Lovers Trust

Notes: Well… now to one of the tricky part of this story. Everyone knows what Seifer has to do right? And everyone knows that Squall’s the most stubborn person that walks in tight leather…


25

[Seifer]
Squall uneasily sat down on the rug in front of the fire. It had taken ages for him to calm down and trust their surroundings that Seifer had helped create. They had created a little cottage with only a living room and bedroom. They didn’t need either food or a toilet anyway. It had taken a long and painful debate between the two of them before Squall allowed this change. It was much easier to keep control over the barriers if he didn’t need to concentrate on keeping this false image of this cottage and himself alive.

Seifer sighed silently as Squall was seated and was trying to relax. The brunet was tense like a deer in the open, but not as tense or scared as before. Seifer had succeeded to change his own clothing to something normal. Only a pair of jeans and a sweater instead of his knights clothing. He’d figure the clothes made Squall uneasy. At least Seifer wanted to believe so.

“I don’t believe you,” Squall silently repeated and eyed the living room.

Seifer sighed. He’d told the youth everything that had happened in details since after the Time Compression. He had seen the face of recognition a lot of times, but still Squall was denying. Or something. He didn’t want to trust Seifer and move outside his protecting barriers. So Seifer had let go of the subject and said they should create some lighter atmosphere.

He was absolutely sure that if he only got Squall out of this little self made cage, everything would be alright again. Now, that was easier said than done.

“You could see it with your own conscious eyes,” he said silently, eying the brunet.

Squall just stared at him as if he wanted to tell Seifer that he didn’t have a head full of air. Grey-blue eyes narrowed and Seifer wanted to laugh at it. It was such a healing sight to look into those splitting grey-blue eyes that swirled like a moving storm as he got angry. His broad smile made just those eyes swirl and Squall thinned his lips even more, a frown wrinkling his eyebrows.

“I don’t…”

“Believe me? I got the picture, but what else can I do? You’re obviously too dense to even believe in yourself,” Seifer humoured and Squall opened and closed his mouth.

Around him, Seifer felt a sort of hum. Like when you felt the bass from some loud music through the wall at night. It evaporated as Squall looked away from him and into the fire instead.

Seifer studied his lover’s profile. He was beautiful, dashing, breathtaking. Seifer had never felt anything like this ever before. Was it because he new what he had to lose? Was it because he had lost the one he truly loved? This stubborn, prideful young man.

“You know you’re beautiful, don’t you?” he whispered it before he even knew what he said.

Squall stared at him with wide eyes. What was it flashing through them? Shock? Looked like it before he narrowed his eyes and glared. Squall almost jolted to his feet, fist clenched by his sides. Seifer warily stood. He didn’t want to be sitting if Squall decided to jump him in anger. Hyne know that the brunet had a temper when he wanted to.

“She sent you. Somehow she sent you and got you inside here,” he growled and Seifer almost sighed.

He could understand in some way why Squall locked on that. But why couldn’t he see?

“That is impossible, Squall,” he said softly.

How had Fuujin been able to calm that scared Squall? Seifer had a vague feeling he needed that ability now.

“No! You try to trick me into go out there so she can have me so that… they…” The words were cut of as all blood drained from Squall’s face.

His eyes became distant and his bottom lip quivered. In a flash he focused at Seifer again. The plain… terror Seifer saw in those blue eyes was gut wrenching. The air around him shuddered, just as the Squall form in front of him did. He thought he heard panicked breathing and heartbeats around him. If he ever had smelled terror, he smelled it now. And… felt it.

Squall backed away a step and his face became stone cold, but his eyes couldn’t lose that hint of fear. Seifer guessed what memory had stricken him. One of all those endless, nightmarish sessions.

“You should know that only those you trust could get this far. Not even Shiva could follow me the last steps, but it was Griever, you know? That big black thing that more than gladly slashes everything to bits if coming to close?” Seifer said silently.

He had explained all this before. Squall closed his eyes. Seifer felt how he was thinking. Felt it in the air around him. Squall knew that what Seifer was saying was truth, but he wanted to deny it. Who wouldn’t? Because, to believe Seifer meant he had to step out of this safe shelter. It also meant that he had to face all those memories and accept them as truths.

Any man would want to cringe and deny such things. Any one would. Seifer felt his chest ache again. This trip through Squall’s memories had aged him like nothing else. When he remembered his own anger and teenage manner and his stupid and silly dreams, he felt empty. How could he have ever been so narrow-minded? So naïve? But it couldn’t be helped now.

