What's Left Of Me

Author's Notes: Almost two weeks since an update! Oi! It has indeed been crazy in my life however, so it's excusible. :D

So, LEMON! And I apologize now for any grammer or jumpy story things. I've been working on this every second I got for weeks, and It's not 3:40am on the east coast. I'm exhausted!!! Hopefully you all enjoy it anyway.

I'm finding it easier and easier to write Squall. Maybe because I'm a better uke writer as opposed to seme, but that's just it is.

Also, fun fact! All of the chapters up to this point have been minus 2000 words. I am very pleased to say that this chapter in it's finished state is 5,224 words long. Shows that I actually gave a damn about this chapter!

Lyrics: Come Clean - Hilary Duff http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hilaryduff/comeclean.html

As always, reviews are welcome, flames will be transformed into a ball of yarn for my kittens to play with.

III

Squall Leonheart could barely control the shiver that raked his body, and the night's rain had nothing to do with it.

He stared up at the jade green eyes that had haunted his dreams for months now as they glimmered back at him, real and in the flesh. He wanted to ask so many questions: Is this a dream (and if it was he never wanted to wake up)? What was Laguna doing here? Maybe it was all a prank, and Irvine had dyed his hair, gotten some green contacts and really dressed to impress him? Squall couldn't organize the amount of scenarios in his brain long enough to recover his motor skills and inquire about it.

"What are you doing here?" Laguna's voice cut through his reverie with concern, his hold against his chest still holding him firmly to the outer wall of the palace.

Now Squall was shivering, this time from the cold, drenched clothing that clung to his lithe frame. His jaw chattered when he found his voice. "I think I should be asking you that question."

His body felt mildly warmer when Laguna offered him a modest smile. "I'm the President of Esthar, and you are the intruder that's been lurking around the palace all night." Laguna chuckled at his own little joke. "How did you manage to stay out of sight for so long?"

Squall shrugged his shoulders the best he could under the pressure of Laguna's toned arm. "I'm a mercenary. That's what I do." This was unreal. This dream was far too authentic. The shadows of the sunless sky made the older man's eyes practically glow in the dark, and the pouring rain matted his ebony hair to his ivory colored face, the excess water rolling lifelessly down the curve of his jaw line.

Finally, Laguna's arm slid from his chest, his fingers awkwardly entwining softly with his own and pulled him off the concrete barrier. Gemstone eyes smiled into his, "Come inside, Squall. Let's get you dried up."

Squall couldn't begin to explain why he wordlessly followed the man out of the unrelenting storm nearly hand in hand, allowing himself to be escorted through the damped lawn. He felt the weight of the earth shift beneath his boot-clad feet, obeying the man he thought only existed in his erotic fantasies. Hell, if he hadn't known any better, Squall would have began to think that he had made up this person altogether. He stepped through all of the doors that Laguna held open for him, and he never complained about the floors being wet from his dank person.

They continued in silence until they had reached what Squall had assumed Laguna's office, upon entering, he had concluded correctly. A dark oak desk sat front and center, a mahogany leather chair behind it. Beyond that, a large window that over-looked the city of Esthar, accompanied by an equally wide window seat. To their right was a series of bookshelves made from the same wood as Laguna's desk, a small end table with a vintage looking lamp and armchair next to it. In front of the desk were two black cushioned chairs, more than likely for small meetings. To the left was a small living area: a cream colored couch and glass top coffee table sat against the far wall, and a brown leather recliner sat on the other side of the coffee table facing a small flat-screen TV Accents of plants and pictures were throughout the room. Squall debated whether or not Laguna slept here.

His hand was cold again, Laguna's fingers leaving his as he went off to the left and around the corner, coming back with a plush white towel.

'There's a bathroom here too?'

Squall thought he was just going to hand him the towel so he could dry himself off. He wasn't expecting the older man to reach out with the towel, slowly wiping off the stilled water droplets from the outside off of his no doubt shocked face. He followed Laguna's motions with the towel as it came along his jaw line, tracing patterns over his exposed neck, finally coming up to his head, where Laguna left the towel and began walking toward his desk.

"The bathroom is just through the doors by the TV Help yourself to a shower and a change of clothes." Laguna offered.

