Through Pain And Tears

Well the long awaited chapter is here! I'm sorry it took so long. And if it's not what you were expecting. But I had to rewrite things every few times because they way I had it never seemed to fit. Well I hope you enjoy the chapter at any rate. And thank you to all of you who have reviewed my story. I'm glad you like it.



Please read and review.



Through Pain And Tears



Chapter 6



'Okay, I just kissed Seifer, but I have a girlfriend. So why am I still thinking about it?' Zell asked himself in thought. The kiss had happened only a few moments ago, his mind going over it. He really didn't know what he felt from the unexpected kiss, but he did know he felt something. Maybe that's why his mind kept replaying the event.



He had never really considered that he could be attracted to men, least of all Seifer. He was straight, right? He kept telling himself that, but there was a nagging feeling telling him to quit deluding himself. Of course, he knew the taller blond was attractive, anyone could see that. He just never thought he'd be attracted to him. And that kiss left him feeling something he wasn't quite sure what it was.



He hasn't spoken more than a few words to the other boy, not quite sure how to broach the topic, or even if he wanted to right now. It really left them in an awkward state. There was this tension between them, and neither really knew how to bring the topic up. He'd been trying to stop thinking about it, but try as he might, the feel of Seifer's lips on his would not leave his mind. He could still taste the other man lips on his, licking his lips unconsciously.



"Zell!" The voice snapped him to the present. Looking over, he saw Marlene walking to him. Or jogging, Zell thought.



"Hey, Mar." He went for a smile.



"I've been looking for you," she said, frowning. "Where have you been?" I haven't seen you since yesterday."



That's right, he hadn't seen her since he left her the other day in the cafeteria. He'd just been…distracted is all. Yeah. That's it. He was so distracted he forgot his girlfriend was standing in front of him, a hand on her hip.



Oh…



"Zell?" She sounded impatient.



"Sorry," he replied, trying to give her another smile. However, she just frowned instead of smiling like Zell thought she would. Then again, she was probably still pissed. "I went into town to buy a few things, and visited my ma for a while," he lied.



"Hmm." She didn't look like she believed him, but fortunately, she didn't inquire further.



Zell sighed, relieved.



She nodded, "okay." She leaned in for a kiss, which he allowed.



The kiss felt weird to him. His mind wasn't on her anymore. This kiss led him back to the previous day to Seifer's kiss, noting how different they were. His were strong, yet forceful, sweet and demanding. Hers were slow, not forceful, and tasted different. He knew he should be enjoying this kiss. This was his girlfriend, whom loved him, and he loved her, right? He wasn't so sure. Here he was, kissing his girlfriend, thinking of someone else, and not just anyone either; he was thinking about another man, Seifer.



The kiss seemed to last longer than it did before she finally pulled away. He actually felt kind of weird, he couldn't explain it. He hoped the relief wasn't apparent on his face. He couldn't explain how he was feeling at the moment, but he knew that this wasn't right. But instead of voicing his current thoughts he opted for just looking at her, not quite sure what to say.



"Let's go out tonight, babe."



He didn't want to and he told her that.



"Why?"



Why indeed.



"Well, " The blond was trying to find an excuse that she'd believe. "I just got back not too long and I was hoping to get some rest." Smooth. Zell rolled his eyes internally. He was getting the hang of this lying business, he almost sounded believable, if he didn't already know any better.



Just as he thought, she believed him. "Oh, that's right. You probably just wanna rest for a while." She paused. "Do you want some company?"



'I already have company,' Zell thought to himself. But out loud, he said, "nah, it's okay. I'm gonna crash early tonight. "



She didn't look happy about that, but she relented. "Okay. I'll see you later Zelly." She kissed his cheek before she left, Zell starring at her as she went.



Why was he doing this?



Zell scowled a little.



"Whoa, what's the look for?"



"Huh?" He blinked. "Oh, nothin' just thinkin.'"



"Well it must something to have you scowling like that." Irvine said, chuckling.



Shaking his blond head, he sighed. "It's really nothin' Irvine. Just stressed out lately. And I'm tired."



"If you say so," Irvine shrugged, tipping his hat up.



"Was there something you wanted? Or are you here to annoy me?



"The second one."



Zell rolled his eyes



Irvine chuckled. "Nah. Just didn't see you yesterday. Was wondering if your were okay."



"I'm fine. Just been busy, you know."



There other boy nodded. "That's what I figured. But Selphie was worried, too." It wasn't just today, Zell hadn't been acting himself lately, something they all realized. They just hadn't pried because they knew he'd get annoyed. And Zell could take care of himself.



Zell waved his hands in a gesture to prove he was fine. "I'm totally fine. Ya don't need to worry about me." He appreciated their concern, but there was no need. Sure, he might be a little out of it, but he was fine. He didn't realize he was that obvious about it, though.



"So was everyone else," he continued, eyeing the shorter male, who was looking away. "Are you sure?"



"Yeah." He looked over at Irvine and smiled a little. "I'm sure. Just exhausted. I think I'm gonna head off." With that, he waved and was off, not bothering to look back as he left. If be did, he would've seen a concern look flashing in the other man's eyes.



