tail and bounding up the steps and into his old house. Well it wasn't technically his old house- that one had burned down. But, his home had never been anything really special or unique, and the generic small town home that had been built in it's place was similar enough in style, and dilapidated enough in general, that his memories and reality had an easy time overlapping one another. Cloud knew he had to follow, but his steps were slow.

Inside, the house was eerily similar to how he had remembered his home. Whether it was a trick on his eyes, or if maybe he had somehow stepped into some parallel universe, where things were not quite the same, Cloud wasn't sure he could tell. Everything held the same feel as his home- and he remembered there being a staircase here, and a small end table there. Cloud could have sworn his mom has pink curtains in the kitchen but these were gold. It was the simple details that were off that Cloud noticed. But they were small enough that he could almost just believe that this was where he had grown up.

A pattering of claws on hardwood drew Cloud up the steps and up to a door that would have led into his old bedroom- his hand paused on the handle. Feeling it's solid cold metal sturdiness under his fingertips was slightly grounding, allowing Cloud to take a couple cleansing breaths before swinging the door open.

Like the rest of the house, Cloud's stomach rolled at the familiarity of the room before him. Toys without discerning features, resembling things Cloud could vaguely recall from his early years, sat stoically on shelves. Posters were hanging on the wall with images that were more colors blended into shapes than actual pictures. And there in the middle of the floor the wolf sat, it's wagging tail thumping onto an old threadbare rug, smiling triumphantly up at Cloud and standing guard over a tiny glowing ball of crystalized energy.

Materia..

Cloud bent down, his eyes never leaving the little orb. It hummed with the sort of young fresh excited energy that only kids and dogs understood. As his fingers wrapped around the delicate sphere, he knew instantly that is was a cure- low level and young, yes, but a cure all the same. He could heal enough of Sephiroth's wound that infection wouldn't be a possibility, and maybe if he could level it's strength up, heal it completely-

"Hey."

A smile spread across Cloud's features before he even looked up at who had spoken, "Zack."

The dark haired man sat crossed-legged on the rug before him, a grin to outmatch Cloud's smile splitting his face, "So, how do you like your gift?"

Cloud blinked in disbelief, "You call Sephiroth a gift!"

"I meant the materia, actually." The look in Zack's eyes was all mischievousness- "Consider it a gift from your mother- her spirit is in that materia. She wanted you to know she has been listening."

The materia vibrated warmly in his palm- it's energy running easily into his fingertips, eager to lend Cloud it's strength and abilities. Cloud couldn't help the tightening in his throat at the thought that his mom was inside the little crystal, happy to be able to help her son in some last way. This was more than a gift- the planet was directly interfering with life. Cloud was now certain that the planet had to be responsible for bringing Sephiroth back, otherwise why go through such a challenge to heal him?

"Zack, you have to tell me what's going on," the edge to Cloud's voice begged for a straight forward answer, he was at the end of his sanity trying to piece everything together and he knew Zack had answers.

"I know, kid- look…" Zack's expression held a look of trepidation "…Sephiroth was human, you know, mostly. He had Jenova cells and all of that but he had a human dad and human mom too. None of this was ever supposed to happen to him. The planet failed in destroying Jenova when it had the chance, it tried to hide her away where no one could find her but it knew, inevitably, that someone eventually would… and something like this could happen. It wasn't Sephiroth's fault." Zack paused for a breath, the leftover human gesture performed more out of habit rather than the need to actually breath.

"So the planet brought Sephiroth back to life for what- to apologize to him? Even at the threat of unleashing Jenova all over again?" Cloud was rather doubtful of this explanation- he had far less faith in the conscious of the planet than he had all those years ago.

"There is something about Sephiroth that you may have begun to notice," Zack gazed at Cloud steadily, the bright light from the early sun causing his form to silhouette against the backdrop of the bedroom window. "HIs slow healing, decreased senses, difficulty to see in the dark, lower pain tolerance… the planet was able to successfully remove the Jenova cells from Sephiroth's original body that died in Midgar."

"That's why he's weaker- he's human, completely…" Cloud whispered, disbelief and understanding both tying the strings together in his mind.

The sadness in his dead friend's voice was all his own, not the planet's nor the Cetras. It reached into Cloud's memories, awakening a nostalgia he couldn't quite place but held onto, "The planet healed him, but when it went to remove the Jenova cells from his body, they attacked him. The Jenova cells burned the memories from all of their clones into Sephiroth's mind- Whatever sins his clones were guilty of he may as well have performed, the memories are reality to him. By that point there was nothing the planet could do but release Sephiroth from the Lifestream." Zack was nearly whispering. The guilt that the planet felt resonated in his words and tone, echoing in the deep baritones of his voice, like a thousand voids apologizing.