Squall had to admit, a hot shower after being out in the chilling rain all night sounded inviting indeed, but how was he supposed to take a shower knowing that the man of his dreams was only in the next room? He scrunched his face a bit, something in his subconscious was screaming at him.

Laguna was back in front of him, and Squall nearly moaned at the simple touch of the back of his hand on his cheek. "Unless, you want me to help you?"

Squall swallowed thickly before letting his jaw drop. Now he knew he must be dreaming. No one, most especially a certain president of a certain country that he had erotic visions about, just outright offered to undress and shower with people. His stomach was doing flip-flops when he realized Laguna was practically on top of him, gazing down at him with a hopeful look in his gemstone eyes and lips hovering just above his own.

"If this is another one of my dreams, I never want to wake up." Laguna's confession came just preceding his descending lips. Before Squall could laugh about the irony of Laguna's statement he was kissing him back, consenting to Laguna's more than polite tongue asking for entrance to his own moist cavern.

"I think it would be better if I just went alone." Squall protested in between gasps for air. He managed to get himself untangled from Laguna's persuading lips and disappear into the bathroom behind him swiftly enough, shutting the door firmly behind him and sliding down the back of it. He brought his hands to his face. 'What the hell is going on here?' He rubbed his eyes and blinked. This was another dream, that was the only logical explanation for everything that was going on in his head right now. That had to be the only logical reason why Laguna Loire was standing on the other side of the door he was holding in place, why he was kissing him, and even offering to take a shower with him. He shook his head of the last thought, not thrilled about the excited jolt in sent his lower body.

Slowly he stood and walked over to the shower. He raised an eyebrow at the glass door before opening it and setting the water's temperature and letting the water run for a moment.

Squall turned and noted that, as Laguna had said, was a pair of black silk pajama pants in the middle of the two sink counter top with a golden trim around the waistline and leg holes. Folded next to them was a black sleep tank. Across from the sinks was a full-sized pristine white bathtub equipped with jacuzzi jets, and next to that, the toilet and a small linen closet. All of this sat upon a pearly pink tile flooring with ivory pained walls and what looked like cherry blossom wall art displayed here and there.

Above the two person sink hung an elongated mirror in which he watched his reflection as he stripped each layer of drenched clothing from his body. It was then Squall decided that he looked like a drowned stray cat. His brown, mostly unruly hair was plastered to the sides of his face as it dried. The fur on his coat looked like road kill, matted and beaten to death. The shirt underneath he may as well have not been wearing; it was soaked through completely making it blatantly obvious of his raging muscles and peaked nipples. His pants, already acting as a second skin to his toned body was even harder to shimmy out of with the damp leather sticking to his legs. His boots and belts were set to the side with the rest of his clothing in a mass pile of wetness.

Steam began fogging the mirror when Squall stepped into his scorching shower. He hissed slightly as the beating water played contrast to his cooled skin, quickly warming his chilled muscles. Relaxing under the water's torment, he rested his head on the shower's coldish glass.

"This is too much," he muttered, "Just what exactly am I supposed to do now?" He briefly thought of escaping, but this was the presidential palace he was talking about, they didn't just leave trap doors and secret passages lying around, unlike the fool of a general Caraway.

This had secretly been everything he had been hoping for, wasn't it? He was supposed to find his dream lover and live happily-ever-after. Squall couldn't recall when he had begun believing in such fairy tales, or when he really thought he needed someone else in his life other than himself to care for him, and part of him still felt he didn't, but the physical companionship . . . that's what he wanted, he thought, and Laguna seemed like just the right person. He would more than likely never see him again, and on the off chance he did, he would be able to continue this . . . whatever it was.

Thinking like that, however, made Squall twinge. Laguna wasn't just a person per se. There had to be a reason for the relentless dreaming, after all. He ran his hands through his hair, lathering the shampoo through his roots and working it with his fingertips. A soft moan escaped his lips as they massaged his scalp. He imagined Laguna's fingers in his hair, tugging gently and sliding his water-slicked body over his. He imagined lips sucking the droplets from his neck as he left marks along his skin and a cock hardening against his back.

