Absolution II: Redemption

Disclaimer: Pigs will fly before I own any of the Final Fantasy VIII characters. And since there aren’t any pigs with wings outside my window just yet, you can assume that day hasn’t come yet. I just take the characters because I want to have fun with them.

A/N: Angst warnings, sorry that it's been over a month, but my mind seems to read warm weather as time to let Irvine have fun. I might be using him in the plot, later. If it's not obvious, the scene in italics at the beginning is a dream.

There's no giving up now
Do you really want to give this all away
Can't you ever see things in a different way
Somedays
No giving up now
~ Crossfade – No Giving Up
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"You have failed me. What use are you if all you do now is dream about the one who killed me and fuck him? You're supposed to avenge me, puppet," Ultimecia snarls, then reaches out and slaps Seifer hard when he doesn't look down and show the proper humility about his behavior. If this were the past, he'd be apologizing profusely and hoping to get on her good side again, but it seems that things have changed.

He glares at her before reaching up and unconsciously touching the scar between his eyes. "He was doing his job, just as I was attempting to do mine. If one succeeds, the other must fail. That's the way the world works." Before he can turn around to leave, invisible hands grab his shoulders and press him down to his knees, the sorceress's cold touch gripping the back of his neck.

"I could kill you for your insolence, boy. Never forget who it was that let you pursue your dream and taste the world outside your comfortable life." More words are on her lips, but they don't get the chance to form because Seifer stands up, unsheathes Hyperion, and slashes at her without realizing what he's doing.

Sweat beads on his face and hazel eyes flash in anger. "You're dead, so you can't hurt me. Dead because I screwed up, but some part of me is wondering if that was a good thing." The same invisible hands grab his throat and begin squeezing, their grip choking the air out of his lungs as he claws futily for freedom, for the chance to just breathe, but the hands only tighten....

I sit up and pant, my hand at my throat while sweat pours down my face and I shiver. Dear Hyne, that dream seemed so fucking real that I can still feel her power squeezing my throat. But why in the hell would I even consider telling her something like that, dream or not? I knew better than to defy her orders. Always followed them perfectly, but she’s dead now and I ain’t got a reason to do much of anything for anyone.

Someone’s hand rests between my shoulder blades and I actually jump because I wasn’t expecting it. It moves in slow, almost comforting circles. Has to be Squall, but why would he be doing something so nice? I don’t deserve it.

“Whatever it was, it was just a dream, Seifer. She can’t hurt you,” he murmurs while I tense up under his hand. How could he have known who the nightmare was about? Must’ve been a lucky guess or something.

I sigh loudly, my hands balled into fists. “She’s dead to you, but still alive inside my head. I think it’s her voice that keeps harassing me all the time. You can’t understand what it’s like to hear that all the fucking time.”

Dunno where that little bit of information came from, but it seems to make sense. Who else would know just the right things to say, the right things to bring up to make me hurt? Only the person I let inside my head. I wasn’t her puppet, but now I’m wondering if I was ever really needed as her knight. Damn Squall, damn dreams, making me think too much for my own good. I think and I get depressed. I get depressed and I wanna hurt myself again.

He doesn’t say anything and I have to laugh to myself. Hyne, I’m turning into him. Keep talking to myself instead of yelling at the closest person.

I sigh and glare up at him, not even caring that neither of us is dressed. “Just leave me the fuck alone, Leonhart. I don’t deserve your pity or that stupid-ass hurt look on your face.” When I stand up, he’s a little faster than I am and I find myself shoved up against the wall.

Squall slaps me hard enough to split my lip open and I taste blood as his eyes meet mine, blue-grey depths colder than I can remember them being since I found myself back here. He squeezes my shoulder hard before backhanding me with his free hand. Damn, my face stings. What the fuck have I done to him?

“What happened to the cocky fucker that gave me this scar on my face, huh? What happened to the Seifer Almasy that wasn’t scared of shit and did things his way, whether people liked it or not? Yeah, you fucked up and Ultimecia died, but that was probably the best mistake you could have made. I don’t understand, Seifer. Thought you’d be fucking grateful I saved your life.

“But instead, you’re acting like some fourteen-year-old going through his emo phase. ‘Nobody understands me, I just want to die.’ If you want it that bad, there’s a loaded pistol in the drawer by your left hand. I won’t stop you.” He steps back and turns around, apparently not wanting to see it if I do what he’s offering and finally take all this pain and confusion away.

As I move away from the wall and tug open the drawer, I hear him speaking softly. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t want what happened twice, but I also let things happen because I hoped that you hurting me would get at least some of your own pain out.” I arch a brown, but I don’t say anything. I can’t fucking understand why Squall wants to help. I’m not worth it. All I’ll do is fuck up even more and end up being kicked out.

I reach a hand into the drawer, pull out the pistol, and check to see if it’s loaded like he said. Yep, one gun, filled with bullets and ready to take my life if I so desire. At the same time, it suddenly hits me – what kind of coward am I becoming? If our places were reversed and Squall was the one thinking of killing himself, I’d be laughing my ass off and calling him too scared to face up to his problems. Is that why he’s mad at me?

My hands shake and my vision blurs. Dammit, I can’t let him see me cry even though I’ve finally realized why Mattie kept calling me a coward – I’m too afraid of facing things to live, but too scared of death to die. After a moment’s hesitation, I fire into the floor twice and drop the gun.

Squall turns around and blinks, probably surprised that I’m still standing there and not lying on the ground in a pool of blood. I smirk at him and take a deep breath. “You think you can help me, Ice Princess? Well I’m challenging you to try your damnedest to bring me back to something resembling my old self. You’re the only person that has an iceberg’s chance in hell of succeeding.” I hold out my hand to him, my eyes never leaving his even though I’m still shaking a little.

He smirks back and reaches out to take my hand, barely nodding. “Challenge accepted.”
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A/N: I’m sorry if Squall ranting like that was a little OOC, this chapter kinda came out of nowhere and I actually like it more than I thought I would. Again, sorry for the long wait between updates.

Review responses:

LadyCaos – You’ve mentioned your adoration of me more than once, but I still like hearing it.

tashabot – I know someone who’s cosplaying Squall at yaoicon. Too bad I can’t be there…maybe next year.

Tsubasa No Koe – No idea what’s going to happen from here, but there will be more lemon, I promise.

darksquall – They can almost read each other’s minds, which will probably get more obvious as the story goes on. Ever known people like that, who don’t even try to understand each other, they just do on some level?

Conjure_Lass – Muahahaha, I made another addict. Sorry it was so long before you could get your next dose of this fic.

Anon – I agree.