"But why send him to me Zack? Why did the planet do this now?" Cloud could maybe stretch his imagination far enough to believe that the planet felt guilt, and the mercy they showed Sephiroth when so many other souls just as damaged as his passed through the Lifestream was impressive, but why send Sephiroth to Cloud? The person who hated Sephiroth the most, who had every reason in the world to kill him on the spot, without a second thought.

I almost did.

Cloud managed to hold back the darkness around the edges of that thought.

"Cloud, you can't tell me you haven't figured that out yet?" Zack's voice was soft, warm, the gentleness nudging him closer to a deeper sort of speculation the entire morning had been trying to point him towards. Instead, he held Zack's gaze steadily. The light from the window cast his features in shadow, but Zack's words were clear, "Take care of him Cloud, if only for me." Like an overexposed photograph the light intensified, blowing out Zack's silhouette and setting the entire room aflame in bright morning glow. Cloud didn't look away from the spot where Zack sat, even when his eyes had to squint against the brightness, even when they spouted tiny tears from the strain, or maybe from something else.

When finally the light died down, Zack was gone.

-

Sometimes there was a woman in Sephiroth's dreams. He could remember her from when he was a child, back when his dreams were just dreams, before the emptiness and the nightmares of his grown years took over. She was in his nightmares too, but Sephiroth always knew there was something different about that version of her. The woman in his dream right then- she was definitely the one from his childhood. Her features where indiscernible, except for the faint smile pulling at thin lips and her long, long dark hair. It tickled his face as she leaned over him, and Sephiroth yearned desperately to to hear her voice. Something inside told him he knew just what it would sound like- clarity given to a soothing sound otherwise muffled by the depths of an ocean.

"Sephiroth!"

Suddenly the features above him sharpened into a vision of Cloud. Sephiroth blinked as the man yelled in his face, trying to decipher the words echoing in his ears. Cloud sounded so far away in stark contrast to his actual proximity and his hands were trembling as they gripped Sephiroth's shoulders, his expression frantic. The yelling was getting louder as each sound left the other's lips. Sephiroth wanted to tell Cloud that everything was OK, that this was just a dream, but his voice wouldn't work and his limbs wouldn't move. A slow panic started to bloom in his stomach. The nightmares were coming back.

SLAP

A bright light lit up Sephiroth's dream, and then a sharp stinging pain ripped him into wakefulness. Sephiroth gasped as his hand lifted to his jaw to gently touch the throbbing skin.

"Sephiroth, what are you doing?" Cloud was above him, blue eyes searching his face, his hands not letting up on their desperate grip of his shoulders. The distress in his eyes baffled Sephiroth, until he noticed the color of the water. Red. Like blood. His blood. Sephiroth panicked- scrambling up the side of the tub. His hands lifting to grasp the rim, leaving trails of reddish pink water to trickle down the pure white porcelain. He was bleeding out in the fucking tub. Cloud was there, steadying him as adrenaline nearly propelled him over the edge.

"Cloud- I" Sephiroth's voice died as his eyes settled on his wound- blood steadily leaked from the gash, the angry skin borderline infected and barely holding the stitches.

"Fuck." they cursed in unison.

Cloud reacted instantly, pressing his hand against the wound and reaching for a towel, while Sephiroth slowly started to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die yet again. He hardly had the strength to help Cloud drag him out of the tub, and his panic was slowly eating away at whatever energy he still held onto. When his feet hit the floor Sephiroth's knees nearly buckled- he felt so weak. Blood loss caused his head to pound and his vision to swim and the world to feel like it was loosing it's gravitational pull. Thankfully Cloud was strong and when Sephiroth couldn't hold himself up any longer he was there holding him instead. And when the cool air reached his already clammy skin and the coldness overtook everything, Cloud's arms, hands, and chest were there burning like a fire around him. Sephiroth's face was turned into Cloud's shoulder, so it wasn't until he was being guided onto a couch that he was able to catch the other's expression- Grim, yet calm and controlled. Sephiroth didn't know if he should feel sad or reassured that the panic he felt was not being shared.

Sephiroth was too busy trying to keep his vision focused on Cloud's face that he actually gasped at the sensation of cold fire bursting alive in his abdomen. Cloud's right hand was pressed firmly onto his wound, a glowing blue light sending tiny rays dancing up between his fingers. Sephiroth was transfixed by the sight. A cure materia. Cloud had a cure materia.