Squall's cock twitched, bringing him out of his small daydream. He threw his head back in the spray, rinsing himself of his thoughts and suds. He watched intently as the water spiraled down the drain and mixed in with the unused soap and smiled a bit. Even if this was going to be a one night thing, it was going to happen.

He wanted to sleep with Laguna. He wanted answers. Maybe, just maybe he would find them in the arms of the president. He knew he sounded silly, but it wasn't often his dreams waltzed into his life, much less in the form of a beautiful raven-haired man with jade green eyes and barely an age line on his flawless face. Squall turned the nozzle to the water off, shaking his head much like a puppy after a bath before stepping out and running a towel through his hair, then over his body. He grabbed the laid out attire and slithered his legs into the silk bottoms, which clung very nicely to his ass, but hung loose everywhere else, before slipping on the black tank top, which also didn't leave much to the imagination. Taking a deep breath, he opened the bathroom door with no real plan of any sort, but with the intentions of getting both things he desired. He was relieved to see Laguna sitting behind his desk at the window seat, staring down at his advanced city. Squall thought he must not have heard him coming as he sat down at the other end of the cushioned seating and looked out over Esthar for the first time.

III

Shortly after he has heard Squall turn on the water to the shower, Laguna found himself confused. Everything had happened to quickly! Of course, this had all gone according to plan as well, but not quite how he had imagined it, and the last place he thought he would be tonight was trying to romance him in his office. Sighing, Laguna turned his eyes from the bathroom door, al biet feeling a little rejected, and opted to pull his knees to his chin and look out over the blossoming city of Esthar.

Maybe he had come on to fast? after all, they really were total strangers, yet here they were, only a door apart, and one he imagined very much naked at this precise moment. Laguna closed his eyes as he rested his head on the cool glass of the window. He envisioned Squall pulling softly at his own hair, allowing a tiny moan to part his lips, and how his cock would twitch in enlightenment when he fondled it with a lathered hand. He thought of how he wanted to be that hand, gliding effortlessly over his erection, and how he wanted to feel Squall's head drop to his chest when breath escaped him and his release splattered the glass sides of the encased shower.

Needless to say he was startled when he realized Squall wasn't in the shower anymore, but very much in front of him, looking out over Esthar with wide, curious eyes.

Laguna's heart skipped one too many beats. Even through the rain, the city lights of his technology town shimmered even brighter when reflected off of Squall's baby blue eyes. He stared at the breathtaking sight, simply marveling this young creature before him, and smiled when Squall did the same before adverting his eyes elsewhere.

"You said, something about a dream before," Squall sat cross-legged on the dark red cushion, his eyes meeting everywhere but Laguna's. "Can you elaborate?"

It was Laguna's turn to swallow thickly. "You should know." he started. "It's what got you injured in the first place, isn't it?"

Squall's eyes went as wide as saucers. "How did you-"

"It doesn't matter." Laguna cut him off, partly not wanting to tattle on Irvine. Standing from his seat he began pacing, his hands folded neatly behind his back. "The question we should be asking is why? Why are we having these dreams?"

Squall flinched at the change of atmosphere. "I don't know." He answered feebly. "I was hoping . . . you could tell me."

Laguna groaned. "I'm sorry, Squall. I know as little as you do about this." He sat back down closer to Squall this time. In an act of confidence, he put his hand over his, holding it firmly. "All I know is you're here, and I don't want you to go away." He knew he sounded childish for a man in such a respected position, but he couldn't care less. Something about the Balamb Lion made him believe that if there was something he couldn't handle, something he didn't want to face alone, that he was going to be right there with him. He shifted when Squall leaned forward and rested his forehead on his shoulder softly.

"Just so we're clear, I'm normally not like this. I'm not an open person. I detest anything and anyone that doesn't meet my standards, and there are only two people in this world who know more about me than my name and my weapon of choice other than what's written on documents." he mumbled in defeat.

Laguna shifted again, this time pulling Squall into his lap and wrapping his arms around his middle. "These two people, do you trust them?" When Squall nodded he continued. "Who?"

Squall tilted his head and thought for a moment. A small smile graced his lips when he thought of the cowboy. "Irvine Kinneas is one."

The president nodded. "He's a fine young man." he commented. Squall agreed.

"And the second person?" Laguna pressed, even though he had a feeling you knew who it was.

