Vincent's Horrid Poetry Hour
folder
Final Fantasy VII › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
9
Views:
1,005
Reviews:
30
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy VII › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
9
Views:
1,005
Reviews:
30
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Everyone Dies Part 1
We return to the library where the bottle of scotch is half-gone, the raven is unconscious under the chair, and Vincent is looking a little …well, tipsy.
Vincent: Welcome back (hic) to our bizarre programme. You don’t really need me to introduce this again, do you?
Death of One
Tifa: One?? All eight of us are about to snuff it!
No I do not own FF7…but this was just something I wrote.
Red XIII: …Clearly.
TIFA
In a quiet town
Aeris: Of Bethlehem.
With no one else around
A woman sat in the rain
Her eyes full of pain
Everyone was in bed
While voices whispered in her head
Cloud: Hey, I’m supposed to be the schizo here!
Her soul abused
Her heart misused
Tifa: I had tried to use it to breathe.
Her clothes where tangled
Her hair was mangled
Aeris: Isn’t it usually the other way around?
Something ran from her eye
Vincent: It was a spider.
Her eyes looked like they were about to cry
Her clothes where torn
Her expression forlorn
Cid: Her stash of porn.
Yuffie: Her buttered popcorn.
Aeris: Her summer morn.
Cait Sith: Her messy dorm.
Cloud: Her…sheep all shorn?
She was dead inside
For everyone she knew and loved had died
Tifa: They had? What happened? Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: (shrugs) Don’t look at me.
Cloud: I bet it was one of those damn Tonberries.
She had been soulless for over a year
None had ever shed a tear
Cid: Even though she served them beer. …And had big tits.
She didn’t care anymore
Fore nothing was in her core
A shadow approached the girl
Without a care in the world
Vincent: Tra-la-la, going to stab a girl…
He grabbed a knife
His plan…to end her life
Tifa: Why? Who is this man? Why is he stabbing me?
She looked into his face
Her heart didn’t even race
He lifted the knife over his head
Not a person stirred in their bed
He brought the knife down and stabbed her in the breast
Cid: NOOOOO! Not the girls! I spent so many drunken nights talking to them…
She tried to smile her best
Tifa: Oh, well, how nice of me.
He tore the knife out
He turned and left using another route
Blood flowed from the gash
She had known she wouldn’t die in a flash
Tifa: I hadn’t known I was going to die at all! Why am I dying?
Blood slowly started to trickle from her mouth
The direction she fell was south
Vincent: And what is the significance of this information?
She landed on her side with a thud
She had fallen into water not mud
Red XIII: Which ought to make more of a ‘sploosh’ sound, shouldn’t it?
Sephiroth: Well, it’s harder to rhyme ‘sploosh.’
Red XIII: I think your only options are “whoosh” and “douche.”
Cid: “She fell on her side with a sploosh, / Her last thought that she married a douche.”
Cloud: I can hurt you.
There she lay and there she died
When she was found, very few cared, even less cried.
Cid: (bawling)
Tifa: You’re going to build a shrine to my breasts, aren’t you.
Cid: No…of course not. (shifty eyes)
Aeris: Well, you won’t care anyway, because apparently we’re all dead.
VINCENT
When the light went out
A person did shout
“Everyone inside”
The people ran to hide
Vincent: Hah. Pathetic fools.
For the demon had come
Cid: Holy shit! Someone better grab a fucking towel!
And the man had run
The largest family had hid
Aeris: Leaving the others to fend for themselves.
For they had gotten their children to do as they where bid
At the door they heard a scratch
Yuffie: meow..
Something began to lift the latch
Cid: So much for that door idea.
The door swung in with a squeak
Something walking made the floor boards creak
For the demon had come
And the man had run
The demon got closer to the second door
Cloud: But he didn’t have the right CardKey, so he had to go shoot dozens of Deepground soldiers to find it. I hate that part of your game, by the way.
Vincent: My apologies.
It was the children’s life not their own the parents where praying for
“Vincent” Some one yelled
Vincent: Why is someone shouting my name never a positive thing is these stories?
The demon turned as if spelled
Red XIII: D-E-M-O-N. Demon!
A blond man walked in with a frown
The demon attacked the man and then fell down
A huge sword was imbedded in the demon’s heart
Vincent: Hey! Can we not talk about this first?
The children stayed put refusing to take part
It was then that the demon had decided to run
And the man decided to come
Tifa: (concentrating) I am a mature adult. I will not make this joke.
The blond man was weeping
The other man’s blood was seeping
His eyes where glazed
Barrett: Like a good doughnut.
His face was dazed
The bond man closes the other mans eyes
While he whispers “This is where Vincent dies”
Aeris: For the last time, does no one know how to use a Phoenix Down??
“He was my friend”
“Even to the end”
“May he rest in peace”
“For now he and Chaos sleep”
Cloud: Damn, I’m having another conversation with the voices in my head.
Never again with the man run
Never again will the demon come.
Yuffie: (snickers) That’s too bad.
To be continued…
Fade back to Vincent, slouching clumsily in his chair, poking the unconscious raven with his boot.
