Loveless

Not mine. Wish it were. This is the complete version of this chapter. I had to pare it down to publish it on the non-adult fanfiction site. Here it is in its entirety, the way it was meant to be. 6. Fear and Loathing The Shin-Ra Corporation postponed the launch for six months, so the bereaved parents could have time to grieve. They did grieve, but Shera did more than mourn. She learned to first resent, and then hate Cid. Her work ethic suffered. While she was always methodical, she began to work at a snail’s pace. She did this, not in the interest of safety, but because she knew it pissed Cid off. The day of the launch arrived. Shera wanted this to be the perfect opportunity to show Cid just how she felt. Cid sat in the cockpit, and strapped himself in. He checked the control panels, and flipped the main comm. switch. “All systems go,” he droned. He wasn’t himself, nor would he ever be the same, but he was ready to make history. “Begin launch sequence.” “Cid! There’s someone still in the engine room!” “What? Who the fuck is it?” So I can tie a can to his tail, he thought. “Captain…it’s Shera…she’s still messing around with the oxygen tanks. Wait…let me patch you through…” -Bzzzt…T-minus 180 seconds and counting…Bzzzt- He toggled the switch that would patch him into the engine room. “Shera! What the hell are ya doin’? Get your dead ass outta there! We got two minutes before liftoff…you’ll burn up if ya stay in there! Get out!” -Bzzzt…T-minus 120 seconds and counting…Bzzzt- Shera turned her body slightly and glowered at the comm.-unit. “The safety protocol checks are nearly complete. It’ll be done soon. I…if I have to burn, then I’ll burn. I’m trying to make you safe. Continue with your prep. I’m almost done.” -Bzzzt…T-minus 90 seconds and counting…Bzzzt- Dread rose in Cid’s eyes like floodwater. “Good God, Shera! Get out! Do ya wanna make me a murderer?” Shera snorted derisively under her breath. You mean again, she thought. Out loud, she intoned, “Tank number seven analysis complete. Tank number eight analysis commencing.” -Bzzzt…T-minus 60 seconds and counting…Bzzzt- “Captain! Shera’s overridden the hatchway’s controls! We can’t get in there even if we tried. What do we do, Captain?” “Christ.” Nonplussed, Cid ran a palm over his cheek, and glanced down at the control panel. The override button…if he had to use that goddamned thing, there’d be hell to pay…but Shera… -Bzzzt…T-minus 30 seconds and counting…Bzzzt- “Shera! Get the fuck out of there…now!” In the engine room, Shera winced at the raw terror and fury warring with one another in the Captain’s voice. She also rankled at the delay Cid caused. If he would just leave her the hell alone, she’d be able to finish the analysis, and save her carcass. She gazed myopically at the panel again. The oxygen tank was still not optimal…in fact; it held an anomaly she hadn’t yet ascertained. If she only had another thirty seconds… -Bzzzt…T-minus 15 seconds and counting…Bzzzt…Counting down- Cid gaped at the override button, and inwardly cursed Shera. He addressed her stridently. “You have no time left…no more time! Get out NOW…NOW! Don’t do this! GET OUT!” -Bzzzt…10…- The engines cycled up, and the vibrations rattled Cid’s fillings. He buried his fingers in his hair and shook his head violently. Oh god oh god what do I do what in the blue fuck do I do… -…9…- The engine room suddenly heated up an additional twenty degrees. Sweat popped out across Shera’s forehead like some malign magic trick. For the first time that morning, panic had sunk its little sharp rat’s teeth into her belly. Damn it, there really is no time left… -…8…- The turbines in the engines acquired a whistling, whirring note, as they cycled up further. The first, faint whiff of burnt accelerant wafted into the engine room and Shera began to rush about in alarm. -…7…- The override button loomed larger and larger until it reached massive proportions to the over-taxed Cid’s eyes. If he didn’t hit that button in the next two seconds, Shera would die. Despite all that had happened to them over the past year, he wouldn’t want that in a million years… -…6…- Would he…? He flipped the comm.