Squall squirmed, a bit uncomfortably with all of the openess. He still couldn't look in Laguna's eyes. "You," he whispered before nuzzling his nose into the side of the president's cheek.

Laguna chuckled with a caring smile, one of his hands rubbing gentle circles on the boy's back.

Squall sat up suddenly, shaking his head. "This is crazy. I don't even know you."

Laguna shifted so that he was leaning now against the wall, maneuvering Squall so that he was straddling his lap. He ran a thumb across his cheek, staring longingly into in oceanic eyes. "I know, but I can't help but feel like I've known you for years."

None of this made any sense to either of them. Nonetheless, Laguna felt his body involuntarily stiffen when Squall slithered up his body, coming nose to nose with him. He could feel his needy breath tease his lips as he spoke. "The feeling is mutual." Young hands had burrowed into his hair and brought him forward to a sensual kiss. With no hesitation Laguna answered, one of his hands travelled up Squall's side, relishing in the smooth flesh that resided underneath the black tank top, the other burying itself in dampened brunet hair pulling the young man closer and deepen their kiss. His tongue greedily plunged into Squall's mouth, tasting him so completely that the recipient was sure that his very soul was being devoured by this man.

Thunder rolled and lightning flashed through the night skies of Esthar while the rain continued to pound against the large window, but the only sound Laguna could hear was the barely audible moan that fell from Squall's lips as he pulled away from the kiss and Laguna's hand had pulled not too gently on his hair. His cock, still conscious from his previous thoughts of a naked Squall in his shower was practically bursting to life now, his pants becoming much too tight, much too quickly. Squall noted this with a coy little curve to his lips and with his full body weight on Laguna's lap, thrust himself forward.

"Haaaa!" Laguna felt his eyes get heavier with lust and lolled his head back. His hands tightened around Squall's hips, forcing him to do it again, this time his moan mixed with the ones coming from the man above him. In a single, surprisingly fluid motion Squall's arms wrapped around Laguna's neck while he stood up and held on tightly to his silk clad ass as he transferred their activities to the desk. With a quick and silent communication he and Squall made quick work of the surface, papers and pens fluttering away and flopping listlessly on the carpeted floor in a haste to finally have the real Squall Leonheart pinned beneath him and willing to give himself up.

The next time Laguna descended down on the boy's lips there was a new kind of desperation and curiosity. Hands tangled in the others' hair in a sense of urgency and mouths clashed together with a burning need.

In a one time offer, Laguna stood straight, bringing Squall up with him in heap. Softly, he put his forehead against his, thumbing over his heated cheeks. Kindness and sincerity in his eyes, he whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want?" He watched as Squall chewed his bottom lip before replying, "I am." The corners of Laguna's lips twitched into a devious smirk. He plunged a hand under the commander's shirt and tweaked at one of the rosy buds on his chest. Squall tossed his head back, allowing Laguna to dive for his neck and suck the junction between his collarbone and neck, eliciting quite the guttural groan from him.

Laguna made his mark, teeth biting harshly enough to draw forth the metallic taste of blood, making his prey howl in a mix of pain and pleasure. He lapped up the specs of red moisture tenderly, kissing the spot until the ache dulled, then trailed his lips up Squall's neck to his jaw line, finishing at his ear. He licked at the tender flesh lightly, grinning when the Balamb Lion was forced to hold in a moan.

"Is this you first time, Squall?" Laguna was teasing the brunet's shirt off as he taunted him.

If Laguna hadn't already been hard when Squall answered him, he would have been right then and there. Brown locks, still damp from his previous shower were clinging to his face, icy blue eyes scintillated in the flash of the midnight storm and in turn illuminating the creamy skin of his chest and torso, his lips were parted ever so slightly, and a dusty pink blush crawled over the bridge of his nose as he nodded his head.

This very image, Laguna knew, would be burned into his memory for the rest of time itself.

Squall Leonheart was sinfully the most absolutely breathtaking creature ever created.

Catching his breath again, Laguna took Squall's hands and together worked on the buttons of his own blue shirt. He watched as with every inch of exposure to his skin Squall's eyes grew more and more curious, and also, more independent. When Squall unhooked the last button of the garment and slid it off the president's shoulders his eyes and fingertips drank in the sight and feel of someone elses skin so close to his own naked torso.

