The Kisses and the Bruises

AN: Yay for updating quickly!! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I tried to write it as fast as humanly possible (for me), to make up for the long wait from the previous chapter.

~*~

Chapter Two: I’m Not Ready to Say ‘I Love You’ Yet

Squall signed as he walked over to his little beat up car, unlocking the silver machine and slipping inside. He set his bag filled with all his work things in the passenger seat before making the engine roar to life and he quickly pulled out of the parking lot, intent on getting home as soon as he could.

Squall was determined to put as much space between himself and the bitchy customers as possible. Supposedly, the restaurant that he worked fulltime in was a high-class place, but Squall knew better with all the losers that the joint attracted. Sometimes when a customer really got on his nerves, he wanted nothing more than to take the plate of food that he prepared and shove it in the customer’s face. He would never do it, the idea was certainly more than just tempting sometimes.

It wasn’t like Squall really needed the job; he still had loads of his inheritance left over and he had been working two fulltime jobs ever since he became Irvine’s guardian so he had tons of money saved up. His sole concern was making sure that the boy had everything that his little mind could possibly ever want. The brunet was always worrying that he hadn’t done a very good job of raising the child and that Irvine was constantly suffering from the lost of his parents; he knew that there was something the teen was continually trying to hide, but he wasn’t completely sure that it was from losing his parents.

Squall was so caught up with his thoughts of the boy, that he almost drove his silver car right past his driveway. Glaring down at the steering wheel as if he was blaming the mistake all on it, he slammed on the breaks and slowly pulled his car into the driveway. It was one of the worst parking job he had done in years, he noted as he pulled his bag out and made his way to the door.

Irvine would be home from school by now and the door was most likely going to be unlocked so Squall stuffed his keys in his pocket as he walked up the front steps. As soon as he opened the door, a slight burning smell greeted him. Irvine’s parents died in a fire, he reminded himself and called out to his adopted nephew. “Irvine,” he almost yelled panicking because he knew the teen was completely terrified of fire. “Irvine? Where are you?”

At not receiving a response, Squall dropped his workbag and followed the small amounts of smoke that lead to the kitchen. Just as he entered the room, the fire alarm sounded, making Squall twitch at the sound. He found Irvine franticly running around near the smoke filled oven, trying to get something out of it. The teen cursed rather loudly as he burnt himself and jumped back, bumping into Squall in the process.

Irvine swore again as he turned around to face his guardian. He had hoped to get the mess all cleaned up before the man got home and he couldn’t help his eyes watering at the disaster that a simple thing like making cookies turned out to be. Irvine opened his mouth to apologize, but no sound came out as Squall quickly brushed past the boy, grabbing the fire extinguisher that sat on the floor beside the garbage and put out the fire still raging on inside the oven.

Squall didn’t say anything as he put the extinguisher away and disabled the fire alarm. He noticed that Irvine was holding his left hand to his chest protectively as the boy fell to his knees and began to cry uncontrollably. Settling down on the floor in front of the upset teen, Squall gently pulled Irvine’s injured hand close to his face to examine the burn. He brushed the pads of his fingers over the ugly spot marking the palm of his nephew’s hand.

“I’m so sorry,” Irvine chocked out. “I-it was an accident.”

Squall ignored the boy’s apology; he was more concerned about the rather large burn that was sure to leave a scar on the teen’s beautiful skin.

Irvine found himself blushing, despite the situation; the teen’s heart simply melted at the intense look in Squall’s grey eyes as the man inspected the burn. But he quickly pulled his hand away, inching back from his guardian as he wiped away the tears staining his cheeks. “It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he lied.

Squall only stared back at the boy. He noted the flaming red colour of the teen’s face, wondering why he was blushing so much, but brushed it off to the fact that he had just been crying and was still upset.

“I’ll clean up the mess in a minute,” Irvine continued. He attempted to get to his feet when the unexpected happened; Squall reached out again, but instead he pulled the teen into his arms for a comforting hug. “S-Squall?” Irvine said relaxing completely into the embrace; he breathed in the intoxicating smell, a mixture of his guardian’s cologne, skin and the faint, lingering scent of exotic meals. He realized that if he was going to die at that moment, he would die the happiest person on Earth; the last time Squall held him like this was when he used to get very upset and depressed right after his parents had passed away.

“You should be more careful,” Squall said, holding the teen closer to his chest and resting his cheek against Irvine’s soft chestnut hair. One of Squall’s arms stayed wrapped around the boy’s shoulders and the other rested at his waist with his hand on the small of Irvine’s back. “Garnet would have my head if you died in a fire-related accident as well.”

To anyone else, it would have sounded cold and heartless, but Irvine knew better; the older man was just making a joke, trying to lighten the seriousness of what could have happened if Squall had returned any later than he did. His heart swelled in his chest, pressing up against his ribcage as he thought that maybe, just maybe he still had a chance to be with Squall the way he truly longed to be.

