Ceaseless Oblivion

Enough with the passing out already, I know! 168…all of you guys freaking own! ^-^ I am updating that fast because all of you reviewers and lovers of the story deserve a story that is reliable, and updates fast. Since I am going back to school in a week *weeps* I will have to write during my two hour break at the college. Let’s see how well that goes. Also, thank you to adult-fanfiction.org for giving me 400 hits…holy shit! That is amazing! I never thought that would happen…this is for you all, for the fans, and of course, for my muse.

To my aff.net reader, sephcounttheways: Holy crap, I will so fix that typo! And no worries about the criticism, thank you for pointing that out! Thank you for saying I am good at building up suspense, that makes me proud of myself. You btw, are an amazing author, I will read “Blonde Ambition” just as soon as I can. And your deviantart page is PHENOMENAL!

The two quotes I used are by Joseph Campbell and Abraham Crowley, and I don’t own them or these wonderful, fantastic characters. Do I wish I did? You bet! However, in my mind, Angeal is in the kitchen cooking up cookies with Genesis (Don’t ask) and Sephiroth and Cloud are fighting one another on the newest version of Dissidia, on bean bag chairs. Oh, I know I’m an odd one. *takes a bow*
------------------------------------------------

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott

Cloud had seen a lot of things in his life. He had seen first hand the horrors of war, though he was never technically in one. Battle was a wicked thing, throwing in young men and women for a cause that they themselves knew not of. He had seen monsters howling on cliff sides, monsters and Behemoth alike that he had to deliver innocent people from. He knew of horror, pain, and the repulsion of abominations.

However, never did he think he would bear witness to Sephiroth’s horror, much less his tears.

Sephiroth had been sleeping soundly, for he had fallen asleep so fast, slipping right into the depths of slumber. He and Sephiroth had been getting along so well as of late, and he was glad that their relationship was becoming something positive. The man needed affirmation, especially in a place as bleak as this one. And if he could give it to him, then little could stop Cloud. He was always told he was stubborn in that sense.

Besides…he loved the man. It was confusing, and it should not have been anything but complicated. What person could fall for the man who had caused them such wrong doings in the past? Someone extremely foolish, that was who. However, logic rarely had anything to do with the sound of the heart. When it spoke, the voice could not be silenced easily, either by the noise of the maelstrom around him, or by the hush of a whisper. And Sephiroth was the one speaking to him, lulling him to life with his voice, and all that he was. It made no sense. But did love ever make sense?

Still, he had been sitting by the fire, every so often looking over at Sephiroth. The man slept so soundly, and rarely stirred in his sleep. Aside from the steady breathing and rise and fall of his chest, Cloud would have wondered if he was a statue. He was an extant being, still in his own existence while he slumbered away, hopefully having good dreams. If there was one person who deserved to have a good dream, it was the man who had listened to him.

Sephiroth had held him at the exact moment when he felt like he was shattering, splitting into fragments of himself. Had he not been held-no matter how awkward the embrace-Cloud thought that he surely would have broke for real. There was a difference between heartbreak he knew now. There was the throbbing pain that began in his chest, pinpricks of agony that stabbed his skin with an ache, one that was not quick to leave. Then there was a heartbreak that tore apart his chest, turning his heart into ice, and then unbreakable stone. Pain could harden hearts, to where all thought of happiness was a nonexistent word of a blood stained past.

However…Cloud didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be a walking statue, one that skulked around and went through the motions of living. He wanted to live, even if it was only in a land where the only light came from a gift from his skin. It was amazing how dying could make someone long to live. Life was promised to him, given to him, and he would not waste it on something such as pain.

He would heal all of those scars that he thought would remain permanent. The slashes on his arm were looking well, and there was a chance that they would not scar over at all. Wounds turned into scabs, then into faint pink lines and red squiggles, depending on the severity of the injury. The same could be said for heartache, and the aches of living, life itself.

However, if there was one person who could come along, and place a salve on those wounds, sealing them up for good, without a trace of them being there in the first place, then there was a remedy to all agony.
For, that person he spoke of, was Sephiroth. He had become someone worthy of his affection, attention and time, even though it was forced from him. Though, it was the sweetest inevitability that had ever been.

All of this he had been thinking of when Sephiroth had begun moving in his sleep. Normally, he slept…like the dead, and rarely moved, unless it was to drape an arm over his face, or roll to the side. But now, his body rocked with a spasm every other minute, the way that a child would do if they experienced night terrors. What was happening to him?

Sephiroth then began breathing heavily, thrashing his body left and right. Small little noises escaped his mouth, almost as if he were…whimpering in pain. Nothing physical was wrong with him, but his breathing patterns were irregular, and his body was overcome with seizures.

Then, screams came from his mouth, ones of pure pain. It filled Cloud’s heart with fear for the man, for he had never heard anything like it before. It was as if he were forced to sit in Hell, listening to the cries of the damned with a blackout blindfold, just listening, ever listening to the sounds of their moans of utmost anguish. When one sense was gone, the rest worked hard to make up for it. Meaning, it would make up for the loss of sight, stretching out the sound of the screams until it was all Cloud heard.

