Ceaseless Oblivion

A huge shoutout to sephcountthe ways, for you are the only one reviewing on this website! You are...freaking royalty to fanfiction.net for Blonde Ambition, I hope you know that. It is an honor to have such a reader! ^-^ Thank you for your kind review, and for saying I drag things out quite nicely. And if you want penis...believe me, it is coming!



From here on out, this story is going to borderline on the supernatural aspect. There will be a horror aspect too, so if anyone is uncomfortable with mild to severe gore, and some scary images…it might be best to skip the next few chapters. I think it is essential to the plot to have these things occur, for it will prove that Sephiroth and Cloud are better people. That is why I am doing this. This chapter is rated M for that reason.



Songs for this chapter: Haunted by Evanescence will work extremely well, as would Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold for the dark parts of this chapter. Also, Gravity by Sara Bareilles is now Sephiroth and Cloud’s love song. There is a line “You hold me without touch. Keep me without chains. Never wanted anything so much. Than to drown in your love.” For whatever reason…that reminds me a lot of this couple. ^-^ And of course, my new favorite song, All That I’m Asking For by Lifehouse. That is…a clear personification of a love that has been rendered by mistakes, but the couple still longs to be together, despite the pain of the past. A dead ringer for this couple if you ask me. ^__^



The two poems used are by Edgar Allan Poe, and part III of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “A Man’s Requirements.” I do not own them.



I own nothing. However, if I did…Vincent would be mine! I would ask him to teach me how to shoot Death Penalty…um…never mind. *is in love with fictional characters*

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Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~Brendan Francis



Sephiroth wondered if there was such a thing as justice. There had to be he knew, cosmic justice, for he was in a world of pure darkness out of a Goddess’s will for him. She wanted to teach him a lesson, one that would purge him of all of his deadly sins. The lust for power and the thought of taking over the Planet. The gluttony that would come had he become a god. The envy of those around him who had families, lovers, and a normal life.



But above all, the sin of pride. In oblivion, in nothingness, pride could not exist. It would not be able to be seen for one thing, for the world was too dark to squint and hope to see a glimmer of light in. And in a world where appearances did not matter, so much as shades of honor and bravery, all thought of pride and arrogance had to be purged, trashed, and expunged. There was no need for such sins in the dark.



He wondered this for a reason: what in the name of anything made him deserve someone like Cloud? It was not like he was proclaiming that Cloud was his-aside from in friendship-but in a different plane of thinking and understanding. The Goddess could have stranded him with anyone else. An old friend from the past perhaps, or someone from a different side of the Planet. A child for instance, a little boy or girl he would have had to be responsible for. That would have taught him a lot of things he knew, but that would have made him feel the need to know where the child was at all times. The thought was laughable. The Great Sephiroth, the Demon of Wutai…caring for a child? It was almost inconceivable. Which was why it was not conceived.



Instead of that, Cloud was with him. He hated that at first, for the man had been nothing but a hindrance to his past plans. He had always been there, with a determined expression on his face, one that let him know that there was no way in Hell that he was going to let him get away with whatever it was he wanted. His desire had been great, far too great, and for that, he paid the cost dearly. All titles were stripped from him, Jenova was blessedly silent, and his wing-the one good side effect from having “Mother’s” cells inside of him-was gone, as if it never was. It was as if someone stripped a hawk of their ability to kill, their beak, talons and wings, all clipped and filed down, to where it posed no threat to anyone. He was that hawk. Or, had been.



Now…he was no threat to anyone. He was less than a mouse, lower than a rat where strength was concerned. He could do nothing more than wield Masamune when the time was right, as well as do the necessary bathing and gathering. What was expected of him, was now simple things. The heavy lifting was on Cloud, on Atlas.



That did not mean that he thought less than himself. No. Sephiroth knew that he was someone gentler now, a man who could feel empathy, hurt, and horror for all that he had done. He had messed up, badly, and he would strive for liberation and atonement even if it killed him. He had listened to a voice that claimed itself Mother. He had ignored the cries and pleas of those in Nibelheim, and instead killed them all, on stupid caprice. He was a fool, of that he was sure. But he was a fool who knew that he had been foolish, which made him less of a fool he supposed. He understood what he had done wrong, and he was willing to trek through ten thousand oblivions, if only he could prove that his intentions were now pure.



Regardless of all that, Cloud was the one who witnessed this. He had seen him at his lowest, a man who was moaning in pain from a wound sustained from protecting him. Cloud had watched him fumble, scream, and grapple with his own horrors, nightmares that threatened to tear him apart inside. And above all…he saw his tears. Tears! He had never thought that he would cry again, for there was no need to feel such things. Tears were a sign that you were not a man, not a strong being in body and mind. A strong soul could block out all emotion, and focus on what was necessary. How stupid an excuse. He had cried, lost control and his reserve around Cloud, someone who he had once hated. But now…it was the exact opposite, the other side of that coin. Silver side up, from hatred, love could emerge despite the signs of wear and rust.



Cloud had not turned him away, claiming that he didn’t deserve to be held, didn’t deserve to have any of his empathy. Instead…he overcame everything that they had once been through, and simply held him. He had held him! It was such a strange thing to be feeling, but in a good way. It was alien, human contact and touch in the best way possible. It was so painfully beautiful, he nearly lost himself inside of the embrace. In this man’s arms, everything was forgotten. In this hidden circle of Cloud’s arms, he found refuge, escape from his sin. There was nothing ugly, or bad in this emotion.



Despite everything, Cloud found a way to hold him. Despite the way that he had once toyed with the man’s mind, Cloud found a way to soothe him. Despite what they had once been to each other, Cloud was willing to help him. He had told him it was alright, and that he would never, ever be that nightmare and monster ever again. All of that horror was eradicated, and the dawn broke, brilliant and shimmering, over the valleys of his shattered mind. And the light could heal, especially when it was sapphire and gleaming from beautiful skin.



It was hard to imagine that justice could exist. For, had he been justice, he would not have taken pity on the monster that he had been. He would not have cast the abomination one look of mercy, and would have cast him into a pit, seething in his own hell fire. But Cloud…did not. In the beginning, he had been reluctant of their alliance, and was willing to ignore him, and be completely silent. But in order for there to be any sort of balance, communication had to be a given. Cloud understood this, despite his natural stubbornness. And friendship came of it, and an almost understanding.