Squall glared at him. His eyes were blank and had a tinge of red but still it was anger, rage that twisted his beautiful face. Seifer gasped as the emotions he saw so clear in Squall’s form, surrounded them and pressed against him. It was like before, when Squall had tried to push him out again. Not so hard though, just like winds that constantly battered against him from every angle. Confusion. Denial. Anger. Fear. Rage. Everything in a haphazardly mass that didn’t know how to organize.

“It’s lies!”

: : Lies! She wants me to submit! : :

“You lie! Those are not truths!” Squall screamed at him.

Seifer could only watch. It was like seeing a full-grown man and a small child merge together in a tantrum. The storm of emotions around them started to make him sick. They were so powerful that he could not keep them from blending with his own self.

Seifer gritted his teeth. Squall had closed his eyes again and was hugging himself as if he would fall apart otherwise. Hyne. What would happen if Seifer really succeeded in his mission? He pushed such thoughts away. He took a few steps and was by Squall’s side.

: : Love is stupid, you die alone anyway! : :

“I will not… I could… could never love someone such as…” Squall gasped still clenching his eyes tightly shut.

Seifer embraced him again, as he’d done before. Squall gasped and became even more rigid. He opened his eyes wide as if in shock and tried pushing out of the embrace. All the chaotic emotions around them stilled and became concentrated to this newest threat.

“I love you.”

[Squall]
It was not true. Such things could not be done to him and he would never ever love someone like… No!

He fought those fragments of memories that shimmered at the edges of his consciousness. He would not acknowledge them. This Seifer before him was either a trick made by the sorceress or he was finally going mad.

But his presence felt so real. Squall couldn’t manipulate it as he could with everything else that he knew was part of himself. And he knew, just knew, that what Seifer spoke was truth. Griever had told him that this deep within himself no one he didn’t trust could come. Griever was there of completely different reasons that Squall didn’t want to dwell on. But the fact that Seifer was there and not Shiva, must mean something.

That he loved him?

No! Not true! Squall didn’t love anyone. That was just stupid! The two extreme sides of him collided and made almost physical pain whip through him. There were some strong memories in the outskirt of his mind that held strong feelings towards this particular blond. But there was also the stark terror against others that battled it.

Suddenly arms were around him. The shock of feeling that strong presence so close to him made him almost panic and start shoving against it. The embrace just tightened and Squall was about to protest.

“I love you.”

Three simple words that paralyzed him as good as any “break” – spell. In the silence of his paralyze, a hand started stroking his back. Down with a sure hard stroke that made his tense muscles ripple, up with light fingers that made him soften. Hard down again, making him tense a little, light fingernails up, making him relax and almost sigh. Squall gripped the sweeter of the blond as a strong thumb followed his spine down as far it could go. He had to lean against Seifer as the blond used his knuckles to backtrack the thumb.

Squall sighed deeply as Seifer restarted the strokes. He changed them just a little. Like shifting hand or place. The sure hand made him dazed and… comfortable. This was not the touches of one that wished to hurt. This was touches from someone that had taken the time to learn what his body liked and disliked.

Squall felt Griever purr somewhere in the background. That together with the sure strokes made him lull down to some drowsy half sleep. This close to this strong presence and warmth, he could relax. He shouldn’t but he could and he did. A deep sigh left him and he slumped against Seifer that easily caught him. They were lowered slowly to the floor without Seifer stopping his hands.

“It will be alright, Squall, just let it take some time,” Seifer hushed into his hair.

Why was he so relaxed in the arms of an enemy? How could Seifer make his body feel so safe and comfortable? They’d never been intimate, had they? Squall couldn’t remember anything about such things. When he tried thinking in that way all that came up was that. Pain, terror, humiliation.

“It’ll be alright,” Seifer whispered and Squall let go of his thoughts.

Griever purred in the background and the warmth surrounding him felt safe. As long as the warmth and strength were there, he had nothing to fear. It had always been like that.


Author’s Whining: Sorry for yet another tooooooo long wait. At least it’s not such a harsh cliffhanger this time, or? Aw, whatever.
I’ll try to have more confidence in my writing, as some of you have told me to have. Maybe it’ll result in the chapters coming faster… nah, who am I kidding! *lol*

Thanks again for you’re reviews. If you’re not an author you can just guess what a big help reviews is. I wouldn’t have come this far without the fuel from your words. Thank you!