Cloud had wasted no time in going over to Sephiroth, and trying to wake him up. For forever it seemed he stayed by the man’s side, shaking his arm, trying to rouse him. Nothing appeared to be working. Finally, he got on top of Sephiroth and shook his shoulders back and forth, hoping that would work. The sensation of falling worked he knew, for it woke him up every time he happened to fall asleep in a chair on the Planet, and the chair accidentally tipped forward. If all else failed, he would angle Sephiroth’s body to where he fell back onto the makeshift bed. That should work. But the failsafe would have been throwing him into the river, for cold water was enough of a shock to the senses, sure to raise a man from a nightmare, or terror.

Luckily, Sephiroth woke up before he had to resort to such measures. Though…he had never seen the man so terrified. His eyes were rolling around in his head, as if he could not focus on the multiple sights all around him at once. Something had him scared silly, a fear that crippled and blinded the toughest of men.

“Haven’t you had enough? Let me go! LET ME GO!” He had been so scared, for something had terrified him in the nightmare he experienced. That kind of horror could not be shaken off easily, he knew that first hand.

Cloud hated doing this, but he needed Sephiroth to realize he was safe here, and to wake up. So, he slapped the man as hard as he could, right across the face. It worked, but he hated causing the man harm. A small part of him thought it might have been a taste of the vengeance he had wanted, but the thought was so insignificant, it was not to his benefit to dwell on it. Revenge was pointless.

Then, words poured from his mouth, words of comfort. “Sephiroth…I’ve got you. It’s alright Sephiroth, wake up. Open your eyes for me.” Yes, for him. He wanted to see those beautiful jade eyes gaze at him with curiosity and interest, not out of horror and terror. Also, he wanted to make it alright for the man, for no matter what he had seen in his mind…it was not real. Nightmares were something for the mind to do while the body worked. He had to tell himself that after his SOLDIER days, and after Meteor’s aftermath. A lot of the nightmares he experienced were memories of course, horrors from his past that always involved a certain silver haired angel of destruction and doom at the head of them. But now, the Nightmare himself had experienced a terror that made his body break out in sweat, a feat in itself.

“I…I’m awake now.” Sephiroth had wiped his hand across his brow, and they both looked at one another afterwards, inches apart. Closing the distance would have never been so sweet, or so tantalizing. However, it was not proper manners to kiss your once enemy blind after they had a nightmare.

“Sephiroth… are you alright?” Cloud’s eyes did not miss the way that Sephiroth looked to his hands, and shuddered. It was as if he were remembering what had just occurred in his mind, and bringing it to light right now. It was a lot easier said than done however, for all remembering something did was cause that person even more anguish. Forgetting was easier, and not bringing it up. However, he had to try.

“I…I had a bad dream.”

To this, Cloud lowered his head. He had suspected as such, that the man had encountered horror in its darkest and evilest hours. Fear had overcome him, and he had witnessed it. Sephiroth really had changed.

“I know. You were shrieking Sephiroth. It was unlike any scream I have ever heard…and I have heard a lot.” Then Cloud remembered awhile back, when he had had that…graphic dream about Sephiroth, that he didn’t want to talk about the dream. He owed the man the same favor, no matter what it had cost him. “Sephiroth, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I had a dream once, and I never shared it with you. We’re even this way.”

After that, he had looked into the fire, wondering what would become of this evening. He was over thinking things again he knew, and he should have just gone with instinct. Instinct told him to try to get Sephiroth to talk, even though memories of the dream were as equally horrifying. Though, in the waking world, they sometimes did not seem so bad. Nonetheless, that was for those on Gaia, beings who lived by both sunlight and moonlight. Here, there was only firelight and the light from his body to guide them, to make the horror of oblivion seem not so bad. Could he do that, expel all the fear Sephiroth felt?

“Cloud… I’ll tell you. It was…horrifying though. It will make you see me differently.” The thought was laughable. He had seen many sides to Sephiroth. It all had begun with the propaganda of SOLDIER and the poster hanging on his wall at first. Then, it began with his ill timed and short lived career as a cadet on SOLDIER grounds, glimpsing flashes of Sephiroth, but never really getting to be around him. Then, he became the Nightmare to the Planet, caused Meteor, and all veils and idealizations were torn. He had seen Sephiroth at his worst then, and there was nothing he could have ever done to measure up the horrors of Nibelheim and all of the ghosts that lingered there. Sephiroth would have had to rewind the past five times in a row for instance, and change up his murdering spree to compete with what he had seen. Cloud was not jaded, just experienced with horror. He was braver for it, in a sense.

However, nothing Sephiroth could have ever done would make him look, or see him differently, in a false view. For, he already saw him differently, in the best way possible.

