Scandal

~*Part 3*~


“Jesus fucking Christ!” Zell growled once Squall was gone. He clutched his eyes shut, and whipped his wet spikes back as his lover reached to comfort him. Raijin wrapped an arm around him, and sighed.

They had all been waiting for the explosion.

“How long has this been going on?” Seifer asked, looking at the doorway Squall had stomped through. His eyes were concerned, and his mouth was creased with worry.

“Squall’s been here for about a week. I didn’t find out till the day he arrived. Both Rinoa and Squall have been keeping to themselves since your iageiage, the last time we all got together was at your wedding. You saw how they were then. It looks like it just got worse.” Laguna said, sighing as he stroked his forehead.

Seifer nodded. He could remember how the two were at his and Quistis’ wedding. They acted like they hardly knew each other. They hardly spoke, and both went off to do whatever they pleased. They danced once, and Squall returned to his seat as Rinoa went to find other dancing partners to continue her fun. Squall just looked away, and didn’t care. Rinoa proceeded to flaunt herself around, and Squall stayed oblivious.

“I take it, that you’ve all been waiting for this explosion?” Quistis asked, flopping into a seat. When she found out, she had freaked as badly as Seifer. They both felt instantly guilty for not making more of an effort to see and talk to Squall, but they thought it would be better that way for various reasons.

Besides, it hurt less.

“Yes. I talked to Xu, and Squall hasn’t had any breakdown, or any explosion since he found Rinoa and Irvine. He has been calm, and logical since day one.” Kiros said, nodding as he handed Quistis a drink of water. She nodded her thanks.

“So we just triggered it?” Seifer asked, sighing at his hotheadedness.

“It was for the best, Seifer. Squall was harbouring too much anger, pain, and sorrow in himself, for himself. He needed a punching bag, sort of speak.” Ellone said, she had her powers, but she had also found that she had powers of empathy with the people she knew and loved, which she used to her advantage. Ellone was able to read Squall’s feelings, and knew that her beloved little brother was moving closer and closer to depression, and possible suicidal tendencies.

“Is there anything else you can sense to help Squall, ya know?” Raijin asked, coming up beside Ellone, who looked at him. She frowned as she looked to Squall direction, sensing his feelings.

She then gasped at what she felt.

“What?!” Pretty much everyone demanded as she sighed, shaking her head.

“Just like we feared, ‘Guna. He is depressed, not yet suicidal, but is turning back into the same old cold bastard he was before the war.” Ellone murmured, looking at her adopted father. He clutched his eyes shut, and let out a loud sigh.

“You’re joking!” Zell hollered, flying out of the seat he had sat in. Ellone shook her head in her displeasure.

“I don’t know what he has figured out in his little mind, but I’m not going to let that bastard go back to what he was. We worked too hard to change that, and he means too much to us to do that to us.” Seifer snarled, getting angry again as he clutched his fists.

“Seifer! You and I both know that’s Squall safety mechanism. He gets hurt, he pulls away. For now we should let him do as he wants.” Quistis said, pulling him down to sit beside her. He frowned at his wife.

“Just let him play coward! Turn back into the prick that frustrated me to no end, and told you to talk to a brick wall?” Seifer demanded, positively livid. Seifer wasn’t angry at Quistis, but at the situation. He had half a mind to go find Irvine and Rinoa, and kill them for hurting Squall in such a way.

“No, Seifer. Quistis means that Squall has to figure things out. We have to be patient, and stay there for him, but we can’t force him to do anything, or he’ll just pull away even more.” Ellone said, touching his shoulder, and Seifer took a deep breath.

“Fine. But I don’te ite it.” He muttered, looking away from Ellone.

“I didn’t ask you to like it.” Ellone chuckled, and Seifer glared at her. “Come - I will show you to your rooms. You do plan on staying, don’t you?” She asked, gesturing them to follow.

“If that is - ” Quistis started to ask, and Laguna waved her question off.

“You two are always welcome. Don’t bother asking, and besides, we may need you. Or rather, Squall may need you.” Laguna replied, and Quistis hugged him seeing how upset the president was.

“Thanks, and we do plan to help him.” Quistis whispered in his ear before taking Seifer’s hand as Laguna released her, and then following Ellone up the stairs to their rooms.

The three said nothing, lost in their own thoughts, as the wandered up the stairs, and around the palace to the rooms. Ellone choose a room for them that was about two rooms away from Squall’s. She didn’t want him to feel crowded, but she wanted someone nearby too.