-switch one last time. “For the love of Pete, woman, get the hell out of there!” -…5…- Shera finalized the analysis…sub-par, Shera thought sadly. “Analysis complete, Captain.” -…4…- He eyed the green rabbit’s foot key fob that hung from the override switch casing…it mocked him…no matter how quick he was, he wouldn’t be able to unlock it and stop the launch in time to… -…3…- Shera’s voice floated from the comm. “Godspeed, Captain.” -…2…- That did it. He turned the key in the lock savagely and tore the casing off. -…1…- “Oh, ya fuckin’ little bitch!” He slammed his fist down onto the emergency override button. -…Zero…Liftoff…- Oh no…too late, I was too late… Fire belched from the nacelles of the rocket, and the ship rose five or so feet off the launch pad… And then the fiery cataclysm that poured from the nacelles quit…just like that. The rocket stopped in midair, defied gravity one final moment, then dropped back onto the pad with a resounding crash. The rocket landed hard…and then it tipped slightly to port…and then a little more, until it was at a 45 degree angle to the ground. In the cockpit, Cid hung from his seatbelt. He cursed under his breath, cursed the day he met that dream-murdering, castrating twat. His hair hung across his face, and he swept at it with one shaking hand. It refused to stay out of his face. He clenched his hands into fists, and tried to steady himself. He was doing a piss poor job at it. He heard his crewmembers as they broke their way into the cockpit, could see them as they tried to disentangle him from his prison. He noticed their expressions—they were relieved to see that he was alive, but there was some underlying disquiet that went unannounced, something that would not be mentioned to the Captain while he hung from his seat, his flight-suit tangled in his seatbelt. He knew what they were worried about, and they had good reason to be worried—this might be the death knell of the Shin-Ra Space Program. He looked up at his first officer, swallowed hard, and said, “Where’s Shera?” The first officer cast his eyes away from Cid. “She’s out of the engine room. She’s a little singed around the edges, but otherwise okay. We sent her to the Quonset hut where you guys are staying. She’s shook up pretty bad, Captain…” “Get me the fuck out of this seatbelt, numbskull,” said Cid. He shook with unbridled fury. “I don’t give a flying duck’s ass whether she’s shook up or not. Get me out.” They did. He clambered out of the crazily tilted rocket, climbed down, and made his way to the hut where he could deal with Shera in private. Here…here she was, the little bitch that crushed everything that he cared about. She sat in one of the uncomfortable metal chairs by the window facing the rocket. Her wealth of chestnut hair was singed, her face was a bit burned across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose—probably where her glasses were—and she smelled of expended accelerant. She also shook with a mingling of fury and fear. When Cid approached her, she glanced sidelong at him and frowned distractedly at him. “Captain,” she said, “are you all right?” Before he had a chance to think, he crossed the room at a run and yanked her from her chair. His fingers clenched on her shoulders, and she hissed in pain. He shook her, hard, and her eyes widened in fear. Never before had Cid felt this wave of rage, this horrifying red rage; it washed over him and through him. Through clenched teeth, he said, “All…your…fault. Everything is your fault. Ya destroyed everything in my life worth having. I fuckin’ hate you!” Shera shook harder, but stood her ground. “My fault…? You’re rather selective when it comes to laying blame, aren’t you?” She struggled free of his vise grip, stepped back three paces, and pointed at him. “Look at yourself, Cid! You have some gall…you lay blame for your life at my feet, but you refuse to see the horrible things you’ve done!” Cid stopped dead. His face showed no emotion, but his eyes blazed terrifying blue fire. “And what’s that supposed to mean, Shera?” His voice belied the crushing fear of her next words. Shera spat, “Your fault. It’s your fault Skye is dead.” His jaw dropped, and a low moan escaped his mouth. He shook his head savagely in negation, then chuffed mirthless, disbelieving laughter. “You…you said what, Shera?” “All your fault, Cid,” she repeated. “The blame’s solely on your shoulders…Koi. If you weren’t sleeping off your liquid lunch, our daughter would be here. It’s all your fault and I’ll never forgive