“Sephiroth…you know what I have seen you do. I have seen you do worse things than thrash about because of a nightmare. I have seen you at your worst, at your absolute nastiest.” Sephiroth looked at him then, and he wondered what he looked like in the man’s eyes. He wanted to be his friend…but so much more than a mere companion out of force and necessity. He wanted to be someone who could save the man, a physical deliverance that would have given Sephiroth peace of mind. “Sephiroth…tell me. I will not look at you differently. Tell me anything…because you deserve that privilege. Confide in me.” If that was not a red flag for his affections, Cloud was not sure what would be.

Sephiroth then told his tale, his horrifying, soul searing story of nightmare. With every detail, Cloud felt that he was physically there, experiencing everything that Sephiroth had in the nightmare. When he mentioned the part about the wall of leeches and other unmentionable horrors, Cloud swore he felt the nip and points of small teeth and suctions on his scalp and toes. The hiss and pop of the fire made him clench his hands a few times, for he thought of the flames that had been everywhere in Nibelheim, and the nightmare version of it brought a sweat to his skin. That place had been his home, a place that Sephiroth had destroyed in its entirety. He and Tifa were the only survivors, but now, she was the only living remnant of that place.

Then…Sephiroth mentioned the double of himself. That was interesting, for it showed that Sephiroth was struggling internally with some semblance of himself, shades and facets of his personalities that may or may not have been clashing beneath the surface. He never understood dreams, so he had tried to think up reasons why certain people had appeared in his own. Zack sometimes appeared in his dreams on Gaia, as a spirit guide. If he saw a flower, it was Aeris. And a curtain of white meant that the angel of death had arrived, one that had wanted to come and wreak mayhem on his resting hours. Sephiroth was trying to come to terms with change, within himself. The greatest battles were fought within he knew, more than the average person could possibly understand.

He sensed Sephiroth’s apprehension of this honesty, and he wondered if the man was uncomfortable with sharing. He had been when he confided in the man, but with all things, it got better when one did it often enough, telling someone enough about a certain subject that hurt to talk about. Communication and coherency was the key to this…friendship they had, and since they enjoyed talking with one another now, now choosing to be men of conversation instead of silence, both he and Sephiroth said more now.

But this was something else entirely, a horror that was beyond surface level. Sephiroth was showing him the image of his spirit, the bare image of his soul and heart. He was showing him what made him tick and shake, what made him break out in a cold sweat because of fear. It took a lot for someone to confide their fears in another.

The other symbols disturbed him greatly. His mother had been there…and the Sephiroth that was causing all of the destruction beheaded her. His mother was in the Promised Land, safe with his father-he hoped-meaning, it didn’t matter what he saw or experienced. That was true, the part about his mother being alive and well somewhere else.

Then came the part with himself, and Zack. Zack and his mother were beheaded and killed in such cruel ways, it made his insides twist. Even knowing that it was all just a horrifying figment of Sephiroth’s mind and imagination, it was enough to chill his blood in his veins. It was scary, but real. Sephiroth was not going to leave anything out he knew, for he wanted him to be honest, no matter how brutal the truth was. Sugarcoating was for men who could not handle the consequence of the truth itself.

All the while, Sephiroth stared into the fire, as if he had seen something there that he wanted to touch, look at, and watch his entire life. Shadows encircled his eyes, and he knew that the man was tired. So very tired of horror, of nightmare, and of all of the regret that had caused him to wind up in nothingness with him. What could be gained from oblivion? Friendship for one. A confidant for second. And his love, evermore. He believed the man when he said that he was sorry, and he would never think that he was a freak. They both had to sacrifice all of that pettiness in order for a greater purpose. The promise of a land better than this one was worth fighting for. Zack, his brother, had said so.

Then, Sephiroth mentioned that the Sephiroth that had been below him in the dream had beheaded him. Cloud gripped his neck, feeling the smallest sensation of pain there, as if a blade had glided over his bare skin, leaving nothing but a severed body and a head. In a sense, perhaps the evil that had been in Sephiroth’s mind chose that method of killing, for it did not prolong death. When the spinal column was severed from the spine, the brain couldn’t function anymore, and it would short circuit essentially, leaving nothing but a brain dead head, and a useless body. There was no suffering, aside from the pain during the kill, and the aftershocks. Maybe, even in Sephiroth’s darkest hour, he had wanted to be good?

The final part of the dream disturbed Cloud greatly, not for himself, but for Sephiroth. The thought of seeing the body of what you once were, killing three people, two of them friends for that matter, would have left him screaming as well, like a scared little boy. There was no shame in fear, for it proved that you were human. Something that was not capable of fear, was not human in a sense. Sephiroth had never shown his fear before, just his disdain for mankind, thinking himself to be better than all of the rest of them. But now, it was the opposite. He had no disdain for man, just for himself, and he also feared, and showed it to him. He was changed, his duality and reversal. Which couldn’t have made Cloud happier.