On his end however, it was a whole other emotion. It might have been the Nightingale Syndrome, a disease of the mind and body that bestowed affection and care upon someone who had saved ones life. Cloud had done this, both physically, but more mentally. In his darkest hours…no…his darkest days and weeks, he had been there. Light had emanated from his skin, bright and beautiful, and there was something to look at. There was no more darkness, for it all dissolved away when Cloud turned to him. Cloud was an avenging angel, one with two wings, long ones that were powerful enough to fly with him in tow for hours on end. He was a light, a savior, a hero without a doubt. And he? He was a burned man, scorched by the flames of a trip to Hell itself, waiting and wanting salvation. It came in the form of a darkness of course…but after that, light could be his.



Cloud was everything he could never be, but tried to be anyway. He was a selfless man, one who brought all of the burdens of others on their shoulders, merely to make their loads lighter. He was a man who cherished everything, for he knew that time had a way of being cruel, and snatching things away at any given moment. He was someone who knew what to do to survive, and would continue to move forward, for he had already spent too much time thinking back on what could have been. Which is what made him extremely strong, someone to be admired. Every young boy should look onto the monument that had been made of Cloud’s grave, and have a flare of desire, one to be just like him. He was brave enough to conquer the Nightmare every time, and the world was a thriving place because of him, because of his valor. Women and young girls should have looked around for attributes like that in the males of their towns, seeking out the good qualities that Cloud possessed, in the good side of idealization. Cloud was an ideal, a masterpiece of a man.



Which is why Sephiroth was perplexed. The Goddess knew what she was doing when she placed him here. However, did she have a say for falling for his opposite, for a man who could never be his? Perhaps. Though, the heart was a tricky thing, something that called, sang, and pleaded with Sephiroth to do something about this emotion. Love was what it was called, and there was no truth higher than Sephiroth declaring his love for the man.



He just had to get around to it was all, somehow. Bantering maybe? Or…reciting poetry?



‘Ah, yes. Always let your love know of your intentions. ‘We loved with a love that was more than love…’ Sephiroth inwardly sighed. Genesis was helping to an extent…but did he have to show up unannounced in his mind all of the time, especially when he thought that he was having a private thought?



Suddenly, the voice in his mind materialized before him, becoming a figure of red and black. Sephiroth looked over to a slumbering Cloud, and then back at his formerly deceased, yet very much alive friend.



“Hello Genesis.”



The man smiled, and the effort was so brilliant, Sephiroth thought that he had to look away, lest he be blinded. “Hello Sephiroth.” Genesis cast light blue eyes up to the heavens, and gave a low whistle. “Looks like you two are on the right path.”



Sephiroth looked up the sky, and saw faint glimmers of light twinkle through the openings in the firmament. It still looked as if a falcon had slashed the sky to ribbons, and the light that poured through was the blood of the sun, golden and lovely all at once. He had earned this?



“I know we are. We will be out of here soon.”



Genesis chuckled lightly, and his eyes caught his. They were the light blue of sunlight on the ocean, magical. However…they did not hold a candle, or the light from the sun to Cloud’s eyes. “I know, my friend. However, there are things that need to be done…things that need to be said before you leave here. Am I right?”



Inwardly, Sephiroth swore. Yes, yes there was. However…how could he get around to it? His heart couldn’t be ignored, of that he knew for certain. Though, it could be denied in a sense, for logical reasons. Cloud would not return the affection, and he would more than likely reel away from horror at the thought of him loving him. Love was never ugly…unless it was in the soul of a once monster.



Genesis sighed loudly, and walked over to him, purpose in his stride. “Sephiroth…I have never known for you to be afraid of anything. What’s stopping you from looking this man in the face, and saying that you care about him?” Genesis stooped down to his level, and made little tsk tsking noises under his breath, sounds of obvious disapproval. “You, Sephiroth, are afraid of love.”



At this, Sephiroth snapped. “Look…I am not afraid! Just look at the facts Genesis. He is stronger, more powerful, and my opposite. I tortured the boy. Who could forgive that, given what I once was? Who could love…?” Sephiroth stopped in his sentence. He was making excuses, wasn’t he? Yes, yes he was. He was denying himself of a confession, because he was terrified of Cloud turning him away. He was afraid of rejection.



Genesis’s lips upturned in a small smirk, with true amusement. “A monster? Sephiroth, this is not some fairytale, or a storybook folklore of the beauty who tamed the beast. You are a man, who cares for another. So what if it is another man? If you love something…you cannot let it slip through your fingers.” He was speaking from experience there, for he had loved Angeal, and had made him his…partner in the Promised Land. Sephiroth had seen them together, and they pulsed against each other, thriving and living beings that were in pure contrast. They were opposites, Angeal the collected one, and Genesis, the vibrant and playful one. They were proof of a duality that was beyond mere compatibility.



“I…won’t. I’ll tell Cloud when the moment is right.” Goddess, he was weak. Though, it made sense. He could not rouse Cloud then, with a fever in his eyes, and tell him how captivated he was with him. He was not in lust with Cloud, for he was in love with him.



“Love me with thine azure eyes, Made for earnest granting; Taking colour from the skies,

Can Heaven's truth be wanting?” Genesis looked to the sky once, and caught Sephiroth’s eyes. He was spouting love poetry now, poetry that he had no doubt told Angeal at some point. He could hardly imagine it…however, it was imagined, and the truth of the matter. He loved Cloud…as crazy, and as irresponsible as it was. But it could not be helped, or stopped. It could only be appeased. “So be it Sephiroth. But be quick about it. You may find yourself leaving this place sooner than you think.”



Sephiroth sighed, and massaged his forehead in between his fingers. “Thank you for the update. Thank you for coming to me, truly…but is there another reason you are here?” He felt terrible for asking that, for Genesis had only come to help. However, something was telling him that there was a reason he was conversing with the spirit of his deceased friend.