It was almost euphoric, having the pain finally taken away. The relief that Sephiroth felt was so profound that he couldn't fight the long, low, pathetic moan that made it's way past his lips. His composure had been torn to shreds last night and he obviously had yet to fully recover- But this felt so good. Sephiroth didn't even think twice as his hands reached down to grasp Cloud's wrist, helping to press the hand more firmly onto his stomach, afraid that at any moment the pain would snake it's sharp tendrils back through his nerves. As overwhelmed as he was, Sephiroth had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep from staring at Cloud. The other man was focused, eyes on the work below him, intent on healing Sephiroth's wound as thoroughly and quickly as possible. Materia were only as good as the person who controlled them- so Sephiroth considered himself beyond lucky to have Cloud as his healer. But, the truth was, Sephiroth just couldn't tear his eyes away from the blond man, so transfixed by him he was.

Just when the pain seemed to be ebbing off completely, a shiver ripped up Sephiroth's spine and right into his skull. The headache that had awoken when he had abandoned the tub throbbed in response. But Cloud was there, too- his free hand smoothing away the bangs from his forehead. When fingers traced over the arches of his eyebrows, Sephiroth nearly sobbed- the cooling sensation of the materia seeped in past his skull and right into his brain. The pressure that had twisted itself around and into every crevice came undone all at once, leaving Sephiroth breathless. Cloud's fingers were like heaven, seducing Sephiroth to sink into the feeling, to surrender to the pleasure and finally just give up on the restraint that had become as instinctive as breathing.

"Cloud..." A deep hidden part of himself was surfacing, awakened by Cloud's touch and drunk off the mako of the materia- a part of him he had spent a lifetime suppressing.

Thoughts rebounded through Sephiroth's head: strings of words that suspiciously sounded like sentences but were muffled by the low din of his awareness. The general gist of their meaning was difficult to miss, though- he'd long since grown used to this voice in his head, the one that sounded like Hojo and explained to him over and over again that he was different and this is how it has to be and don't forget you have a duty to this world. Sephiroth was tired of listening to that voice.

Yet, the voice was right- he did have a duty and it had been to Shinra but was so much bigger than them at the same time… He had a duty as a military General to uphold the value of human life and to protect- his people, his soldiers- and he had wanted that duty…

Of course, he failed miserably.

Memories flooded Sephiroth's mind, visions to replace words. Sephiroth remembered the loneliness of his life at Shinra. Sephiroth remembered the pain of watching people live their lives all around him, while knowing that his duty that meant his life was not his to live but that was OK because he was doing something important. Sephiroth remembered when a creature that called herself his mother stole the last remaining bits of his control from him. Sephiroth remembered the relief of dying, but also the pain of even that release being taken from him. And scattered throughout those memories was Cloud. Cloud in the group of cadets being admitted to Shinra's military. Cloud on the truck out to Nibelheim. Cloud throwing him into the mako reactor. Cloud killing him in the crater. Cloud defeating him during the Reunion. Cloud stabbing him in the reactor….

Sephiroth also remembered Cloud bandaging his wounds. Cloud holding him as he cried. Cloud's almost kiss. The grip Sephiorth had on Cloud tightened, a tremble just barely perceptible in the twitch of fingers.

Sephiroth knew what he wanted. He knew it and at the same time he wanted to push it so far away and deep and gone and forget everything about it. He wanted Cloud to be that awkward cadet that shied away from his presence, not the man above him who had utterly, completely, totally destroyed his foundations, stripped him down to his core and then forced him to look at what he found there. He wanted Cloud to disappear and he wanted Cloud to help him. He wanted Cloud to just let him die and he wanted Cloud to show him how to live.

Sephiroth wanted Cloud to kiss him, but that thought was fleeting and painful and made him close his eyes because he was most definitely staring at Cloud now and by the way Cloud was staring back Sephiroth was afraid that the other man could read his thoughts…

A thumb smoothed over Sephiroth's eyebrow, then moved to swipe under along his lower eyelashes, wiping away at a leftover tear. "Your eyes, Sephiroth, open them" Cloud's voice was a murmur.

Sephiroth froze, wanting to breath but finding it impossible- the tension that had twisted up his chest tightened it's grip. Cautiously, Sephiroth lifted his gaze back to meet Cloud's.

"Your pupils," Cloud moved closer, surprise evident in his tone and his face so close that Sephiroth could feel breath ghosting over his lips, "they're normal."

Sephiroth opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a ragged exhale that sounded more like a sob. Cloud was cupping Sephiroth's cheek now, holding his face steady as blue eyes searched green. So close…so close that Sephiroth was sure Cloud could read the panic and longing just as easily as he could see the deformation of his pupils. So close Sephiroth could smell him, almost taste him… So close all he wanted to do was lean into Cloud and let himself become overwhelmed by it all... "What's wrong with me," thoughts turned to words and he couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice. So close…so close…

Cloud seemed almost taken aback by the words: his eyebrows lifted and his mouth parted, hesitated, and then puffed out a laugh. "There is nothing wrong with being normal." The warmth and the smile behind Cloud's eyes made Sephiroth hurt even more deeply and want him more desperately. It was so wrong. Why did he have to feel like this. Why did Cloud have to be so, so close…

And he was getting closer.