Although, there was no reason to celebrate the one you loved being scared. The man was hurting, because he had been shaken up, broken inside by this fear.

“Sephiroth…you’re hurting right now.” The words had just slipped out, and Cloud hoped that they did not sound as stupid to Sephiroth as they did to his own ears. The man was in pain, and those in pain rarely liked to be reminded that they were hurting. They longed for distraction he knew, for a way for them to ignore what had just transpired. No one liked to be reminded that they were weak, on any level.

Cloud had expected anger, a reaction of any sort, on any degree. He had never expected shocking words though. “I hurt…only because I have failed you.”

What? What was he thinking? If anything…he had made him proud. The man that he had once looked up to, the man that he had loved ever since he had heard his voice, saw his eyes and strength was now back thousand-fold, with a vengeance that would not soon be forgotten. Sephiroth was the ideal that he had once placed him into, but above that, he was better than anyone he could have ever imagined. He was someone who was struggling with finding out who he was, finding identity in the pitch blackness of a literal world, and the mental world that he had succumbed to. And upon that struggle, Sephiroth was coming close to that person, to who he wanted to be. He was the opposite of a failure.

Cloud acted on the instinct of his body, heart and mind. He got up and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth’s back, breathing in his warm scent. He smelt amazing, without colognes and other means. It was the spice of cinnamon, lingering in the air, catching his tongue and eyes with the shock of the scent. It was also the rush of certain plants, the faint odor of the rose and the invigorating aroma of winter mornings. It was a smell he could lose himself in, willingly. Damn, this felt nice, and so right.

“Sephiroth…you haven’t. You dreamt a terrible dream is all. Nightmares mean nothing. Really Seph…they don’t. You won’t be that person again, I swear it on my life.” He hoped that Sephiroth was alright with the term of endearment he called the man, for he knew that above all, Sephiroth deserved to be cared for in such a manner. Sephiroth seemed to be easing into the touch, and it made Cloud grip him even harder. The man deserved this, pure unrelenting contact. Normally, Cloud never would have done this for another, for he didn’t like to be touched very often. But now, in this world of darkness, sensation needed to be felt and words needed to be spoken, lest he dissolve into the black. Oblivion made even the quietest of men long for noise, and those that hated to be touched long for the warmth of another’s hands, arms and body.

Then, Sephiroth spoke. "How can you be so sure, Cloud? Look at all I've done. Truthfully, look at all of it. My friends are dead because of me. My mother is in a prison of ice, and the world may have gone to ruin at my hands. I listened to some…space parasite, thinking her to be my mother. And your village is gone forever, all because of my foolish actions. My foolish, foolish actions. Mea culpa. Mea culpa." Cloud had no idea what the last two words had meant, but he knew that it was not good. Sephiroth was blaming himself for his own nightmare! That was foolishness…but it let Cloud know that Sephiroth was capable of feeling regret for what he had done, and that he would never, ever stoop so low, no matter what anything promised him, to kill another against reason.

Sephiroth was flawed, and he was damaged now, battered because of all that had come about. He had been someone so docile and caring to those who deserved it…and it all stopped because Jenova tricked him. It was not all Jenova’s doing however, for she twisted the wills of men to get what she wanted, to get what she desired and longed for. Then at the end, she tossed them aside, gasping for what they longed for and never would receive, and the blame was all theirs. What a terrible fate to behold.

Still, Cloud held onto the man, as if Sephiroth’s life depended on the warmth from his own body. The man’s head had fallen forward, as if he were bowing his head to mourn for something that had been lost, something that could never be retrieved again. He gripped his shoulder blades from behind, and kneaded them with his hands, wondering what to say to comfort the hurting man. Sephiroth had been so good to him when he had felt like this, and he remembered that it was just enough to have the man encircle his arms around his back. It felt so good, to be held, simply held.

Words came at last, and for that, he was grateful. “Sephiroth…I have looked at what you have done. You did terrible things to so many people. Nibelheim is a thing of the past, existing only in your memories and mine. Humans are dead, and were diseased with Geostigma because of you.” That was the truth, something that could not be cast aside. A grand majority of the issue was Sephiroth’s fault. However, not all of the blame was his. He was truly changed, for had he not been, he never would have been so kind to him, and attempted to be a comforter when he needed it the most. “I know that. However…I also know that you are a changed man. You see now that Jenova is nothing more than a "space parasite" as you put it, and you see the errors you made. You told me you would never repeat what you did…and I am holding you to your word on that. You never will Sephiroth. You are not evil. You are not a monster."

That was the truth. Sephiroth was no monster, an abomination with snapping jaws and bleeding black oculars from the blackest of nights. Abyss was not him, nor was his heart filled with ice and doom. There was life in him, longing to get out and to find a way to make it up for those who he had wronged. Cloud was not wrong in thinking that, for he knew regret when he had seen it. The best pretender through time and the universe could not have faked the look of utter repentance on Sephiroth’s face when he had said he was sorry, all that time ago in the cave. Certain things could not be faked, no matter how hard one tried for such a thing.