Vincent: I think it’s alive… Join us again soon to see more of us die tragically for no apparent reason. Does anyone know how to check a bird for alcohol poisoning? (takes another swig of his scotch)
We resignedly fade back to black.
Vincent: Welcome back (hic) to our bizarre programme. You don’t really need me to introduce this again, do you?
Death of One
Tifa: One?? All eight of us are about to snuff it!
No I do not own FF7…but this was just something I wrote.
Red XIII: …Clearly.
TIFA
In a quiet town
Aeris: Of Bethlehem.
With no one else around
A woman sat in the rain
Her eyes full of pain
Everyone was in bed
While voices whispered in her head
Cloud: Hey, I’m supposed to be the schizo here!
Her soul abused
Her heart misused
Tifa: I had tried to use it to breathe.
Her clothes where tangled
Her hair was mangled
Aeris: Isn’t it usually the other way around?
Something ran from her eye
Vincent: It was a spider.
Her eyes looked like they were about to cry
Her clothes where torn
Her expression forlorn
Cid: Her stash of porn.
Yuffie: Her buttered popcorn.
Aeris: Her summer morn.
Cait Sith: Her messy dorm.
Cloud: Her…sheep all shorn?
She was dead inside
For everyone she knew and loved had died
Tifa: They had? What happened? Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: (shrugs) Don’t look at me.
Cloud: I bet it was one of those damn Tonberries.
She had been soulless for over a year
None had ever shed a tear
Cid: Even though she served them beer. …And had big tits.
She didn’t care anymore
Fore nothing was in her core
A shadow approached the girl
Without a care in the world
Vincent: Tra-la-la, going to stab a girl…
He grabbed a knife
His plan…to end her life
Tifa: Why? Who is this man? Why is he stabbing me?
She looked into his face
Her heart didn’t even race
He lifted the knife over his head
Not a person stirred in their bed
He brought the knife down and stabbed her in the breast
Cid: NOOOOO! Not the girls! I spent so many drunken nights talking to them…
She tried to smile her best
Tifa: Oh, well, how nice of me.
He tore the knife out
He turned and left using another route
Blood flowed from the gash
She had known she wouldn’t die in a flash
Tifa: I hadn’t known I was going to die at all! Why am I dying?
Blood slowly started to trickle from her mouth
The direction she fell was south
Vincent: And what is the significance of this information?
She landed on her side with a thud
She had fallen into water not mud
Red XIII: Which ought to make more of a ‘sploosh’ sound, shouldn’t it?
Sephiroth: Well, it’s harder to rhyme ‘sploosh.’
Red XIII: I think your only options are “whoosh” and “douche.”
Cid: “She fell on her side with a sploosh, / Her last thought that she married a douche.”
Cloud: I can hurt you.
There she lay and there she died
When she was found, very few cared, even less cried.
Cid: (bawling)
Tifa: You’re going to build a shrine to my breasts, aren’t you.
Cid: No…of course not. (shifty eyes)
Aeris: Well, you won’t care anyway, because apparently we’re all dead.
VINCENT
When the light went out
A person did shout
“Everyone inside”
The people ran to hide
Vincent: Hah. Pathetic fools.
For the demon had come
Cid: Holy shit! Someone better grab a fucking towel!
And the man had run
The largest family had hid
Aeris: Leaving the others to fend for themselves.
For they had gotten their children to do as they where bid
At the door they heard a scratch
Yuffie: meow..
Something began to lift the latch
Cid: So much for that door idea.
The door swung in with a squeak
Something walking made the floor boards creak
For the demon had come
And the man had run
The demon got closer to the second door
Cloud: But he didn’t have the right CardKey, so he had to go shoot dozens of Deepground soldiers to find it. I hate that part of your game, by the way.
Vincent: My apologies.
It was the children’s life not their own the parents where praying for
“Vincent” Some one yelled
Vincent: Why is someone shouting my name never a positive thing is these stories?
The demon turned as if spelled
Red XIII: D-E-M-O-N. Demon!
A blond man walked in with a frown
The demon attacked the man and then fell down
A huge sword was imbedded in the demon’s heart
Vincent: Hey! Can we not talk about this first?
The children stayed put refusing to take part
It was then that the demon had decided to run
And the man decided to come
Tifa: (concentrating) I am a mature adult. I will not make this joke.
The blond man was weeping
The other man’s blood was seeping
His eyes where glazed
Barrett: Like a good doughnut.
His face was dazed
The bond man closes the other mans eyes
While he whispers “This is where Vincent dies”
Aeris: For the last time, does no one know how to use a Phoenix Down??
“He was my friend”
“Even to the end”
“May he rest in peace”
“For now he and Chaos sleep”
Cloud: Damn, I’m having another conversation with the voices in my head.
Never again with the man run
Never again will the demon come.
Yuffie: (snickers) That’s too bad.
To be continued…
Fade back to Vincent, slouching clumsily in his chair, poking the unconscious raven with his boot.
Vincent: I think it’s alive… Join us again soon to see more of us die tragically for no apparent reason. Does anyone know how to check a bird for alcohol poisoning? (takes another swig of his scotch)
We resignedly fade back to black.