My Road

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7, It’s original characters, places, etc. Nor do I make any money from this fanfiction. The only things that are mine are my own original added characters. And the situations or new places added to flesh out my own story.

I also do not own Within Temptation or the song ‘Somewhere’


Warnings: Dream sequence rape, angst…


My Road

~Chapter 20~

When you wake up from a deep sleep, do you feel anything? Are you supposed to live in a half dream state, of sadness and hope mingling and trying to tell you so many things? Or are you supposed to be numb and happy? What if you slowly slide awake and are lingering in that half-asleep state, and find yourself as neither and both?


He couldn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t feel his body. He couldn’t even tell if he was breathing, though he must be if he was semi conscious. Maybe he was at home, in his bed, waking up to the sound of the humming’s, and groaning of the upper plate above him. But, where was home, under the plate, but where? A quaint little home perhaps, with a warm little bed for him. And maybe, parents in a large bed, in their own bedroom. He tried hard to imagine the smile on a warm feminine face… but for the un-lucid life of him he couldn’t.


He could hear, Yes, the humming was real. And there was a clicking sound too. Slowly, Very slowly a little bit of light flooded the bottom of his slit lids. He didn’t know if he was controlling his eyes to open them… or if it was something that his body was doing automatically. He felt that he should not be alone. He imagined himself rolling over in dim lighting of early morning, though… it was dim all the time under the plate wasn’t it. And when he’d wake up, he’d see a pair of warm eyes. But they weren’t a parent’s eyes. They were maybe, a sibling?


But the reality was, his eyes were opening to brighter light than he thought possible. It seemed unnaturally white and shiny to his eyes. He could just make out slits. Was he in jail for something? Someone caught him, was he, had he been running from someone?


He somehow finally managed to try to move his right arm and all it let to him feeling is, not a sense of control, but of sheer pain. He wanted to cry out. But all he heard from his throat was a strangled gurgling moan.


The clicking stopped. He heard his own breath coming out in gasping pants. Though he felt like he wanted to scream from the fire that had erupted from his arm, his body was obviously trained to accept pain. The gasping sounds that erupted from his throat only seemed louder than what they should be, due to the lack of other sounds. The humming was still there, but overall the sounds seemed much too quiet.


“You have decided to join the living, Little Red.” A Medium toned or pitched voice said. But it was said much smoother than what Reno would have imagined someone to talk normally. He mentally pleaded ‘talk to me more… am I alive?’ His answer was the soothing flow of something cooling over his face and then arm. So, he could feel. He was just a bit numb, maybe he was sick?


“You had me worried for a bit, I honestly was beginning to think I was too late.” That soothing and silky voice continued. “It took you a while, but here you are.”


His eyes slowly opened a bit more; he could start to make out the shape of a room. It was golden in tones, like what he imagined sunshine would be like. But why would he imagine sunshine, didn’t the lower plate not have any? He strained harder to control his eyes to blink and open further, it worked. There was a ceiling fan, it was humming, that had been the sound he’d been hearing. It didn’t seem right, but then none of this did.


“You are wondering where you are, aren’t you?” That voice, like black elixir soothing and like a drug, almost hypnotic.


He managed to somehow turn his head, or perhaps shake it in some sort of a semblance, that confirmed he did indeed want answers. Because he received a gentle touch to his hand and that voice returned.


“You are at my home; I found you hurt and took you in. This will now be your home, as the place where you were living is gone now. And the people you were with are gone as well.” Obviously the man didn’t sugarcoat things.


Slowly his vision cleared completely. He could make out the room a lot better now. The walls weren’t golden hued. That was the reflection of light beyond the blinds, which were the bars or slits he’d seen. If he wasn’t mistaken he was seeing sunshine. It burned his eyes, and it was what made the warm glow of the room seem like it was bathed in yellow tones. There was the ceiling fan going lightly, but beyond that he could see that there was a door to the outside open, and a warm breeze could be felt coming through it. Breeze? He could feel it? He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Had he never known air to smell this sweet?


He could make out the sleek outlined shadow, sitting ready to spring looking almost like a canine-like creature, yet dark and lean. At first he felt fear thrum through his heart but then the creature shifted to lean closer to him and he could make out a face.


His eyes widened as the clean chiseled lines of a foreign face came into his vision. It was a young man, older than him, but certainly still young. And when he grinned with one side of his face and looked down at his hand to take it in his own he felt his heart flutter.


“You know who you are, and what happened right?” the dark specter of an angel spoke.


“Nnnuh” Was all he could manage as a croaky and uncontrolled reply.


The midnight black strands of hair of the man sitting in the chair next to the bed that must have come loose from a ponytail were quickly tucked behind his ear and the smile left his face briefly, to return with the ghost of a smile that almost touched his eyes.


“Well, I can most definitely help you out then Young little Red. Your name is Reno…” He waited for any sense of recognition, kindly still grasping Reno’s hand with one of his own. “Does that bring anything to the foreground of your memory?”