So close…

Sephiroth closed his eyes.

-

Cloud wanted Sephiroth. He had wanted him his entire life, in one form or another, but at this moment? Cloud wanted Sephiroth in a way that surprised even him.

Well, maybe it wasn't that surprising. There had always been deeper undercurrents to the feelings Cloud had towards Sephiroth. Not love, not lust, but a sadness and sympathy that Cloud felt drove him just as much as the need to save a world he didn't even really like- A desire to release Sephiroth from the pain he understood all too well, maybe, but concealed by the excuse of destroying a madman. That seemed like so long ago, though, what were merely years felt more like lifetimes.

The man beneath him was a husk of the General Cloud remembered, the confidence and power Cloud recalled manifesting rather as stubbornness and a deep, deep pain that permeated everything about Sephiroth. Cloud wanted to heal him, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, because Cloud knew how difficult it was to get a second chance and how no one should have to go through it alone. Yet, a year ago, hell, even a few months ago, if someone had told Cloud he'd find himself in this position he never would have expected his reaction to be this. Sephiroth was the enemy, hunting him down had been easy on his conscious because the black was so black and the white so brilliant and bright and white. Had there been a way to save Sephiroth back then? Could he somehow have prevented everything by just understanding that Sephiroth was a man and not the infallible General Shinra wanted them to believe? No… because Zack had understood, and even he couldn't save Sephiroth.

Zack's words rang in his head, he had been hinting towards something this morning that Cloud didn't want to confront. Now it was staring at Cloud, plain and simple and so obvious, and it made so much fucking sense. Cloud wanted Sephiroth. In every way possible. In every way a man could want another. There weren't even enough words to describe everything Cloud wanted: he wanted to break Sephiroth down so he could help rebuild him, he wanted to hunt down and destroy every last demon that haunted Sephiroth, and afterwards he wanted to kiss him and tell him everything was OK.

Cloud thought he may be able to get away with that one, what with the way Sephiroth was looking at him, the tremble in his voice, and the death grip that he had on Cloud's hand…

God, he wanted him so badly.

Inching closer, Cloud watched Sephiroth's eyes fall closed- in apprehension? In fear? Sephiroth wasn't breathing. Cloud didn't even know if the world was still spinning. He shifted even closer, angled his head slightly, slipped his hand past Sephiroth's ear to tangle his fingers in his damp silver hair… Their lips were only millimeters apart now, a breath between them but now neither of them were breathing.

Cloud reveled in this in-between moment, savoring the stillness and the quiet and the twist in his gut that he could only identify as excited anticipation.

And then the last bit of distance was closed and Cloud's lips met Sephiroth's.

It was a small kiss- a gentle press, warm and soft and questioning. Sephiroth's lips were an unmoving firm steady pressure against Cloud- not unwelcoming but unresponsive. Still bold, Cloud dragged his lips lightly across Sephiroth's, barely touching them together before pressing back into the kiss. The grip on Cloud's wrist tightened almost imperceptibly as Sephiroth lifted a hand to Cloud's chest and for a moment Cloud thought he had made a mistake, read the signals all wrong- sure that the hand on his chest was Sephiroth resisting. The last thing Cloud wanted was to scare Sephiroth off so he pulled back the tiniest amount, just enough for their lips to part. But Sephiroth followed- moving towards Cloud, not quite kissing him but closing the distance all the same. A small smile pulled at the corners of Clouds mouth as his heart leapt into his throat: He wants this too. By gods Sephiroth wanted this and he was arching up into Cloud now, still not quite kissing but he realized it was probably because Sephiroth didn't know what to do and something in that made Cloud's heart ache a little bit. Did Sephiroth really manage to go his entire life without ever kissing someone? Was that really possible? Using the hand tangled in Sephiroth's hair to angle his head just right, Cloud deepened their kiss. If Sephiroth didn't know what to do he would show him.