Genesis’s humor faded, which was a rarity in itself. “Yes. Sephiroth…from here on out on this journey, I cannot assist you. This goes for the puppy, and my Angel as well. We cannot help you in what you will face.” Shit. He knew that he would have to battle a lot more than petty nightmares. “There are things here that will make you question yourself, and make you break out in fear, and in doubt. But keep this in mind: you and Cloud are a team. Do not let yourself be separated from him, by any means.” The man was serious, and his eyes flared up like a cold fire, showing those who he cast his gaze on that he meant business.



“I won’t let horrors get in my way.” Sephiroth said this with such malice, he wondered why the venom of his words did not burn his throat and tongue. Genesis looked to him, crouched low, and embraced him fully for a long moment. Sephiroth was startled by the effort, for the man had been affectionate in his life…but this? Everyone seemed to want to embrace him lately, as if they thought that he needed comforting.



Sephiroth patted the man on the back twice, and let his hands linger on the man’s shoulder. He smelt of spice, and of a fresh place, a place without taint.



Genesis released him, and concern was on his features. “Believe me, Sephiroth, I wanted to help you through that nightmare. Goddess knows I want a lot of things. However…not all things need to be faced alone.” His eyes glanced over to Cloud’s sleeping form, as if he believed that even in sleep, Cloud could be the hero that Sephiroth wanted him to be. A savior, even as he slumbered. “Also…you are a hero to the man once again. Don’t let anything fuck that up.” Genesis stood up, and glanced towards the sky once more, listening to something that Sephiroth could not hear, something that he was not permitted to hear. A chuckle escaped the man’s pursed lips, and he nodded. “It is time for me to leave, it appears. By the way…do you remember how I was so…rash against you? In that training exercise?” How could he forget? It was the reason that Genesis had deteriorated, along with Angeal. He had caused the man a wound that would not heal…



“I remember. What of it?”



Genesis gave him a look that said that the time to stop self derision was now. “I was wrong. You should be the hero in LOVELESS. Or, the hero to one who thinks himself to be loveless.” The red head chuckled, sharing a secret joke with himself. “However, I must be off. It was good to see you Sephiroth, and don’t forget what I told you.” Genesis gave him a two fingered wave, smiled and ran to the left, disappearing like the almost specter that he was.



Forget…how could he? His mission was clear, yet…not so much. How did one go about forgetting horrors, and in dwelling upon things that had to be? He would find out, of that he was absolutely certain.



Sephiroth glanced to a sleeping Cloud, and wondered how something that was so powerful and filled with force could look so fragile, and vulnerable as he slept. It was a contradiction, a beautiful one. With the way the man slumbered, he was turned to the fire, the light from the orange glow casting a beautiful silhouette upon Cloud’s face and form. He was blessed, severely blessed to have this man in his life, much less as a friend. A friend was the last thing he wanted though. A friend did not long for the touch of their supposed companion. A friend did not wish for the rush of lips against lips.



This man kept him grounded, when he was spiraling into a pit of self loathing, an abyss that even the purest of souls could not escape from. He was this unbreakable tether, a gravity that kept him to the ground, where he belonged. The sky was for those that had earned their wings…and for now, it was the way that it was supposed to be. One day, he hoped to fly once more.



This man was worth submitting to. He was worth facing nightmare, time and again, if only he was kept safe. Cloud did not deserve to suffer, for he had faced far too much in his short life. Hell, he was the reason that such a creature had to be in the darkness. Though…there was a reason for everything. And this reason, was to gain truth, and pure insight. Things could be gained from oblivion, as insane and as ludicrous that was as a thought.



In the dark, a few hours before dawn, Sephiroth made himself a pact. He would protect Cloud, even if he died and had to repeat this god forsaken limbo ten thousand times over. He would never, ever submit to Jenova, or something that claimed itself to be his “Mother.” And above all…he would make himself better if it killed him. After all of this was taken care of…then, and only then, would he reveal his feelings for Cloud. Feelings. How crazy.



But the craziest thoughts were often the truth.

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A few hours after dawn, Sephiroth woke Cloud, and together, they gathered things for a breakfast. Since he was still technically “recovering” Sephiroth gathered some berries from bushes that were around the campsite, delicious and juicy blackberries, as well as strawberries that were still in season. It was insane. He had once thought this place to be a wasteland, despite the creatures they caught for the sake of meat. The Goddess could not have them starving, now could she? However…the berries might have been a reward, along with the light. It was as if a mother were looking in on two children, making sure that they were getting along on a play date, and every now and then, giving them a toy or something sweet to eat.



They were not children, so the thought should have been appalling. But Sephiroth was through with thinking that he was above people. He wanted to be on their same level, and not above them. For once in his life…he did not want to lead, or be anything but himself.



Cloud managed to fell a creature that might have been a deer and boar hybrid, and he hefted it into the campsite. With the slant of his shoulder blades, and the clear definition of his forearms…he looked like a mighty god of the hunt who had just returned from a grand kill. It made Sephiroth’s tongue loll behind his mouth, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his thoughts pure. ‘Not yet,’ his mind told him.



They ate quickly, and within a half an hour, both men were ready to travel.



Out of nowhere, Cloud struck up conversation. “Seph…do you remember when we raced that day?” A lot of people were asking him if he remembered a certain time, if he recalled this and that, as if he was a patient who was recovering from a lapse of memory. In a sense…he was. He was rediscovering things that had once been lost to him, emotions that were once intangible things, floating and glimmering just beyond his reach. His sanity was back, and his mind was healing from the latest horror. He would not be so easily sensitive, or taken aback by a comment that was meant in pure intent.



He nodded. “Yes, I do. If I recall, I won.”



Cloud scoffed, and Sephiroth smirked. The bantering would begin right now. “Oh, really? I seemed to have forgotten that part…no cadet can best a General, now can he?” Now he was just poking fun! However, this was one of the most gentle instigations he had been given. In his youth, he had done this with Genesis and Angeal after training, and during their free time. How he missed those times.



“Depends if the cadet is fast enough. And given that this General is Miss Cloud, then I would not make that claim.”



