CatMa

Disclaimer: I have no rights over The final Fantasy Characters nor is the script I based off mine either. The script used was acquired off the net from Movie script site.


Catma
By Sailor Poison
based off Dogma script

Chapter 3

Outside the Cait Sith building, a truck pulls to a stop. Zack and Sephiroth get out of the truck and look up at the very impressive cooperate building. They pat the truck and wave goodbye as the truck pulls away. Zack enters the building with huge smile. Sephiroth sighs and follows his gun trigger happy friend inside.

Elsewhere. inside a house, a phone rings. Unseen person sitting in leather chair answers the phone. Before the figure are the three Turks who stand waiting. Not far are the bodies of the previous home owners. Turks look calm but are scared.

Figure, “Hello? I’m sorry but they no longer live here. That’s okay. Bye!” hangs up the phone and stands up, “The girl met the prophets?” Tseng nods, “She could discover the truth any time now. I can’t let her jeopardize my great plan. But since you can’t seem to kill a mere girl, I will have to go to plan B. “ as figure walks out of the room, leaving the Turks with shocked looks.

Elsewhere at a MacDonalds. the heroes sit at a table with some fast food. Kiros is wearing clothes that he found in the trash.

Kiros, “I can’t believe what you people throw away. These are perfectly good clothes.”

Car of teens whip past.

Seifer, “Trash lover!”

Kiros waves back, “ Thanks! I like these too!” Looks at the others, “I have no idea what he just said.”

Cid, “ Means either you wear shit from the garbage or you need to date better women.”

Kiros, “Oh that's not so bad!” hands Silent Vincent back his coat, “Thanks for the loan, brother”

Cid snorts, “ Might wanna wash it first, Vinnychan!”

Kiros eats a McMuffin, “This is good, Better then what we used to eat, We were lucky to get fish and goat’s milk. What is this?”

Tifa, “Egg McMuffin. Now can you start explaining things to me?”

Kiros, “ What do you wanna know?”

Tifa, “ The creeps in the suits. Why are they after me?”

Kiros, “ These are the Turk Triplets. Not related by birth but might as well be family. They were evil from toddler hood. They would leave dead animals in people’s beds just to see their expressions. One day, they got killed by a random meteor on the way to Vegas.”

Tifa, “ Oh so they’re dead too.”

Kiros, “Dead people are all around. Now the Turks are suppose to be in hell. It seems someone major wants you out of the picture.”

Tifa, “Did those two angels do this?”

Kiros, “Not their style.”

Cid, “Hey Tifa, how do you know this shit is true? For all we know he could be working with these evil fuckers.”

Tifa, “ Well, Kiros, he has a point.”

Kiros, “ Well, the dead have not much to do so we watch the living. Especially when you people take showers.

Cid, “ Really? Death sounds sweet.”

Tifa, “Why are you helping me now?”

Kiros, Because, if I help you, then I might get what I want done.”

Cid, “ You want stock in playboy?”

Kiros, “I want changes in the bible.”

Tifa, “Why change the bible?”

Kiros, “Because I should be in it.”

Cid, “ Hey, I’m not in bible and you don’t see me bitching like a little girl.”

Kiros, “ Because I’m the thirteenth apostle. You’re just some pot head cracker.”

Tifa, “ I’ve only been told about twelve apostles. None of them were named Kiros.”

Kiros, “That's because they were all white. I was left out because I’m a black man. I want my credit.”

Tifa, “That’s stupid.”

Kiros, “Plus, Jesus was a black man.”

As Kiros eats his sandwich calmly, the three look at each other and back at Kiros. What they heard was a little hard for them to swallow

Cid, “ Now I know you are full of shit. Jesus was a kick ass white boy with blond hair and blue eyes!”

Kiros, “That is the dumbest thing I heard today. But I’m sure you’ll probably top it later. There was a big conspiracy. They decided that Christ’s message might get fucked up if people knew he was black.”

TiFa, “ Then why were you left out of the bible?”

Kiros, “I wasn’t important enough to keep. Christ being son of God had to stay. They just smudged some facts and changed his ethnicity. I was just an apostle so I had no chance.”

Cid, “Still sounds like bullshit to me.

Kiros, “That's last thing I heard before the good people say before they stoned my ass.”

Tifa, “ You were a martyr?”

Kiros, “ If that is the new word for brutally killed? Yes. You see I was told to go spread the truth. In fact it started out a great hit. People loved to hear about Christ and his message of love. That was till I told them he was black. Whole town turned on me faster then fly on shit. Lets just say I found a new use for stones.”

Tifa, “Why didn’t you just drop the subject when they started to get mad?”

Kiros, “Because to pretend otherwise would have been a lie. People just wanna hear about how wonderful god is. How to get to heaven. They forget Jesus was a person. He had friends and family. That is what makes most christians hypocrites.”

Tifa, “So you went to heaven at least?”