Laguna smiled, cupping his chin and bringing his eyes to meet his own. He leaned down, hovering just over his lips and letting his breath tickle over them. "Beautiful," was the single word before wrapping Squall's legs around his waist and moving them again, this time to the armchair, where he set him down gently preceding to settling in between his legs.

III

Squall looked at him, anxiousness etched in his features as he watched Laguna pull down the waistband to the not-so-needed-and-he-highly-doubted-they-were-going-to-stay-on-for-very-long-anyway pajama pants to reveal is hardend length. He swallowed heavily, eyes never leaving the other when a long finger glided up his shaft, coming to a stop at the tip of its head, and pressing down into the slit there. Squall couldn't hold the gasp of air that escaped him.

He couldn't help but nearly scream in pleasure as there was suddenly a warm mouth encasing his cock. His nails dug deeper into the upholstery with every tantialzing oral thrust, and the way his lips moved had to be some sort of hell-sent blessing, because it was just downright wicked. He felt the pressure build up all too quickly, and without warning came within the president's mouth.

III

Laguna swallowed the bittersweet fluid, licking his lips after. For all the dreams he had, they couldn't hold a flame to how delicious he truly was. It was a taste, he had concluded, that he could easily live with forever.

Standing so he could lean on the arms of the chair, he noticed that Squall had gone sparsely cold. He put a hand on his, holding it with care. "Don't be embarrassed. You said it was your first time. I wasn't expecting anything less." He tried to be consoling, but he only seemed to be pushing him further away. He pulled him up off of the large chair and brought him into a light hug. "Look at me," he whispered, "Please?" When Squall looked up at him it was apparent that he hadn't been expecting to come so soon. Laguna couldn't resist the innocence of his face and chuckled softly. "Come on, let's continue this elsewhere." He led Squall around the small living room of his office and back through the doors to the spectacular bathroom. He couldn't help but smile a bit when Squall cocked his head to the side in confusion. He took his hands in his own, kissing them both once before releasing them gently, stepping back with a newfound lust. His nimble fingers tugged with a held back urgency at his belt, then the button of his dress pants, green eyes never leaving Squall's as the stark naked commander stared in fascination.

Shoes and all other barriers removed, Laguna winked at Squall. Walking forward so that he was flush against the other's body, it was then that Squall realized that Laguna's erection was rubbing coaxingly on his own reawakened cock with a sharp, pleasant hiss.

"See?" Laguna breathed into his ear, "Nothing to worry about." He licked the outer shell of his ear, placing deliberate and soft nips along the way, down his neck and chest, stopping to flick his tongue over a pert nipple.

"Laguna . . ." It was barely audible, even within the dead silence of the room, save for the outside rainfall, but Laguna heard it, and it was all he needed to persuade him to move. Standing straight again, he brought a hand around the base of Squall's neck, pulling him into a bruising kiss.

Squall wimpered, wanting more and more of this gorgeous man to devour him whole. Somehow managing to pull away from Laguna's warm embrace, he slid his arms between them, stopping the sense-numbing ministrations. He wanted to tell Laguna things that made no logic, things that one would tell a lover, but is that what they were? He head was spinning with scenarios and desire, and in the end, desire won.

"If this is a dream, and we wake up alone, I want you to know that I hate myself for being so open with a perfect stranger." Where was he going with this? It wasn't what he wanted to tell the man that has haunted him for months unend. "What I mean is," he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I don't know if this is love, or if I just want to explore sex with you, but I know that I don't want you to leave."

When he opened them again, Laguna wasn't in front of him. The sound of running water caught his ears, drawing his attention to the previously unoccupied shower.

There was Laguna, naked as the day he was born, water rushing off of every lean muscle in his body, one hand coursing through his raven colored hair, the other massaging his organ, staring at him with need.

Squall decided right then and there that water was made specifically for Laguna to glamour and enchanted all of his unsuspecting victims. He looked simply godly. Drawn to his beauty, he joined the older male in the glass-walled shower.

Laguna smiled at him. "Like what you see?"