Cloud smiled, and the action nearly sent Sephiroth into cardiac arrest. He was smiling…for him. Cloud was smiling because of something that he had said. What hero could smile to a monster? Cloud could, for he was…phenomenal. It was so beautiful, lips stretching over fair skin, lit gently from within by the light from a blue star.



“I am asking…because I want to know something. It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it, or answer me. I understand wanting to keep quiet.” Cloud said this out of past loathing for the once stoic creature that he had been. All because of him. He had been the reason for all of his past affliction. Hell, the “Strife” in his last name was because of him. He should have been called Cloud Peace…or something else. This was no time for pity though.



“Ask me anything. I will give you an honest answer.” It was true. Cloud was permitted with seeing everything in his soul. If he could, he would tear apart sinew and tendon, muscle and bone and stretch it apart, until his soul was bared, in all of the darkness and past malicious intent, only to prove that he was trying to be honest.



Cloud kicked a loose stone from the ground, and nodded. “Have you ever…raced for fun? In your childhood I mean. For a game of ball…or something.” Hmm…interesting. Sephiroth thought about it, and found that his answer was clear.



“Do you want the lengthy version of the answer, or the shortened answer?” It was a small story…but Cloud deserved to know. That was, if he wanted to know all that he had been through in his youth. Laboratories should not have been used to raise young boys.



Cloud stopped walking and turned his head to the right. They had been walking with Cloud to the left, by the stream, and him to the right, a few inches apart. It was a difference from the past, where he was directly behind Cloud. He had, in some way earned to be by this man’s side.



“The long version. Tell me anything, Sephiroth. We have nothing but time after all…and I am willing to listen.” Well. That was certainly a change. The comment made a small movement shake his chest, hitting his heart with life. Words were life after all.



After a moment, Sephiroth found his voice. “I was raised in a lab. I was trained to be the perfect little soldier boy, all for ShinRa. Meaning, I had to do a variety of exercises every day. Including…running. Machines were made, and I had to outrun them by the time a clock reached zero. Sometimes I was given more time, if I behaved. If not, or for no reason at all, the clock was sped up, and I was expected to get to a certain part of the training area before the clock struck its end. In a sense…I raced things. But never for something as simple as a game of ball.” That had been one of the many, many things that had occurred in his youth, as he was raised in the labs. He chose not to talk about how sometimes, Hojo and other scientists cut into him, without anesthesia, just to see if he could feel certain things. He was nothing more than an experiment to them, a beloved and wondrous specimen, a miracle of science. A little Jenova boy, proof that life could be mixed with that Calamity.



Cloud looked at him in a mixture of confusion, and then horror. Then, anger came over him. “Dammit!” Cloud looked away from him suddenly, and his hands balled into fists. A temper had been sparked in the younger man, and he had unknowingly fueled it.



“Cloud, it’s alright. It’s the past. Besides, thanks to Jenova…I actually healed.” It was true. The wound he had sustained what seemed like a lifetime ago was fading into a small pink circle of flesh, and in a few days, it might have disappeared entirely. It healed him, and destroyed him at the same time. Though, that might not have been the reason Cloud was angered.



Cloud looked at him, and his eyes were chips of ice, pieces of a glacier from the coldest places on the world’s surface. Was that anger…directed towards him? Of course not. “S-sorry. I just…can’t believe that someone could do that to a child. To you.” Sephiroth was struck by this. No one had ever…told him that they had felt sorry for what had happened to him as a child. It had happened, and that was that. From those exercises, he excelled in all of the tests SOLDIER threw at him, be it a trek up and down a mountain, or a timed swim in an indoor pool. The military had been his life…for he was raised to be a super soldier. No one had thought that he had wanted anything else, not even himself.



Sephiroth shook his head. “It is past, Cloud. Those people will atone for what they have done. I am not distressed by it. It only made me what I am today.”



Cloud looked at him, and shook his head, in disbelief, or in something that Sephiroth could not fathom. What was this emotion? “Damn. I knew that you were raised in labs, and shit happened… I just never really thought about it. Here I was, playing ball, and getting in fights…and you were training to be what others wanted. You never…had a childhood.” Cloud looked to the ground, almost as if he were too ashamed of himself, or of what he had just said to look at him in the eye. One could not be ashamed that they were lucky, or from the truth that had come from lips that yearned for honesty.



Sephiroth gripped Cloud’s arm, and made the man look at him. “Cloud…there is no need to be upset. You had a childhood filled with whimsy and ball playing. I had one filled with training and planned days. It is alright. It doesn’t bother me as much as it should.”



Cloud looked up at him, and gave him a look that could have been many things. What was he trying to tell him with those lapis eyes?



Finally, he spoke. “You’re so…freaking brave.” The words were such a deviation from what Sephiroth expected, that he laughed aloud. Brave? Cloud was the epitome of the word. He was the one who lived with sapphire skin, even when he had thought that he was poisoned. He was the one who endured the pain of the wings, and accepted the responsibility of both his life, and his own. He was the one who helped him out of his own nightmare, who held the once monster when he was weeping. Compared to Cloud, he was not brave at all.



“I am not brave. I think I’m a little…numb from it all. My childhood does not cause me nearly as much distress as one would think. The regret I have…well, do I have to say it?” Lapis met jade then, eyes meeting eyes, boring into souls. The regret Sephiroth had, was that he had infected Cloud’s life. Everywhere Sephiroth had gone in his life on Gaia, he poisoned, like the Bubonic Plague. It was airborne, causing people to moan and grip their throats, wishing for pure air. He was the Calamity, and a Nightmare. If there was one thing he could take back, it was ever infecting Cloud, be it with Geostigma, or his presence.



Cloud should have longed to be like Angeal, a man who was honorable till the very end. He should have wanted to be like Genesis, a man who had made mistakes yes, but who was undoubtedly good. He should have wanted to be like Zack, for he was the epitome of a good man, a friendly soul who was accepting of any and all differences. But because he had fallen under his spell, the supposed hero of Wutai…he had suffered. Appearances were deceiving. Beneath his skin that rarely scarred, and eyes that missed nothing, there was the face of a leering, black hearted demon.