“I’ll quit my day job so I can look after you more,” Squall continued realizing that he only saw this nephew when the boy bounced into his bedroom in the mornings, demanding his kiss before he left for school, the brief time he was home in between jobs and then when he returned from work every night, always unintentionally waking Irvine up when he walked in the door in the late hours of the morning.

Irvine pulled away slightly looking into the stormy grey eyes of the love of his life. He could feel his heart breaking slightly as he gazed into the other’s eyes, noting the look of pure concern on his guardian’s face; if only he knew how he really wanted Squall to spend his time, the thought colouring his cheeks in a deep crimson again. “You don’t have to do that just for me,” Irvine whispered, silently hoping that Squall wouldn’t listen to him, just so he could spend more time with the older man. “I can take care of myself.”

Squall shook his head slightly. “It’s the right thing to do,” he explained. Rinoa probably would have wanted him to watch the boy grow up, instead of being the anti-social workaholic that he was. “I should have raised you properly, been around more when you need me, so things like this don’t happen again. I’m not much of a parental figure …” he trailed off.

Irvine pulled back more; Squall’s arms slipped from around the boy’s body and back to where they belonged as the teen frowned at him. Was that how Squall actually saw him? Just some burden dumped on the man’s doorstep when no one else was available to take care of him? Irvine gave one of his rare glares to his guardian. “I never asked you to be my parent,” he blurted out, his voice rising as he looked away. “I never wanted you to be.”

Squall frowned, lifting his hand to cup his nephew’s cheek as he made the boy face him again. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not trying to replace your real father.”

“You were never a father to me.”

“What?”

“I –” Irvine faltered, realizing that now was his chance.

Say it, the little voice in the back of his head screamed as he lost himself in those beautiful grey orbs. Say it!

I love you.

No, I’m in love with you.

I realized I’m hopelessly in love with you and have been trying to tell you since I was fourteen!

Just say it already!

“I –” he repeated.

Irvine closed his eyes, trying to get his emotions under control and to calm down his pounding heart. When he opened his eyes again, they were glazed over with tears. I can’t, he thought. I can’t do it! He’ll hate me!

“Never mind,” Irvine said bitterly as he pulled away, got to his feet and left Squall alone in the room.

~*~

True to his word, two weeks later, Squall was on his way home from his last shift at working as a chef at the restaurant. He explained that he needed to spend more time with his nephew to his boss, who was also the owner, so he could be a better guardian to the young teen. The girl had seemed reluctant to let one of her best chefs go; she gave him a handshake before he left, telling him that if he ever decided to come back, there would always be a position waiting for him.

He highly doubted that he’d take her up on the offer, but it was a fairly decent thing for her to do; he needed to spend as much time as he could with Irvine after neglecting him since he turned twelve for a new job.

He still had not figured out what the boy way trying to say to him. Neither of them ever mentioned what happened between them that day and things were more or less back to the way they always were. He thought Irvine had been so close to telling him what he’d been hiding all this time, but in the end, the boy only walked away, leaving Squall more confused than ever. Irvine made it very clear that he didn’t think of Squall as a parent; so what did the teen think then? An uncle perhaps? Or maybe something different. The whole thing just gave Squall a headache and made him realize that he barely knew anything about the child he raised.

The part that had Squall perplexed the most was the fact that when he was about to leave that night for his job as a bartender, Irvine stood stubbornly leaning against the wall of the entranceway, without saying a word, obviously waiting for his kiss. After Squall had given it to the boy, Irvine gave him a small wave and a sad smile before he returned to his bedroom.

The kiss, Squall thought. He had obviously failed at being any sort of parental figure to the boy. But just as he always had, Irvine demanded his kiss before they parted, like Rinoa and his father had done for him when the boy was still a child. If Irvine didn’t think of him like a member of his family, then why did the teen always want to be kissed on the forehead? It is certainly something parents do for small children only. Children. Irvine’s not a child anymore; he grew into a beautiful young man. He should have grown out of it, but instead he still stubbornly demands it.

Squall silently cursed for thinking such a thing as he quietly let himself into the house he shared with his so called ‘nephew’. He walked into the living room without a sound, watching the boy sit cross-legged on their couch, working on his homework while he listened to the television.

He suddenly realized that Irvine was more than just beautiful; it was like it was the first time he had actually ever looked at the teen. His eyes lingered on the boy’s face, noting the way the soft wavy chestnut locks framed it in an almost girlish way. He watched the way Irvine’s stunning violet eyes flickered from his homework to the TV as the boy looked his through thick lashes and smiled at some remark the character made on the electric glowing box. Squall’s eyes moved down to the teen’s velvety lips, loving the slight pouting look they had to them. It made them seem so damn kissable and out of nowhere Squall wished he had permission to kiss Irvine’s lips instead of the smooth skin of his forehead.