Reno rolled the name around in his head a little, it felt right. But he still felt like something was missing. He was having difficulty keeping his eyes open. But he needed to know where he was, and WHO he was.


His body was beginning to make itself known though and he slightly squirmed and breathed heavy while trying to think. Something was missing, someone… more than one someone was missing. When he ran the name over his mind and tried to place the setting in which he’d last been awake at everything was a blank. But there was definitely some missing spaces in his heart and mind that needed to be filled by someone… who…


“It’s ok I can see that you are tired. I will take care of you from this day forward, ok? You shall place yourself in my hands and not have to worry any more. I’ll feed you, clothe you, and make sure you are well cared for in any other aspect of need. All you have to do is trust me, and relax. Heal, allow your body to slowly knit back together. I will give you another shot of muscle relaxers… that will do the trick, ease your pain… relax” The whole while the man was talking he was stroking Reno’s forehead.


A tear managed to slip out of the corner of Reno’s eye, despite the reassurances. Somewhere inside something precious was missing … and something very dear. Reno’s heart felt a dull ache, and yet he fought to not cry. He knew there had to be a reason, but he vowed then and there… no more tears. He’d just have to get better, and get the answers to his questions.

{ ‘Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign


Instead there is only silence,


Can't you hear my screams?


Never stop hoping,


Need to know where you are


But one thing's for sure,


You're always in my heart…’ }


Reno managed a slight nod to the man before he began to drift off into a completely different world. As the shadows closed in with sleep, he saw shadows of a different sort. Sad, and scary shadows as if from a child’s point of view, circling him like prey, laughing at him. Turning into different shapes, mocking him, telling him he was worthless, and others calling him a kid, and yet more mounting up, numbering into dozens all trying to rip at him… his childlike clothes.


His dream morphed into a damp and lonely place. The shadows were there, but they weren’t at the same time… they were somewhere he could sense, in the air, the ground.. his heart. He closed his child-like eyelids in the dream. Yet he could still see everything, his pants… they were ragged and almost like shorts on his small yet long body. His torn shirt… the water barrel. He knew this place. He felt the pain as someone or something slammed onto his right hand and arm sharp and painful he tried to scream but couldn’t. Those mocking shadows were back holding his mouth shut and holding his arms out on the water barrel. His face was being shoved into the dirty musty water.


Then as he was lifted up a grating voice called into his ear. “You took her from me…” It chanted that over and over as his pants were torn from him. He again tried to cry out, but the shadows were still holding his mouth, he couldn’t breathe… the water had gotten up his nose despite being pulled up from the barrel. He felt something hot and hard prod at his throbbing entrance. Why did that hurt too?


He was ready to sob but somehow caught it before the noise escaped his throat. As he did, the shadows morphed again… becoming more solid. Gaining faces… one dark man in particular came up beside him and whispered something inaudible in his ear as his body was breached. He wanted to yell out. The searing pain. He was a small, lanky, but thin child… maybe 8 years old. He wanted to push away from that searing pain that was impaling him.


He felt the dream slowly fading… it was lessening. The pain was still there, but the binding hands that held him and the hot flesh that impaled him were all disappearing. Instead they were replaced by sweet whispers of encouragement. Someone was there, yet not in the flesh, telling him something special. Why could he feel them, yet not see them?


Reno again felt the dream shift… this time it gyrated in a horrid tremendous force. The whole scene went blinding white and hot searing pain rushed over him. He saw the flash of a creature right before the whole world went black.


Just as the feeling of semi consciousness was beginning to overcome him… the black world was giving way to a soft and timid voice… A warmth came through past the pain… a warm body was against his chest… Reno… I love you… I don’t want anything to happen to you…” Was all the soft voice said as they kissed Reno’s jaw so gently…..


{ ‘I'll find you somewhere


I'll keep on trying until my dying day


I just need to know whatever has happened,


The truth will free my soul’ }


Reno awoke to a warm feeling on his chest… as if his dream world was crossing over into the real world. He felt pain through most of his extremities and throbbing in his gut too, but as he opened his eyes he smiled, imagining soft Hazel, and innocent ones opening from atop him. A name fleeted across his thoughts but was gone just as quickly… and so was the image as he saw the bright Gaian sun shining in and the rays soaking into the covers atop him.


He swallowed heavy and tried to recall his dreams, but honestly could only feel a sense of vacant loss. What was his life... why did he feel this way? Maybe he’d get answers from that man.


He tried to sit up and was shocked to find he could. He hurt, but pain was throbbing and dull, not sharp and unbearable. He also could feel his entire body and control it. Must be that muscle relaxer or pain shot or whatever it was, wore off.


He tried to stand but stumbled immediately, so he remained sitting on the edge of the bed. He could see so much more this way. He could make out green swaying plants, or so he assumed, in the distance outside the slatted windows. His heart clenched in his already tight and confused chest. Somehow… the sun… the green… it made him long for something.