Kiros, “ Hell yeah. The brother owed me that much. I gave up my job and followed him around Jerusalem for three years without getting laid. I didn’t mind cause I got his message. The message was all that mattered. But people should know he was black. I figure, if I help you then powers above might help me.”

Tifa, “ Are you sure it will work like that?”

Kiros. “Well heaven is great but also gets boring. Anything new tends to get spread like hot fire. Besides, we know all about you.”

Tifa rolls her eyes, “ Right... “

Kiros, “When you were five, you let Cloud piss on your chest.”

Cid in shock, “ You dirty skank!”

Tifa, “ I never told anyone that!”

Kiros, “ He never did either. We know everything you do,”

Tifa walks out to get some fresh air.

Cid, very curious, “Tell us something about me!”

Kiros, “ You love to masturbate.”

Cid, “ Duh! Everyone knows that!”

Kiros, “ You think of planes when you do it.” Then exits the restaurant.

Silent Vincent stares at Cid in shock.

Cid, “ Not all the time!”

Tifa sits on swing outside. All this has just been too much for her. Kiros comes out and sits on swing next to her.

Kiros, “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Tifa, “I just feel as if my life has been open for mockery.”

Kiros, “ That is the life of a celebrity.”

Tifa, “I’m not special. I’m just a girl who works in an abortion clinic.”

Kiros, “ Christ felt the same way. When he found out who he was, he just wanted to be left alone. But he accepted who he was. I know you will too.”

Tifa, “ But why not a pope or a bishop?”

Kiros, “ Hats and clothes don’t make a person right for the job. The world might end. Jesus pulled us through last time. This is your time.”

Tifa, “ But why me?”

Kiros, “ I can’t go into it right now. The real question: you think you can handle this? Cause you got the ball.”

Tifa takes a deep breath, “Part of me wants to go home, Days ago I doubted there is a god; now I’m up to my hips in the most fucked up Christian mythology.”

Kiros, “ Please don’t call it mythology.”

Tifa, “Lets go poke the prophets to see what they think.” looks in to see the two are gone, “ Where did Tweedledee and Tweedledum go?”

They were inside your typical strip club. There was a rather willowy and sexy man on stage with crowd of people cheering him on. The sexy stripper is wearing a school girl uniform while the deejay blasts some music. His long brown hair is tied back in two pony tails. Cid and Silent Vincent watch with great interest. The dance slowly strips down to a small skirt.

Cid nudges Silent vincent who proceeded to pull out alot of cash. They show it to the dancer who comes closer and dances for them. Cid gives the dancer a 5, who kisses his forehead. Cid get excited and humps Silent Vincent’s chair.

Tifa shouts to Cid, “ What are you doing?!”

Cid, “ Proving to this vampire I like flesh and blood people.”

Tifa, “ That makes no sense. “

Kiros, “ You don’t wanna know. Lets plan how we are going to get to new Jersey.”

Tifa, “If I had a car, we could drive there.” Slaps Cid on the head but he is too busy watching the dancer. “We could go by train.”

Kiros, “Sounds cool. “ as he was also watching the dancer.

Tifa, “I guess I should handle it.”

Kiros’ half nod doesn’t excite her as she goes off to get tickets. The dancer’s gyrating on stage causes Cid to pound the stage in excitement. Both friends flash more money. This upsets the gang not far off who also want to enjoy the dancer. Especially since the dancer seems to be targeting Cid and Silent Vincent.

Cid, “Oh yeah.. Shake that sweet thing!” offers him a five, “ Come to daddy!”

The dancer smiles and he is about to approach Cid when Gang leader, Barret bangs his foot on the stage. He offers a ten dollar bill. Jesse, Wedge, and Biggs smile and clap. Dancer shrugs and goes in the gang’s direction. Cid gives a horrified look at Silent Vincent. Just before the gang leader can tip, there is an obnoxious sound of Cid clearing his throat.

Cid holds up a twenty. Thus the sexy slender dancer shrugs at the gang leader and goes back to Cid. Then a tip war begins. Barret pulls out two twenties. Cid pulls out three. barret hits his posse up for more money. Cid turns to his pal also. The dancer shows off hs stuff , waiting to see who will have the best offer. Cid wins when he proceeds three hundred dollars. Cid briefly sneers at gang leader before his attention is taken by the sexy dancer.

Barret was angry. He jumps up and produces a gun from his jacket. The music stops to the sound of a gun firing into the ceiling. Barret points his gun at Cid as his gang backs him up.

Barret, “ Yo, cracker! Who you think you are coming in and stealing all that sweet ass on stage?!”

Cid, “ Hey.. The bitch just came to the man with the cash and most to offer.”

Dancer, “ I am not a bitch!”

Cid, “ No offense sugar.”

Barret, “That bitch is gonna go to the man with the most. The man with most led in his gun. You and Vampy will soon be the men with most led up their asses!”

Cid looks at the dancer, “ Better get out of the way, sweet cheeks. I’m gonna have to slap Fat Albert’s ass down and I hate for you to watch.”