“Here you are.” Ellone said, opening the door. She walked in, and they followed. “I’m going to be blunt. I know you have been and still are in love with Squall. Both of you, and I also know that he needs that. Especially now.” Ellone continued, licking her lips. Seifer muscles contracted as Quistis sighed. Neither denying her words. “I don’t know how he feels for you, because he has buried it all away. However, you both need patience with him. You have to show the love that you feel for him, and not worry about the consequences. I know that you love him as much as you love each other. This may very well be your chance for complete happiness.” Ellone replied with a secret smile. The married couple just looked at her.

“Ellone, we can’t - ” Ellone stopped Quistis’ words with her hand.

“I will tell you this. Squall won’t admit to himself how much you mean to him, or how he really feels for you two, but I can tell you that he trusts you more than he ever did Rinoa.” Ellone said, with complete seriousness. Seifer had to sit down, and Quistis gripped his shoulder while letting Ellone’s words sink in.
“Are you trying to give us permission - ?” Again Ellone interrupted, but this time it was Seifer. Ellone shook her head.

“Not permission. I’m just giving you a key to try and unlock the door with Squall that you both wanted to open. You opened each other’s, but you still love Squall. It’s up to you to unlock the door, open it, and go through it. If you dare.” Ellone said, and let her words sink in.

Did Quistis and Seifer actually have a chance to pick up where the left off?

“What about Rinoa?” Quistis asked, her voice hushed as she sat in Seifer lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist as Ellone frowned.

“I don’t know. That is something he hasn’t figured out yet. However, that’s what you have to help him with. He doesn’t trust anyone else enough to talk about her. You were the ones that broke the wall he was hiding behind. Maybe you can break other walls.” Ellone sighed, half talking to herself.

Quistis and Seifer looked at each other, knowing they had a lot to consider and talk about. All of it concerning Squall.

They both knew about the love they each harboured for Squall, and somehow found love with each other when mending their hearts. Squall then married Rinoa, and they found that neither could stand Squall marrying her. Partly because of their own pain, but also because they felt that Rinoa and Squall didn’t belong together. They both felt it was just wasn’t right.

So they left, they tried to keep in touch, and did till after their marriage. They got caught up in work, and each other trying to forget the pain they saw in his eyes. Pushing him away would stop the temptation of taking him away from Rinoa, and be less painful for them to see the two together.

However, the plan backfired.

Royally.

“Squall needs you, and I know he loves you. How deep? I’m not sure, but it can grow.” Ellone murmured with a secretive smile as she left. Leaving Quistis and Seifer to their thoughts. They had a lot to think about.


~*@*~


The next few days were quiet. Ever since Quistis and Seifer’s arrival, my explosion, and the truth got out, everyone has been fairly quiet, and they let me do as I pleased. No one pried into me, and they left me alone when I didn’t answer. No one pestered me, and the servants left me to do as I chose. I didn’t understand the change, but I was as thankful for it as I was wary of it.

I kinda missed the attention.

I know that sounds selfish, and my actions are selfish, pulling away and ignoring them, but by pulling away, I don’t get hurt. I feel that I’m hurting enough as it is. Rinoa cheating on me then divorcing me, Irvine her lover and once a good friend to me, Seifer and Quistis’ return and their various states of emotion to my current attitude and such. I don’t think I can do it.

I didn’t go to supper that night, and I didn’t make my appearance till midday the following day. I was angered, but touched, by the concerned looks I received while seating myself down at the luncheon table.

However, they were quick to cover the unsettling silence of my arrival with trivial, neutral conversations. Ones that weren’t supposed to bother me, and hopefully, in vain I might add, to include me in their pointless jabbering.

I kept to my silence and solitude.

Every question asked, I answered with silence, a shrug, a scowl, a glare, and if they were lucky, a non-commenting grunt of various tones.

It’s amusing when you think about it.

The day before I practically out-talked Laguna, my father, in my rant. Frosty Squall was a spitfire then. Falling apart at the seams. Crying, yelling, becoming an emotional wreck. It’s what they all worked so hard at achieving. With their help, influence, and my maturity throughout the years, I became a person instead of a man that resembled an android.

Then, with a snap of the fingers, I created that shell I knew so well, my security blanket, and pulled it over myself becoming what I was commonly called in my teenage years: ‘Leonhartless’.

Funny, that I hadn’t forgotten to dto do it. Like second nature.

I know that it frustrates them all to no end that I refuse to respond. That I’ve shut myself away. Though they won’t press because they are afraid that I might pull away even farther - beyond their reach . . .