Offering a small upturn of his lips, Squall replied, "I do," then reached out to touch his body of creamy silk. Down his chest and passed his groin to replace Laguna's own hand and stroke his erection. With every caress came more passion, and the faster every thrust of his caverned hand became until Squall was able to wrap a finger around the balls that hung just under the other's cock. He looked up into Laguna's half-lidded eyes. "I want this inside of me," he groaned.

Before Squall could comprehend the predicament he was now in his legs were hugging Laguan's hips, arms around his neck. Lips covered his own and a finger was toying with his entrance. He moaned loudly into Laguna's hot mouth when the finger pressed into his hole, his inner walls clamping around the intruder.

Laguna pulled his lips away from Squall's. "Relax. You have to relax." So, he tried the best he could, adjusting the the feeling of having something in his rectum. Just when he had gotten used to one finger, the second was applied. He moaned louder this time.

"Think of the dreams. Concentrate on how good the dreams felt." Laguna tried easing his mind, kissing his cheek repeatedly and rubbing circles with his thumbs on his lower back, as his hands were holding him up. Suddenly, Squall found it easier to ease the tension in his body.

Until Laguna curled his fingers around his prostate. Then the world was a fabulous shade of rainbow and he found himself pushing down on Laguna's fingers, needing more of that technicolor pleasure. He forced him to hit that spot again and again up till the colors blurred into white.

All at once, the fingers were gone, and Laguna was inside of him, his body engulfing the organ slowly, inch by inch. He shouted then bit down hard on his lip, fighting the pain and praying for the soon to come ecstacy. He dug his nails into Laguna's upper back as the man's erection was pressed in to the hilt and slowly drawn back out until nothing but the tip remained. While Laguna continued this action, Squall got used to the invasion, the pain subsiding and pleasure taking it's place, and he welcomed it with open arms.

"So tight . . ." Laguna moaned as he pressed himself in again.

It was in that moment that they both looked at each other. Both were slicked with sweat that was mixed with the running water, lips parted, both very naked and slippery.

They rested on the others' forehead, Laguna never stopping the slow thrusts in and out of Squall's hole and closed their eyes. Their thoughts drifted to one another and connected.

"I'm . . . happy. Even if it's only in my dreams, you make me happy."

Laguna's thrusts became faster. Squall's grip on his back lessened to a loving embrace as he moaned with each insertion of his erection.

"This . . . this can't be a dream. You're too real, too warm, and too damn sexy to be a dream anymore."

Squall clenched his eyes further shut when Laguna smacked the tip of his head into the spot that made his toes curl behind his back.

"You make we want to be all the things I never was before."

"Like what?"

"Open. Trusting. Loving."

"Is that was this is?"

"This is us, and whatever we are, then it is what it is."

"Laguna..." Squall's moans became more sporatic, his hips moving at their own accord and meeting with Laguna's every movement.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I guess it means that I'm not letting you get away now that I found you."

A smirk. "Who said I was leaving?"

"I'm coming." Squall whispered. He felt his cock tighten and twitch with all the sensations in his body as the white that had clouded his vision before returned, spilling his seed between them.

As Squall's inner walls clenched around Laguna's cock he moaned, releasing all he had to offer into the mercenary.

"Laguna, wh-what was that?" Squall panted, opening his eyes.

Laguna shook his head. "I think, that's how the dreams happend. Somehow out subconsiousness connected."

This time Squall shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense."

The president laughed. "None of this does." He put Squall back on his feet, allowing him to rinse himself of his own bodily fluids. He smiled, coming up behind him and holding him there, running his hand over his lover's abdomen and assisting in the process.

"What does this mean?" Squall finally asked.

Laguna rested his head in the crook if Squall's neck. "I'm not sure, but I want this to continue. I want to . . . " He swallowed, not wanting to send the newly devirginized Balamb Lion to escape him. "I want to have a relationship with you."

Squall relaxed into his arms and sighed, the smile evident in his voice, "The feeling is mutual."

Laguna squeezed him tightly. "I suppose you'll be leaving soon to return to Balamb tomorrow."

That realization hadn't quite reached Squall until now. "I suppose so."

"But you'll write? And call every now and then?" The president asked hopefully.

While Squall wasn't really much of a writer or a talker, he agreed.

After all, this wasn't a dream anymore.