Sweet Cowardice
folder
Final Fantasy VIII › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
748
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Final Fantasy VIII › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
748
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Written By: Fox
Notes: The aftermath of everything, and the lead up to a major event. No, not a sexual event, sorry.
~*~
The entire day after the illicit rendezvous was dedicated to Irvine removing his things from Squall’s room and having them put into an empty dorm room across and down the hall from Squall’s. Not a word was said between the two as this was done, neither one wanting to come out and say anything.
Despite the thoughts running through Irvine’s mind over the emotions he had found himself expressing through his actions last night, everything was over. There was nothing holding the two as roomies anymore, and the aura between them was strangely dark and uncomfortable, even under the circumstances.
As far as both were concerned, the bet was over and the winner was paid in full.
When all of Irvine’s belongings were moved and set up as he pleased in his new room, Irvine turned to Squall and palmed the extra key card to the commander’s suite into Squall’s hand. He then stepped into his new room, turned and faced Squall for the last time, and pressed the tiny button that caused the door to slide closed silently between the two men. The only sound that heralded the end of whatever could have been as far as emotions and odd touches between them was the soft click of the door’s lock.
Squall would stand there facing the door for an hour, not aware that just beyond the new barrier between the two of them, the cowboy slut was doing the same thing. Both were watching the door, one waiting for a knock, the other for it to open. When neither action occurred, both men turned on their heel almost simultaneously and headed in opposite directions.
Squall would be seen walking around the Garden for the next week and a half strangely quiet even for himself and (very obviously to everyone else but Irvine) trying to avoid the red haired gunslinger and anything that might remind him of the other.
He never went out to watch the targets as the newest group of would-be guns were tutored by Irvine or just practicing on their own despite his inner inclination to do so. He knew it was bad form of him to practically become blind whenever a request for supervision of the new group would come in to his office, and even worse that he’d always pawn it off on someone else, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care so much yet.
He decided by himself to just go by whatever Irvine or his substitute’s impersonal notes would say. If they thought someone was good enough, he would promote them, never seeing their talent or lack thereof first hand.
If he needed to have a word with Irvine he did it through notes. Memos and runners were sent between the two and all words were impersonal and noncommital.
When it was time to eat Irvine would always go during the normal times, flocked by everyone wanting to know if he was single (as rumored by the Tilmites) or wanted to fuck (as rumored by the Kinneasites) or even if (as according to the mourning batch of Trepies) he and the Commander were having a lover’s spat. Irvine would always flash a smile and play it all off with a simple “yes”, “no”, or excuse to leave.
Squall would always come in to eat after the majority of the school was gone, namely Irvine and his flocks of students, admirers, or fuck buddies. At least he thought they were his fuck buddies. He wasn’t sure though because as oddly as he was acting, he still had enough of his old common sense to know that Irvine was being just as strange as he himself was acting.
In turn, Irvine decided to play the elusive cowboy part to the hilt. He didn’t allow droves of people to follow him about anymore except after meals. He would always evade them for the rest of the day unless he couldn’t, and he found himself drawing away from the night life of the clubs and bars in the surrounding cities. He tended to stay more in his room and sulk with a lonely bottle of whatever was handy rather than with a woman or man at his side. When drinks were scarce for him, he’d curl up with a now folded picture of the day they all had the big party after defeating Ultimecea.
He ran his fingertips sadly over Quistis’ face, over the giggling Selphie, and last over the slightly happier than normal looking Squall’s body. His eyes became fierce as he looked at Squall, almost possessive. He had even gone so far as to rip away Rinoa’s figure, which had stood beside Squall, one delicate hand on Squall’s hip.
Truth be told, Irvine was becoming obsessed with the commander, and hadn’t been with anyone else since that one night with Squall.
Squall had also become very withdrawn, but hadn’t touched anything by way of drug or alcohol since the day after Irvine left. When he had returned to his room after leaving Irvine’s it had been so silent that he thought madness would overcome him. So to cure that he had hidden inside a bottle of Jack Daniels and didn’t crawl out of it until he had to go to a staff meeting the next morning.