you for that.” The red wave of fury was descending about Cid’s shoulders again, settling there like a mantle of newly fallen snow. He let it happen. He remembered what he said ten minutes ago…that he didn’t want to be a murderer. But oh…he lied. The wave of rage made him clench his hands into shaking fists at his sides. His breath came in ragged little bursts, and tears of anger and hurt squeezed out the corners of his eyes. Shera never relented, not once. “You know, Cid, I wonder…what was Skye thinking…what went through her mind just before the bullet did? And where were you? Soused out of your mind, passed out somewhere? Did she feel pain—just for a moment, before there was nothing? Did she cry out for her Daddy before…” Cid never wanted to strike her. Ever. He thought it was the pussy way out…but he was powerless to stop himself. Shera sailed across the tiny room, and fetched up against the window ledge. She slid down the wall, never losing that mocking half grin. She blearily looked up at him and grunted disgustedly. “Par for the course.” He rushed to her, silent as Death, and did a more thorough job of beating her senseless. After he came to his senses (and just how long had he tooled on Shera? God might know, he sure didn’t), Cid took her shoulders again, albeit a trifle more gently than he had earlier. He shook her again. The red rage and the burning, shameful tears had departed, leaving an empty, whistling hole. This is it…this is the end, Cid thought dejectedly. She’s gonna leave me. What the hell do I do now…? She cringed when he approached her, and would not meet his eyes with hers. A tiny rill of blood ran from Shera’s split lip. She ran her tongue out every three or so seconds to stanch the flow. Her eyes began to glaze over with stupor and mindless fear. It gave Cid’s heart a squeeze when he saw that, but a rather large part of him reveled in it. He leaned in close and screamed in her face. “Why! Why’d ya sabotage the flight? You destroyed me! I’ve got nothin’ left! I might as well go and hang myself!” “Captain…” Shera’s voice was so meek…not like her old go-to-hell voice …the one he fell in love with five years ago. All of her is gone…all gone. The dead, emotionless tone told him so. And yet… “Why bring Skye up now? Why do ya have to rub my face in it? I died a little inside, the day she did!” And yet, why wasn’t he doing anything about it? Why wasn’t he healing the breach right now? Why wasn’t he throwing himself at her feet, sobbing, and asking for her forgiveness? Why didn’t he try that last year? Why must he distance himself from her? “Captain…I’m sorry. I’ve crushed your dream. It’s unforgivable. I…I’ll do my best to atone…for the wrongs I’ve done you…” Her meek tone enraged him further, and he straddled her body. “Oh…you fuckin’ bitch…I’ll make you atone fer what ya did…” He wrapped his powerful hands around her slander throat, and placed his work-callused thumbs over her windpipe. He squeezed. Shera gasped once, a surprised, agonized breath, and then she ceased drawing air. She turned an interesting plum shade, and was Cid becoming…aroused, by her feeble struggle to breathe? He was. He ground her hips with his crotch, rubbed his engorged cock against her, and he panted harshly. He squeezed her windpipe harder. “I want to kill you so badly I can taste it, you castratin’ BITCH! I’m gonna make ya wish you were never born!” He released her throat, and tore at her clothing. She gasped and cawed harshly, as she clawed at her abused throat. She put up a futile struggle when Cid ripped her shirt to tatters and swept her pants off. “No…no, Captain, please…don’t…” Cid grinned mirthlessly at her struggles. “Dontcha tell me what the fuck I can an’ can’t do!” He fumbled with his flight suit, and the fly on the blue jeans underneath it. Shera took this opportunity to scramble out from under him, and scrabble to the door on her hands and knees. Cid tore after her before she could get out and potentially warn anyone. He reached out, and grabbed her hair. He dragged her back, and brought his face within a hairsbreadth of hers. “Uh-uh, Darlin’. You ain’t goin’ anywhere. Gonna show you who’s king of the pissin’ match here.” When she was under him again, he descended upon her; and parted her legs before she had time to think. Her eyes widened when she saw what he had planned