Dancer, “ Barret.. please don’t do this.”

Barret, “ Shut the hell up and get away from the loud mouth midget.”

The dancer gets clear of this.

Barret, “Now I want you to apologize to me. maybe I might be merciful on ya whacked cracker asses. Just say ‘ Please Mister Barret, I didn’t mean to disrespect ta in front of ya posse’ then I might let ya live.”

Tifa comes back to see that the boys were in trouble. She tries to rush to Cid’s side but Kiros holds her back. Cid leans against the tall silent one and laughs. This makes gang leader more ups
C
Cid, “You want me to apologize?”

Barret cocks his gun, “ One sorry might get you a quick death now, cracker!”

Cid zips his coat closed, “Why am I zipping up my coat?”

Barret, “Cause ya cold?”

Cid, “Nope. Cause when we start up, I don’t want my best shirt fucked up with your blood. Why do I know this will happen?”

Barret, “Ya delusional?”

Cid, “Because.. You just can’t get stains out of flannel, apeshit!”

The gang leader and his posse go silent. They are trying to figure out if they have any backing to their claims.

Barret, “ How the hell do you expect to beast us?”

Cid, “There is gonna be so much lead flying, not even ya momma will recognize ya. Trust me... the moment you drew on me, you signed your death certificate. You and ya lame ass crew can just kiss my ass on ya way to hell. Yeah, I mean you, monkey shit! Maybe if ya kiss my ass all nice, I’ll give ya momma a nice fuck at ya funeral to cheer her up.”

The gang is all mystified that this white boy is saying this to Barret. Not even Tifa or Kiros can move as they fear even breathing might start a fire fight.

Cid, “ Time to kiss ya assed goodbye, right Vincent? Cause my friend here.. He doesn’t use words to speak. His gun does all talking for him. My partner here... he is a dangerous killer. He is gonna take you all out before you even know what killed you! He is gonna take you out so fast, they will need to piss on you to cool the bullets off. Fuck this! I am tired of talking to you shit heads when I got some fine assed bitch to dance for me. “ looks at Vincent, “ Shoot then asshats dead!”

Silent Vincent raises his hands in a surrender. Cid looks at him in shock.

Cid, “ What the hell?!”

Silent Vincent shrugs.

Cid, “ You forgot your gun?!?!”

Silent Vincent nods,

Cid, “ You let me go on and on about how kick ass bad you are and you left ya gun behind?!”

Silent Vincent blushes sheepishly.

Cid now quite upset, “That is just so Goddamn fucking great! You think I would said that shit if I knew you weren’t packing?! HUHHHHH!?!?!?”

Barret, “ Now who us gonna fuck who’s mom at the funeral?”

Cid was too busy glaring at Silent Vincent, “No Gun? What kind of ex-Turk are you?!”

Barret, “ Guys, we have business to finish.”

Cid now all embarrassed, “ Can we negotiate this?”

Barret, “ Got thirty seconds to negotiate before I shoot ys dead.”

Tifa shakes her head as this looked grim for Cid and Silent Vincent. But Kiros holds her back still. He has a smile on his lips. Cid was still fuming at Silent Vincent.

Cid, “I can’t believe you did this to me.” looks at Barret, “ Please shoot the vampire first. Just shoot this mother fucker!” Glares at Silent Vincent, “ No GUN hey?!”

Then both Cid and Silent Vincent go into a trance. Both go to the turn tables Cid puts on some headphones as a familiar song starts. The gang looks confused. Silent Vincent takes the microphone and sings.

Silent Vincent sings:

Go on if you want it.
An otherworld awaits you
Don't you give up on it.
You bite the hand that feeds you.

All alone cold fields you wander
Memories of it, cloud your sight
Fills your dreams, disturbs your slumber
Lost your way, a fallen knight

Hold now, aim is steady
An otherworld awaits you.
One thousand years--you ready?
The otherworld it takes you

Go into the sand and the dust in the sky
Go now, there's no better plan than to do or to die
Free me pray to the faith in the face of the light
Feed me fill me with sin now get ready to fight

The gang go from being confused to enjoying the music. Barret even relaxes and smiles. Cid jumps in with a few lines.

Cid sings:

You know you will
You know you will
You know you know you know you know that you will
You know you know you know you know that you will

Fight fight fight
Fight fight fight
Fight fight fight

Tifa and Kiros looks amazed that the two could sing so well.

Silent Vincent sings:

Hope dies and you wander
The otherworld it makes you
Dreams they rip asunder
The otherworld it hates you
Free now ride up on it
Up to the heights it takes you
Go on if you want it.
An otherworld awaits you

The tension was offical broke by the well sung song. Tifa breaths a sigh of relief.

Kiros, “ I though that cute ass was familiar.”

Tifa, “ Who?”

Kiros nods to the dancer, “Laguna... “

Tifa looks at the dancer on stage. Laguna wipes sweat from his forehead as he looked relieved the fight was over.


~ go to chapter 4 ~