Xu and Nida had taken one look at him as he approached the doors to his office on wobbly legs and shook their heads, telling him to go back to his room. They said that they would take care of the meeting and if they absolutely needed him for something, they would send a runner to fetch him from the dorms.
Squall had turned around and walked away from them, but had not returned to his dorms. Instead he took the well known and longer halls to the infirmary. Dr. Kadowaki had looked him over as he trudged into the ward and immediately pulled him into the nearest room. She forced him to lay down and returned to him with water and some V8 juice. He licked the edge of the V8 can and sipped at it as he sat up slowly.
“I’m not a legal psychiatrist, but I think I might be able to help you if you want to talk Squall.” Kadowaki said as her overly concerned looking face swam into his fairly blurry vision.
“Thing ‘bout tha’ doc is tha’ I re-lly dun wan’ to. I’m tired of taukin’, an’ I’m tired of hearin’ rumors, an’ I’m tired of it all!” Squall slurred angrily at the first swimming Kadowaki face, while glaring at the second one he saw.
Kadowaki nodded in sympathetic understanding and sighed as she stood up. “If you ever want to, I’m here. I suggest you drink that and then sleep an hour or two. You’ll feel at least a little more like yourself.” she said as he slowly left the room. She was kind enough to quietly shut the door behind herself, giving Squall some privacy.
The rest of the day was a blur to the gunblade expert, nothing of interest had happened as far as he could recall. He mostly slept and tried to come around, and had managed to convince Kadowaki he was fine enough to leave the infirmary. Everything after that drew a blank. He did remember that some how he and Irvine had kept out of sight of each other.
At least, he thought so.
Unknown to him was that Irvine had nearly bumped into him but had ducked into the dormitory hall as he saw Squall try to walk straight almost five meters ahead of him. He watched the commander look at the sign for the dorms in slight confusion, then continue along to the Training Center.
Recognizing Squall as being heavily drunk, he immediately got ready to intervene (if the out of his wits commander tried to go into the Center) when Squall shook his head and continued toward the library, mumbling something about how the print on the large signs needed to be only one line.
Irvine went over to the sign and looked at it to see it did in fact say “Training Center” in one line in the middle.
It was only a few days later when they had their first direct run in with each other since parting ways at Irvine’s door. Squall had timed himself to his normal time, but Irvine was running late from oversleeping in his self induced manic depression. They ended up having breakfast at the same time on opposite ends of the dining room. Around them and in between their tables rumors flew loudly. According to any SeeD member present at the time the two were going to go out behind the garden and kill each other after they ate.
Squall sent a note to Irvine later that day saying to be more on time. Irvine sent a reply note saying he was sorry and it wouldn’t be repeated.
Where Irvine’s obsession ranged between Squall and his class teaching the newest recruits how to sharp shoot, Squall consumed himself with his work and his own personal training. He unburied his desk from it’s piles and piles of paperwork, rearranged teaching schedules, and brought the Garden back up to the top of the line academy it once was.
However, that was done all too soon and there was nothing left. Thus he turned back to his old routine of going to the Training Center for three hours, outside to patrol the outer grounds alone, and then back in to his office.
This turned out to keep him primed and back in shape, as well as to give his mornings some sort of meaning. But his afternoons were empty.
Out of sheer boredom one day he reviewed the Garden rules. He sighed as he pulled the thick leather bound book out and reread them, his interest catching as a few of them caught his eye.
He smirked to himself as he got out a notepad and pen, and began to jot down a few new rules.
He was the commander which gave him all the rights to make these new rules as he saw fit. After all, Cid wasn’t around to fix anything, he lived at home with Edea and didn’t have any connection to Balamb Garden except when he would send the orphans to Garden to be trained as SeeDs.
He smirked triumphantly as he wrote:
Rules to be added as per request by Squall Lionheart, Commander of Balamb Garden.
1) No student is allowed access to the Commander’s quarters or office without express permission from the commander.
‘That should take care of some of the rumor mill.’ Squall thought triumphantly.
2) No student is allowed to become a SeeD without going through a thorough background check and passing a psychological test that proves they understand all the risks they are putting themselves and their team mates through by becoming SeeD.