"Okay." Though Zell was already gone. That was weird. He didn't usually take off in a hurry like that. Something was wrong, Zell wasn't himself.



"What are you doing?" came a voice, footsteps accompanying it.



Irvine smiled. "just had a little chat with Zell." He watched as Squall stopped in front of him. The boy looked delicious, if he said so himself.



"Oh," Squall nodded, then sighed.



"Why are you out here?" he asked.



"I just had lunch. Irvine, if you don't let go, you'll lose that arm." Squall glared, hating when the other man did that.



Irvine pouted, still not letting go. "Aw Darlin, you're tense."



"Irvine." His tone was warning.



"Don't be like that," Irvine said, smiling.



Damn cowboy.



"I just wanted to loosen you up a bit." He leered.



Irvine was going to meet an early demise, Squall thought. "I'm fine. I don't need you doing anything except what you're suppose to be doing." He shrugged off the man's hands off his shoulders, scowling.



"Fine." He let his hands fall off the sexy man's shoulders, still smiling.



The brunet rolled his eyes.



"Irvine!" Squall snapped, moving out of reach of the persistent hands, which were currently on his ass.



Yes, Irvine was going to die.



"Sorry." He held up his hands, smiling cheekily.



"I'm going to my office." Squall walked off, Irvine watching the ass as he go.



Oh yeah, he wants him.



Seifer sighed, mind replying the kiss. He really didn't know why he did it, except the temptation had gotten the better of him, and now, Zell and him hadn't spoken but a few words here and there. He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't know how to approach the subject. Everything was awkward now and Seifer hated it. He didn't like all the tension.



He was afraid Zell would hate him now or feel disgusted. But the fact that he didn't push Seifer away gave him hope; hope that his feelings would be returned, that Zell felt the same way. But there was also the fact that he had a girlfriend.



Seifer laid back in the grass. He needed some fresh air so he decided to come out here, breathing in the afternoon air. What was wrong with him? He knew how he felt, but Zell was a different story. How did Zell feel? The kiss had been amazing, but did Zell feel anything? 'Damnmit, why did I have to go and do that?' Now things would be awkward for a while.



"Mind if I join you?"



Without sitting up, Seifer nodded.



The blond woman sat beside him, taking in his features. He looked tired and a little pale. "What are you doing out here?"



"I wanted to be alone." Now he finally looked at her.



"I see," she nodded.



"Have…" he hesitated. "Have you seen Zell today?"



"No," she shook her head.



"Oh."



"Why? Something wrong? Did you guys have a fight?" He could tell she was concerned.



"No.." he paused. He couldn't tell her what had happened between them. He didn't know what to say. "Just wondering if you saw him," he finished lamely.



As expected, Quistis didn't look like she believed him. "Are you sure?"



He wan wasn't really in the mood for questions. He appreciated their concern, but right now he was just wanting to be alone again, finding comfort in the peacefulness, aside from his own thoughts, which would not go away, no matter how hard he tried. But, that kiss had left his head spinning. He'd been wanting to kiss the other man, and now that he had finally gotten what he desired, he wanted more.



"Yeah," Seifer finally spoke after what seemed like an hour. His mind was so gone, he had almost forgotten she was even there. His heart ached, squeezing painfully at the thought of Zell ignoring him. He didn't think he could handle that.



He jumped a little when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay Seifer?" She'd seen the little startled jump he gave. He seemed…uneasy? She thought that was the best word for it.



"I'm fine." He shrugged off her concern. He didn't wanna talk about it. He knew that she could see through him, and could tell something was off, but what was a different matter.



"You're not," the blonde woman argued.



"Quistis, drop it." His voice was harsher than he meant it to be. "I'm sorry. It's just, I'm fine. Okay?" His voice belying how he really felt.



"Okay." She knew when to drop the topic. Seifer was hard to open up, and when he didn't wanna talk, he wouldn't talk." She giggled slightly.



"What's so funny?" The ex-bully asked, quirking a brow at the giggling young woman.



"Oh, nothing." Trepe waved a slender hand, shaking her head.



"You don't laugh unless it's something. So what?"



She sighed. "I was just thinking how you and Squall are so much alike."



"What? Me, like that pussy?" Seifer scoffed. "Nah, I'm cooler than him."



She threw her head back and laughed. "Then he's like you?"



"Nope," Seifer grinned, feeling a little better. "He'll never be as awesome as me."



She shook her head, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear, tightening her bun a little. "Feeling better?"



He nodded. "Yeah. So why'd you really come out here?"



"I heard you were out here and I thought maybe you'd like some company." The woman shrugged. It was good to see Seifer acting like himself for a change. She stood up. "Well I should get going. I have a meeting with Xu."



She turned to go.



"Quisty," he called out. She turned to face him. "Thanks."



She smiled and walked off.



Sorry it wasn't longer. I worked hard on this chapter and it just didn't want to be written. Next one in hoping will longer.