for her, and then he buried himself to the root, deep inside her. She gasped harshly, and screeched in her newly broken voice. “Uhnn…” Shera began to cry; great, silent tears that burned against her cold, cold skin. “Uhnn…no, no, stop!” Cid gaped at her as if she was asking him to stop breathing. “NO! I‘m gonna fuck ya, like ya fucked me, Shera. Hurts, no?” He lolled above her, and thrust himself into her; long, hard rasping lunges that felt like sandpaper on her tender parts. He smirked maniacally at her. His hair hung in his glittering eyes and brushed his cheeks in clumps. He looked like an animal. “Tell me it hurts, Shera. I wanna hear that the most. Beg me ta stop, ya bitch!” “Uhnn…bastard…” He flicked his hair out of his eyes with a jerk of his head, and his luminous blue eyes blazed. “I’m a bastard, huh? Wanna see how much of a bastard I c’n be, ya goddamned twat?” He encircled her throat with his hands again, and squeezed with all his might. He renewed his crazed jabs, and his breathing became labored, ragged. The lights began to go out for Shera. In the dark, she heard the constant, tear-choked litany from her erstwhile lover: “Goddamn you, goddamn you, GODDAMN YOU!” Air. She could catch her breath. Not believing her good fortune, she drew a great, rattling lungful of air. The monster that cursed her, battered her, was still invading her femininity, and with renewed force. She slowly opened her eyes to catch sight of her assailant. She expected a grinning, cursing akurei. She beheld, instead, her koi; Cid stared at Shera with tears brimming in his magnificent azure eyes. The corners of his mouth turned down in a trembling bow, and he sobbed with each thrust. Suddenly his body stuttered; he squeezed his eyes shut, bowed his head, and groaned heavily. His hips surged forward as he was caught in the grip of a powerful orgasm. He grunted, and his eyes struggled open. He locked his gaze with Shera for a moment, and then turned his head away from her violently. “Captain?” Shera’s bruised throat could only produce a froggy croak. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me anymore. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Just, don’t hurt me. Please, no more…” Each word, every single intonation, cut right to the bone. Cid almost relented and brought Shera’s trembling, battered body to his chest and rocked her and told her that he was the one who needed forgiving. The sick, twisted part of him that broke Shera’s mouth, beat her into trembling, horror-struck submission, raped her, and nearly throttled her to death thought otherwise. He never touched her like that again, but the damage was done. Permanently. O-O-O-O-O Three months later, at her doctor’s office, Shera sat stunned by the news. Her doctor waited patiently for her to absorb the fact that she was pregnant again. There was no doubt in the good doctor’s mind that this child was the product of a brutal attack, as he knew without a doubt that the man Shera lived with was the sonofabitch that did this disservice to her. He saw her the day of the failed launch. He saw what the Captain had done to her. He saw the marks on her throat, the bruises on her face and body, the abrasions on her vagina from the brutal rape, the scoring on her inner thighs where his zipper had raked her. He asked her the question he dreaded asking. “Shera, what are you going to…” “An abortion. I want an abortion. As soon as possible. Get it out of me.” The good doctor’s eyebrows knitted together. “Are you sure you…” Shera shook her head at his questions and stared at her feet. “I’m positive. It’s an abomination. Kill it.” The doctor was taken aback by Shera’s brutality—but then, she was brutalized…he supposed it was understandable. But this, this wasn’t the Shera that he had known since they were children. He sighed. “All right. We can schedule you next Tuesday…” “No.” Shera looked up, then, and locked her gaze with the doctor. “Today.” The doctor gaped at her. “Shera, I can’t!” She sighed, and raised her eyebrows. “You can, and you will. And no one will know about this, Doc. No one. This goes to the grave with you and your nurse. No one—not a soul will ever know about this but us three.” And so it went. The Captain never found out about it, and even after what transpired after Sephiroth fell, Shera never told him. Ever.