‘No more whiny brats complaining about their team mates.’
And lastly, 3) No student is allowed to ascend to the highest post of Commander if they are under the age of 25.
“I’m free...” he mumbled in quiet excitement as he finished and typed the rules up formally, and headed to Laguna’s temporary office. He blinked in surprise as he saw Irvine there, filing something, his father reading over a document from Esthar as he did so.
“Laguna, sir. I have a proposed set of new rules for Garden. Please look them over carefully.” he said quietly as he held out the simple paper.
Laguna’s blue eyes looked at him and he nodded, taking the paper. He read it over quietly to himself as Irvine pretended not to be interested. Squall waited patiently as he saw one of Laguna’s eyebrows raise as he reread the final sentence again, then looked up.
“You do understand what it means if I agree to pass these, correct?” Laguna asked quietly. He seemed doubtful and Squall only hoped he wouldn’t spill it all out for once. He nodded and was pleasantly surprised when Laguna sighed and nodded.
“Run them then. You’ll have to hand it all over to me at the end of the day.” he said as he stamped the paper and handed it back to Squall.
Irvine stopped what he was doing and looked at Laguna when Squall left. “What did they say?”
“He’s quitting as commander.”
“WHAT?!”
Laguna sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “He’s suggested that all SeeDs submit to a psychology report, and no one under the age of 25 can be commander.”
“He’s lost it.” Irvine said as he started for the door. Laguna was on his feet and had pulled Irvine back.
“Let him go. He’s too under pressure now. He’ll be fine.”
“I don’t give a shit. This is going to be the end if he gets his way!” Irvine growled as he pulled free and headed out toward the Ragnarok.
Squall sighed as he too headed for the Ragnarok, knowing he’d have to go to the books in Esthar to complete the process. Everything had it’s legalities. He had taken the time to phone ahead to the attorneys and they promised to be waiting for him.
At the end of the walkway to the Ragnarok a silent figure was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, foot resting on the metal wall behind him. His head was bowed so that the brim of his hat covered his eyes, his long hair laying over one shoulder in a silky ponytail.
“Irvine.” Squall said quietly. “What do you want?”
“I’m going with you Squall.” Irvine said, raising his eyes to see the stress worn man walking slowly toward him. He wasn’t junked out or drunk, in fact Squall looked more in his right mind than he had in days.
“No Irvine, you’re not.” He knew he was going to have to be spirted away once he landed outside of Esthar. The country was too war torn for it to be any other way. Irvine didn’t need to know. He apparently had a cushy lap to sit on and work for, and his little bubble world in Garden didn’t need to burst.
“You have no say Squall. You’re putting your position up for grabs, so why not let me watch you fuck everything we all worked hard for right in the ass.” Irvine said sourly as he glared at Squall.
“Because you have a future with Laguna, and the last thing you need is to see the truth behind him.”
Irvine blinked. “What?”
Squall sighed. “Look Irvine, nothing is what it seems with Laguna. He’s hiding something somewhere, and I don’t want to have to deal with it anymore.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Too bad.”
Irvine considered Squall for a moment before walking over to him. “Sorry in advance.” he mumbled quietly before balling his fist and punching Squall squarely in the jaw. Squall’s head snapped to the side, his cheek bruising where the fist had struck him. He licked his lips and sighed, closing his eyes.
“Irvine... this is how it is.”
“You’re a freak and you want to kill off everything that is Garden by handing it to the very person you apparently trust the least right now Squall.”
“No, I’m just bringing about a much needed change so that he can do whatever in hell he wants. I’m resigning as a SeeD after this Let me.”
“Fuck no I won’t let you.” Irvine said. “Stop running and being a little bitch about all of this and tell me what the hell you’re dealing with.”
Squall looked away. “Can we at least start flying? I don’t need a bunch of followers staring at us and starting rumors.” he said motioning to a pair of students down the hall. They had been standing there for almost the entire conversation.
Irvine nodded and walked into Ragnarok, followed by Squall. Squall settled into the pilot’s chair and started them off, flying out and away from Garden.