Then-dear Goddess-Sephiroth broke down. He heard the man sobbing, and his mouth opened in surprise. Sephiroth was crying. The Demon of Wutai, the Nightmare, the man who had done so much wrong and now, so much good…was capable of shedding tears. He was mortal, a human man who regretted so much of his own life and actions, longing to erase sin. It was possible. It had to be. A Goddess could not just throw two men together, two past enemies and now friends, and expect for one to gain salvation, wings and literal light and damn the other. That was not fair. The point of this test, this oblivion, the promise of a land without anything bad, was that things were supposed to be fair. Sephiroth could be saved, because he would make sure of it. They would walk out of this world together, leaving behind black skies and starless nights for a world of sunlight and laughter, a place of celebration and life. He could conceive of it, meaning it could be so.

Cloud held the man, and placed his chin on his right shoulder. The poor man. He needed to be released, to have this cry, the way he had a few days ago. It had made him feel better, so much better. Sephiroth was the one who had been suffering for years and years, in the silence he surrounded himself with, not knowing that he had needed sound and life from others as a gift to himself. Sometimes what people need, they have no need to search for. However, at times, salvation and the necessity one needed, could be found through a trek through darkness. Sephiroth deserved this cry, these tears.

“Sephiroth…it is alright. It really is.” Sometimes, one just needed to be told it was going to be alright as well, when no other words would help. Fear could be taken away with the correct words, and words that were never told. Sephiroth had never been told it would be alright, and he had probably never been held in his entire life the way that he just had. Every man was once a young boy, reaching for the arms of his mother. Cloud’s mother had always been there when he needed her to be, rocking him gently to sleep when he was very young, the warmth from her body resonating and soothing him into an indestructible security. Sephiroth had never had that. He would not be his mother, or anyone else…but a friend. A friend who loved him, despite what logic wanted and reason demanded. The heart spoke, and it told him that this man was worthy of his love, of the emotions in his heart that longed for the man.

Gently, he had helped Sephiroth to his feet. He wanted for the man to get more rest, for he had barely slept but two hours before that nightmare had taken a hold of him, turning all thought of sleep into nothing more than a bitter fantasy. Sephiroth had then told him that he was afraid of closing his eyes, for he was afraid he would repeat what he had just seen, all over again. It was honesty, coming from lips that had no reason to lie. It was truth, coming from a mouth that had just finished sobbing. It was vulnerability, something that Cloud did not know that Sephiroth had.

So, he agreed to stay by his side until he slept. Of course he would have anyways, for the man deserved someone to look out for him. Right now, Sephiroth was fragile, and he would willingly march into a battle against whatever roamed this abyss, if it meant that Sephiroth would remain unscathed. Love was sacrificial, putting the well being of another before yourself. Selflessness had never been more beautiful.

Cloud remembered something that his mother had done when he was very young and could not sleep at times. She would come into his room, and sing a song that he could not remember the words to, and trace his face with her warm fingers. Her fingernails would always smooth over the contours of his face, the hollow of his neck, and lull him to sleep within minutes. He now knew it was because someone was above him, someone who loved and cared for him. He could fall asleep around his mother, for she was someone who adored him, even when he made silly mistakes in his boyhood. She was someone who he could feel comfortable relaxing around. He only hoped he could be that person for Sephiroth.

He then began doing the unthinkable: touching Sephiroth’s face. He had such wonderful features, and they deserved to be hailed throughout the universe, a beauty that would make the stars themselves weep in their jealousy. Hair the color of starlight, eyes the shade of jade electricity. It was a face to make even the most skeptical of beauty fall to their knees, saying they had found a muse, an inspiration to go on searching. All this from glancing to Sephiroth once. But he was not just a pretty face, eye candy. He had a personality that was brimming beneath the surface, something that was becoming something beautiful. He was repentant of all that he had done, and he was willing to see all of the wrongs he had caused, and feel shame for it. But knowing that one had a problem was the first step, and acknowledging that you had been very wrong was the second. He knew those steps well, and was the living prime example of such a thing.

“Sleep now, Sephiroth. You deserve it.” He saw Sephiroth’s face relax, and his head fell to the right, falling deep into sleep. He would sleep well now, without that dreaded nightmare that would hurt him. Still, Cloud traced his fingers across Sephiroth’s face, trying to dry and erase the tear tracks that had lingered. He did not deserve to be sad, but if he needed to weep in order to feel better, then he would let him cry as long and as hard as he needed it.

Cloud was startled by the thought, and stifled a chuckle. He really had changed. Only a changed man would linger over their enemy’s bedside, because they had promised them that they would watch over them as they slept. He looked to his fingertips and felt the last traces of Sephiroth’s tears there, damp and wet, the shade and texture of physical sorrow. Cloud’s eyes dropped to Sephiroth’s face, and wondered what it would be like if he reached down, and kissed his lips. Would Sephiroth wake up, and feel even more confused? Yes, yes he would. However, even the thought of such a longing would not be quick to be banished from the mind.