{ ‘Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home


I want to embrace you and never let you go


Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul


Living in agony 'cause I just do not know


Where you are’ }


Reno leaned his head down onto a hand. He rubbed at his face and thought about what that man had said. He shouldn’t worry, if someone would care for him… he shouldn’t worry. How old was he? His dream… he felt so young and afraid, though he couldn’t recall why.


Shoes on wooden planks startled him out of his thoughts. A door opened wide and the fresh air and surprisingly metallic bite to it, hit his nostrils. It was pleasant, just very different from what he thought it should be. He looked up from the wooden flooring to see the handsome stranger, he flushed lightly to see the grin on the mans face.


“Well, you have decided to join the living again…” The man said with a light chuckle and walked right up to Reno bending over slightly so that their faces were on an equal level. “You, young man… were asleep again, for three days. I was beginning to worry yet again. You need nutrition. I could only get some juice and water into you the way you were. How do you feel?” He asked Reno while reaching up to lightly stroke along his forehead.


“I, eh…” Reno started with a dry voice again. And the Dark Archangel was bringing something cool and refreshing against his lips, only rubbing them. The ice chip felt soothing and cooling, and almost intoxicating. He looked into the deep pools of Dark Mahogany Bay, the eyelids slightly lowered and the lips of the man, slightly parted. He felt a physical stirring in regards to the man. His own eyes widening at the reaction.


The man broke the moment and pulled the ice chip away to place it in his own mouth. He stood and turned on his heels slightly, as if he could feel Reno’s embarrassment. “I would say that you are feeling better, yet still quite sore, are you not?”


Reno nodded though the man was turned. And thought for a second before his thoughts gathered together again. “I feel…” He cleared his throat. “I feel that… something, something extremely important is missing… I feel empty.”


He didn’t see the eyes close on the man’s face as he’d been facing the doorway. “Well…” The man seemed to think for a moment. “The person you were with, a companion… he passed away from the accident. You are the only one that made it out, though you cannot place him, which must be the emptiness that you are feeling.” He didn’t need to horrify the young man with details, though he’d seen the scene, he knew what had happened.


Reno’s eyes widened and the whole room seemed to go white. The gyrating and fearful pain overwhelming his senses hit him. He didn’t know it, but he was screaming, though his voice was raw and unused… he screamed. No tears came. But for the loss he couldn’t not name….. he screamed…..


{ ‘I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever's happened,
The truth will free my soul’ }


The man caught Reno as he finally succumbed to the shot he’d just given him. The shock of something the boy couldn’t even place was intriguing, yet a nuisance. Since he’d learned of the boy’s memory loss, he’d already formulated the direction in which he needed to go. He’d make this little treasure his own, somehow… though he preferred it to be of his own will.


He gently laid the boy back down on his bed, he’d make sure the boy got some broth when he awoke next time. His healing was coming along quite fast, abnormally fast, but that was to be expected. After watching the boy off and on for close to a year he’d known enough to not be shocked by anything.


His boots scuffed slightly as his mind stayed slightly absent to the surroundings, which was unlike him. He’d never thought himself ‘This’ attracted to other males… yes, not this much. But the burn inside him craved this boy extensively. In that single moment of obvious desire that the buy had shown, he wanted to claim him there. But this would take patience. Yes… something he had PLENTY of… Patience.


Startled out of his private sanctuary in mind, he pulled out his phone. It had begun to vibrate. How inconvenient he thought, but cleared his mind for the moment. He had responsibilities to attend to. It had been a week. More than past time…


“Report…” the raspy voice of his mentor called out the moment the phone line was connected.


“Successful, all targets eliminated.” His reply was.


“What about the kid, I believe you were instructed to bring him in alive.” The voice asked with obvious suspicion.


“An unfortunate loss…” Was all that the dark man stated.


“Yes… indeed… If you happen to be wrong in this… I only hope that you would notify me… wouldn’t you?” His mentor asked with clear disbelieve and disapproval.


“I would need to make sure the target mentioned would be a safe addition before I would bring him. But again, an unfortunate loss.” The dark man repeated more firmly.


“Alas, he would have been a very useful addition to the TURKS. Notify me when there is a change in your report, if there should be one.” The man sounded like he was going to hang up, but stopped short. “Oh, and Tseng? You cannot afford any more mistakes. Your emotions cannot control you, you must control them. Do you understand?” The man said in a tired tone.


“Understood…” And the line went dead…


{ ‘Wherever you are, I won't stop searching


Whatever it takes me to go

I'll find you somewhere


I'll keep on trying until my dying day


I just need to know whatever's happened,


The truth will free my soul’ }

~~~End Chapter~~~


A/N: Dun dun dunnnn… Well, it is probably not what most people imagined… more to come... ;) *waves* And sorry it was shorter than usual… I wanted it to go longer, but what the heck. I just need to update more often. :P