~*~
To Be Continued.
Written By: Fox
Notes: The aftermath of everything, and the lead up to a major event. No, not a sexual event, sorry.
~*~
The entire day after the illicit rendezvous was dedicated to Irvine removing his things from Squall’s room and having them put into an empty dorm room across and down the hall from Squall’s. Not a word was said between the two as this was done, neither one wanting to come out and say anything.
Despite the thoughts running through Irvine’s mind over the emotions he had found himself expressing through his actions last night, everything was over. There was nothing holding the two as roomies anymore, and the aura between them was strangely dark and uncomfortable, even under the circumstances.
As far as both were concerned, the bet was over and the winner was paid in full.
When all of Irvine’s belongings were moved and set up as he pleased in his new room, Irvine turned to Squall and palmed the extra key card to the commander’s suite into Squall’s hand. He then stepped into his new room, turned and faced Squall for the last time, and pressed the tiny button that caused the door to slide closed silently between the two men. The only sound that heralded the end of whatever could have been as far as emotions and odd touches between them was the soft click of the door’s lock.
Squall would stand there facing the door for an hour, not aware that just beyond the new barrier between the two of them, the cowboy slut was doing the same thing. Both were watching the door, one waiting for a knock, the other for it to open. When neither action occurred, both men turned on their heel almost simultaneously and headed in opposite directions.
Squall would be seen walking around the Garden for the next week and a half strangely quiet even for himself and (very obviously to everyone else but Irvine) trying to avoid the red haired gunslinger and anything that might remind him of the other.
He never went out to watch the targets as the newest group of would-be guns were tutored by Irvine or just practicing on their own despite his inner inclination to do so. He knew it was bad form of him to practically become blind whenever a request for supervision of the new group would come in to his office, and even worse that he’d always pawn it off on someone else, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care so much yet.
He decided by himself to just go by whatever Irvine or his substitute’s impersonal notes would say. If they thought someone was good enough, he would promote them, never seeing their talent or lack thereof first hand.
If he needed to have a word with Irvine he did it through notes. Memos and runners were sent between the two and all words were impersonal and noncommital.
When it was time to eat Irvine would always go during the normal times, flocked by everyone wanting to know if he was single (as rumored by the Tilmites) or wanted to fuck (as rumored by the Kinneasites) or even if (as according to the mourning batch of Trepies) he and the Commander were having a lover’s spat. Irvine would always flash a smile and play it all off with a simple “yes”, “no”, or excuse to leave.
Squall would always come in to eat after the majority of the school was gone, namely Irvine and his flocks of students, admirers, or fuck buddies. At least he thought they were his fuck buddies. He wasn’t sure though because as oddly as he was acting, he still had enough of his old common sense to know that Irvine was being just as strange as he himself was acting.
In turn, Irvine decided to play the elusive cowboy part to the hilt. He didn’t allow droves of people to follow him about anymore except after meals. He would always evade them for the rest of the day unless he couldn’t, and he found himself drawing away from the night life of the clubs and bars in the surrounding cities. He tended to stay more in his room and sulk with a lonely bottle of whatever was handy rather than with a woman or man at his side. When drinks were scarce for him, he’d curl up with a now folded picture of the day they all had the big party after defeating Ultimecea.
He ran his fingertips sadly over Quistis’ face, over the giggling Selphie, and last over the slightly happier than normal looking Squall’s body. His eyes became fierce as he looked at Squall, almost possessive. He had even gone so far as to rip away Rinoa’s figure, which had stood beside Squall, one delicate hand on Squall’s hip.
Truth be told, Irvine was becoming obsessed with the commander, and hadn’t been with anyone else since that one night with Squall.
Squall had also become very withdrawn, but hadn’t touched anything by way of drug or alcohol since the day after Irvine left. When he had returned to his room after leaving Irvine’s it had been so silent that he thought madness would overcome him. So to cure that he had hidden inside a bottle of Jack Daniels and didn’t crawl out of it until he had to go to a staff meeting the next morning.