So, Cloud did something else instead. He kissed his fingertips and pressed his lips to the small amount of water there. He was trying to kiss away the sorrow and all of the pain that the man he loved had ever felt.

‘Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.’ Cloud blinked once and wondered if Genesis was around. He wanted to speak with him, or really anyone from the Promised Land. He wanted to ask what Sephiroth’s nightmare had meant, and if there was a way to prevent such a horror from befalling the man once more. But all was silent, so he thought on the quote. Joy would burn out pain. That was an interesting, and very, very true thought.

‘Thanks Genesis. And everyone. I’m learning my lesson.’ Boy, was he ever. His purpose was never more clear. He wanted to leave oblivion, but not before showing Sephiroth how he felt about him. He couldn’t let this feeling foster inside of him and not be released. Sephiroth deserved to be loved, and to be given love mentally and physically.

‘A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain.’ Once again, Genesis was correct. Cloud’s fear was now, loving in vain, and in never showing Sephiroth that instead of kissing his own fingertips, he could have been kissing the man’s face. Or his lips. Nevertheless, he would be there for him, expelling away all of his fear. Sephiroth was no monster, nor could he ever be. And he would let him know that even if it killed him.
------------------------------------------------

Many hours later, after both men had caught some sleep, Cloud suggested they resume traveling. The distance they had crossed had been impressive, but Cloud felt that there would still be many tests, be it physical and mental, ahead. Though, if it was easy, then the reward would not be sweet. It would have the best taste, he knew that.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Cloud had been looking every so often at Sephiroth, just to make sure out of the corner of his eye that he appeared alright. Looks were deceiving, and he knew that the man had been a master of shielding his emotions from those that were undeserving of them. However, if anything, that brief cry that he had had loosened him up, making every emotion come to his face as natural as a breath through parted lips. Beautiful, thin lips…

Sephiroth looked to his left, for they now traveled side by side. For whatever reason, they chose to do this instinctively. There was no more of Cloud being the leader, for Sephiroth could see just as well if he were to walk beside him, instead of behind him the way that he had in the past. There was no more of that, for they were on an equal playing field now. There was no barrier now.

“I’m fine. In fact, I could even run and I would be just peachy.”

Cloud stopped in his tracks. Peachy? What the Hell? “Well…if you say so…Mr. Peach.” A chuckle escaped his lips and he felt a flush cross over his skin. Hell, he was flirting with the man! Though, a voice told him, be it phantom or stray thought, that’s what you want to do. Loving in vain was never fun.

Sephiroth shoved his shoulder lightly, making sure not to touch the still healing scratches on his arm. They were healing nicely, and within a few weeks, the scabs would be gone if he was lucky. “What do you say to a little race, Miss Cloud?”

Oddly enough, he was getting used to the humiliating nickname. The thought of competition sent a little thrill racing in Cloud’s veins. That would be fun! However…should someone who just spent a great period of time mourning for something…be having fun? Did he deserve it, yes…but still. He didn’t want for Sephiroth to strain himself. He was still technically recovering.

“Uh…sure. To that….huge boulder over there. And watch your step.” Cloud pointed to a large rock that was nestled in the soil. He felt as if he were playing a childhood game of ball, with the boulder as home plate all of a sudden. He wondered if Sephiroth had ever played ball.

Sephiroth chuckled lightly, and the sound was enough to make Cloud moan aloud. Damn, he had a way with laughter. “I will.” He made a small line in the soil with the toe of his boot, and it was deep enough to where both men could see it clearly. Both he and Sephiroth readied themselves, bending their knees and flexing their fingers. For whatever reason, this would be fun. Who would have thought that two men, once enemies, could find fun in oblivion? This was…beautiful penance.

“On your mark…set. Go.” Cloud took off, thrusting his legs and arms in synch with his breathing. Breathe in, pump the legs. Breathe out, watch your step. Breathe in, Sephiroth is gaining. Breathe out, pick up speed.

It was a tie, for both men gripped the rock on the exact same moment. Fingers brushed fingers, and an electrical storm ignited under Cloud’s skin. He took in a sharp intake of breath, and kept his eyes to the stone. If he looked up, he would be swept away in a jade ocean, by glowing, magnificent eyes. However…if he wanted Sephiroth, wanted to make him…his partner-lover-significant other-then he was going to have to look up. One couldn’t get what they wanted while they were looking down after all.

Cloud looked up, and caught one of the strangest looks he had ever seen from Sephiroth. The man’s eyes were slightly widened, as if he were looking to a sight that was beyond his understanding, beyond every belief that he had ever held sacred. Something was happening to the man he knew, a change and catalyst beneath his skin and sinew, and it was morphing him into someone better. Was it the look of change he was seeing in the man’s eyes?

“Cloud,” he began “thank you.”

