Death 101

Once upon a time there was a boy with silly gravity defying hair, and his mini skirt wearing best friend. Once day he fucks off and kills things for a while. Meanwhile, Girl goes off and joins a terrorist group and hides them in her bar.

Pretty impressive isn’t it?

Anyways, girl is in love with boy, has for a while. And just when she thinks everything will turn up roses she find out that boy has a thing for a flower pushing pink wearing hippie.

“Got any threes?”

Now put said love triangle in the middle of a forest and insert a worn deck of cards.

“No, Go Fish”

Oh did you hear the hate in that go fish? No Bitch, go get your own man or you’ll end up at the bottom of a lake.

“Queens?”

“Nope.”

I need popcorn. A fucking bowl of it. Its been, well I don’t know how long its been. Not having to eat or sleep can really screw with your internal clock. What I can tell you its been way too long since I’ve had some popcorn. Salty, buttery, yummy popcorn.

“Have any Kings?”

Oh the angst. You could bottle it.

“Damn it!”

Tifa loves Bunny. Bunny, for reason beyond me, chooses to ignore this and digs Aeris. Which is odd cause he’s known her for, well, not very long. Not that Aeris isn’t pretty. She is. In a hippie pixie kinda way. However, he’s known Tifa forever, and guys never could say no to a miniskirt. Therefore his mental stability is questionable.

Not that I’m not a fan of angst or anything. Ok so I’m lying. Hey, its not like I have anything else to do. Being invisible does have its downsides.

“I‘m sure you‘ll win the next round.”

Oh there are perks.

“Who‘s turn is it to deal?”

Ordering people to slap Bunny upside his pretty blond head hasn‘t lost its charm yet. Neither has waiting till people fall asleep and hiding their shoes in the freezer, oven, or tucking under someone’s arm. When the morning finally comes it all pays off.

Barret hasn’t been able to look Tifa in the eyes since.

“Yours I think.”

God, I feel invisible right now.

“Rummy?”

I could so go for a drink right now.

“Sure, you deal. I’m gonna so stretch and find something to drink. You want anything?”

Oh, Oh I do!

“Nope, I’m good.”

I watch as the hippie collects the cards and begins to shuffle as Tifa wonders off.

“Here let me.”

She jumps a little and hands them over as I sit down next to her. I’ve always had a thing for shuffling cards. I guess they remind me of my card shark grandmother.

“Where you here the whole time?”

“More or less.”

“You where pretty quite, something up?”

Hmm well, other then being dead in this little fantasy of mine, and really wanting a drink, my life is peachy. Pretty soon I’m gonna have to steal some fags. Which is why I talked Aeris into making Bunny head to Rocket Town. That, and if I have to ride with Aeris on an overgrown bird any longer I might have to kill something. I look over to the huge chickens that people here seem to think are fun to ride and shiver. This place is so fucked up.

I’m never going into K.F.C again.

Other then that this whole thing has been going well. Even Barret's uncanny resemblence to Mr. T hasn't creeped me out yet.
The A team always freaked me out.

“I pity the fool who can‘t shuffle with one hand.”

“Your changing the subject with your weirdness again.”

She’s gotten good at this whole whispering thing. Not that it matters really, no one ever seems to notice. Either their not meant to, or their not that observant.

“There was a subject?”

“What’s up.”

“Where are we going now?”

“You know where we're going Jack, What’s on your mind”

“Nothing, everything. Surly you would have caught on by now.”

Jeez, the girl just cant let dead girls lie.

“I have, which is why I know something’s wrong. Come on Jack, friends talk to each other.”

Ahh using the friend card. Doesn’t she know who she’s playing with?

“You do realise you just said you where friends with a zombie?”

“Your not a zombie, not a maggot in sight.”

I look around and watch Red lay his head in his paws while swatting his tail around. Why can’t dogs be that cool all the time? He’s listening to Barret and Bunny discuss strategies while Tifa starts digging though a pack for water, or maybe a noose?

“Fine, then a Ghost with questionable intentions. Either way it doesn’t look for you.”

“If you where a ghost you wouldn’t be able to shuffle the cards.”

“How would you know? Socialise with ghosts often?”

I hand the cards to her and start twirling the stud in my nose.

“What if I do?”

“And here I thought I was your one and only. I think I’m gonna go find a cliff and jump off it.”

“What would that accomplish?”

Nothing really. I mean its not like I’m here to do anything. Their all annoyingly self sufficient.