Cloud seemed to sense his black emotion, those dark regrets, and he shook his head. “Sephiroth…don’t make me knock some sense into you. You’re not that person anymore. You’re not a nightmare any longer.” Cloud gripped his shoulder, and caught his gaze. Hell, Sephiroth could not have escaped had he tried. “Come on now, Sephiroth. Don’t be like this. I…I don’t regret having you as my hero.” The skin where Cloud touched burned, and he was surprised his body was not seething with pure flame right then. He felt hot, like something was stirring beneath his skin. Denial was a bitch.



Sephiroth took one long look at Cloud’s words, and at the man’s face, and wondered what he should say. What could one say to those words?



Cloud chuckled, and took his hand off of Sephiroth’s shoulder. “Sorry. You don’t have to say anything. However…would you like to race for old time’s sake?” The look on Cloud’s face was of such an innocence, it almost made Sephiroth retch, for once, he had wanted to strip Cloud of that innocence, and revel in the destruction. How could anyone long for the death of another, or for the destruction of purity? Cloud caught his look of inner self repulsion, and he smiled softly. “Let’s make it interesting. I win, and you stop beating yourself up. But if I lose…you can call me Miss Cloud all you want. Fair deal?”



Sephiroth looked at Cloud, and wondered how the man had become such a kind and caring soul. Though, he always had been. It was just buried under his hurt, and through being a victim of circumstance. He reminded him a lot of Zack Fair, and the way that he was always trying to bring out the best in people. He was such a happy man, a benevolence that even death could not smother. Though…Zack was not nearly as breathtaking as Cloud was in this moment.



‘Gee, thanks!’ Zack’s voice rang with an inner tone of amusement then, in his mind. Sephiroth mentally shoved Zack away from him, and felt a chuckle escape his lips. Damn. He had been wrong. He was no monster, and self loathing never did anything but drown the conduct in ill timed tears.



Sephiroth gripped one of Cloud’s hands, and shook it quickly. “You have yourself a deal.” He released Cloud’s hand quickly, before he was tempted to do something really foolish. Such as, focus on the man’s beautifully shaped lips. Or, cup the back of the man’s head, and in his shock, kiss him. The taste would have been beyond his comprehension he knew, an enigma of the mind and spirit, an intoxication of the spirit. The man was still his inebriation of blood after all.



Cloud smiled, and nodded his head. Both men readied themselves, and on the count of three, both men took off, pounding their feet into the soil, feeling very much alive. Things were looking up, and horrors were gone for the moment. Sephiroth felt as if he were leaving behind all of the past hatred, all of his regrets and pity, and all of the foul things that were better behind him. What was important now, was not turning around and looking at where they lay.



Cloud had never specified when to stop, so Sephiroth kept going until Cloud told him to stop. He answered to this man, and this man alone submission wise. Both men skidded in the dirt, and they kicked up dust, creating a fog like substance in the air. They were not breathing very hard, but it was mainly from being in such direct contact that made Sephiroth’s heart quicken. Cloud alone made the breath from his lungs escape.



“Who won?”



Sephiroth shrugged. He didn’t really care who won…but he would still call Cloud Miss Cloud, for no reason other than hilarity purposes. He liked seeing the man flush under his gaze, because it was a reaction that he had wanted from him, above all else. Nothing was wrong with that he supposed.



Cloud grinned to him, and looked to his left, as if something there had caught his attention. The man’s eyes had gone from amusement, to true concern. No, not only that. Horror as well. “What…what’s my bike doing here?” Cloud left his side, and jogged to the sight of…what exactly? Sephiroth saw nothing where Cloud was headed, nothing at all. It was as if oblivion had opened up, and had swallowed up his sight. He was not blind…but he was blinded to what Cloud was looking at.



“Cloud…I don’t see anything.” Sephiroth jogged to keep up with Cloud, and the movement made a sick feeling rise in his stomach. Something was not right with this. Damn. How could life go from being so carefree, to a world of confusion? The same could be said for whatever would come of this.



Cloud knelt on the ground, and picked up something. It looked like he was cradling something imaginary, be it changeling child or a piece of his motorcycle. “Fenrir…what are you doing here?” He showed Sephiroth something in his hands, and for a moment, a shimmer passed through the air.



Sephiroth shook his head, and tried touching where Cloud had looked. There was something solid there…and then he saw it. It was Cloud’s motorcycle, but it was in pieces. It looked as if a monster had come along, and had popped it into its mouth, moving it around in his mouth, chewing, chomping and grinding his teeth with the metal of his mouth. Cloud was holding a piece of the engine right then, and it looked like it had been through a grinder.



“What the Hell?” Cloud set it to the ground, and shook his head. “Sephiroth…this doesn’t feel right.” Cloud had said his thoughts exactly.



Sephiroth looked to his right, and saw a sight that made his eyes widen. There was his Masamune…but it was in pieces. The hilt was thrown carelessly on the ground, and the blade had been slashed in little halves, the strong metal blade broken into fragments. He knelt to the ground, and picked up a piece. Something was very wrong. His blade would only appear if there were things around that he had to kill. Was this the Goddess’s way of saying that he was…unable to bear his sword any longer?



No…it was just an illusion. It had to be. Though he could feel the blade in the palm of his hand, the cold metal on his fingers, it was not real.



“Cloud! We need to get out of here, now.” Despite the fact that the Masamune was now in pieces, Sephiroth held onto the piece he had in his hands. He had to protect Cloud, and get him the Hell out of whatever they had tripped into. Had they traded one oblivion for the next?



Cloud turned to him, and nodded. Then, for a moment, he paused. Cloud’s eyes widened in horror, and his breath came out in short pants. “What…what am I seeing?”



Sephiroth looked in Cloud’s direction, but he couldn’t make anything out. Something was there…for the air didn’t feel right. There was something dead in the air, something dead and odd, floating in the oxygen of this world. It was as if the wind itself knew that something unholy was upon them, something supernatural and beyond the realms of logic itself.



“What is it, Cloud?” Sephiroth felt heat on the right side of his body, and he looked to his right, horrified of what he might see. Was it Hell, here to take him at last?