Xu and Nida had taken one look at him as he approached the doors to his office on wobbly legs and shook their heads, telling him to go back to his room. They said that they would take care of the meeting and if they absolutely needed him for something, they would send a runner to fetch him from the dorms.
Squall had turned around and walked away from them, but had not returned to his dorms. Instead he took the well known and longer halls to the infirmary. Dr. Kadowaki had looked him over as he trudged into the ward and immediately pulled him into the nearest room. She forced him to lay down and returned to him with water and some V8 juice. He licked the edge of the V8 can and sipped at it as he sat up slowly.
“I’m not a legal psychiatrist, but I think I might be able to help you if you want to talk Squall.” Kadowaki said as her overly concerned looking face swam into his fairly blurry vision.
“Thing ‘bout tha’ doc is tha’ I re-lly dun wan’ to. I’m tired of taukin’, an’ I’m tired of hearin’ rumors, an’ I’m tired of it all!” Squall slurred angrily at the first swimming Kadowaki face, while glaring at the second one he saw.
Kadowaki nodded in sympathetic understanding and sighed as she stood up. “If you ever want to, I’m here. I suggest you drink that and then sleep an hour or two. You’ll feel at least a little more like yourself.” she said as he slowly left the room. She was kind enough to quietly shut the door behind herself, giving Squall some privacy.
The rest of the day was a blur to the gunblade expert, nothing of interest had happened as far as he could recall. He mostly slept and tried to come around, and had managed to convince Kadowaki he was fine enough to leave the infirmary. Everything after that drew a blank. He did remember that some how he and Irvine had kept out of sight of each other.
At least, he thought so.
Unknown to him was that Irvine had nearly bumped into him but had ducked into the dormitory hall as he saw Squall try to walk straight almost five meters ahead of him. He watched the commander look at the sign for the dorms in slight confusion, then continue along to the Training Center.
Recognizing Squall as being heavily drunk, he immediately got ready to intervene (if the out of his wits commander tried to go into the Center) when Squall shook his head and continued toward the library, mumbling something about how the print on the large signs needed to be only one line.
Irvine went over to the sign and looked at it to see it did in fact say “Training Center” in one line in the middle.
It was only a few days later when they had their first direct run in with each other since parting ways at Irvine’s door. Squall had timed himself to his normal time, but Irvine was running late from oversleeping in his self induced manic depression. They ended up having breakfast at the same time on opposite ends of the dining room. Around them and in between their tables rumors flew loudly. According to any SeeD member present at the time the two were going to go out behind the garden and kill each other after they ate.
Squall sent a note to Irvine later that day saying to be more on time. Irvine sent a reply note saying he was sorry and it wouldn’t be repeated.
Where Irvine’s obsession ranged between Squall and his class teaching the newest recruits how to sharp shoot, Squall consumed himself with his work and his own personal training. He unburied his desk from it’s piles and piles of paperwork, rearranged teaching schedules, and brought the Garden back up to the top of the line academy it once was.
However, that was done all too soon and there was nothing left. Thus he turned back to his old routine of going to the Training Center for three hours, outside to patrol the outer grounds alone, and then back in to his office.
This turned out to keep him primed and back in shape, as well as to give his mornings some sort of meaning. But his afternoons were empty.
Out of sheer boredom one day he reviewed the Garden rules. He sighed as he pulled the thick leather bound book out and reread them, his interest catching as a few of them caught his eye.
He smirked to himself as he got out a notepad and pen, and began to jot down a few new rules.
He was the commander which gave him all the rights to make these new rules as he saw fit. After all, Cid wasn’t around to fix anything, he lived at home with Edea and didn’t have any connection to Balamb Garden except when he would send the orphans to Garden to be trained as SeeDs.
He smirked triumphantly as he wrote:
Rules to be added as per request by Squall Lionheart, Commander of Balamb Garden.
1) No student is allowed access to the Commander’s quarters or office without express permission from the commander.
‘That should take care of some of the rumor mill.’ Squall thought triumphantly.
2) No student is allowed to become a SeeD without going through a thorough background check and passing a psychological test that proves they understand all the risks they are putting themselves and their team mates through by becoming SeeD.