What’s wrong with me? Squall thought. I always thought of him as family. A little brother at the very least.

But he’s not, a little voice inside Squall reasoned. He’s not related to you at all. You just raised him.

But it’s wrong, Squall countered.

No, it’s not.

Realizing he was arguing with himself, he let out a frustrated grumble but was unable to tear his eyes away from the slender figure resting on the soft cushions of the couch.

Irvine looked over when he heard his guardian behind him. He smiled lightly at the fact that Squall had been staring intently at him; the look changed quickly changed back to a blank expression and if it were anyone else, they would think Squall was just being his normal cold self; but Irvine quick enough to catch the man staring at him. His heart rate swiftly increased speed as he thought about the possibility that Squall might actually have feelings other than parental care for him.

“How was your last day at work?” Irvine asked.

Squall leaned back against the doorway. He was fully aware the boy had just caught him staring like that and he cursed himself for letting it happen, but for some reason all Irvine did was smile at him. “Fine,” he said after a minute. “I’ll drive you to the academy tomorrow morning. And I have time to make you breakfast, so make sure you’re up.”

“What?” Irvine said, violet eyes widening. Squall never drove him to school unless he was late, and even then, the man didn’t like it; Squall didn’t enjoy preparing meals outside of work either, and he just offered to do both things for Irvine!

“Finish your homework,” Squall advised the boy, barely giving Irvine a chance to respond before he exited the room and vanished from the teen’s view.

~*~

“And then he made chocolate chip pancakes for me this morning,” Irvine said to Selphie and Zell, all sitting at one of the lunch tables in the cafeteria. “After the kiss he told me that he was going to pick me up from school too. He hasn’t done that since I was like twelve!”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Selphie squeed with delight and took another sip from her juice box.

“And you still haven’t told him yet?” Zell asked.

Before Irvine had a chance to respond, a tall broad-shouldered blond marched up to the table they were sitting at and slammed his fist down on the cold surface beside Zell, making him jump. “So this is where you disappeared to, Chicken-wuss,” the teen said, settling down next to other blond. “I was about to give up looking for you.” He went to put his arm around the smaller boy’s shoulders, but Zell quickly swatted it away as he blushed furiously.

“Hello, new transfer student,” Selphie said, grinning like what was going on in front of her was completely normal. “Sorry, I don’t remember your name ... ”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Seifer?” Zell half yelled, glaring at the blond intruding his personal space. “Don’t touch me. Go aw-”

“Zell,” Selphie interrupted with a devilish glint in her emerald eyes. “That isn’t a very nice thing to do to a new student. We should make him feel welcome.”

“Yeah, Zell,” Seifer smirked. “Better listen to your girlfriend.”

Selphie sat back and giggled while Zell fumed with anger.

“She is not my girlfriend!” The enraged blond shouted.

Seifer’s smirk only grew at the statement.

“Speaking of significant others … ” Selphie trailed off, turning her attention back to the silent brunet.

“Yeah, man,” Zell said. “Did you tell him yet?”

Irvine sighed. Last night he had marked another day off on his calendar with an ‘x’. Those were the days he has failed to tell Squall his true feelings. Every time he crossed another day off on his calendar, he felt a little piece of himself die somewhere deep inside his soul. Irvine decided that he’d had enough of that, not ever wanting to live through that ever again. “No,” Irvine said miserably.

“Tell who what?” Seifer inquired.

“Irvine has yet to confess his undying love to his male guardian,” Selphie supplied with a smile.

“Selphie!” Irvine hissed, glaring at the small brunet. “What the hell did you tell him that for?”

“He was most likely going to find out anyways,” the girl said eyeing Seifer. The blond only sat in his seat silently with an eyebrow raised. “Besides, maybe he can help!”

Irvine cursed at the girl in his mind, knowing she was definitely up to something bad. He didn’t know what yet, but in time it would probably be revealed. With a frustrated sigh, Irvine pushed away the lunch Squall had prepared for him, losing his appetite as he put his head down on the cool surface of the table. “If only there was some way for me to tell Squall that I’m gay without actually saying it to him, it would make it a lot easier for me to tell him that I love him,” Irvine said quietly, more to himself than anyone.

“What, you mean like having him walk in on you fooling around with a guy, or something,” Seifer suggested. “That’d be one hell of a wake up call.”

Irvine slowly raised his head from the table, staring at Seifer and grinning from ear to ear. “That’s it.” He said. “That’s exactly what I’ll to do. It’s perfect.”

~*~

AN: Ooooh. Internal stuggle awesomeness. And Seifer came in, yay! I hope you guys were able to realize that the title applies to both Irvine and Squall. And if you weren't able to catch it then I guess you'll never know. *Smirks*

This chapter is deticated to gingerbread men.

May 5, 2007:
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