No. It was only Nibelheim once again. The flames flickered and roared to life, like some gigantic behemoth who wanted to unhinge its jaw and snap him into his mouth, digesting him into the core of heat, burning him alive. This is what he had caused…and he saw it here, somehow, in a phantom vision.



This was all an illusion, it had to be! However, he could have said the same thing for the things that had attacked him and Cloud all of that time ago. Though, it had not felt like a phantom when it pierced his skin through and through, impaling him. Illusions could trick, and hurt, both physically and mentally.



Something trembled in the flame, and he wondered, in this plane of thought, if it was still an illusion. Was there something in there that he had to save? The thought was troubling, disturbing at best. But maybe…he had to face his regret by saving something in it?



Sephiroth shook his head. He couldn’t leave Cloud and go charging into imaginary, not so imaginary flames! He turned, and gripped Cloud’s shoulders. “Cloud! Snap out of it! What are you seeing?”



Cloud’s eyes were wide, and small tears leaked from his eyes. This made Sephiroth gasp a little, for he never thought that what he saw would make him cry. It must have been horrifying. The man was shaking, trembling, and his eyes were darting around, as if he could not bear the thought of whatever was to his left.



“I-It can’t be real…” Cloud shook his head a few times, and pointed with a shaky hand, towards the left. “I see…Aeris. She has this…huge wound in her chest. And she is yelling at me…screaming. Goddess…I have never seen anyone so angry. Zack is there too…and he is covered in bullet wounds…from head to foot. There’s so much blood…oh Shiva…my mother’s there too.” Cloud trembled from head to toe, but he was trying to control his fear. It was way easier said than done however. “It’s not real…but still.”



Sephiroth made up his mind. He gripped the piece of Masamune he still had in his hand, and he charged towards where Cloud was pointing. The man was terrified out of his right mind, even though he had faced worse fears in his life. Though, this was a terror from beyond, angry spirits and phantoms. No…demons with the face of pleasant friends who were in the Promised Land. Things that had no right to assume the form of another.



He slashed this way and that, and finally, connected with someone’s arm. He looked up, and was met with one of the goriest sights of his life. There was Aeris, that wondrous and now very pure flower girl he had reconciled with, with a gaping wound in her chest. It looked familiar…because he had caused it. Dear Goddess…she had the wound he had given her all that time ago! Though…it looked infected. It bubbled and brewed with a red poison, leaking and hissing as it touched the ground. Her eyes were wild, and her hair was disheveled. She looked like a demon who had taken over the body of a girl, possessed her into doing wicked doings. This was disturbing to say the least.



She turned to him, and grinned. Her teeth…oh good Shiva…were all points. It looked like she had swallowed up a huge mouthful of needles, and was bent on spewing them, like venom, from her mouth at any time. It was horrifying, to see the face of someone that he had respected look so…evil. Demonic.



“You…” her eyes met his, and they flicked up and down with large, wide eyes. Something was wrong with them…oh. They were…blacked out. Where there should have been white, there was now only black nothingness, tar and miasma behind her oculars. How could Cloud not see that this was not Aeris? “…you are not the one I want!” The thing aimed at him, and slashed at him with crooked, bent fingers. Sephiroth dodged her, and sliced wildly, trying to kill the thing. He managed to slice off a few fingers, which resulted in a wild screech, an ungodly scream to fall from evil lips. What the Hell was this?



“CLOUD! HOW COULD YOU LET ME DIE? HOW?” The voice was so loud, Sephiroth had to grit his teeth to keep from wincing. The abomination lashed out at him, missed, and ran towards Cloud, a wild and maniac glint in her eyes. Cloud had been approaching them slowly, and behind his back, he had the part of Fenrir’s engine. Cloud gripped the piece of the motorcycle, and whirled it at the things neck. There was a crack, but that did not stop Cloud. Quickly, Cloud ran towards it, gripped a fistful of its hair, and bashed its face in until it was still. Blood was everywhere, and the sight at Cloud’s feet…was revolting.



Cloud stood up, spatters of blood coating his face. His fingers trembled, but there was no light in his eyes. Something had snapped in him, something that told him that he had to kill, that he had to be wicked in order to defeat the wicked. Sephiroth saw the man stride towards an invisible someone, and raise his weapon. He needed help…for that was what he was there for.



He fought the invisible something, and a grim look covered the blonde haired mans features. He had to murder the image of his friends…and right now, he was more than likely making a mess of his best friend. Or mother. Sephiroth did not know what else was worse.



During this brief moment, Sephiroth felt a brush against his feet. Something touched his ankle then, and Sephiroth looked down only to be knocked to his back. He was dragged then, by his hair to where the crackle and hiss of flames were. He struggled, yelled, and kicked with all of his might, trying to lessen the grip of what was hurting him. Something wanted him to burn, something wanted him in Hell.



A face stared down at him, and Sephiroth nearly retched. Not four hours ago, this face had told him that he had to profess his love to Cloud, as well as cherish everything. He also had said that he was a hero. Now…Genesis barely had a face. He had deteriorated once before, and his face had been snow white, an ashen pallor that belonged on the face of corpses. But that would have been an improvement to this.



The face was kept up in parts, a skull showing through, as well as tendons and muscle. The left side of the man’s jaw showed nothing but a mass of broken teeth-or fangs-as well as the jaw muscle and tendon. It looked like a violin string, a thin strand that looked as if with the slightest movement, it would snap and the jaw would unhinge in its entirety. Two malicious eyes used this face to leer down at Sephiroth, startling him. He never expected it to speak.



The thing that resembled Genesis stood up, and gestured animatedly with a falling apart right hand to his left shoulder. “Look at what the hero has done! He has struck me with his own sword…all because he could not bare the thought of someone besting him in a training exercise!” The words were garbled, meshed together into a hissing language. It sounded as if the throat of an adder had spoken them.



Something struck him from behind, and he was thrown to his feet then, dancing in between the flames. Play with fire, and one gets burned. Sephiroth looked over to where something that assumed now Angeal’s form stood, side by side with Genesis. Angeal looked even worse, if that were possible. His stern face was split into parts as well, a macabre puzzle of flesh and sinew, blood leaking from where parts of his face were missing. Both he and Genesis stalked over to him, and Sephiroth raised his pathetic excuse of a weapon. It harmed the Aeris thing…why not phantoms of friends as well?