You know, I don’t think I can stay like this for long. As familiar as it is, it isn’t me. Squall Leonhart will always be somewhat independent, quiet, and somewhat of a cold bastard, but I don’t think I can ever fully go back to the death glares, long silences, and ignorant behaviour 24/7.

It’s only temporary, but of coarse no one told Seifer that.

It was five days after my outbreak, and I was sitting quite comfortably on a bench in the garden, just watching the day go by as I lazily sketched flowers, birds, and other objects on my pad of paper.

I was lost in my own thoughts. Considering my options, and really thinking about my past. Really deciphering my past actions, and why. One thing with silence is that you tend to start to look inward. Finding that practically every problem outward, starts there, somewhere inside.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the bushes beside me move, or hear them rustle till a shadow passed over me. I looked up to see Seifer, whose jade eyes studied me for a moment, almost like he was seeing what kind of mood I was in. He seemed satisfied with my look of thoughtfulness, and causally sat down beside me.

One thing that I found over the years, even while I had no contact with them, neither Seifer nor Quistis ventured far from my mind. I often considered what they would do, think, or say if they were with me a certain situation. Their opinions always meant so much to me. Probably even before I would fully admit to it myself.

When I think about it, they were the two that paid attention to me before I was aware that I needed the attention. Mind you, I didn’t really realize I wanted attention till I was almost twenty years old. I always assumed I hated it, but it’s reverse psychology. It’s natural for a human being to create a shield, using the opposite of what they truly want, because they fear the consequences of not having what they want.

Basically, I longed for attention, but fooled myself into hating it because I was afraid of being abandoned in my younger years.

Fucked up?

Very.

Though when you think about it, it works for everyone. We are all self-conscious about something, but refuse to admit the weakness, and create a shield using the opposite, to convince others and eventually ourselves, that we don’t have that particular weakness.

It works . . . for a time.

Anyhow, I realized that Quistis and Seifer were the only two that never left me, and persisted, even when I told them to talk to a wall. Which was an accomplishment in itself. Getting me to react in any form was a miracle.

Seifer has always been there. We have never been separated for great long periods of time, since we first met each other in the orphanage. Both around four years old at the time, or so I believe. Ever since then we were together, joined at the hip, and we never really knew it.

Well, Zell and Quistis were adopted. Irvine went to Galbadia, and Selphie to Trabia. Seifer and I went to Balamb. However, there was still that year period between us before I was of age to leave to attend the garden, but Seifer was there when I arrived. Ready to rejoin the hip as soon as possible.

I often wondered, even though he was a year younger, that he purposely failed that year to join me. To purposefully, subconsciously or not, failed to take his place at my side. Even though we were rivals (how it really started, I’m notly sly sure, but I know it wasn’t because of hatred) we stood at each other’s side many times. In many ways we were equals as much as we were opponents.

I know that Zell came later, but by then the GF’s had already mind-fucked me, and all my previous memories of my childhood were erased, or suppressed. I didn’t remember any of them, but how much of ones childhood does anyone remember? I remember them now after seeing them, and being shoved into my unwilling brain during the Time Compression, and I still carry Shiva with me.

I don’t think the Guardian Forces are as much at fault as everyone believes.

Anyway, Quistis then came in. I’m not fully sure if she came after us, or before us, but either way she shot through the ranks ahead of us, and became one of the youngest instructors ever in the garden. Quistis was the type that could do anything she ever wanted as long as she applied herself, and she wanted to prove she was worth something, because he adopted parents believed she was nothing. She did it, but ended up hurting herself on the way.

We all hurt ourselves at one point, but together we mended.

Now somewhere along the line she caught our attention. Even then, I think Seifer saw something in her. I know he was a bastard to everyone, and especially to her in later years because she was authority, but I think he truly liked her and was attracted. I know that even when I was playing my part as Frosty Squall, I felt something for her.

Just as I felt for Seifer, and I still do.

For both.

“Still playing the role of the ‘Silent Squall’, huh? We both know that it isn’t you, its some shell you just hide behind. Just like mine was the ‘Asshole Almasy’. It gets tiresome after awhile, don’t you think?” Seifer finally commented with his blue jean clad legs stretched across the stone path as he causally leaned back, letting his elbows rest on the back of bench.

I didn’t give him an answer because I didn’t have one. It was true. It wasn’t really me. A part of me, yes, but not me completely.

“Though it is a part of you, like me being the asshole is of me, but you can’t hide behind shields forever, Squall. What she did, hurt you, and you can’t heal till you talk.” Seifer continued, even though I hadn’t answered. He didn’t look at me as he kept his eyes closed, enjoying the warm rays of the sun.

