Madness and Mayhem with a dash of Chaos

Roaring with laughter, Mr. Cocky takes a moment to collect himself and cast Shield and Protect on Frizzy before handing her a video camera. Mr. Cocky pulls out a cell phone and quickly dials. After a moment, a cranky voice is heard, "Yeah? What the hell do you want, bastard?"



Mr. Cocky grinned, "Hey, Cid Windy-butt. I guess your memory isn't that good. Last time you tangled with me, you nearly died from...natural causes. By the way, how is your ass doing? Still having trouble in the bathroom?"



Cid screamed out every insult in the book (plus some that weren't) followed by, "Go fuck yerself!" before slamming the phone onto the deck of the ship and arming his warheads.



Mr. Cocky very calmly put his phone away, "Jeez, you change a guy's materia to act like an Ex-Lax once and he just never lets it go." A devilish grin grew on his face, "Thats ok, he sent Yuffie to me."



He cast an illusion over his robo kitties before teleporting them out of harms way, the illusion making it appear that they had never moved at all. As Leviathan sent Tidal Wave harmlessly over the illusion, Psycho Kitty grinned and leapt into the air, cutting the serpent's head off. Taking a quick bound off the falling Leviathan, he lands on Yuffie's flyboard, simply staring at her.



After a moment of awkwardness, Yuffie feels an extra breeze and looks down to find that her shorts and underwear have been stolen and sees a white cat leap off her board with the pilfered items. An immediate blush covers her and Yuffie screams, losing her balance and falling off of the board. A mysterious parachute opens, saving her life, but she looks up to find that a picture of her naked ass is on it. The ninja let out an angry scream that would make Chaos nervous.



The five WRO soldiers laughed nervously until four anti-aircraft guns were teleported in and a barrage of semi-auto fired rubber bullets were sent at them. One by one, all five were shot off their boards and teleported to the Electric Haven. As they landed, each was placed under a different illusion. The first appeared as Heidegger with a princess crown and tutu, a note stuck to his chest: 'I'm a pretty princess. Make me your whore.' The second was changed into Vincent, wearing his classic cloaked outfit sans pants, revealing Spider-man underwear. His sign read, 'Forget something, Vampy?' Next appeared a Hojo illusion, a note in hand along with his trademark maniacal grin, 'If you're smart, you will run away. Please be stupid!'



The fourth appeared as Lucrecia in a bikini, her note appearing to cover what her bottom didn't, 'I'm here big boy!' Finally, the last soldier was changed to look like Alladin's Princess Jasmin in a very see-through black mesh and a whip in hand, 'A whole new world of humility awaits you.'



Meanwhile, the five robo-kitties concentrated their four anti-aircraft guns on the SHERA, wearing down the shields with exploding shells. Cid returned the favor with a volley of missiles, "Nobody puts a fuckin' scratch on my damn baby and gets away with it, ya bastards!"



He managed to take out two of the gunners before the shields fell. There was a moment of stunned silence before Cid laughed, "That'll teach ya mechanical fuckers ta mess with Cid Highwind!"



The pilot's eyes widened and he let out a fresh round of curses as he noticed three of the robo-kitties loading special rounds into their guns, "Ya lazy bastards! Get these damn shields back up right fuckin' now!"



Two shots were fired, directly hitting the hull and sending shock waves throughout the SHERA just as the shields came back online. Grabbing at the mic for the speaker systems, Cid bellowed, "Gimme a damn status report!"



"Sir! Cargo bays one and four were breached but the missiles were nothing but empty shells, Sir!"



The blond nearly pulled at his hair in frustration, "Shit! Those weren't bombs! Get a fuckin' security team down there now or I'll have yer ass in the brig for the next two years!"



As soon as the words left him, every panel on deck lit up with warnings and damage reports before half of them suddenly went dead. Power began to quickly drain from the SHERA as the warheads detonated, the explosion sending the ship hurtling to the port side.



The entire crew was thrown violently, smashing against the walls and floor. Dazed, Cid looked up from the floor to find an enormously fat, white rat standing near him, a hand-rolled cigar in it's paws. The rodent grinned, "We just chillin' like a Disney villain. Name's Lazy Dead Rat, dude."



Fighting off nausea, the urge to laugh, and the munchies as a large puff of smoke was blown his way, Cid pulls a handgun on the strange rat. As he unsteadily locks onto the creature, something suddenly hits his hand hard, knocking the gun from his grasp. Glancing down at the seemingly innocuous acorn now spinning on the floor, he then looks up to find the largest squirrel he has seen in his life.



Lazy raised his arms in surrender and took a small step back, "Uh, dude? Back away slowly and we can all keep our nuts. My squirrel girl, Fluffy, there is totally about to flip."



Wide-eyed, Cid gave a slow nod. As he attempted to back away, he was suddenly surrounded by a dozen squirrels, the furred creatures appearing from the ventilation system. Fluffy angrily thumped her extraordinarily large tail over the control panel, cracking one of the screens just before another flashed on, Mr. Cocky's grinning face on the feed, "I trust you have enjoyed today's entertainment but it's time for your guests to leave. Don't worry though, Windy-butt, I had to raid several small planets but I have made sure that plenty of gil has been transferred to your account to cover repairs. Oh, and I picked up a herd of Chocobos and some Ex-Lax, just for a going away present. Buh-bye!"