‘Kill them. They are not your friends. They assumed their forms. This is all an illusion.’ Still, it was sickening to think that he had to harm things with his friend’s faces. However, he could not be swayed.



A miracle happened then. The piece of his blade became his full Masamune, and he had but a moment to be shocked about it, before he was launched into a dodging and slicing battle between demons. The things were falling apart as they were touching him, zombies in nature…but more complex. An arm was gone from Angeal, and Genesis had a stump of a hand. It was time to finish them.



Sephiroth leapt in the air, and made a zipping motion with Masamune, one that severed both men from their bodies, from their ribcage up. Even this did not stop their screaming, as terrible and horrible as it was to say. Sephiroth choked back his bile as he sliced these things into small pieces, not stopping until there was nothing but gore, blood, and pieces of skin everywhere. He spit a few times, and shook off his fear. Cloud still needed help.



He ran from the curtain of flame and saw Cloud sidestepping something. Zack’s body was nothing more than a few limbs now, for the rest of him…was so little, it was not even worth looking at. Had Sephiroth looked, he surely would have lost his breakfast. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he was holding onto that, much less his sanity.



Cloud was swinging the Buster Sword around, fighting something, and all the while he had no expression. His mother. He was fighting his mother, and he had to kill her. Sephiroth knew that this was the own man’s battle…but he would assist if he had been needed. The only problem with that, was that he would have had to physically see where Cloud’s demonic mother was.



Mind made up, Sephiroth made a judgment call, something that he never would have done before this time in oblivion. He would have let Cloud see if he could handle the thing on his own, for he was a man and could handle it. However, he had sworn an oath to protect him, and he would not break his inner word so easily. He leapt into the melee, and gripped air, hoping to make contact with the hellish mother. One try, nothing. The second try…almost. The third time his hand made contact with something, and he flinched, realizing that the mother that Cloud had to fight was on fire.



Sephiroth blinked twice, not caring about the slightly singed flesh of his left hand. He saw the mother now, clearly. Her skin was a bubbling mess of skin, boils and charred muscle littering what little was left of her flesh. She was howling in a crackle and hiss of fire, a language that was barely decipherable. Her hair was long and flowing, becoming ash and coals all at once. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.



Cloud raised the Buster, and whirled at her, beheading her. Once he did that, his legs gave out. He was sick on the ground, retching and staggering, trying to raise his body to finish the job. Sephiroth understood. He had almost been sick when the Genesis and Angeal demons had nearly killed him.



“Cloud! I’ll finish it.” Sephiroth sliced at the fiery beast, whipping and slashing until the thing was still. He panted and shivered, not quite understanding what had happened. “We need to leave, now.” Sephiroth gripped Cloud in one arm, and helped him to his feet. The man leaned against him, and Sephiroth would have reveled in the touch had he not wanted to leave this pocket of oblivion, right then.



Both men ran, tripping and sprinting, trying to get the Hell away from the horrors behind them. It had begun with an earnest and innocent race, and now it ended with a run for their very lives. How ironic.



After a moment, it became clear that Cloud could not walk, much less run. Sephiroth threw both Buster and Masamune to the side, not caring that there might have been things around them. He could not hold Cloud and his sword. In a former life, he would have ditched Cloud, and ran with Masamune. The weak needed to be left behind had once been his philosophy. Love changed all of that.



Sephiroth held Cloud as if he was an infant, and he ran out of there as if Hell’s hounds were nipping and biting at his heels. For all he knew, they were. He had to get out of there, now, and the only way it would work is if he were to carry Cloud out of that horror fest. Sometimes even the strongest of men and hero’s alike needed to be carried.



He pumped his legs faster, caring only to get as far away as possible. The land flew by, and he focused on running, and on getting the Hell away. The sky was still black, and he knew that that was the reason why things did not feel right: in that strange area, a land that they had tripped into, there was no gleam of light in the sky. There were only a few slants of light of course, but it was better than nothing. Here, it was only dark. He had to find the light, and he would be saved. That sounded like a really clichéd philosophy…but for the sake of survival, it was necessary.



Cloud had gripped onto his shirt, as if he were terrified. Poor thing, he more than likely was horrified. He rarely knew a man that could kill his own mother and emerge unscathed. This made Sephiroth run faster. The sooner he got away from that memory, the sooner Cloud would be better. He would protect him, mentally and physically, from the horrors of this place. He swore it.



Sephiroth looked to the sky, gave a little whoop of victory, and sprinted with everything he had. A glimmer of light was in the firmament, and with a few long strides of his legs, he managed to find it. The sky was dark…but there was the light! It was beautiful still, gleaming and golden, a sign that he was out of that horrible place. He was safe!



A stitch in his side made Sephiroth stop, gasp, and set Cloud on the ground. The man was taking deep rasping gulps of air, as if he could not get enough air into his lungs. This had happened once before, when he had been poisoned by that hell beast that raked its claws across his arm.



Sephiroth gripped the man’s shoulders, and looked into wide, roving lapis oculars. “Cloud, we are safe. Cloud, breathe. Cloud, look at me.” He repeated this five times, and after awhile, Cloud appeared to have calmed down a little. He was trembling still, but a look of chagrin crossed his features.



“Sephiroth? That was…horrifying.” Cloud had spoken his exact thoughts aloud. That was horrible. He began breathing oddly again, and Sephiroth took a long look at the man’s mouth. His lips were trembling, and his mouth was pursed, longing for something. He wanted to kiss him right then, more than anything. He was safe, and that was cause for a celebration.



“Cloud…calm down. Breathe.”



Cloud took a few gulps of air, and closed his eyes. A thought seized Sephiroth, and he could not shake it off. He had to do this. Genesis was more than likely cheering him on right then, as was Zack. He would act, for he was not afraid of love. He was not afraid of a kiss, especially when it would help Cloud calm down.