As relaxed as he was, I knew he was becoming more and more impatient with me and frustrated as time passed. He never liked my silent ways. He loathed then when we were teenagers, but as we became friends, he calmed down and I talked more. We found a balance somewhere in between that kept us both happy and content.

I could see the tension start to filter up his shoulders, as he waited for a response. The first time I was excused because it was half rhetorical. However, the last one was meant for a response and he wanted one, but I still didn’t know what to say.

“Dammit Squall! I know you’re hurting! We all know you’re hurting, and we want to help, but we can’t till you give us something to go on!” Seifer suddenly burst out as he turned his body to face me. His jade eyes sparking with the passion he always had, but also holding an anger I hadn’t seen for a long time.

I had seen many types of Seifer Almasy’s anger. Mostly the frustrated anger, but there were others. There’s the tired anger, the humorous anger, sadistic anger, happy anger (Weird? Yes. True? Quite.), and many others. With Seifer, his emotions were often sided with some sort of anger. Or at least there always was, partially because I frustrate him to no end, and we are like brothers. You love, but hate your sibling, they say.

Now, this anger was one that I had seen only once. The time when an assassin, a Galbadia soldier, was hired to assassinate me. I was wielding too much power the asshole had said when we had finally caught him - a rich bastard that was a benefactor of the Galbadia army. Luckily he died of a heart attack not long after, and his son, a trained SeeD (who admired me and had an unwavering respect for me), became the heir of his power; he instantly apologized for the actions. Things went well after that, no matter how upset everyone was. I was alive, and kicking. No harm done.

I could still remember it. I had seen the figure in black too late to get of of the way, but I moved enough that it hit me in a region that was not as vital. Not a lot, but enough so that the bullet didn’t hit my heart.

Seifer was the first to reach my side, shooting at the figure to stop him (hitting him, and later questioning him to find out who he was), and them looking at me with the mixture of anger, care, and worry. Certainly unusual, but not easily forgotten.

“Stop this! I know I wasn’t here before, but I am now!” Seifer threw up his hands in surrender. He leaned forward, sighing before he turned his head back to me. “Tell me anything. Anything to let me know that those damned vocal cords of yours still work.” He muttered, and I closed my eyes, looking for strength and words to say something - anything! - to him.

“There nothing more to tell.” I finally said. It was true. There was nothing more to tell. He knew that I was hurting because Rinoa and I were divorced. I still loved her, but decided (and knew in my heart) that I couldn’t be with her for various reasons. It still hurt though. A lot of things hurt, actually. That was just the main one at the moment.

“Is that all you have to say?” Seifer asked, after various minutes seemed to crawl by in the silence. I simply closed my pad of paper, and placed it on the other side of me with the pencil shoved in the coil of rings.

I knew that Seifer wasn’t finished, and wouldn’t be anytime soon.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked, calmly. I didn’t see the point of making this a scene. However, Seifer was anything but pleased with my attitude and answer.

“Stop being a selfish prick and talk! That’s what I want! I know that we fucked up somewhere back in the past, and more then once, but we are here now and we want to help! However, you aren’t letting us!” Seifer exclaimed, shooting up, and standing before me. Poking his index finger into my chest with his last four words. I simply let him do as he pleased before speaking again.

“Maybe I don’t want your help.” I replied, and I instantly regretted it. I did want their help, and I did want them back in my life. It was just . . . I didn’t know if I could handle the pain again. Losing them again, or being abandoned again would be my downfall. I was just reacting to Seifer digs like I always do. Meeting anger with indifference.

Seifer stiffened at my words.

“Is that what you truly want? To be left alone?” He asked, his voice hushed. I could hear the hurt in his voice and cursed myself for it, but the sadistic side of me was happy that I was making him feel a minuscule amount of the pain that I was suffering.

I didn’t answer him. In one way, yes that is what I wanted. To be left alone, to wallow in my self-pity and anger. To slowly consume myself in anger, disgust, pity, sorrow, and pain. To eventually just wither away and be nothing but dust in the wind.

Yet, I wanted him to help me. To listen to my idiotic fears, and to help me get over this obstacle in life. To get over Rinoa, our divorce, and to forgive them. Forgive Rinoa, Irvine, the world, and mainly myself.

I hate myself for my mistakes.

“Fine. I’ll go, but you can’t hide forever, and I won’t always be here.” He said, his voice gruff. I simply watched the birds before me. Not looking at him as I heard his retreating footsteps.

No. None of us will always be here. Not forever.

Though I didn’t think he’d be the first to leave.


~*TBC*~