Their breath mingled in the slow easiness of the kiss. Through parted lips Cloud drank in every exhale Sephiroth shakily expelled, savoring the flavor of sweet fruit and mint- aftereffects of the mako poisoning and materia. But Sephiroth's breathing was erratic and it betrayed his nerves. Freeing his hand from Sephiroth's grip, Cloud instead reached up to cup Sephiroth's other cheek, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. "It's OK," Cloud whispered- "Just relax," sinking back down into their kiss as Sephiroth moaned into his mouth. Rather than being calmed, Cloud's words seemed to provoke Sephiroth: suddenly he was reaching up and clutching at Cloud's shoulder, unconsciously squeezing the muscles underneath in concentration as he mimicking Cloud's movements with a growing sense of confidence. Feeling Sephiroth start to respond fueled Cloud- so when he finally let his tongue out to lap at Sephiroth's lips, the last thing Cloud expected was for the man to freeze up.

Everything stopped. Sephiroth's lips immediately stopped moving while the hand on Cloud's shoulder squeezed so hard it was painful. Panic bloomed unhindered in Cloud's stomach. He must have crossed some invisible line and now Sephiroth was going to end everything right there, right then. Any moment… Sephiroth simply lay frozen.

"Sephiroth," Cloud murmured against the man beneath him, not even hiding the desperation in his voice. He took a chance, nipping lightly at Sephiroth's lower lip, continuing the gentle press of his tongue into his mouth. Please trust me. When Sephiroth's lips finally parted, Cloud's head spun and he didn't hesitate slipping into the hot mouth beneath him.

They met, tongue against tongue- Cloud's swirling gentle circles around Sephiroth's before he touched the tips together. It was like kissing heaven. Sephiroth's mouth was alive and inviting and Cloud surrounded himself in the intimacy of the sensation. Cloud never thought he could feel this way just from kissing someone. It was sending waves of electricity surging up and down his body, throwing him into an intense heady high that he found hard to contain. Almost overwhelmed, Cloud pulled away to gather himself together, drawing in a breath and panting it out over Sephiroth's lips, then another, and another. Suddenly Sephiroth was pushing up into him, pressing trembling against Cloud's, a low moan asking for more.

Fuck.

Forgetting his restraint- Cloud gripped Sephiroth's hair none-too-gently and dove down into the kiss. Their tongues slid against one another, Cloud's calm and controlled strokes chasing away Sephiroth's hesitancy with each. Every emotion he felt he tried to convey in that kiss. All the want and desire and lust and affection he could describe. Cloud moved along the ridged line of Sephiroth's teeth, teasing the other man's tongue out of his mouth and into Cloud's own. Once again timid, Sephiroth experimentally swept inside while the hand on Cloud's shoulder moved behind his neck. Sephiroth was trying to pull Cloud down closer to him- and Cloud happily complied. They pressed together- Cloud shifting forward even further over Sephiroth, pushing him back into the cushion and moving a hand to brace himself against the arm rest. Once again Sephiroth slipped past Cloud's teeth. This time Cloud bit down gently, capturing Sephiroth's tongue and sucking the tip further into his mouth. Sephiroth let out the tiniest sound of surprise, and it reverberated throughout Cloud's body, making the ends of his fingers tingle and pulling a moan from deep within his chest.

The kiss lost control of itself at that point as both Cloud and and Sephiroth pressed hungrily into one another. Sephiroth clutched desperately at Cloud's hair, twisting his fingers through the spikes while the hand on Cloud's chest tangled in the collar of his vest while Cloud devoured Sephiroth's mouth- it felt so good, and Sephiroth was so fucking responsive…he just couldn't believe it. Each little breath and gasp he could feel Sephiroth take, every shift of his body, every shiver and tremble and the pounding of his pulse Cloud was completely attuned to.

It was too much, too fast.

With a final sweep through Sephiroth's mouth Cloud grasped the hair at the back of Sephiroth's head and gave a rough yank, pulling their lips apart but exposing the long column of Sephiroth's neck to Cloud's now free mouth. His breath was ragged, and as Cloud dipped his head to run his tongue and teeth down the artery in Sephiroth's neck it took every ounce of will power to not go back to the kiss. If he kept kissing Sephiroth he didn't know if he could stop. As much as he wanted this Sephiroth was still weak, hardly fully healed, and delirious from blood loss and all of the mako in his system. Cloud already felt twangs of guilt in his stomach for even pushing the man this far. But the way Sephiroth was arching up into him, his head thrown back and his fist still twisted tight in Cloud's vest…it would be so easy to just keep going…

Instead, Cloud sank his teeth into the pulse point where Sephiroth's neck and collarbone met, his frustration manifesting in sharp bites and a hot tongue. Sephiroth muffled his cry by burying his face in Cloud's hair, the hand he had tangled in the blond spikes squeezing so hard Cloud was afraid he'd rip his hair out. God damn he's so strong. Moving back up Sephiroth's neck, Cloud stopped a moment to place another bite at the pulse point behind Sephiroth's jaw before pressing his mouth heavy against Sephiroth's ear.