Sephiroth knelt down next to Cloud, and before his brain, logic, and thoughts got in the way, he gripped the back of Cloud’s head, and kissed him full on the mouth. He bid for Cloud’s mouth to open, and he breathed air into the man’s mouth. He did this three times, and savored the taste of the man’s lips all the time. Damn, he tasted amazing. It was sweet, lips to lips. Kisses were sacred things, poetry and art in the making, the motion of mouths moving against mouths.



In between puffs of air, Sephiroth whispered sweet nothings to Cloud. He was found out for sure, that he loved him. “Calm down, beloved. Calm down, hero. Calm down, angel.” He never, ever would have said anything like that, had he not cared for the man. He deserved sweet words, words that would have a healing effect. He had to do this, there was no doubt about it.



After a moment, Cloud’s breathing was normal. The man sagged against him, and gripped his shoulder. Small, quiet sobs wracked his breathing, and Sephiroth gripped the man’s back. He had been scared out of his right mind. Who would be able to witness their mother in a birth of flames, behead her, and then emerge with their sanity, much less their ability to remain calm? Very few.



“She was…on fire. That was…terrible. And Zack…did you see him? He was…filled with holes…” The man had not the experience that he did with horror. A person could only handle so much before they snapped. No matter how strong a human claims that they can be, a person can only manage to grapple with horror and the fear of living nightmare and terrifying illusions for so long. Sephiroth just held him, adoring him, loving him all the while. Love rolled off of him in waves, and he wanted to bathe the man with it, calming him, soothing him into peace. He traced small circles on the man’s back, and hoped that this would help him. Cloud’s touch had lulled him to sleep once. Perhaps now…he could lull him into a bliss that would be forgetfulness. Such terror could not invade such a wondrous soul.



After a few minutes, Cloud separated himself from Sephiroth. He looked so ashamed, a lost man who had been dragged through Hell and back. No, the images were not that terrifying…but horror and fear was different varying on the person. Phobia arose in different levels of people. The man’s hands shook, and he took them in his own.



“Cloud, listen to me now. What you saw over there was an illusion. It was meant to terrify you. You saw your fears come to life, your fear of not being fit to help anyone. Somewhere, you still may feel as if you are responsible for the death of Aeris, your mother, and Zack. That blame is all mine, do you understand? All mine. You are guiltless, blameless. You are a wonderful man, a hero. You are not to blame. You protected yourself, and held your own until the very end. You are strong. Cloud, you are strong.”



Cloud looked up at him, and his eyes seemed to clear a little. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked around. The darkness was now something terrifying to him. That’s right. Once upon a time, he had been terrified of the dark. Now, it was everywhere, for it was oblivion. However, his skin had a light, and on his back were wings. He was his own personal nightlight in such a place, a purity all his own.



“Thank you. Thank you for helping me, Sephiroth. You saved me, once again.” Some of the chagrin left his features then, and his fingers traced his lips, as if he could still feel the kiss there. It left an imprint on him as well. “You even…gave me your air. Shiva…I feel so stupid.”



Sephiroth gripped Cloud’s shoulder, and picked up the man’s chin. “No. Do not feel stupid. A few nights ago, I was sobbing my eyes out because of a nightmare. This was real, very, very real, and you had more bravery than most men I have led into battle. You did not scream, and at the very last, you followed through and acted. You are brave, Cloud. Getting sick and weak is nothing to be ashamed about.” Sephiroth stood up, cupped his hands in the stream, and poured it gently on Cloud’s scalp. The water would cool his senses, and lull him to a calm. Also, it would wipe away the last traces of the blood on his face. That’s right…blood.



Blood was caked on Cloud’s cheeks in small droplets, a pattern of dots and smears. It made him look like he had fought his way out of a cage battle, one in which he bore the blood of another on his face. It was the mark of a warrior. Cloud looked at him, and began wiping at his face frantically, as if the thought of this on his face was too much to bear. It was.



Gently, Sephiroth picked up Cloud and began scrubbing at his face, removing the dried patches of blood there, blood that was not his own. Cloud closed his eyes, and two tears fell from his eyes. Was he still ashamed? He shouldn’t have been. Sephiroth grabbed them before they fell, and was half tempted to kiss them away, and then kiss the man’s lips. But right now, that would have only made Cloud that much more confused.



His face was clean now, free from the traces of the horror they had experienced. His skin was now a polished alabaster, smooth and supple. Perfect skin. Once, in his malice and insanity, he had wanted to mar that beautiful skin up, to where when he looked in the mirror every day, he would see that there was a reminder of whom he belonged to. How foolish of him. Such beauty could not be rendered ugly by a scar.



Sephiroth helped Cloud to his feet, and when the man swayed, he caught him in his arms. He bid the man to drink from his cupped palms five times, and then he set him down on the ground for a long moment. The man was spent, and Sephiroth knew that the title of the protector fell on his shoulders. He would help this shell shocked man, for he was now the fragile one. He would be better, it was just a matter of helping him.



The silver haired man picked up Cloud, cradling his head in his chest, and he walked on, looking for shelter. There were always caves, but for now, a large hollow of a tree would have to do. Sephiroth walked slowly to it, and ducked down into the circle of the bark, amazed that this was just here. It was no coincidence.



‘Goddess, thank you.’ Sephiroth placed Cloud’s body on his, giving the man direct body heat. He smelt amazing still, and his heat was radiating from his skin. The light and the darkness, contrasting, yet laying with one another. That was how Yin and Yang was born after all, a contradiction that walked and breathed.



“Rest Cloud. I will protect you.” He didn’t want Cloud to think that he would try anything as he was trying to relax. However, he needed Cloud to know that he was protected.



Cloud mumbled something, and then his eyes closed. His head fell back onto Sephiroth’s shoulder blade, and Sephiroth felt himself shiver with the contact. Before he slept however, he said something.



“I know.” Cloud knew he would protect him, and he was comfortable enough around him to accept his help. Things were different now…but it was for the best. There were no more illusions. All for one, the façade he hid behind. Had he any sense of confidence, he would have told Cloud then that he loved him. But, for this moment, it did not feel right.



Holding him would suffice though. Sephiroth would get Cloud through this, be his hero when he had not done so on Gaia. And that was the removal of all illusions.