Cloud started, but he kept his eyes set on Sephiroth’s face. Had he looked away, he would have been taking the road less traveled, a place where he was a shy boy who was falling for someone clearly out of his league. No. Sephiroth was not beyond his league. He deserved love…as did Sephiroth. Meaning, he deserved to look at him.

“What are you thanking me for?” Was it about what had occurred the following night? If so, he needn’t thank him. Cloud was more than willing to comfort the one who had become so important to him. Sephiroth had saved his life, proven himself worthy of his affection and idolization once more. He was living the dream in a way, traveling through a dark wasteland with his hero turned love interest. In a sense however, for it was not all fun and games.

Sephiroth smiled softly, and nothing was more beautiful in that moment. “For not being afraid of me anymore.” The silver haired man looked at the way that their hands were connected then, and his eyes traced the length of his fingertips, and Cloud’s rounded off fingernails. It was as if he were looking at Cloud to make sure that he was still real, to make sure that he was still very much alive. Yes, this was reality. He cared for the man now, as strange and as wondrous as it was to admit. And…he was not afraid of him anymore. All of that past fear was expelled from him, and it might as well have been nonexistent. He was Sephiroth, a hero who had saved hundreds of lives in Wutai and all throughout his career. Masamune had once been used for good, to save people and to be praised throughout the entire Planet. He had become a hero once more. Meaning, there was no need to fear him anymore.

Cloud, ever so carefully, moved his hand to cover Sephiroth’s own hand. “I am not scared of you anymore…because I know that you would never do anything to harm me. I am no longer your puppet. I am your…” he stopped. What was he exactly? Had he said that he was the man’s friend, he would be telling a lie. He did not want to be the man’s friend only. He wanted to grip him then, and capture his lips in his own, though it would have been ill timed. Friends did not do that to one another. He wanted friendship with this man…but more.

Time may as well have been at a complete stand still then. The sands in the hourglass stopped all of a sudden, and all noise ceased. Even the bubbling from the stream seemed to quiet down, nature itself hushing all sound to hear Sephiroth’s reply.

Sephiroth looked to Cloud’s hand once, and then caught his eye. In this faint light, it looked like a multi-hued display of colors, almost a teal and turquoise. The true color was of Mako, but it was more than that. It was a jade that man had tried for years and years to find, buried underneath the earth’s core and craters itself. It was a stone and shade that mankind could not have found had it looked for eons. It was an exotic color, an enchantment of the eyes.

Lips that had once turned upwards in a cruel smile now showed true happiness, however faint. “Your…?”

Cloud nearly passed out, came and gagged at the same time. The sound of Sephiroth’s voice after all of that musing was enough to startle him for life. It was a sweet shock through his body, his ears straining to hear every octave of the man’s words, every sweet word dripping from his lips, like diamonds. Diamond lips.

“I am your…Cloud. Yeah, your Cloud.”

Sephiroth looked a little confused, but after a moment, he understood. “Ah, I see. And I suppose that makes me your Sephiroth then, am I right?”

Cloud wondered what this meant for them. Was Sephiroth implying that they were…more than friends? Friends could belong together in a sense. He belonged with Zack, because they were true brothers, a bond that was not cut with death. He would see the man soon, along with Aeris and her children. Genesis and Angeal shared a huge part of Sephiroth’s life he knew, and they all belonged together, a trio of once unstoppable strength and omnipotence. A Holy Trinity of sorts.

However…this was a whole different kind of belonging. They were bonded by death, by killing one another in a wicked way after a lifetime of misunderstanding. Strange how the dark could bring so many things to light. They were tested, trialed and tricked time and again in this land, and they had suffered together. This happenstance that they had been plunged into, a world where there was no sun or moon, had shown both of them that they were not so different. Cloud recognized that he had made a lot of errors in his past, and he was dealing with them. Sephiroth understood that as well, with him. They had gone through Hell together, and once there was company among those awful flames, much could be done. Such as, a bonding of the spirit, belonging together truly.

The blonde nodded. “Yes. You are…my Sephiroth.” A flush lined his face, and he wondered how obvious he was being right then. Bells should have been ringing, people should have been shouting, and sirens should have been blaring, all pointing towards him. He imagined a tirade of soldiers shouting at Sephiroth, telling them that he was interested in him romantically. It was obvious he knew, deadly obvious that what he wanted was right in front of him.

Sephiroth chuckled, and both men quickly took their hands away at the same time. “And you are my Cloud. Still, you have my gratitude. No one has…ever seen me cry before.”

Cloud looked at Sephiroth, and caught the slightly dismissive air surrounding him. He was putting on a small bravado to mask how he really felt. He was still so fragile, someone that needed to find inner forgiveness and love for himself.