"We have to stop," the words came out rough, and Cloud flushed at hearing the husky tone of his own voice, "Sephiroth…"

-

Cloud's words snapped Sephiroth out of his lust driven haze, bringing him spiraling back into the present moment of being pinned to the couch. Panic spread through his veins as the weight of the situation fell fully upon him. Cloud had kissed him… a lot. And he had kissed back. But wasn't that what he wanted? Oh gods, yes… but the old part of Sephiroth, the part of him that shied away from human contact and friendships and general social interaction just wasn't dealing with that knowledge well. Not as well as his body, which was asking why they had stopped and when were they going to finish. Sephiroth, having nowhere else to go, pressed his face into the crook of Cloud's neck and shoulder and just focused on calming his breath.

"Sephiroth…" Clouds words weren't a question, so Sephiroth didn't respond, he just closed his eyes and slowly untangled his hands from where they still clutched at Cloud.

Eventually, without the restraint of Sephiroth's hands, Cloud pulled away. Not completely, but enough that he could look down at Sephiroth without his vision blurring. "Sephiroth," Cloud repeated- his voice low and soft and soothing but with an underlying hesitancy. It was then that Sephiroth realized that Cloud was probably feeling the same things he was, and that it wasn't just him who was distraught over what was forming between them. Sephiroth opened his eyes and met Cloud's gaze. What he saw reflected everything he had hoped to see and was afraid to confront.

Cloud's hand was still of Sephiroth's cheek, and his thumb was back to smoothing over his eyebrows. It was almost…cute…watching Cloud try to come up with something to say: his mouth opened and closed and frowned and his eyes were focused so intently on Sephiroth's that if he were capable of it he may have felt self-conscious. Turning his face ever-so-slightly into Cloud's hand and dropping his eyes, Sephiroth broke the silence the only way he knew how, by changing the subject, "…where did you find a cure materia?"

The relief that flooded Cloud's features was almost humorous- almost. If Sephiroth weren't feeling such a similar emotion he probably would have been more amused. But Cloud refused to tell him his story, not yet. Not when there was a bathtub full of blood and a wet man laid out naked on his couch. Cloud reluctantly stood up, his hand lingering on Sephiroth's cheek, their last point of contact, but then that too was gone. Sephiroth didn't have the strength to suppress the pang of loss that brought, but his eyes were back on Cloud and he watched him move about the small room.

After checking that Sephiroth's stomach wound was in fact healed, the first thing Cloud did was cover him with a blanket- maybe for modesty's sake since before all he had was a towel. Sephiroth accepted the softness and warmth that the blanket offered, because he still wasn't feeling all that well and the main room was colder than the bedroom, with or without wet hair. Plus, it smelled vaguely like Cloud.

When Cloud left the room to drain the tub, Sephiroth took that opportunity to rest his eyes. He didn't really mean to fall asleep, not when he knew Cloud had a story to tell him about the materia, and then there was the subject of his pupils…but then again Sephiroth hadn't meant to fall asleep when he was in the bathtub either and look where that got him.

-

Cloud didn't notice Sephiroth start to stir until he had lunch cooking on the stove. The man hadn't eaten anything since he had brought him back, so Cloud imagined that the smell of soup was making Sephiroth dream of food. He'd been asleep for only about an hour but Cloud was hungry and anxious to talk…and a little apprehensive too…what with the kiss and the kissing and all of that.

Cleaning out the bathtub had been as easy as just turning on the shower spray and letting everything run down the drain. It hadn't taken more than 5 minutes, but when Cloud had returned to the main room Sephiroth had been out, completely and totally. That was OK with Cloud because it gave him time to get his thoughts straight. So he'd kissed Sephiroth, and Sephiroth…had kissed him back. That was good. So good Cloud still was trying to wrap his head completely around the truth of it. But then there was the bad: their fucked up history…their fast track from not killing one another, which a few days ago was a huge step forward, to making-out…and of course the fact that Cloud's normal few weeks visit to Nibelheim was nearing it's end and people were going to be expecting to hear from him again. So he had to get this figured out soon. Before someone came looking for him and found Sephiroth instead.

What the fuck was he going to do.

Problems are best solved one at a time, so Cloud had focused on the small simple things like lunch and finding clothes that would fit Sephiroth. Although Cloud had grown into his boyish body, Sephiroth was still, well Sephiroth. Nothing Cloud owned would fit the former General adequately. Nibelheim came to his rescue once more, almost predictably. Years before Cloud had found a cache of Shinra military equipment hidden in the bowls of the reactor- it contained food rations, some weapons, and light armor and fatigues. They were just simple black pants and the ribbed shirts he remembered from his days in Shinra but the material was good and warm and Cloud had the foresight to consider their future usefulness. He'd brought the cache back to Nibelheim and it had been sitting outside his doorstep unopened since. Now, Cloud found himself digging through the contents. There were a paint of pants and a shirt that would definitely fit Sephiroth, and the combat boots might be OK but if not there were actually, of all things, a ton of shoes left behind by Nibelheim's former populace that they could choose from.