As the screen went blank, a vast number of the large birds stampeded the deck. Cid angrily attempted to herd the Chocobos out but the Ex-Lax took effect and he ended up screaming curses and smelling like shit. "I'm fuckin' outta here! You brats can deal with the fuckin' psycho yerselves."



Muttering and swearing that he'll get revenge, the pilot began to steer the battered ship away, unaware that 'PROPERTY OF MR. COCKY' had been painted in bright fuscia on the side of his ship. As the SHERA turned away, the squirrels, now numbering over a thousand, and Lazy stole a few leftover materia orbs and hurried back to the surface.



Mr Cocky already had acorns, walnuts, and other goodies along with fresh water for his furred friends. Quickly tending to the wounded and reviving his dead robo-ponies, he flashed Frizzy a grin, "Have I ever mentioned that you should never underestimate an angry girl, especially an angry squirrel girl with an army?"



A muffled noise drew attention to a very angry Yuffie, bound and gagged with a bruised tushie. Lazy Dead Rat grinned as he shuffled towards the ninja, blowing several puffs of smoke into her face. The young woman seemed to mellow out just as the white cat appeared once again. As she approached the bound girl, the feline shifted, taking the form of a very voluptuous, white-haired, sky-clad woman, "Hi there girlie. My name's Happy in polite company but I think you can call me by my real name, Slut Kitty. How 'bout you and I go relax somewhere, hm?"



Without really waiting for an answer from the dazed Yuffie, the woman took hold of one of the ropes and carried her into a nearby tent. A blush arose on Frizz's face as intimate sounds soon drifted toward them and she turned a heavy glare to Mr. Cocky. His hands rose in mock surrender, "What?! I didn't tell her to do that! You know how she gets."



Several moments after the sounds had died down, a very content Happy Kitty left the tent, "Poor dear's exhausted. She's gonna need a nap for a while."



Mr. Cocky gave a laugh as the woman changed back into a white cat and settled protectively in front of the tent. He turns toward the direction of the Electric Haven, pulling a megaphone from one of his bags, "OH LITTLE GIIIIRRRRL! COME OUT AND PLAAAAYYYYY!"



"Must you scream so loud? Or are you actually trying to wake the dead?"



Several pairs of eyes turned to find Sephiroth, former General of the Shinra army, approaching. Lazy gave a grin around his 'cigar', "Nah, iz alright, dude. I'm already awake."



The silver-haired man ignored the rodent, instead fixing Mr. Cocky with a glare, "You know I would rather kill you than look at you."



Mr. Cocky grinned, "Of course you do, but remember, the authoress is my fiance. I am sure that as much as you thoroughly enjoyed your quality time with Death Penalty, you really don't want me to give her anymore ideas do you Sephy?"



Sephiroth gave a low growl before turning to survey the battlefield, "I see no reason why this mockery of war needs my presence."



"Ah, but you need to learn to relax Sephy! Let's have some fun!" With that said, Mr. Cocky shattered a potion bottle at the General's feet, a cloud of green smoke enveloping the man. As the smoke cleared, Sephiroth realized that he was no longer his normal 6'1" but now over 15 feet tall. A familiar muttering reaches his ears and he glares down at the small tent, "The annoying ninja brat!"



An evil smirk grows on his face as he lifts a large booted foot, aiming it just over the tent. Happy Kitty let out an angry yowl and furiously lept into the air as she changed to her human form, her clawed hands slashing through his pants and into his crotch. The General let out a roar of pain just as Fuzzy and her squirrel army looped a rope around his legs, causing him to lose his balance and topple over. Happy immediately moved up to his chest, placing bloody claws on his throat, "Mine, bitch!" She hissed.



Yuffie, awakened by the noise, stares with wide eyes at the scene, "Um...what's he doing here?"



Mr. Cocky chuckled, "Just getting himself into trouble with a very possessive feline. And how are you feeling my dear?"



The ninja blushed as Happy walked over, disgusted with the tainted blood on her hand. Yuffie gave the woman a shy smile as she quickly found a towel and helped to remove the blood, "I don't think I could fight against you, Happy."



The white-haired woman purred at the attention as Mr. Cocky clapped his hands, calling the attention of his army, "Alright everyone. Little Sapphy should be here soon. Let's get ready!"



The squirrels, cats, robotic animals, and even the smoking rat stood at attention. Mr. Cocky casts one more illusion, making their numbers appear four times what they were. Frizzy rolled her eyes, "Must you overdo everything, dear?"



"Yes! I wouldn't be me otherwise!" Turning his attention to the largest squirrel, he asks, "Are all the party favors ready?" Fuzzy chittered happily and thumped her tail twice. Mr. Cocky gave a wide grin, "Alright! Party on, people!"