‘No more whiny brats complaining about their team mates.’
And lastly, 3) No student is allowed to ascend to the highest post of Commander if they are under the age of 25.
“I’m free...” he mumbled in quiet excitement as he finished and typed the rules up formally, and headed to Laguna’s temporary office. He blinked in surprise as he saw Irvine there, filing something, his father reading over a document from Esthar as he did so.
“Laguna, sir. I have a proposed set of new rules for Garden. Please look them over carefully.” he said quietly as he held out the simple paper.
Laguna’s blue eyes looked at him and he nodded, taking the paper. He read it over quietly to himself as Irvine pretended not to be interested. Squall waited patiently as he saw one of Laguna’s eyebrows raise as he reread the final sentence again, then looked up.
“You do understand what it means if I agree to pass these, correct?” Laguna asked quietly. He seemed doubtful and Squall only hoped he wouldn’t spill it all out for once. He nodded and was pleasantly surprised when Laguna sighed and nodded.
“Run them then. You’ll have to hand it all over to me at the end of the day.” he said as he stamped the paper and handed it back to Squall.
Irvine stopped what he was doing and looked at Laguna when Squall left. “What did they say?”
“He’s quitting as commander.”
“WHAT?!”
Laguna sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “He’s suggested that all SeeDs submit to a psychology report, and no one under the age of 25 can be commander.”
“He’s lost it.” Irvine said as he started for the door. Laguna was on his feet and had pulled Irvine back.
“Let him go. He’s too under pressure now. He’ll be fine.”
“I don’t give a shit. This is going to be the end if he gets his way!” Irvine growled as he pulled free and headed out toward the Ragnarok.
Squall sighed as he too headed for the Ragnarok, knowing he’d have to go to the books in Esthar to complete the process. Everything had it’s legalities. He had taken the time to phone ahead to the attorneys and they promised to be waiting for him.
At the end of the walkway to the Ragnarok a silent figure was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, foot resting on the metal wall behind him. His head was bowed so that the brim of his hat covered his eyes, his long hair laying over one shoulder in a silky ponytail.
“Irvine.” Squall said quietly. “What do you want?”
“I’m going with you Squall.” Irvine said, raising his eyes to see the stress worn man walking slowly toward him. He wasn’t junked out or drunk, in fact Squall looked more in his right mind than he had in days.
“No Irvine, you’re not.” He knew he was going to have to be spirted away once he landed outside of Esthar. The country was too war torn for it to be any other way. Irvine didn’t need to know. He apparently had a cushy lap to sit on and work for, and his little bubble world in Garden didn’t need to burst.
“You have no say Squall. You’re putting your position up for grabs, so why not let me watch you fuck everything we all worked hard for right in the ass.” Irvine said sourly as he glared at Squall.
“Because you have a future with Laguna, and the last thing you need is to see the truth behind him.”
Irvine blinked. “What?”
Squall sighed. “Look Irvine, nothing is what it seems with Laguna. He’s hiding something somewhere, and I don’t want to have to deal with it anymore.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Too bad.”
Irvine considered Squall for a moment before walking over to him. “Sorry in advance.” he mumbled quietly before balling his fist and punching Squall squarely in the jaw. Squall’s head snapped to the side, his cheek bruising where the fist had struck him. He licked his lips and sighed, closing his eyes.
“Irvine... this is how it is.”
“You’re a freak and you want to kill off everything that is Garden by handing it to the very person you apparently trust the least right now Squall.”
“No, I’m just bringing about a much needed change so that he can do whatever in hell he wants. I’m resigning as a SeeD after this Let me.”
“Fuck no I won’t let you.” Irvine said. “Stop running and being a little bitch about all of this and tell me what the hell you’re dealing with.”
Squall looked away. “Can we at least start flying? I don’t need a bunch of followers staring at us and starting rumors.” he said motioning to a pair of students down the hall. They had been standing there for almost the entire conversation.
Irvine nodded and walked into Ragnarok, followed by Squall. Squall settled into the pilot’s chair and started them off, flying out and away from Garden.
~*~
To Be Continued.