Cloud left the clothes on the table beside the couch so Sephiroth would see them when he woke up and proceeded to make lunch.

When Sephiroth sat up finally Cloud angled his body away from the couch, trying to hide the fact that he'd been staring at the other so intently. Instead Cloud watched from the corner of his eye. Sephiroth seemed a little thrown off when he awoke, rubbing at his face with the hand that wasn't still holding the blanket around him. Cloud felt another pang of guilt and wondered if Sephiroth were still in pain in some way- maybe his headache had come back? But rather than ask if everything was OK, Cloud just continued to silently observe Sephiroth.

The hand at Sephiroth's face dropped into his lap after a few more moments of rubbing. Sephiroth was just sort of staring at his open palm blankly, so Cloud knew he was actually probably thinking about their kiss and that made his stomach give a tiny flip. Were they good thoughts? Bad? The blood in Cloud's head pounded just a little bit as his pulse fluttered- his own mind now focusing entirely on earlier. Getting lost in the memory of the kiss was like a drug. Everything was so fresh and real in his brain still no matter how unbelievable it seemed. Cloud went from being confident with his actions to being downright terrified that he'd ruined whatever was forming between them. He'd been doing that for the past hour, and it was part of why he was so anxious for Sephiroth to wake, because he needed some sort of reassurance that he hadn't just totally fucked everything up.

Of course, it would figure that Cloud would entirely miss out on seeing Sephiroth change into clothes right in the middle of his home because he was lost in his own head. Although, honestly, for all of Cloud's bravery…he probably would have turned away anyways. There was a difference between seeing an injured person naked and watching someone you desired change clothes. Just like there was a huge difference between dragging around an injured Sephiroth and having a fully-healed Sephiroth walking across the room towards you, tall and elegant and purposeful and just like the Sephiroth from his memories. Fuck. Soup splashed onto the burner as Cloud gave a particularly powerful stir to the pot.

The edge of the kitchen stopped Sephiroth like it was some vast desert he was contemplating crossing, but his gaze was focused on a point below Cloud's eyes…maybe his lips? Oh god… Sephiroth was definitely thinking about the kiss.

They stayed like that for some time, Cloud watching out of the corner of his eye while Sephiroth hovered just feet away. Neither knew who should say what first, but instead of an awkward silence hanging about them it was an increasing tension, like the moment was building up to something important. When Cloud noticed Sephiroth start to sway, he almost didn't think anything of it, but suddenly Sephiroth was reaching out for the wall and his body was tilting sideways and Cloud was moving- in an instant he had his arm wrapped around Sephiroth's waist, his other hand pressing firmly into his stomach where his wound had been, guiding Sephiroth back to the couch.

"Just sit here, you probably shouldn't move just yet," Cloud's hands lingered on Sephiroth's waist, loving any excuse to touch him. I'm touching Sephiroth- Cloud's brain sounded like some retarded child complete with smiley faces and fireworks.

"Cloud." Sephiroth said his name with a forcefulness that seemed out of place. His eyes, bright and piercing and glowing again, burned into Cloud, but Sephiroth didn't say anything else…he just stared up at Cloud. Cloud could tell that there were things that Sephiroth was trying to put words to. The frustration of not being able to communicate what he wanted to was written all over Sephiroth's face. Gods, can I kiss him again?

Cloud slipped away with a small smile, thinking maybe Sephiroth would be able to think better once he ate something, and that Cloud should probably remove himself from Sephiroth's personal space before he did start kissing him again.

When Cloud returned to the couch it was with two bowls of steaming hot soup. They ate in silence. Even though Cloud's anxiety had assaulted him with worry while Sephiroth had slept, now that he was awake Cloud found himself calming in the mutual quietness they shared. By nature Cloud was a quiet person, never really saying a lot unless he had to. Sephiroth didn't bombard him with questions or try to force him into conversation or rile him up with teasing, he just sat there in silence, an understanding reached without speaking a single word.

-

Sephiroth devoured his bowl of soup. His hunger had crept up on him, and it was only from the growling that his stomach started to make when he ate his first bite that Sephiroth realized how long it had been since he ate something. Years, if he wanted to get technical. The first meal that Sephiroth had in years was a simple bowl of vegetable soup. It was the best meal of his life.

But Sephiroth knew that when his bowl was empty and his stomach was full that there was going to be a talk.