“Don‘t know till I try now will I? Probably find myself in some ghost eating monster nest.”

“Ahh lots of them around here. How unfortunate for you.”

“I know, my un-life is oh so sad.”

Bunny straightens, which gets everyone attention. I think the whole leader thing is going to his head. And not the one on his shoulders. I snort at my own cleverness and share my thoughts with the hippie, who in turn elbows me in the stomach.

“By tomorrow we will reach Nibelheim. We can stop there for a day or two, rest the Chocobo.”

He goes on but I can’t be assed to listen to him. Nibelheim…if my memory holds, which it doesn’t, that where we find the Valentine guy. There’s a monster in a coffin and you find him in a chest , or a closet, no it was a vault. Ah crap that doesn’t sound right. Something about stairs and having to collect something. Coins? Fuck wasn’t that Mario? Zelda? Why couldn’t I have broken one of my brothers fighting games? No plot to remember and violence galore. Nice and Simple.

Mr Tall Dark and Angst so better be worth all this thinking.

A Safe! That was it, not a chest. He’s in a safe. Oh fuck, you can’t fit a guy in a safe. Something comes out of said safe though, I know that much. Well that and you find the guy downstairs, and he doesn’t want to join you. Well can’t blame him really can you?

A few hours later and the sun is rising. After spending the entire night trying to remember what your meant to do in the mansion, and pacing around a dead fire I start to hear people waking up. Why the fuck do they get up so early?

“Damn it Spike!”

“No need to crack heads Barret.”

“Your not the one bein' used as a pillow!”

“Oh come, you know you enjoy it.”

Barret climbs out and storms off, as giggling can be heard from the girls tent. I look over to Red, who just rises and stretches then sniffs the air. He turns in my general direction, grins and nods slightly. He then goes off in the direction Barret went. I feel a smirk form, and again wonder why animals at home aren’t that cool.

A short time latter their all up and ready to leave. I swat my the dreads from my eyes and watch Tifa feed her chicken thing, getting it to chirp at her. God, those things are so fucked up. Fast but seriously weird. I see white and am grateful for my hair getting in my eyes. Maybe If I don’t have to look at them I can pretend there camels or horses.

“Need some help?”

My blindness is lifted and I see the hippie smiling at me. I swat her hand away and everything goes black.

“No.”

“How can you see anything with your hair in your eyes?”

“That’s the point.”

Maybe I could ride Red?

“Don‘t be silly Jack. Here sit down.”

He could carry me. Yeah that might work.

“Why?”

I push my dreads back and watch her reach into her pocket and brings out a long piece of pink material.

“Your joking right?”

“No one can see you. Just sit down.”

No fucking way!

“Screw that.”

I let my hair fall and try to escape, but of cause it wouldn’t be that easy. No, God has to have a good laugh at my expense every chance he can get. Sadistic bastard. I stumble, and fall over. I look up at the sky and make my annoyance known.

"I'm so going to get fire happy inside every church I can find."

“See? It will only take a sec.”

I stay still, what’s the point? I’ve already made an ass out of myself, why stop now? She goes behind me and curses under her breath. I cross my arms and wait for her to ask for help.

“Um Jack?”

That was sooner then I thought.

“Is there any special way to do this with your hair? Or do you just tie them together?”

After pushing all my hair behind my shoulders I reach for material and wind it around my forehead, then after securing the not at the base of my neck I push it a few inches past my hair line. That should do it.

“Isn’t it heavy?”

She’s playing with a few dreads and tugs it slightly then lets them fall.

“I‘m used to it.”

“Is it naturally like that?”

She’s looks a little serious as I get up and make sure there isn’t any dirt on my jeans.

“No, I had them dreaded when I was 17.”

“And the color?”

“Why so interested all of a sudden?”

“Is it natural Jack?”

Jesus, you’d think she never saw anyone with white hair before.

“Aeris what you waiting for?”

Their all waiting, so I turn to go but she walks in front of me, frowning.

“Jack, yes or no?”

“Aeris?”

She turns her head and smiles sweetly at Bunny.

“Just a second.”

“Why does it matter?“

“Yes or no!”

She’s starting to creep me out now. I have a feeling I know where this is going, and I don’t like it.

“Why does it matter if my hair is naturally white?”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, it is. Is it a crime here to be an albino?”

She’s silent for a minute, likes she’s trying to solve world hunger or something. Then again knowing her she probably is. Fucking hippie.