Quickly, without thinking, Cloud gripped the man in a small embrace. He didn’t know what came over him, but he figured if there was one thing that he had learned while in this land, it was that no matter the desire or the ambition in the body and heart, he had to act on it. Before it was too late. Too much could happen for him to have any silly regrets, such as not holding Sephiroth when he looked like he needed to be embraced. Sephiroth could more than likely count the amount of times he had been held like this on one hand.

Cloud released him gently, and cleared his throat once. “S-sorry if that was…I dunno…weird…but I figured since…”

“Cloud, it’s alright.”

Cloud looked up into oculars he could have melted into. He now understood the term “the eyes were the key to the soul.” Sephiroth’s eyes reflected his appreciation for the effort, and that he would willingly have held Cloud had they been given the chance. He knew that Sephiroth was grateful for the act, and that it was not weird, or awkward. They knew each other, better than most people did.

“Thanks. And please Seph…we’re in this thing together. I get that now. So if you ever wanna talk about anything…let me know. Wake me up if something is bothering you. Talk to me about it as we’re walking. Just…let me in.” A strong hand clasped his chin, and Cloud shivered, his eyes rolling back in his head from the effort. Sephiroth was holding his face, lifting his chin so that he could look into his eyes. Goddess, he had gorgeous eyes.

“Now that I can trust someone with whom I can let in, I will.” Two inches maybe. Two inches would be the distance he had to cross if he wanted to press his lips to Sephiroth’s. Their tongues would explore each others mouths, delving into gums and teeth. Something heated and longed for. Did he have any idea what this simple touching made him think of? No, of course he didn’t.

Gently, Sephiroth released his chin. “Now, should we get a move on? Oblivion waits for no man.”

Cloud fell into the pattern of walking by Sephiroth, and he was about to strike up a conversation, when he saw something…soul stirring, awe inspiring and jaw unhinging all at once.

“Sephiroth…holy shit…just look up!”

Sephiroth looked to the sky suddenly, and his eyes opened to their fullest capacity. It was…it was light. Sweet, blessed, golden light pouring through. The firmament seemed to have slashes in it, as if wicked talons had made a large gaping wound in the velvet hide of the animal that was the Night Sky itself. And through those wounds, pulsing light came through. This was no longer a crazed land filled with infinite and profound blackness. There was hope now…because both he and Sephiroth got along.

“I…I didn’t think that…”

“What…is this a good thing?…Holy shit…”

Both men were at a loss for words, so they were saying things that came out of their mouths, lips forming words that were barely intelligible, coherent only because they knew each other so well. It was what happened when one had not seen a true sky in awhile.

Cloud wanted to scream in joy and dance around, something he was not known for doing. He was always so calm. But with the thought of getting out of this place becoming a physical reality as well as a mental one made their dream of escape that much clearer. They had come so far, and the efforts showed themselves.

“I think it’s a glimpse of what is to come.” Cloud gave Sephiroth a please explain look. Sephiroth chuckled and began outlining the sky with his fingertips. “The Goddess wanted us to escape this land together. Now that we understand one another, and realize that we were…very wrong…then we are given a reward. Kind of like a child receiving a treat after chores. Instead of candy however, we are given…light itself.”

Cloud cocked his head. That made a lot of sense. There were no more angry voices saying that he was being manipulated, tossed about on some divine chess board like some wooden pawn, something that a god could not have cared less about. No. If anything, this was further proof that he was taken care of, and always would be. People were looking out for him. He was not alone, nor was Sephiroth.

“It’s…hope. We’re seeing light in a place where…there really is none. And that’s hopeful, don’t you think?”

Sephiroth looked at him, and his eyes became smoldering things. Cloud felt his breath escape his parted lips in a heated release of air, a breath he was not aware that he had been holding. “I see hope, in its truest form, before me right now.” Dear Goddess…was he implying…that he was this man’s hope? Yes, yes he was.

“I-I’m your hope?”

Sephiroth nodded, and a small smile split his features, the many emotions becoming palpable things on his features. It was as if the aurora were beneath his face then, showing off every color and every shade of emotion possible. A hint of confusion. A dab of pure elation. And finally-though he might have imagined it-a pinch of attraction. Though, if it was put that way, it would mean that it was all of the ingredients of love. Or, the face of a man that had finally found physical hope. All from him?

“Of course you are.” He tapped his shoulder lightly, and Cloud about lurched forward from the sudden movement. His touch sent a thrill through his entire being, shaking him to his core. Never had he felt this way for another person. “Now, come on. If this is not a sign that we are going in the right direction, I am not sure what is.”

Cloud chuckled, and he stepped in place by Sephiroth. They kept their pace steady and quick, because both men had something to move quickly for. Purpose was in their eyes, beating healthy and strong in their hearts. And above all, there was no more fear anymore. It was expelled with the true light, as well as a hidden, truly requited love, no matter if it was unspoken.
-------------------------------------------
400 hits...you guys rock! Also, thank you to sephcounttheways for being my first reviewer on this website! I am also LunaRainGlimmer on ff.net if you wish to see me there. ^-^

For, all things were brought to light eventually.