When Sephiroth finished he stared at the little remaining bits of seasoning and broth that clung to the bottom of his bowl. A minute or two passed and then Cloud was finished too and was taking the disk from his hands and placing it on the table beside the couch, and this as it, this was what Sephiroth had been hoping to avoid and in some bizarre way looking forward to. They looked at one another, Sephiroth gazing up from under hooded eyes, his head turned towards his lap.

"How do you feel?"

"Something is wrong with me."

They broke the silence at the same time.

Sephiroth cringed at how pathetic he probably sounded. But Cloud's question was an easy one, at least. "Better, still…weak, but better…" Sephiroth paused before taking in a deep breath, "I think my wound is fine but I don't feel entirely…right…inside." Sephiroth looked up at Cloud as the words left his mouth, "It feels like something is wrong."

The reaction Sephiroth expected from Cloud was not the small smile that spread across his face. Cloud's smile made his eyes crinkle up at the corners, causing the little lines of wear to catch the light and giving Cloud a slightly older appearance. And then all the questions Sephiroth had wanted to ask came flooding back into his mind and suddenly he couldn't wait to have this conversation because there was so much he didn't understand. His memories were broken fragments of a larger story that Cloud had lived, and all the answers he wanted Cloud had.

Before Sephiroth could ask anything, though, Cloud was speaking, "I think I may have an explanation for why you feel different…and maybe why your-" Cloud gestured at his face, "-pupils are normal." Sephiroth didn't say a single word as Cloud went into his story from the morning, starting with the dog he chased across town and ending with Zack's appearance to him. Zach. Oh god, Zack. He couldn't even wrap his mind around what Cloud had said about his Jenova cells, all he could focus on was Zack.

"I killed him, didn't I," Sephiroth's voice was hardly a whisper.

Cloud was beside him instantly- his hand turning his face so that Sephiroth had no choice but to meet his eyes. "You did not kill Zack. Hojo killed Zack. He saved my life but Hojo hunted us down and Zack died protecting me. But you did not kill Zack, Sephiroth."

Sephiroth just sort of gazed through Cloud, his memories were replaying in his head and he saw himself fighting Zack, his only friend. It was Jenova he should be blaming but it was his body and his Masamune that he saw cutting his friend down. "I killed a lot of people, Cloud." Sephiroth closed his eyes and turned his face into Cloud's hand. The shame he felt had no relief but Cloud's hand was solid and warm against his cheek.

"I know you won't understand when I tell you it wasn't you fault," Cloud intoned softly, "But you'll realize one day that most of those memories you have aren't yours at all, they're from clones that Jenova controlled after you died. Clones that she controlled just like how she controlled you."

"But I should have stopped her, I should have been strong enough to fight her," Sephiroth refused to cry again but he couldn't entirely control the trembling in his voice. "When I read all of those things I didn't even care anymore, I didn't care about this town or Zack or...or you…or anyone else. I let my emotions consume me and then I don't think I even had a chance to stop her after that. " Sephiroth clenched his hands into fist, watching as the clearest of his memories played in his head. Watching as Nibelheim burned.

And suddenly Sephiroth felt Cloud wrapping his arms around his shoulders and a hand pressing his head into Cloud's shoulder. Sephiroth breathed in deeply, finding comfort in Cloud's embrace, wondering why he was being given any of this, "How long has it been?" he whispered into the fabric of Cloud's vest.

"Ten years…it's been 10 years since Nibelheim burned," Cloud's arms tightened around him, letting the information sink in. "Shinra is gone, now, for the most part…and Hojo is dead. You're a free man, Sephiroth."

The information should have been comforting to Sephiroth, but instead he was doing math in his head, understanding for the first time why Cloud seemed so old- 10 years had passed. That would make Cloud…25? 26? Sephiroth knew Cloud had been young for a recruit, but that would mean they were about the same age now, if Sephiroth could even say he had an age. He had been 25 when he'd gone to Nibelheim, 10 years ago. He had burned Nibelheim down 10 years ago.

"And Jenova…she can't come back?" Sephiroth's voice broke as he asked this question. The question that had haunted him ever since he'd awoken in the reactor. The darkest part of his subconscious was rising- the fear that one day he could snap again and everything would come falling down around him once more. The fear that at any moment Jenova could be in his mind, taking him back, enslaving him to her will all over again.

"No, she's gone too. She's not coming back," Cloud pressed his lips into Sephiroth's temple, whispering the words into his ear, "I promise."

They stayed like that, together, sharing their silence with one another. Every so often Sephiroth would ask a question and Cloud would answer the best that he could, but eventually al that was heard was the sound of their breath and the quiet of a ghost town.